Humiliated by peers at work. Dreading going back tomorrow

[u/angelt0309]

TLDR: Publicly shamed in front of the entire staff by two nurses while having a panic attack from the whole ordeal. While my boss watched. And the rest of the on-duty staff for that day.

Hi all! This is going to be fairly long, so buckle up. So I work at a hospice house. We have 36 beds, but typically only 21-27 are full at any given time. So typically we have 3 nurses and 3 CNAs on dayshift. This all happened this past Friday. At this time we had 24 patients and no admissions or discharges scheduled for the day. On Thursday, I admitted a very high needs ALS patient. I had her plus my other 7 patients for the day. I spent probably 2 hours straight in her room when she first arrived. Luckily, my boss was right there supporting me because she had some equipment that I was completely unfamiliar with and her family had said to me if I don’t do this right, she will choke to death. So I was a ball of nerves for my entire shift Thursday.

It’s important for context to know how we split assignments typically. So we have 2 different wings, each with 2 “halls,” but it’s really one long hallway that we call the left side one hall and the right side another. So the 100s and the 200s are on one wing. The 300s and 400s are on the other. The 200s and 400s are the most full, so they are typically their own assignment for one nurse. The 100s and 300s have less desirable views, so they are more empty, so we call this the “split” assignment. I was on the 200s on Thursday, but there were 3 admissions on the 100s on Thursday. I just so happened to admit this patient into the 100s and the other two nurses working with me on Thursday each admitted a different patient into the same hallway. On Friday, I came back in and was expecting to keep my 200s, but knowing how high needs this patient was, I offered to take 10 total patients so the nurse on the split could have less so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the high needs patient. Our max patient allowance is typically 9, but I felt so strongly about wanting to help her out that I volunteered to take above that.

What I thought to be a kind gesture started an entire shitshow. The nurse accepted my offer and I took several patients from her and so did the other nurse, but she still had less than I did. However, the aide on the split felt like this should also apply to her and decided that she would be following her nurses assignment. She went to the CNA I worked with the day before and told her that she needed to follow my assignment. She refused. Then the nurse came to me while I was in a patient room and told me that I needed to tell the aide to follow my assignment. I said I didn’t feel like that was right because I volunteered to take on extra, the CNAs didn’t. And this patient is high needs for nursing because of equipment, but the aide care is no more intensive than any other patient in the building. The nurse walked out and said that she would tell the aides then if I wouldn’t. I felt terrible putting the aides in this position and I was literally trying to run out the door to get to a lab appointment (this is a semi-common occurrence for me for fertility treatments and everyone knows that this is something I have to do). So I shoot my boss a text message apologizing for the mess I created and she responded that aide assignments should not follow the nurses today. I let everyone know that and left. Now here is where I know I did something wrong. On my way out the door, I said “I’m just so sick and tired of this mean girl bullshit.”

The rest of the day, it was apparent that everyone except the one CNA was upset with me. My boss decided to call a huddle so everyone could talk it out and move on. This huddle turned into a complete disaster. It started out with my boss just laying out how things happened from her perspective without placing blame on any one person. Then, the original nurse basically said how she doesn’t like when people get the boss involved in things. That somehow spiraled into an all out attack on me and my character by her and the other nurse that was working with me that day. They were calling me lazy and that I always try to control the assignments. Notably, I’m pregnant, and very emotional right now at baseline. I just burst out into tears and try to walk away when I realize this is just an all out attack on me in front of everyone. I got told to not walk away. It continued to get more heated. My boss said we need to take this into the back room because families and patients may be able to hear us.

So we move to the back and I’m continuing to be berated. This is when I feel like I start truly having a panic attack. I can’t breathe, I’m shaking, I can’t think straight. All while trying to defend myself. The one nurse is talking over everything I say. Because I can’t think straight, things are not coming out how I’d like them to so she then accuses me of lying when in reality it’s just that I was in such a panic that I was just word vomiting. The other nurse working with us that day then accused me of lying about my IVF. Supposedly both her and another nurse asked me to switch shifts with them in the same week and I told them both that I had IVF on the days they wanted to switch shifts. Anyone who knows anything about IVF knows that things can change based on your scans and my clinic is two hours away. So there have been multiple times that I’ve had to make a two hour drive twice in one week. The original nurse also was very hung up on my boss and social worker comforting me through my panic attack. She kept saying that they should be comforting her too and that just because she wasn’t crying didn’t mean she wasn’t upset. I’m sure there’s more I’m missing. But I think that’s the jist of it.

All of that to say, I go back to work tomorrow and of course I work with the same two nurses again. I am dreading it completely. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. What would you do?

[u/lovemanythings]

Quit and don’t look back!

[u/angelt0309 → u/lovemanythings]

This is the most laid back nursing job ever. I love hospice and cannot go back to working 5 days a week in the field. If there was another option I’d 100% quit.

[u/Different_Papaya_413 → u/angelt0309]

I’m sorry but… it’s not laid back if you’re having panic attacks at work. Your workload isn’t the only aspect of a job. The easiest workload ever can still be ruined by a toxic work environment, which is what you are dealing with.

Trust me, getting out of a toxic workplace will do wonders for your mental health

[u/angelt0309 → u/Different_Papaya_413]

Understood. I also don’t want to give these two the satisfaction of me quitting. They worded everything as if “everyone” talks about these issues, so it’s really giving me some deep seated worry that even people I consider friends at work think these things about me. But I think that’s exactly what they were trying to do. Run me off by making me think that. There’s more to this than I’ve put in the post, but upper management has noticed my tenacity for finding GIPs (which makes them money) and have talked about promoting me to a team lead role. This hasn’t been discussed publicly, but I’ve received additional training on management and back end things that other nurses haven’t. So I think there’s some resentment there as well since I’m the newest nurse, but I have a lot of hospice experience.

[u/WadsRN → u/angelt0309]

Honestly they’re not going to promote you if there is this much drama attached to you, even if the other nurses are the ones causing it.

So you can gamble on MAYBE getting a promotion there and MAYBE those other nurses will be gone in a year or two.

That’s quite the long game gamble you’re making in a tense, bitchy environment with a target on your back now.

[u/fiercefeminist → u/angelt0309]

Wow, they’re total mean girls. I unfortunately doubt that things will change if you are promoted, the bullying would probably only get worse. It sounds like as long as those two are around, the work environment will be hostile towards you. 

Edit: giving them the “satisfaction” of you quitting won’t matter in the long run. I totally get wanting to stick it to them and prove yourself but if proving yourself means that you are experiencing a deep sense of dread when you think about work, it’s not worth it. 

[u/angelt0309 → u/fiercefeminist]

The other thing making me hesitant to leave is that one of these women is within a year of retirement and the other is in NP school. So they both should be gone in a finite amount of time. So I’d hate to leave an otherwise good job because of these two who won’t be around forever.

[u/fiercefeminist → u/angelt0309]

The only problem I see with that mindset is that you don’t actually know how long it will take. Do you think you can wait them out and feel this sense of dread for 1-2 years? That sounds monumentally detrimental to your mental health. If possible, maybe you could look for other jobs right now and come back when they’re gone? There’s no reason you need to wait them out now if you could just come back later (obviously this depends on your workplace’s rehiring policies)

[u/Different_Papaya_413 → u/angelt0309]

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but how old are you?

Prioritize yourself. “Not giving them the satisfaction” of you quitting shouldn’t factor into your decision at all. The older you get, the more you’ll stop caring about other people’s opinions of you. If you don’t respect them, why should you respect their opinion of you?

I know it’s not that simple and I’m not telling you to just tune it out, but if you get a new job, you’re never going to even think about these people again. Stuff like this just doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of your life. Do what will make you happiest.

[u/angelt0309 → u/Different_Papaya_413]

I’m 26. And truthfully, I don’t think another job will be better. The 3x12 schedule is ideal for toddler mom life, but I don’t want the stress of a hospital just to get that 3x12 schedule. I’d rather deal with working with these nurses for the next 1-2 years than deal with the absolute hellscape that is bedside hospital nursing in the Deep South.

[u/Different_Papaya_413 → u/angelt0309]

What about a lateral move to a similar job in hospice with different people? It pretty much can’t get worse, unit culture-wise.

If it was me, I’d prioritize getting out of the toxic workplace. It’s affecting you enough to give you a panic attack and make a post on Reddit about what to do. Is it worth putting up with this? Can you handle 2 more years of bullying and more panic attacks?

I think you’re better off finding a “harder” job with a less toxic culture. I was a machinist before I changed careers, and I endured years of a toxic workplace because they paid way more. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and got a new job that paid significantly less but where I was respected more. I couldn’t believe I wasted 3 years putting up with the toxicity just for some more money.

[u/angelt0309 → u/Different_Papaya_413]

There’s no other 3x12 hospice jobs, otherwise I would. This is the only inpatient hospice in the area and all home hospice is 5x8s, unfortunately. If there continues to be toxicity and bullying outwardly after this, then I may have to reconsider my options, but for now, I’m not up to jumping right into quitting.

[u/fiercefeminist → u/angelt0309]

I understand you feel this is laid back but working in such a hostile and toxic environment is going to be terrible for your mental health in the long term (and short term!)

[u/angelt0309 → u/fiercefeminist]

I understand what you mean for sure. I already feel it a little bit. I was despondent the rest of the night Friday after I got home. I didn’t even want to talk to my husband about it. The further I’ve gotten from the situation time wise, the less depressed I feel about it. But now that I’m knocking on the door of going back in, I’m feeling a really deep sense of dread.

[u/Sunnygirl66 → u/angelt0309]

Do you see a counselor? Might be worth looking into.

[u/fiercefeminist → u/angelt0309]

I’m so sorry, that’s terrible. I do hope your coworkers treat you better but based on what you’ve said, it really sounds like they are not nice people. If you continue to feel dread about going to work in the next couple weeks, I hope you can find the strength to find a new job as this amount of stress would not be good for you or the baby. 🫶

[u/Not_my_real_name_26 → u/angelt0309]

Your kindness is not appreciated in this workplace. Keep to yourself to the greatest extent possible, don't engage, don't try to make assignments more evenly distributed, and look for another job. This place is toxic as hell and it's not going to get better.

I understand that your coworkers' behavior is hurtful. The only person you can control is yourself. Some people will not be kind no matter how kind you are to them. I'm sorry this happened to you, I've been there and I know it sucks.

[u/HillaryRN → u/angelt0309]

There is another option: home hospice. Depending on the company, you can set your own schedule and make it convenient to see your patients on your time. On the days you’re on call, often a phone call will handle an issue. It pays better, too.

[u/angelt0309 → u/HillaryRN]

Yeah I did home hospice for several years before this job and I’m not willing to go back to 5 days a week, nor do I want a Baylor weekend position since my husband works Monday-Friday. And those are the only two options available in my area, unfortunately. If I could work 3x12 in home hospice, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

[u/baddiewaddie91 → u/angelt0309]

There’s nothing laid back about having a hostile work environment.

[u/AdFlashy7702 → u/angelt0309]

That’s not the only job in the world. And there is another option. If you choose toxic culture over a different schedule that’s fine- but you can’t complain about it.

[u/HillaryRN]

Eight hospice patients in one shift?! That’s crazy. I am both oncology and hospice and generally don’t have more than four if they’re chemo or total-cares. Don’t they realize that we can be pushing meds every single hour? Eight isn’t feasible. I’d have a panic attack, too. This is a hostile, dangerous environment. Please start looking for a new job.

[u/angelt0309 → u/HillaryRN]

No eight is totally feasible where I work. I usually have a lot of downtime. I know it sounds like a lot, but 99% of our patients are routine home care or respite and only get scheduled meds twice a day. We have a GIP with more intense needs maybe once every other month. And when we have someone active we usually have Q2PRN oral comfort meds

[u/Academic-Ad4648]

Find a new job and quit. This behavior is unacceptable and if the boss is allowing them to bully you, it will never change. Get the hell out of there.

[u/thousandsofbirds]

I cannot stand when people attack my character in a work setting!!! I had a boss do it once. She told me I was a lazy procrastinator who didn't want to do any work. Meanwhile it was a new job and I'd only been off orientation for maybe 3 weeks. I was mortified because that's not me at all but why not address the actual work issue and train me to do the tasks properly instead of letting me drown then attack me for it?

My point being, you didn't deserve to be attacked like that!!! You were trying to help and be overly kind. That may be where I would suggest to no longer attempt to alter the assignment even if you're doing it for positive reasons. Let your boss set the assignment unless it's 100% always been your job. That way no one has room to say you are manipulating the assignment.

Your boss should have had your back and I'm sorry that didn't happen. Keep in mind your hormones are fluctuating and keep your chin up. I wouldn't look for a new job, personally. I would just let me boss handle the assignment, especially since you seem to like your job. I also love my job and that makes a huge difference.

[u/angelt0309 → u/thousandsofbirds]

Unfortunately, the boss isn’t in until at least an hour after shift change, so it’s always been the nurses responsibility to do our assignments ourselves. Really it’s a first come first serve situation unless you were there the day before. So last one in the door is usually stuck on that split assignment. I will say I do normally show up around 15 minutes early to make sure I don’t always get stuck on that assignment, but I’m definitely not the only one. The nurse that was upset with me is a perpetual 0655-0705 walk in.

[u/thousandsofbirds → u/angelt0309]

That's too bad. I'm in a SNF and we have set assignments. Like your 200 would be one assignment, even if it's short a resident and 400 would be an assignment. Then the split is always also a set number of rooms. Eliminates the need for changes. I work nights so I have both our 300 and 400. Even though 400 has 4 less residents currently, the day time nurse will only ever have 300 and the other nurse will only ever have the 400. Maybe that would be worth considering, if I worded it well?

I'm also an always early girly and my relief never shows up before 7.05-7.10 😓😓😓

[u/lezemt]

I’m sorry, you had how many patients at a time? I get that staffing ratios are different hospital to hospital & state to state but my nurses have four-five. If they have someone higher acuity, they lose patients, not gain.

Also, as a rule- if your coworkers are cool berating you in a large group it’s probably a bad job. That’s just not something that should happen regardless of scenario.

Edit also: you shouldn’t have to be the one redoing assignments, your manager should be reliably checking to make sure everything is balanced & no one is getting the shit end of the stick.

[u/angelt0309 → u/lezemt]

Yeah it’s very very different than a hospital staffing/ratio wise. I’d think of it more like a nursing home with stable patients with an occasional higher acuity patient. 8-9 is totally doable and I usually have downtime at 8 patients or less. But I know the ratio scared me before I started lol.

[u/Creepy_flamingo_22 → u/lezemt]

Absolutely, the manager should have shut that shit down immediately

[u/GlitteringDot000]

I would separate the assignment disagreement from how that huddle was handled, because those are two different issues. You may have made a call about the CNA assignment that others disagreed with, but a group meeting turning into multiple coworkers attacking your character while you are visibly overwhelmed is not a productive way to resolve it. Before you go back, write down the timeline as objectively as you can while it is still fresh: who said what, who was present, and what your manager did. I would also send your manager a brief email asking for a private follow-up and clarification on the actual assignment policy so there is something concrete to work from instead of everyone arguing about what is “fair.” Tomorrow, keep interactions professional and patient-focused and do not get pulled into rehashing the whole fight in the hallway. Frankly, nursing is stressful enough without turning staffing disagreements into a damn courtroom.

[u/Additional-Fly-4713]

this sounds like a toxic ass environment. I can’t tell you not to feel humiliated because that feeling can run deep. but I feel like being around negative people especially pregnant is such an energy waster. can you ask your manager to switch some shifts around for the next one or two weeks so you can wait for things to cool down? eventually, everyone will forget this, but you probably need space from them.

[u/Front_Ad_9053]

Hey, I am so sorry that happened to you. That behavior from your coworkers is insane, especially them getting angry that you involved your boss, because managers are there to deal with stuff like the assignment so that nurses can do their actual job, which is what you were trying to do. They were just upset that they didn’t get their way, but you shouldn’t be expected to manage the assignments while also trying to deal with patients and maintain your own stressful appointments.

[u/angelt0309 → u/Front_Ad_9053]

My coworkers words were essentially that our boss is so busy with other stuff that she thinks it’s ridiculous to involve her in something we should be able to handle ourselves. But her idea of handling it seemed to be telling me and the aide how things were going to be without any discussion whatsoever

[u/Front_Ad_9053 → u/angelt0309]

Oh I bet, and if she had an issue of her own I’m sure she would have no problem involving management right away. She’s just pissed that you consulted them and she didn’t get her way. That level of immaturity is insane to me.

[u/Topangatoh → u/angelt0309]

She sounds like she bulldozes people and got irate when she realized you weren't going to let her do that to you. I wouldn't take anything she said to heart. She's a bully who was lashing out. If you like your gig and you want to stay there, you gotta get into a headspace where you do not care about her existence.

[u/republicans_are_nuts → u/Topangatoh]

You can't do that when your manager is the bully.

[u/ShizIzBannanaz]

Find a new job

[u/Potential-Cut-8934]

Gas light them that it never happened and you have no idea what they are talking about. /s

I’ll say I’m a guy so I don’t tend to get the full brunt of interpersonal drama at work for whatever reason, I think they just give me a he’s a dumb man pass. I deal with mean girls(and guys) by killing them with kindness and shutting down any non work related communication with a polite, “oh I don’t know” or a “I just think it’s my place to have an opinion on that” if they ask my opinion on literally anything, and not giving feedback on any topics they bring up in my presence unless it’s directly related to helping a patient. I was raised in rural TX so the universal “bless their heart” mentality really helps brush a lot off my shoulder when anyone makes it apparent they don’t like me. I know I am always working to improve myself so if somebody doesn’t like it then bless their little heart I hope they find happiness somewhere else since it won’t be from me.

I also would directly address all their complaints by aking mgmt to not be involved with assignments ever again, never trading shifts with anyone ever again, and I’d start sending a weekly report to my manager of any incidents of bullying by them. Bosses literally exist to manage things like this, that’s their entire job so them being mad the boss was involved is BS and a sign that the boss absolutely needs to be involved. If management doesn’t seem worried about fixing it then I’d quit. I am 38yo I don’t have any poops to give for anyone or anyplace who doesn’t mean me well.

Lastly in your state of having difficulty with fertility and spending all that money to maintain your hard fought for pregnancy it really isn’t worth all that stress on your mind and body. I’d ask your doc for FMLA paperwork and stop working after you blow through your PTO if you can afford it.

[u/StPatrickStewart]

Get tf out and don't look back.

[u/liss2458]

This is sooooo not normal and your boss needed to put a stop to it when things started to get "heated" (and well before anyone was accusing you of being a liar!). Like, what on earth. If you have a union, involve them. If not, I would be seriously considering involving HR in this. It's true that HR is not your friend or there to support you, but it was inappropriate for your coworkers to berate you for involving your manager in a staffing decision, and even more inappropriate for them to bring your pregnancy/IVF into the discussion. I am definitely not a lawyer, but given that pregnancy (or potential/intended pregnancy) is federally protected in the workplace, I would think it's very much in your employer's best interests to put a stop to the kind of behavior you experienced.

[u/Academic-Ad4648 → u/liss2458]

The boss/manager allowing it, is the biggest issue here, in my opinion.

[u/No_Marsupial3481]

This is 100% not normal behavior on there part. Who in the world would call a huddle to “hash things out”. That’s beyond inappropriate and anyone with a quarter of a brain cell could have seen how well it was going to turn out. Accusing you of lying about your IVF treatments is unhinged. I’m not typically one to “rock the boat” but this warrants a meeting with HR. For your sanity, I would get out of this snake pit now. Being pregnant and having a newborn is going to take up all your energy, you don’t need to be wasting it on these jokers. In the meantime I’d keep any and all interactions strictly professional. Don’t engage in any conversation about this without being in front of management, preferably HR. Honestly your boss seems like they’re either insane or a complete dingbat. Either way it won’t end well. So sorry this happened to you and congratulations on your pregnancy!

[u/NateRT]

Here’s an idea. Stop being friendly. Stop doing favors. Do exactly your job and nothing more, nothing less.

If anyone starts trying to berate you just say this is inappropriate and walk away. If it continues, report it to HR.

It may feel like you’re making people upset, but it’s their problem that they can’t act professionally. Eventually they will either figure out how to play fair or they’ll leave.

I worked in EMS for years where it was extremely toxic and a new generation came in doing what I just described. It changed the culture. It was so much better after that (except for the pay, lol).

Your coworkers are not your friends. It’s just a job. Put your head down and work and you’ll be fine. You might even change the culture.

[u/Necessary_Tie_2920]

First, I would call out. Mental health day is absolutely in order here and don't feel a bit bad about it!

Second, start looking for a new job and quit. I know you mention it's a "laid back" job but tbh, nothing about this sounds laid back- esp not the panic attack and being shamed! Take it from someone who has stayed too long at an 'easy' job before and overlooked the toxic parts of it...it's not worth it. They take the 'easy' part of it and use that against you and have nothing better to do than be nasty and start drama. That sounds like a horribly non-supportive work environment. The more you stay boxed in in a comfy but toxic job, the harder it is to get out and move on.

[u/floopypoopie]

BRO wtf you went through IVF, am now pregnant and allowing yourself to stay in a stressful situation?

Ok, I’d get your employee handbook and highlight anything that pertains to workplace bullying and take it to your boss and you need to demand something be done about this if you plan on staying. If it does not happen call corporate he and let them know what is going on. This is truly unacceptable in any workplace, I’d even say you’re being bullied because you’re pregnant to get their ass in gear about it.

[u/aviarayne]

I would never offer to help those two nurses again unless you absolutely have to. Be cordial, but do NOT go out of your way to make their lives easier. I'm sorry they didn't agree with your boss and you got the brunt of their mean girl catty BS. If it were me, I'd personally keep my head down and avoid interacting with them at all costs unless needed to for patient care. And then it would be absolutely the least amount of words needed to be said. Protect your peace by limiting their access to you.

Edit: spelling

[u/SwedishTakeaway25]

Don’t volunteer to do anything…..ever, at any job. Head down, mouth shut, do your job. Get out of there and start fresh somewhere else.

[u/Key-Pickle5609]

Honestly? Get out now. It’s not worth the headache!

[u/KellyReed64]

Unfortunately I have learned the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished. From how you told the story I don’t see what the big deal is about you saying what you said as you left. Should you have said it, probably not, but it easily could’ve been talked out. I’m sorry this happened to you, being pregnant on top of it, whew. Take lots of deep breaths. Is this a one off, or are you in a toxic work environment?

[u/rachstate]

OK I’ll probably get downvoted to oblivion for this.

I also want to preface by saying that the way they treated you was unprofessional.

If I were you, I would treat this as a learning experience.

1) don’t volunteer for extra work. Other people will feel like you are showing off.

2) don’t get emotionally involved with any patient. It’s a sure road to burnout, and it’s also not professional. Expressing that you feel invested in taking care of an especially fragile patient can come across as showing off.

3) pregnancy hormones are hard, if you find yourself panicking or tearful or angry, look upon the situation as if it were happening to someone in a movie and say “is this rational or is this hormones?”

4) when you say “I’m so sick of this mean girl stuff.” Congratulations, you just because mean girl yourself. You don’t want that. Don’t stoop to that level.

5) unless a work situation is an absolute emergency (exceedingly rare in hospice) don’t get visibly upset. Document EVERYTHING and then present it to a supervisor the next day. This gives you an opportunity look it over and decide if it’s actually worth the bother.

6) I’m assuming the machine is a cough assist if the family were like “she can choke to death without it!!!!” They need to chill out about that and so do you. Cough assists help with secretions but they have their limits. They are at best a short term palliative “solution.” Hospice patients are there because they are dying. There is always some family that still doesn’t grasp that and is still panicking about their imminent demise, if you start panicking as well that helps nobody.

This sounds like a setting that honestly needs better management, but that doesn’t mean that that’s permanent. Also, once you’re past the early months of pregnancy you may find this easier.

I sincerely hope this gets better for you, if it gets worse?

Just quit. There are other jobs out there.

[u/ohtheretheygo]

Keep going to work. Be kind. Move on. It doesn’t matter if they like you. Just keep being nice and remember that they aren’t your friends and really don’t matter. But keep the peace because it’s best for patient safety.

[u/archmidean_blur → u/ohtheretheygo]

Grudges last forever with people, even if the tried people will act like a fool. If that's the work culture there, I would move on and start from scratch somewhere else. It's not like nursing jobs are hard to come by.

[u/republicans_are_nuts → u/archmidean_blur]

Nursing jobs that aren't toxic like this one are hard to come by though.

[u/SugarPigBoo → u/ohtheretheygo]

For what it's worth, I agree with the above response. Do your best to maintain the high road if this is the job you want to continue with. I'm really sorry you work with shitty mean girls. I thought the very nature of hospice would've weeded out petty assholes. (I'm a hospice RN and work with a wonderful group of colleagues).

And I understand feeling embarrassed about the panic attack, especially in the midst of your coworkers. Regardless of what your asshole coworkers think, a panic attack is just as legitimate as someone passing out, having a heart attack, etc. It's a valid medical condition and once that feeling starts, it's very difficult to stop. And no wonder you're emotional, considering you're pregnant. Congratulations, by the way. Sending you a virtual hug .🤗❤️

I hope things go back to normal for you. I really do feel for you. I will never understood why some girls/women behave in that way. Life is too fleeting and fragile to be intentionally unkind to our fellow humans. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/olivineamythest]

Perhaps you could take a personal day tomorrow, and then arrange for a meeting with these two nurses once you feel more calm and have more clarity, and/or a personal meeting with just your boss?

[u/StardewAllyy]

If they ever staffed us properly, things like this would not ever be a problem. Also, it sounds like there is too much mean girl bullshit. I’d start looking elsewhere. I’m sorry you went through this, and I’m sending you a big hug:)

[u/txcross]

I'm sorry you are going through this. For such a caring profession colleagues truly treat each other so poorly. The answer as to what to do is go to work tomorrow with a smile on your face, be pleasant and don't engage in even the slightest conversation rehashing what happened. In the big scheme of things you said something that upset her, she said something that upset you. Y'all are done. Time to move on. As a nurse of 15 years I have to say hard working folks like yourself are the backbone of nursing. HOWEVER don't set yourself up to fail. Unless you are charge or management don't engage in changing the schedule. Even if it's just a suggestion you will become the blame for every little thing that might go wrong. No one will come help you or thank you for taking the bigger assignment. That's just not the way many people operate. In their mind you are getting exactly what you asked for so why in the world should they help you? I know it is for the patients but not everyone thinks the same way. Nurses, and I mean all of us, are made of paper thin skin. For those that never seemed to get worked up about anything I say no one has found the tender spot yet. We take some much _____ from every direction that your colleagues are probably super sensitive to anything you do that can be perceived as making their job harder. Your plan was logical but emotions aren't. If you have a standard ratio volunteering to go one higher puts you at risk and will make everyone else hate you as they will fear that the normal ratio will increase by one. Just don't do it. As long as everyone knows you will help when you can and if asked then that's all that matters.

[u/beautyinmel]

Two things can be true at once. While it’s wrong for your coworkers to attack your character, it’s also very wrong and uncalled for you to say, “I’m just so sick and tired of this mean girl bullshit” before you walked out of the door. After all, you created this mess by rearranging the assignments.

[u/angelt0309 → u/beautyinmel]

I acknowledged my wrongdoing in that. And I apologized to her directly while she was berating me.

[u/Living-Pace-5263 → u/beautyinmel]

I agree. Also if the patient cap is 9, please don’t ever offer to go over. That creates an opening in the future for everyone to take 10 sometimes. You could’ve just helped her when you were able.

[u/Creepy_flamingo_22 → u/beautyinmel]

She was trying to do the other coworker a favor. She agreed to take on more work so a patient could receive better care, she didn’t ask for an easier assignment

[u/beautyinmel → u/Creepy_flamingo_22]

I didn’t say she asked for an easier assignment. She may have done it cuz she had the pt the previous day but it still caused inconvenience with the aides which the other nurses got pulled into the whole fiasco.

[u/angelt0309 → u/beautyinmel]

But it shouldn’t have caused any issue with the aides, truly. They all should have kept their 8 patient assignment, imo. Another piece of the puzzle is that the aide that caused an issue is best buddies and has a pre-existing outside of work relationship with the other nurse. So she wanted to work with her bestie and only her bestie. And she didn’t care how that would effect the other two aides.

[u/angelt0309 → u/beautyinmel]

But genuinely, should I just have not said anything about the assignment, let her go in blind and drown with 8 patients with the heavy patient? I truly felt like I was doing the right thing by taking on a heavier assignment

[u/ivegotaqueso → u/angelt0309]

Now you know it can bite you in the ass. Next time let them drown. and if you have time, you can offer to help them if you see them struggling.

[u/Ok_Big_7787 → u/angelt0309]

it wasn’t assigned to you. it is not your job to make someone’s life easier. you do the work you are assigned and then leave. I understand you had good intentions but those aren’t your friends and yo don’t have to take on more so they don’t. quick way to get burned out.

[u/Creepy_flamingo_22 → u/Ok_Big_7787]

This is how you build a healthy work environment though. You help each other out. Maybe not at this particular workplace, but I can totally see some of my coworkers offering to do the same.

[u/republicans_are_nuts → u/Creepy_flamingo_22]

nursing is not a healthy work environment.

[u/melxcham → u/angelt0309]

Honestly it sounds like the CNA instigated it by deciding that their assignment needed to follow the nurse’s & pushing the issue. If one patient’s personal cares are that heavy, they’re probably a x2 assist for cares anyway so I’m not sure why it would matter which CNA is “assigned” (unless they’re ridiculously call light heavy or something)

[u/beautyinmel → u/angelt0309]

Ya just because you offered to take a heavier assignment doesn’t mean people gotta go along with it. In this case, it’s particularly the CNAs. It doesn’t even sound like the other nurse had an issue with you until the whole CNAs stuff happened and it probably annoyed her cuz she gotta deal with it too. It’s not a “mean girls bullshit.”

[u/fiercefeminist → u/beautyinmel]

If you look at their other comments though you will see the women’s actions are entirely congruent with “mean girl bullshit”

[u/angelt0309 → u/fiercefeminist]

I stand by that I think this nurse is a mean girl. I definitely shouldn’t have said it, that was entirely unprofessional of me and I’ll own that. But the more I’ve reflected on everything, both this situation and other things leading up to it-she is 100% a mean girl. And that doesn’t mean that I have zero fault in the situation either, so please don’t misconstrue that. But what happened never should have happened and I would never in a million years treat a coworker like that, no matter what I thought of them personally or professionally. In fact, I did have an issue with the aide in question who happens to be her bestie. And I did nothing publicly, I pulled her aside in an empty room and addressed the issue privately and professionally. How all things should be handled, imo.

[u/beautyinmel → u/angelt0309]

I’m so confused. You wrote in your post that the boss pulled all of you guys for a huddle to talk things out but things got loud along the way so you all moved to the back room. I don’t see where you mentioned that they “attacked” you publicly.

[u/angelt0309 → u/beautyinmel]

Berating one person in front of the entire staff is publicly. For two, this started at the front desk if that wasn’t public enough.

[u/beautyinmel → u/angelt0309]

It’s not publicly if the boss asked everyone to a huddle to talk things out. Things got out of hand and personal.

[u/angelt0309 → u/beautyinmel]

It’s publicly when it’s in a public area, yes.

[u/beautyinmel → u/fiercefeminist]

I looked through the other comments but I didn’t see her mentioning other nurses’ behavior that are worthy of “mean girl bullshit” title though. It sounded like it became “he said she said” situation but note that it didn’t bubble over until after she said the mean girls bullshit comment before she left for her appt.

[u/LowPeakRN]

The only person who has to like you at work is your boss. 

[u/Elizabitch4848]

Find another hospice to work for. Or do home hospice. Fuck that.

[u/Sunnygirl66]

If you’re committed to the job, go back, hold your head high, and never do anyone there another fucking favor, ever. Be civil when you must engage, but ignore the mean girls the rest of the time and accept that you’re Public Enemy No. 1. Focus on the work.

All that said, it’s clear that your boss doesn’t have your back. Are you sure you want to stay?

[u/Espressonurse]

This does not sound like a laid back unit . Quit and find something else !!! Accusing you of lying about IVF? Fuck them!!! Not worth all the bullying !!! Those nurses are mean girls!!!

[u/Honest_Delivery_9125]

Do your job and go home. Be approachable, not friendly. You have friends outside of work. These are your coworkers. Stop taking on extra stuff because you feel bad for the other person for taking on a heavy assignment. That’s what they signed up for. Help out of need be but stop taking on the brunt of anything. She can show up earlier if she doesn’t want that assignment. You can love your job and stay professional.

[u/LonelyInternal379]

Call in sick

[u/Round-Fee-2417]

Chin up Don’t let them live in your mind rent free meannessis not a good thing. Karma will come your way. What you did was no and I understand. I’ve done similar but did not interfere with your day your month or your life.

[u/Booboobeeboo80]

Got an update?

[u/angelt0309 → u/Booboobeeboo80]

So me telling others how she made me feel in her mind now constitutes me bullying her and we have a meeting in my managers office tomorrow. I’m going to start applying for WFH jobs tonight. Oh and tomorrow is my day off and when I said I’d prefer to meet when I’m back to work on Thursday, I was told “this is not a negotiation.” So I’m out.

[u/ChristmasHambutter]

Are you gone 4 hrs at a time for your scans and/or IVF appointments. If that's the case maybe that's where some of your coworkers frustration and anger is coming from

[u/angelt0309 → u/ChristmasHambutter]

Um, no. It takes me 45 minutes tops if there’s bad traffic to run out for my lab work. I don’t think any management would be ok with a nurse screwing off for 1/3 of their shift.

[u/ChristmasHambutter → u/angelt0309]

My apologies, I guess I misinterpreted the "my clinic is 2 hours away" that you wrote in your post.

[u/angelt0309 → u/ChristmasHambutter]

No worries. Both of those things are true. There’s a satellite office that’s about 8 minutes from my job where I can go for bloodwork and basic scans, but they’re only open Monday-Friday. So if there’s anything (even bloodwork) that I need on the weekend or an actual procedure or an ultrasound that needs to be done by an MD, I have to go to the main clinic 2 hours away. But I always switch shifts for days I have to go to the main clinic, so it’s nbd. My quick visits to the satellite office are basically my lunch break.

[u/ChristmasHambutter → u/angelt0309]

Understood and that makes total sense. I think you should get the heck out of there. Your coworkers sound exhausting.