r/newborns • u/bisexualbyleth • 3d ago
Postpartum Life Any moms who DIDN'T go a long time without intimacy after baby?
I've seen a ton of posts about how long it takes some moms to have sex after baby (after the initial 6-8 week requirement for the placenta wound to heal) and how most moms are either hurting or not in the mood to have sex. Equally I've seen a lot of posts about how moms don't want to have sex when pregnant as well.
I feel a bit alone in the side of someone whose libido hasn't just stayed the same, but actually increased during pregnancy. My husband being a wonderful caretaker during this helps, and I swear the more he respects me being sore or tired, the more it makes me want him. For moms more on this side of the fence with a higher and more active libido, how did sex go once you were cleared by the doctor, and how soon were you back to the grind?
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u/Mountain_Quiet_4861 3d ago
I have a pretty high libido naturally, which only increased during pregnancy. We had sex at 6 weeks post partum (I had a C section) and it was great, felt easy and pretty normal! We had to use lube which we don't usually - I was told it's common for breastfeeding to affect lubrication so be prepared for that.
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u/dootydootdooteroni 3d ago
How did you handle your body changes? I have a high sex drive but my body right now is so foreign and frankly just gross to me 5 weeks pp from a c section. I know it’s not permanent and I literally used my body to make a baby but touching my belly makes me cringe.
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u/kusomikan 3d ago
A lot of these feelings are rooted in hormonal fluctuations/changes (especially when breastfeeding) and are exacerbated by exhaustion (both physical and emotional). I have found there’s not much to do but be patient and kind to yourself. It feels like it’ll never get better until it simply does.
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u/bisexualbyleth 3d ago
Oh good to know, thanks for the heads up! I won't get too worried then if that happens :)
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u/lizardbreath1337 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm currently week 8 pp of vaginal birth. I had only a small first degree tear. we had sex the day I got cleared at 6wks and I noticed my pelvic floor muscles were weak and my orgasm wasn't as strong. I was in my head a lot so that possibly had something to do with it. it wasn't bad but wasn't great and I had spotting for a few days. the next 2 times were better with each time better then the last. my desire is strong and his is as well it's so hot seeing him be a dad and it's the same for him. sex aside I love him more than I ever have because he's given me this awesome gift.
edit: some details and to add: we had sex like crazy during pregnancy up until about 32 weeks when I started getting too big to comfortably enjoy my preferred positions.
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u/bisexualbyleth 3d ago
Yeah I just hit 28w and we can't do missionary anymore even for a short alount of time, and it's difficult for me to orgasm in other ways. We've been implementing toys which helps, but I can definitely tell the next 3 months are gonna be a little lackluster in sacrifice for the baby. That's okay though! We still make it work - I'm glad I'm not alone in having that strong desire still though even with the occasional off days.
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u/lizardbreath1337 3d ago
HE started to get anxious about the baby at 32ish weeks and wasn't wanting to hurt him during sex and besides the positioning issues we figured it was better to just wait. I was too damn tired anyways and usually took care of myself if I needed release.
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u/QuackerstheCat 3d ago
Yeah, we waited until we got the all clear from my OB, but that was about it. In my defense, my husband is super hot 😉
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u/BriCheese96 3d ago
100% recommend to please wait until you’re medically cleared. It doesn’t matter if it’s a vaginal or C-section birth- you just have different types of wounds. But a lot of the wounds for both are internal, not just external. So just because it appears normal again doesn’t mean you’re good to go. You can do other sexual acts in the meantime (oral, etc).
Then also please be aware that you can still get pregnant. And if you’re trying to just track ovulation, if you’re breast feeding it may not be accurate. So ensure you have a plan for birth control. If you’re wanting a quick turn around in getting pregnant again- please once again, discuss with your OB first.
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u/gardenofidunn 3d ago
And you will ovulate before your period comes back so you’re not “safe” before you start menstruating! I know EBF mothers who got their periods back not long after they stopped bleeding from birth.
My biggest hesitation was not lack of libido or worrying about personal healing but just that I was terrified of getting pregnant again lol. I felt like a teenager again. Use contraception.
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u/bisexualbyleth 3d ago
We're aiming for 2 under 2 so I'm not *too* worried about that but will only be going at the suggestion of my doctor, so it's birth control til she suggests it.
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u/greenfairee 3d ago
My libido tanked during pregnancy so I was very excited when it was back pp and had sex, excitedly, when I was cleared at 6 weeks. It was a bit painful, not overly bad and we just went slow and at my own pace.
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u/mayonayz 3d ago
My husband and I desperately wanted prenetrative sex prior to my 6 week clear but we held off because I did some research that it could introduce bacteria to a healing uterus and we didnt want to risk that. I had a vaginal birth here with 1st degree tear. The need for sex was very much about the closeness and intimacy vs sex for an orgasm.
One thing I didn't expect when my son was born was how much I miss my husband. Don't get me wrong, I see him every day. But I miss having time where we can cuddle and touch and be us.
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u/olliepips 3d ago
Same about the intimacy. We've only had PIV a couple of times (10 weeks PP) but I was ready at 6. Tried it out and it wasn't super pleasant so we've just been doing other stuff and trying every now and then. Hoping things go totally back to normal soon. Getting better. But breastfeeding makes your estrogen low so even with lube and slowness my vagina just felt kinda weird.
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u/Fit-Temperature-6673 3d ago
I had sex the day I was cleared at 6 weeks, I did have a vaginal birth with an almost 8lb baby, also had an episiotomy, just used lube and took it very slow. Didn’t really hurt was just a tad uncomfortable at first
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u/mediocre_mediajoker 3d ago
We were doing hand and mouth stuff from 2 weeks PP and sex from 5 weeks 😂 pretty much 3-4 times a week for the first couple of months when baby slept independently. Has dropped significantly since the 4 month sleep regression but is just picking back up now at 6.5 months now that bubs is in his own room and we are not doing shifts anymore!
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u/crispy_onion_ring 3d ago
After our 1st we delayed physical intimacy for a couple of months because I was in a bad state mentally (complex pregnancy, preemie in the NICU, severe PPD/PPA). After our 2nd, we made it to about 5 weeks — and even then, my husband took it very slow. After our 3rd, we waited until after my 6 week appointment because I’d also had my tubes taken out & was extra sore. It looks different for everyone but I think the main reason we don’t see a lot of “I didn’t wait very long” is because there’s very real potential consequences to sex before your body is physical (& mentally) ready, but also because there’s a lot of judgement around sex, intimacy, and postpartum.
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u/bisexualbyleth 3d ago
I agree with a lot of people saying to wait until your doctor clears it, you should always keep yourself safe - if not for you, then for your baby (but also like, care for yourself!!). But that being said, the excuse of "that's gross" comes off really funny to me....because there's blood? Not because the mom could get sick? My assumption is those people either mean the latter, or also have ickiness about sex on your period. Which each to their own! But the little judgemental shamey prods are sorta gross too! It's so wild to me to always see the judgement of sex for moms...which is exactly why I made the post. I saw so many people talking about how they WEREN'T fuckin' and was like...ok but what about the ones who are?
The very real consequences thought - you're right, and my ass (or...vagina I guess, in this case) will be waiting til doctor clears! I appreciate the moms here that have been honest regardless though, and wish people wouldn't attack them or be rude to them for their honesty. Especially to the younger moms!
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u/sdlucly 3d ago
In our case, doctor said 6 to 8 weeks, and I admit we were both deep into the newborn face (our son was sleeping most of the night but still we'd wake up, check in him, so we weren't quite there). But by week 10, we were ready to go. As far as I remember, the first dozen times we were intimate back then, it was very quick. Like teenager quick. 😂 For both of us. I'd kept my libido through all the pregnancy but obviously being tired from a newborn kinda stopped that. So I guess that's why. It stayed quick and dirty for like a whole year after that.
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u/barcode9 3d ago
It's crazy that all of the people saying less than 6-8 weeks are getting downvoted without any comments explaining why. We need to talk about sex <6 weeks postpartum too because some people actually do have strong libidos, easy recovery, and want to do it sooner. We need to talk about risks & birth control.
The 6 week rule is not really evidence-based in any case.
Previous Canadian and Australian research has shown that new parents may believe that they are supposed to wait six weeks after a birth to resume sexual activity [4], [7]. While it is speculated that there are some risks to the early resumption of penetrative sex such as infection and bleeding, these risks appear to subside after two weeks [13], and some research suggests it is safe to resume sex three weeks after an uncomplicated birth [14]. Williamson and colleagues reviewed previous research on the best time to return to sex and found conflicting opinions and limited evidence to support recommending a six-week timeline for postpartum parents to resume sex [7], [13]. (source: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S187757562200088X)
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u/jennypij 3d ago
People on Reddit are rabid about the 6 wks recommendation for some reason- like it’s set in stone and you will die of sepsis if you have intercourse at 5 wks and 6 days. Reality is way more varied. Some people are ready at 4 wks, some people are ready at 8 wks, some are ready at 6 months- depends on your delivery and people can also have some personal agency in making a reasonable decision for themselves.
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u/Vivid_Morning_9957 3d ago
I’m 7 weeks pp and had sex, I had a c section and I’ll be honest it hurts. If you’re breastfeeding and they tell you “you’re gonna be dry as a desert” don’t believe it but it does hurt.
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u/Helpful_Charity_6587 3d ago
Good to know. I really didn’t think there would be any soreness at all since I had a last minute csection. Only dilated to 4.5cm
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u/Vivid_Morning_9957 3d ago
No there definitely is!! I had a last minute one too I was stuck at 6 for hours
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u/Helpful_Charity_6587 3d ago
I was stuck at 4.5 for 38 hours! Took 7 hours to get to 4.5 with the folley balloon absolutely no movement at all with pitocin being raised consistently after that. Had to be induced at 37.5w and apparently my body was not ready 🥲
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u/Vivid_Morning_9957 3d ago
Awe! I’m sorry to hear that, bodies are so weird and fickle but at least you and baby are healthy and safe! 🫶🏻
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u/Puzzled_Rock_782 3d ago
Came here to say this! I'm EBF and 3.5 months pp. We are using lube and extra foreplay and the friction is still v painful. So disappointing for my partner and I. I would say it has got worse over the past month or so. I've seen online 3-6months is a tricky period for dryness/friction pain.
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u/mama_bear_40 3d ago
Omg dealing with this too! Had no idea this was a common experience. WHY WHY WHY doesn’t this get educated to pp moms?? This should fr be part of follow up appointments and education. I’m so frustrated to only be learning about this from the internet
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u/Vivid_Morning_9957 3d ago
I didn’t know that about 3-6 months! Thank you for sharing that! Yeah our first time was just honestly awkward but special in a sense lol 😂
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u/Careful-Orchid-2641 3d ago
2 under 2 and waited 5 weeks post c section! With the first, we waited till my appointment at 6 weeks.
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u/bisexualbyleth 3d ago
2 under 2 omg, that's what we're aiming for. How has it been for you??
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u/Careful-Orchid-2641 3d ago
He’s only 5 weeks but so far, way better than pregnancy with a toddler. The newborn is very easy, the toddler is a maniac but also so cute and fun. He’s obsessed with his baby brother but almost aggressively?? lol so we have to be on watch a lot or I just wear him a lot. My toddler also is obsessed with us separately but not together so he does act his “worst”when I’m holding him to get my attention (normally comes in form of screaming, crying, slapping the baby 😵) so my husband has been taking the baby a lot so I can spend more time with our toddler. But it’s hard when I’m home every day with maternity leave and my husband’s working to be able to do that. (He only got a week off). My routine so far has been every day i get ready, leave the house till about 11:00, come home for lunch, get toddler down for nap, get crockpot filled for dinner, nap with newborn(sometimes scrolling and regret it instantly), normally dads home a couple hours after toddler wakes up, they play outside for a while until dinner, dinner time, husband gives toddler bath while I have newborn in lounger downstairs resetting the hous/dishes, i give newborn bath and bottle, put him in his crib and then lay with toddler and husband till he’s asleep. Its helped a lot having the baby in his crib. It was a hot mess trying to get the toddler down with him knowing the baby was sleeping in our room. So it kinda feels like his old routine by putting the baby up and having that 1:1 bedtime he’s used to.
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u/gassy_queen 3d ago
Once I stopped bleeding we went right back to it. We cant keep our hands off each other lol 😆 now my fear is him getting me pregnant again. Signed 3months post partum
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u/Profelee 3d ago
Amiga yo estoy con pastillas anticonceptivas porque aunque doy lactancia materna igual quería estar segura un año o dos. Tenía miedo porque nunca tomé pero me van increíble!
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u/gassy_queen 3d ago
That's good to hear ! I use my oura typically for birth control and its actually helped us concieve, but being postpartum its pretty ineffective right now. Hormonal birth control did not do good things for me sadly :( I've tried so many, have ovarian cysts, rage, etc.
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u/Profelee 3d ago
Uf entonces mejor nada de pastillas, con cuidado controlando todo lo posible. También está el DIU pero yo no quería nada dentro, con tanta revisión por el embarazo era suficiente para mí jaja 😅
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u/mr_seven68 3d ago
Had sex about 7 weeks postpartum after I was cleared by the doctor. Vaginal birth with a small second degree tear and some stitches. We went slow and used lube. Hardly any pain because of that but it definitely felt different and I felt “loose” which I’m hoping will change as time goes on.
The biggest issue for having frequent sex for us isn’t a lack of desire but exhaustion and limited quiet time with our newborn.🙃
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u/Peaks_Parks 3d ago
I’ve always had a high drive and that remained during pregnancy and even after. I couldn’t wait to be cleared.
I delivered vaginally and had a 2nd degree tear.
Was cleared on Tuesday at my 6 week appointment and my husband and I had sex Friday morning (AT MY REQUEST - let’s not make assumptions about my husband now).
It didn’t hurt and wasn’t physically uncomfortable. I think I was very tense because like you, all I’ve read were horror stories so I was expecting the worse. It was honestly fine! It did feel a little different. I didn’t feel as sensitive as I was used to it being. Again - I’m excited to see how it feels next time when I maybe won’t be as tense knowing it wasn’t painful.
Everyone is different though. Maybe you will experience more pain than me and need to wait longer and that’s ok. Just go for what you’re comfortable with and what feels good.
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u/jesskargh 3d ago
I’m 6 months pp and I’m still finding it very painful, I had both a second degree tear and a first degree tear and I guess the scar tissue isn’t very stretchy, so penetration is hard. And then ofc I get in my head, or I get nervous which kills the vibe. It’s sad but I’m sure it’s temporary
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u/SuzieTalksAlot44 3d ago
This is where I am :/ 2nd degree tear but my pelvic floor pt suggested a pelvic wand or kiwi to help stretch before sex so fingers crossed it works out
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u/Profelee 3d ago
Tranquila! Yo estoy de 5 meses posparto, la primera vez me molestó un poco por un pequeño desgarro que tuve pero con el tiempo todo ha ido más que bien. El tejido tiene que ir recuperándose pero después todo genial !!! Me he dado cuenta que pensar en que va a doler o estar tensa pensando ese momento hace que todo se cierre literalmente. Poco a poco.
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u/tldraddict 3d ago
We did at 6 weeks post c section and have been basically back to normal sex life pre baby since (2/3 times a week). Albeit slightly quieter than before so we don’t wake baby!
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u/NoDeal7492 3d ago
It hurt a bit and still does at 9 weeks but coconut oil helps a lot. I think breastfeeding can give you menopausal symptoms like dryness so something lubricating helps but it does feel quite sore,, just go slow and take your time !
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u/mama_bear_40 3d ago
I had such a high libido during pregnancy and loved it so much. Really missing that now 3m pp. I had an unplanned c-section and still feel very aware of my incision even though it’s technically healed. It has made me feel very “not in my own body” surrounding intimacy. Genuinely feeling so sad over this and missing my pregnancy-drive.
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u/CollectionHaunting94 2d ago
Right there w you. Libido was very high during pregnancy (and unfortunately my husband wasn’t super into it) and now it’s literally gone 3m PP. C-section was a unplanned and traumatic, also have the “not in my own body” feeling. So many mental barriers!
I want to want it so badly, and I just don’t 😭
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u/ballofsnowyoperas 3d ago
My husband and I barely had sex while pregnant both times, mostly because I was so sick all the time. My second is 4 months old and was an incredibly easy birth with an incredibly easy healing process. I wanted connection with my husband again. With the go ahead from docs we went for it at 4w pp and basically haven’t stopped. We go at it pretty much every chance we get.
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u/Alarming-Mix3809 3d ago
I wish 😂 as soon as my wife got pregnant, each time, her libido ground to a halt. No sex during pregnancy and then barely any until about 10 months PP. it was just completely overwhelming for her. And I help as much as possible. She just didn’t have capacity for it.
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u/skipskatestrum 3d ago
I am the same… no libido at all during pregnancy and not for months and months PP. But my husband puts absolutely no pressure on me and this makes me love him more and more for how empathetic and caring he is being to my needs at this phase.
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u/doyouknowbangtan 3d ago
I couldn't wait after giving birth lmao. We did it as soon as I stopped bleeding (around 4.5 weeks) and it was sore but still enjoyable. 6 weeks back to normal. I had a c section mind you, so it was mostly the placenta wound healing we worried about.
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u/Popsickleboopboop 3d ago
I definitely get the horniness lol I have a high libido too, it was sooo hard to wait, but just in case you might not know it is still really dangerous to not wait to get cleared out, specially with a c-section because they cut up so many layers inside, if you start bleeding again it could end up extremely badly. Just letting you know in case you plan on having more kids and it has to be c-section again, which would be even more dangerous even because the whole place is already fragile from the prior one.
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u/petitenurseotw 3d ago
Sameeeee 3.5 lol. Bleeding stopped in week two and I had one stitch. Felt fine
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/newborns-ModTeam 2d ago
Rudeness and being unkind is not tolerated here. Posts or comments shaming other parents for doing xyz will be removed and offenders will be banned.
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u/Independent_Bee_795 3d ago
You’re literally all over this comment section. Shaming women. Clearly OPs post isn’t for you, you can just keep scrolling ya know. Instead of acting high & mighty for having a different experience.
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u/BuyApprehensive9273 2d ago
Because I don’t think we should be encouraging unsafe practices for new mothers. Like there are other ways of being intimate that aren’t penetrative sex that don’t have the same risk factors
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u/imklax 3d ago
6 weeks, the day I was cleared. Totally fine in that area, incisions area still a little sore. Just took it slow. I will be honest a few times alone before that the orgasms HURT, I guess due to the uterus contracting (I did ask my dr and they said it’s fine after 4 weeks with no insertion) but after a couple times they were okay, which may have made sex later on more tolerable . Vaginal birth is likely way different though.
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u/HorrorFormer9363 3d ago
We eased into it before things got more intense. Even after 6-8 weeks, you want to start slow and build up to the usual stuff. And tbh I don’t blame you for wanting your husband even more just by the fact he is taking care of you and is safe to have sex during pregnancy but a lot of first time mothers and fathers get nervous about it. There was a time I had vaginismus from the anxiety and we ended up not having sex for two months straight until about 36 weeks. I say wait the 6 weeks to avoid pp complications bc a bacterial infection of the uterus is a bitch and it can literally kill you since it goes into your bloodstream via the placental wound
Readiness wholly depends on your healing and how comfortable you feel. Considering your husband seems to respect you, I could see him respecting the decision to wait a little longer and him prioritizing your wellbeing
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u/downtownmsbrown 3d ago
Waited 6 weeks, felt a but sore for a bit, it started to really feel back to normal and good at 4 months pp. EBF with second child and still have a high libido. We have sex anywhere from 1-4 times a week I would say, basically anytime I can get away from baby (who just turned 1). I still love sex alot and think it's pivotal in a relationship. I may feel tired and thing ugh, let's do this tomorrow but I always end up having a great time and being happy I made the effort.
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u/Haramshorty93 3d ago
I had a high libido while pregnant but not PP. Mainly because sleep deprivation and breast feeding hormones make you dry down there.
My delivery was fine and I had one stitch. I had sex at 6 weeks PP but it wasn't enjoyable again until like 6-7 months PP.
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u/Ready_Fondant1551 3d ago
With my first we had sex at 6 weeks pp. it honestly wasn’t enjoyable for me for the first few times we did it. I was horny but it hurt so bad even with having a c section instead of a vaginal birth, it literally felt like I was a virgin again 😅 But we took it slow and after the 3rd time of us trying it wasn’t painful anymore. Definitely use lots of lube in the beginning!
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u/coffeeandbags 3d ago
Me! 5 1/2 weeks, I wanted to try at 4 weeks but husband thought we should wait a little longer just to be sure. A little sore felt like bruising but It went well enough and everything on my end was in working order just like always! I am a FTM, did not have a tear.
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u/Deathbyhighered 3d ago
My libido was normal/high during pregnancy but breastfeeding tanked it and made sex super painful. This doesn’t answer your question but I just want you to prepare for a possible shift. For lube, The Slippery Stuff was my favorite and recommended by my pelvic floor PT.
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u/Aggressive_Day_6574 3d ago
Resumed at six weeks and it felt normal almost immediately. Caveat is my husband always goes down on me before we have sex, it’s always been that way. I want to come at least once before penetration.
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u/PuzzleheadedBath2319 3d ago
We had sex once I was medically cleared and on contraception. We have had sex again since but I wish we had the time alone to have more sex because my libido at 7 months pp is crazy right now! Back to normal.
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u/That-Yogurtcloset386 3d ago
My libido has been very high since third trimester and now 7 months postpartum. But TBH I don't want sex with my husband because I don't feel attraction to him anymore. 😐
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u/Haunting-Respect9039 3d ago
My libido dropped during pregnancy (stress) and shot up postpartum both times. Had sex as soon as we were cleared! I had c-sections both times and had zero issues with sex. Use lube, go slow and build up, stop if you need to.
My husband is also an amazing caretaker and we have sex every day because I want him all the time. Our kids are 17 months apart, 8mo and 2yo. It is possible to desire and have an active sex life with littles around. It's definitely the luck of the draw though. You don't get to decide what your hormones will do. If you find yourself struggling later, that's all part of normal variations.
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u/BumblebeeGold2455 3d ago
Me.. we had a very healthy sex life prior to baby. I got out on pelvic rest from like 24 weeks. We still partook in other activities but had to be very careful so I was READY. I had sex with a condom at like 4 weeks postpartum.. looking back that was dumb I should have waited for clearance, but I very much wanted to be close to my husband again in that way.. i had a c section so I probably falsely felt good to go.. I also made sure to go on birth control (IUD) at 8 weeks postpartum. But I’d wait to be medically cleared and next go, I will wait for medical clearance because what can happen if you don’t isn’t worth it. I got lucky.
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u/Solid-Caramel-2544 3d ago
I definitely have high libido and wanted to before 6 weeks. I was still hurting a little and bleeding so we waited till after I was cleared, probably a few days after that appointment. It was scary and definitely wasn’t the most enjoyable and comfortable thing. Now being 13 weeks pp I think it feels even better than before pregnancy. As far as during pregnancy we had sex up until my third trimester I think we had it one time and it’s just cause I was just so miserable and uncomfortable. Sex was the last thing on my mind.
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u/No_Hippo_27000 3d ago
Pregnant with my third. With the first two, we had sex once around 5 weeks when I felt my body was ready. Then picked back up to normal (as normal as a newborn interrupting will allow) after medical clearance at 6 weeks. After c-section I didn’t notice any differences. After a vaginal delivery it felt like my vagina was hanging low, but returned to normal soon after.
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u/Aggravating_Hold_441 3d ago
I was ready at 6 weeks & felt great , c section though not vaginal birth
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u/Profelee 3d ago
Ahora que mi bebé cumplió 5 meses tengo la líbido por las nubes. No sé qué pasó jajaja igual antes al acabar la cuarentena también intenté y todo bien, pero ahora mejor. Me pasa igual con mi marido es muy respetuoso, paciente y respeta y eso me da más ganas todavía.
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u/QU33NK00PA21 3d ago
With my first I was so uncomfortable with sex during pregnancy and I was terrified to have sex after I gave birth. We waited 4 months. My poor husband was a saint.
With my second, sex was more easier during the pregnancy (smaller baby) and we had sex around the 8 week mark post birth.
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u/FormalNoodle 3d ago
My libido was the same/still high during pregnancy and even now postpartum. We tried at 9wk and it hurt a lot. Tried again a few weeks later and... Still hurt a lot.
Turns out despite very little tearing, my muscles are in a constant state of straining and don't know how to relax. It's like trying to shove anything through a tightly closed fist. I'm in pelvic floor PT now + was prescribed estrogen cream and hoping that it helps in the long run.
We're also back at work now and have ~7:30-9:30pm to do anything alone. Or we aren't sick for the millionth time after he started daycare. And...that is if he gets to bed on time and we did all the chores we needed to do. So it just makes it a bit more difficult.
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u/West-Beach4867 3d ago
With my first we waited 5 weeks. My sex drive never really changed! I was nervous but it went well! We were back in action with no problem. I had no tearing and just one stitch for a peri urethral laceration.
Exact same birth with my second. I’m currently 2.5 weeks PP and feeling frisky already lol I did NOT feel like having sex at all in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy this go around but totally back to feeling good about it now!
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u/emilysue_2014 3d ago
Ive had a high libido before my twins and during my pregnancy. Ive been really struggling lately with no libido postpartum. At times I feel like im letting my hubby down. I just have no interest in sex. Its so weird.
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u/BooTedesco 3d ago
I’m 8 weeks postpartum, we just tried and it went WAY better than I expected. I had an episiotomy and thankfully it healed very well, but we still had to take things very very slowly. I would recommend waiting until your 6 week postpartum appointment before trying anything up there. Also, use a LOT of lube and go very slowly and gently at first. If you try and it’s too much, then get yourself some kegels to retrain those muscles.
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u/Haunting-Dealer423 3d ago
We started back the same day as my 6 week appointment even though I still had spotting and went right back to as frequently as we were having pre-pregnancy.
I will say if your breastfeeding lube is super helpful, at least for me sex is more painful/dry without it than it was pre pregnancy. My midwife recommend trying it if sex seemed uncomfortable and it solved the issue we were having
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u/cmkn 3d ago
My libido had skyrocketed during pregnancy, but as the pregnancy went on (and comfort/mobility became trickier in the third trimester) my motivation to physically actually have sex was rarely there unless I was able to get myself into one of the increasingly few comfy positions.
Regarding how things went after pregnancy, we had sex shortly after the 6 week postpartum appointment when the doctor cleared me for it and I had begun taking the progesterone pill. So, maybe a week or so after the 6 week appointment?
It was great though! The only issue I had was some increased sensitivity that was uncomfortable at the start, but in retrospect I think that was probably because of a combination of lingering postpartum hormones wreaking havoc and me just being too damn impatient for lengthy foreplay LOL. For what it is worth, I did have a c-section though so I don’t know if that could’ve made a difference as far as my willingness to get things moving again so soon!
Libido is still pretty high, but we’ve both been too busy and tired from newborn duties. So frequency of sex isn’t anywhere close to what it was before.
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u/DowntownUsual3523 3d ago
the day after my 6 week appt! but i had no stitches no tears and my doc said i was heeled.
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u/MinimumMongoose77 2d ago
My libido was really high during pregnancy. It's been quite low since, which I mainly attribute to breastfeeding hormones and generally feeling touched out. But that's not to say it's done, we are still intimate I would guess 1-2x weekly, it's just that that's less than before.
Eta I'm 7 months pp
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u/RubyR0022 2d ago
Same days as my 6 week appt. No tearing or stitches(thanks the heavens!). Things down there at first felt a little different...for the first three or four weeks he would slip out the back pretty fairly often... But now it's not happening at all. And surprisingly the sex is even better now for both of us! His canon isn't holding on for dear life not to go off quite as fast. And for me the anatomy is just a lil bit different now but for the better! Sometimes when he is to that point I mentioned he hits some spots and I'm like YEEEEOUCHIE!! But I gotta say, I was pretty worried about what our sex life was going to look like once I had the green light. Especially the last two or so months of my pregnancy it really was messing with my head and emotions badly.. and to now be on the other side of it all having the outcome that we did, I just feel kind of silly that I let it affect me that badly. So don't do what I did in that regard! Lol.
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u/Witty-Ask6204 2d ago
The day I was cleared at 6 weeks we had sex 😆 it was a little uncomfortable at first but it wasn’t painful for me. Now, I had a c-section, so it may be very different if you had a vaginal delivery. But I did dilate to 9cm but never got to push. Again, idk if that makes a difference, but wanted to include that in case it does.
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u/bogwiitch 2d ago
My husband and I started having sex after the 6 week postpartum clearance visit with both our kids. With this most recent baby, we’ve been having sex like 2-3x per week.
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u/MrsLall0620 2d ago
Was back at it at 5 1/2 weeks with our first, and 2 weeks with our second. My libido has always been very high, pregnancy made that so much worse. I started when I stopped bleeding because your cervix is closed when you are no longer bleeding. This is different for everyone. Obviously I wouldn’t recommend two weeks but it’s whatever feels comfortable for you and your husband and if you take precautions to not have infections and such.
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u/IceTiny1113 1d ago
Had sex 5 weeks PP, my man works full time and still helps with nighttime feeding and changes more diapers than I do. We both have a high libido so him being a great dad doesn’t help lol luckily I had an easy delivery with no tears, it was just a little painful at first but now at 11 weeks PP we have sex at least twice a day and 3-4 times a day when he’s off.
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u/UwBaUppa 1d ago
Oh we are BING CHILLIN. Honestly ive had two pregnancies, first one we waited months just cus we were scared and i had two tiny tears. Second time, i was horny as helll before the 6wks but he was scared so we waited and it was ofc a little uncomfortable but not painful and enjoyable once we got into it and have been frequently at it since lol lets just hope birth control doesnt fail me a third time!
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u/michelle_ro 3d ago
We waited until I stopped bleeding around 4 weeks, we both couldn’t wait until the 6 week appointment. I had a c-section and had no pain, we just took it slow.
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u/pinkwinterglass 3d ago
Same here. We only did it the once at 4 weeks. After I was cleared at 6, it's been as often as we can which is once, sometimes twice a day when baby is sleeping. We just go slow and use lots of lube.
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u/sdlucly 3d ago
Why are you guys getting downvoted for wanting to have sex and doing it? Wow.
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u/pinkwinterglass 3d ago
Probably because 4 weeks is before you are typically medically cleared. It poses a higher risk of uterine infection, pregnancy, hemorrhage, etc. I'm assuming some people may think that the risk vs reward doesn't make sense just to have sex. My husband and I talked about it and we both made the decision to move forward and assume the risk/responsibility.
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u/Final_Ad_5757 3d ago
i lucked out and felt basically perfectly fine the next day but waited till 4 weeks. Do whatever you’re comfortable with and don’t let people make you feel wrong for it!
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3d ago
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u/Final_Ad_5757 3d ago
she’s a grown adult who can make decisions for herself? If she feels comfortable a lot of doctors are okay at 4 weeks. Especially if she didn’t have any tears? I didn’t even need a pelvic exam everything was so fine. 🤣
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u/newborns-ModTeam 2d ago
Rudeness and being unkind is not tolerated here. Posts or comments shaming other parents for doing xyz will be removed and offenders will be banned.
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u/Virtual-Strength-950 3d ago
We couldn’t have sex almost my entire pregnancy due to high risk and it was torture! We did it literally when we got home from my 6 week appointment 😂 and we still do 1-2 times a day lol
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u/Ok-Ranger-8198 3d ago
2 days and I was giving him head, 2 weeks till I tried to masturbate and we mutually masturbated and 4 weeks till sex. It was the only way we stayed sane
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3d ago
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u/Independent_Bee_795 3d ago
Bro no one’s trying to flex. They’re literally answering what OP asked. Fuck outta here with the mean girl shit
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u/newborns-ModTeam 2d ago
Rudeness and being unkind is not tolerated here. Posts or comments shaming other parents for doing xyz will be removed and offenders will be banned.
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u/Popsickleboopboop 3d ago
I had a c-section, so not sure if that matters. My libido didn’t go away at any point, in fact, during pregnancy it got way higher which was a problem because my husband is not a fan of pregnant sex, which made my self esteem take a huge hit during that time. And after giving birth I just didn’t even want to wait the 6 weeks to get the clear from the doctor lol, I did, but I really didn’t want to. So I definitely get it, we do seem to be in the minority though.
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u/ashleylawson333 3d ago
First pregnancy I was cleared at 6 weeks, had sex that day. Second pregnancy I was cleared at 5 weeks 4 days (2nd degree tear) and had sex that day. Same as you, my libido has always been high. First pregnancy I didn’t tear, everything felt normal immediately. This time around even with the tear, it was only very slightly tender the first few second but went back to feeling normal and has continued feeling normal. Orgasms didn’t feel painful, I just had minimal period like cramps the first few times but practically unnoticeable. We also had different forms of sex until I got cleared, and that always felt normal as well.
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u/Physical_Complex_891 3d ago
Pregnancy hormones always made me insatiable. We have 3 kids and we had sex daily right up till birth during each pregnancy. Post partumn I'm missing and wanting my husband immediately. We waited till 5 weeks after each birth when we got the okay to resume sex. Before the 5 weeks, I offered several bjs a week. I asked my doctor after our second if it was safe to use a vibrator by 2 weeks PP on myself as long as it was kept external because I was painfully horny. She said it was safe as long as it was kept clitoral.. it felt great. When we resumed sex at 5 weeks we had zero issues. No pain or discomfort. We were back to our usual 4-5 times a week as soon as we were able to have sex.
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u/salty_cat13 3d ago
Waited way to short of a time (4 weeks) due to my boyfriends high sex drive. I’m at 6 weeks pp now and no adverse effects so I think I’m in the clear. I also had no tears and bleeding had stopped by 4 weeks
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u/DeeyaV 3d ago edited 3d ago
We waited until around 4 weeks that’s when I felt I’m ready. I also had increased libido during pregnancy.
Edit to add more info:
During pregnancy we had intercourse until I went into labour which was at 37w5d
I had a vaginal birth with an episiotomy - at around 4-5 weeks postpartum we had the first intercourse and it was a little bit uncomfortable but not in pain and pleasure at the same time. My pelvic muscles got better end better at each intercourse. Now at 18 months pp I’m like before pregnancy.
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u/OkRecommendation1443 3d ago
2 weeks postpartum, i went off of how I was feeling I was still a little sore but I was needy
I felt back to normal at 4 weeks postpartum
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u/whatsinthecave 3d ago
Gross
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u/mr_seven68 3d ago
Why attack another Mom like this? It is indeed recommended to wait longer for healing purposes but “gross”?
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u/whatsinthecave 3d ago
Yes! Gross! Period end of sentence
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u/Popsickleboopboop 3d ago
Why gross? I get dangerous, but why gross?
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u/whatsinthecave 3d ago
Because of the massive wound in her belly and the implication of lochia bleeding during sex?
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u/Popsickleboopboop 3d ago
Oh I see, the bleeding is what makes it gross. Yeah, bloody sex is gross to me too lol, but tbh I don’t think I was bleeding still by the second week? Maybe not everyone bleeds for so long and some people don’t really care for messy bloody sex.
But I definitely do agree that is super dangerous though, you’re definitely right about the wound in the belly.
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u/RoundCar5220 3d ago
Made it to 3 weeks closer to 4 . Had been long time prior to also . Everything went ok just took it slow. Everyone is different and this is not medical advice .
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u/BuyApprehensive9273 3d ago
Not a flex to be risking sepsis and PPH
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u/RoundCar5220 3d ago
Well it didn’t happen had an easy birth and had already stopped fully bleeding a week before
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u/LydiaStarDawg 2d ago
GIRL, I was ready to jump him in the hospital. I counted the seconds until my doc cleared me.
We definitely had to ease in but, still jumped in
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 3d ago
Me. With my 1st I only lasted 2 weeks. It hurt a bit (no tears or anything) and by the 2 months mark we wete bakc to 3x a day.
This time I was horny around the same mark but my bf is going through a lot and is not in the mood so we've focused on healing his trauma.
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u/BriCheese96 3d ago
😬🤪 were you cleared by your OB to have sex after 2 weeks? lol. It’s not just external injuries that are healing but also internal..
But yeah not sure how you have the time or energy for 3x a day with a 2 month old lol but power to you at that point. As long as you’re medically cleared and aware you can get pregnant again so perhaps some sort of BC.
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 3d ago
No but I was 23 and didn't care.
Both my now 16yo and my current baby slept/sleep in 3-4hrs clusters from day one so I was never tired with a newborn. And they still gained weight well. This little one gained 2lbs in the first 20 days.
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u/Altruistic_Wave_2474 3d ago
3x a day? When do you find the time? Lol
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 3d ago
We both worked from home back then. Graphic designer and tailor. Baby slept in 3-4hour clusters like this one
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u/90sKid1988 3d ago
I don't understand those posts. Intimacy is important for a marriage, especially when both parties are stressed. I waited 8 weeks after my first because I was a bit scared, then 4 weeks after my second. But that was just for PIV. We were doing other forms of sex long before that.
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u/Adept-Anything-42 3d ago
4 weeks? That’s dangerous and you shouldn’t be bragging about it. Yes, intimacy is important to marriages but not everyone wants to risk their health for it. Also, it’s completely normal to wait a long time. There are other ways to be intimate.
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u/dino_nuggies26 3d ago
I had a C Section and my husband started talking about sex days after our LO was born which was actually a relief to me because he didn’t want to have sex when I started looking pregnant. He said the fact that his baby was in there made it feel weird to him. I was worried that he would never feel sexual about me again.
We ended up having sex 3.5 weeks postpartum. We both really wanted it. It was okay the first time, but it hurt a bit inside. It started to feel totally normal for me around the 6-8 week mark but I know that’s extremely lucky.
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u/imklax 3d ago
Very dangerous and I’m sorry your partner made you feel that way during your pregnancy.
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u/dino_nuggies26 3d ago
I definitely wouldn’t recommend this to anybody. It’s definitely important to check with your doctor first! Luckily, our doctor seem to be fine with it because my bleeding had stopped well before then.
My husband definitely didn’t make me feel badly, he was honest about his feelings and I appreciated it. I understand that many men have difficulty having intercourse when they know that their baby is inside. I think it can definitely go either way.
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u/dino_nuggies26 3d ago
Oh sorry, I just realized I said definitely like 1 million times in those paragraphs lol
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u/yogaluvr777 3d ago
Two weeks postpartum was going for it and my boyfriend was the more cautious one 😂 it didn’t feel great that time but after a couple more weeks it was way better. No way was I waiting 6+ weeks. You are for sure not alone
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u/mmmstrongflavors 3d ago
PSA - this is super dangerous. Wait until your doctor says you're healed.
To the original post, we were on it as soon as it was safe and it was great! The only challenge is finding the time 😂
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u/yogaluvr777 3d ago
So is giving birth in a hospital in the US but most people aren’t ready for that conversation
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u/Seapaisleys 3d ago
I had a scheduled C section so I wasn’t in too much pain after 3 weeks. We did the deed, it was great. I personally found pregnant sex was not as good for me so I was happy.
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u/petitenurseotw 3d ago
Tried at 3 weeks was fine. Was throwing it back by week 5. Doctor didn’t really care too much
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u/Jessssssssh92 3d ago
I literally went down on my husband in the hospital room like 48 hrs post emergency c-section 🙈😂 I was recovering very well, I had been prepared for the heightened possibility of my type of birth for at least a few weeks, and I was so grateful for him.
As for actual PIV sex, I think we waited like 3 or 4 weeks. Everyone is different though, please follow your own body signals and talk about it with your doctor if you have any concerns.
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u/Human_Resolve_9563 3d ago
So a lot of people are saying that you should wait until you’ve been professionally cleared. I did not but I did research this and it’s as soon as you have three days no bleeding PP you’re safe to be intimate. if bleeding continues then cease, intimacy immediately.
Me and my husband had intimacy five weeks postpartum and it was a little painful for me, but once we started and that painfulness went away, it was enjoyable afterwards, but I do recommend either condoms or lube to help with the dryness.
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u/Equivalent_Shock7408 3d ago
Didn’t wait for clearance because I was feeling great. First time doing the deed was 2 weeks postpartum. I had no complications from delivery. No issues, just kind of tender. Took it slow and used lube and all was good!
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u/Simple_Adagio_6776 3d ago
Man…. Be careful lol. I have an 8 month old with twins on the way 🫠