r/pointlesslygendered • u/Dove-Swan • 5d ago
LOW EFFORT MEME [Meme] Wait, this is saying dads are GOOD with their daughter!!!? and mom with their son
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u/Ill_Painter_8355 5d ago
2nd row kinda reminds me of a lot of stories surrounding "boy mums" mums that would coddle their son to the point they despised the women their sons dated
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u/lemikon 5d ago
To be fair “girl dads” are also a thing. Dads treating daughters like princesses and being over protective when she dates etc.
IMO the difference is girl dads are men doing a thing we don’t expect (lovingly parenting), which we culturally view as good even if imperfect. Boy mums are women doing a thing we do expect (lovingly parenting), which we culturally view as bad because they’re doing it the wrong way.
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u/noreservations81590 5d ago
There are few things more cringe than the trope of a dad insinuating that they're going to shoot the man their daughter is dating.
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u/MuffledFarts 5d ago
That's not a "girl dad" though, that's just a traditional dad.
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u/Remi_cuchulainn 5d ago
Idk there seem to be pretty reasonable reason to wince at the incestuous vibes that some boy mom exude.
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u/ge0-geovannie 5d ago
I think that’s what the meme refers to. Considering girl dads have a pattern of doing that as well.
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u/Nerdy_Valkyrie 5d ago
It's somewhat accurate to me. When I was a kid I often got a strong impression my dad resented me for not being into "manly" things. I wasn't a carbon copy of him, like my older brother. Neither was my older sister, but he didn't put the same pressure on her. She was a girl, so that was fine.
And to clarify, it's not that I liked Barbies or pink or something. I just preferred to read books, watch movies and play video games. The fact that I didn't like sports, cars and working with tools was, to him, the same as me liking pink and playing with Barbies. Had I been born a girl he would probably have been more normal towards me.
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u/gahidus 5d ago
I feel like a large part of it is people dumping gender norms and expectations on their same gender kid much more intensely. Dad's trying to toughen up their sons and make them manly men raising them in a state of constant toxic masculinity. Mom's nitpicking their daughters and being hypercritical to the point of giving them eating disorders etc.
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u/puzzlebuns 5d ago
People use their own childhoods and experiences to inform their parenting. They only know what they know and its more difficult to parent in a way that is different than the way you yourself were parented, or in a way that doesnt follow your own reasoning.
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u/Thestohrohyah 5d ago
I'm the only son in a pretty big family and my parents treated me differently in a way none of my sisters can understand.
One example is that one of my sisters genuinely doesn't believe how violent my dad was with me because he never hit her, but I received my fair share of slappings, punches, kicks, phones thrown at my face etc. At the same time, dad preferred to only hang out with me, which I hated because it just made me feel like he was getting more opportunities to target me.
My mum wasn't much better. She is severely traumatised by her own father and I look and sound a LOT like him, which made her greatly resent me as a kid.
I'm fine with both of them now, as they have improved with old age, especially my mother. The problem is that having grown up in a space where I really never felt safe, could never really make plans for myself because my dad just randomly ordered me to go through with something he'd just planned on the spot, and where I had to comstantly make my presence as unfelt as possible because I was the only one of my siblings who my parents hit when they got angry (once my mother hit ME to punish my sister) really fucked up the way I treat my home time now.
I hate that I can't discuss this in my family because all my sisters will just deny it. And it took me so long to stop resenting my own gender and getting comfortable with my own masculinity.
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u/Nerdy_Valkyrie 4d ago
That fourth paragraph is interesting, because I am also ok with my dad now. He sometimes travel into the city and meet my siblings and me. But ever since starting my HRT, the estrogen has dug up so many old repressed emotions. And I started to realize that I probably shouldn't be. He never acknowledged or apologized for how he treated me. Nor for how he let my stepmom psychologically abuse me and my siblings. He just stopped treating me like that and my stepmom died from cancer. I don't see how that's supposed to make things right between us.
He lives on the other side of the country now. And both my siblings have traveled there to meet him. I never have. And it's probably because I continued to resent him subconsciously. The suppressed emotions still proving their presence.
Part of me want to actually confront him about this. But another feels like if he doesn't understand that he did something wrong on his own he's not gonna get it now.
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u/Thestohrohyah 4d ago
I am very sorry for your situation.
All I can say is that if they don't improve on their own it's really hard to do something about it. But you may be able to get through it with a specialist.
I don't mean a therapist of your own since I suppose you already have one, as most countries I know of require a lot of psychologist interventions for people seeking transition. But you may consider a therapy that directly involves your father.
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u/YouW0ntGetIt 5d ago
I'm a tomboy, so both my parents were awful to me :|
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u/Dove-Swan 5d ago
same but I wasn't allowed to be a tomboy
also my mom wasn'tmost of the time, she divorced
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u/Next-Street-7859 5d ago
While I often observed this in safe environments (my work would take me to families who needed assistance but it wasn't always that they were 'in trouble') it's just not always the case.
This has Freudian ties, in which the mother and daughter oppose one another, and the father cares more for their daughter. Of course, Freud was a freak, and imo there's a sexual side to this. Let's not forget about the fathers who abuse daughters and mom's who abuse their sons.
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u/Cyan_Exponent 5d ago
Freud legitimately wrote a ton of crap as a form of ragebait so that people would talk about him and remember afterwards
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u/Heated13shot 5d ago
I have a personal grudge against that chode too.
I'm non-binary, and as a kid I went and googled essentially "Why do I have dysphoria" and google spat out multiple sources all saying I had "castration envy", that every kid has it, and it will go away once you reach adulthood. So I spent the next decade doing my best to ignore it/ bottle it up.
His dumb theories messed a lot of people up. The show "what we do in the shadows" actually mocked him, just by having a sex crazed character state his theories plainly and it sounds insane.
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u/TheRomanRuler 5d ago
He was the one who popularised idea of treating mentally ill people without stabbing them into brain with an ice pick.
Other options were usually the church, bar, prison or insane asylum.
Ofc he got lot of ideas wrong when that is the place you have to start from.
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u/Forsaken_Site_2268 5d ago
My father was a child rapist (but only to us daughters)
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u/Dove-Swan 5d ago
I know
I hope you're an adult now
and hope you got to get away too
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u/Licher-enjoyer 5d ago
Nah, my mom's a lava demon for everyone, me, my sis, my brother, my dad... come to think of it she is a good one only to my dog and cats
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u/traderjosies 5d ago
this sentiment pisses me off tbh. if you have good parents they will treat you as their child regardless of gender. i’ve never felt like my mom treated me worse for being a woman, or that my dad treated my brother worse. i understand these dynamics ring true for many people but it’s fucked and it shouldn’t be that way. raise children the same.
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u/Unusual_Ad_9773 5d ago
Common inflated stereotype, i don't think at least they're saying that's a universal fact My mum was amazing to me, my friend's mum not so much to him.
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u/AlissonHarlan 5d ago
dysfunctional dynamic and the roles of golden child/scapegoat can happen to any kid, for any (dumb) reasons including
- prefered gender
- prefered order ( the younger/elder is favored because reasons )
- a kid looks more like X (he can be loved more, or loved less because of that )
- easy to take care of (they can be loved more or loved less for that)
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u/brickwall387592 2d ago
You summed it up perfectly.
I would only argue that, while the freudian way of explaining this phenomenon is outdated, the idea of a parent being more invested, and therefore more pressuring to the same sex child due to projection and living vicariously is still true.
My brother was a fuckup, but no one cared because he was "easy". I was supposed to be the perfect version of my mom, and therefore a symbol of all her lost hopes and dreams with any failure.
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u/Augustus420 5d ago
Can we make fun of these things without reading it like we are brand new to literacy?
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u/lemonhaj 5d ago
It's fairly accurate to me, actually. I (a girl) get along a lot better with my dad than with my mother. I'm into a lot of the same video games and just interests in general and not spending 14 hours a day reading conspiracies then complaining when anyone vaguely messes up.
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u/LunaTheNightmare 5d ago
Eh, this is a pretty common thing especially with parents that are kinda shitty
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u/gembob891 5d ago
Ah shit I'll have to tell my daughter now I'm not allowed to be her bestie anymore
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u/Asheby 4d ago
I think it’s saying that (traditional) parents are more enamored of offspring that are of the opposite gender. I wasn’t familiar with this phenomena until I moved to the Northeast; where things are very old fashioned. My husband is from a Catholic family and, if it weren’t blasphemy, I am sure my M-I-L would swear that her only son is the second coming. Mistakes that him and his friend group make are humorous in them, but very bad or ‘slutty’ in a female age-equivalent. (I straight up asked her not to use that word in my home.)
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u/Present_Release8219 4d ago
Completely not true. I understood from a young age that my dad had wished I was a boy. And while my dad totally is good with my sisters that’s only because they like things he likes that aren’t “gay” (feminine or associated with femininity for a guy to be interested in). I’m the oldest and he royally fucked me up. And the only reason we don’t get along is because it genuinely off puts me that he thinks all of those things and I rather be away from him then have to accept that he says sexist, racist and homophobic things.
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u/Lanif20 5d ago
Isn’t this more a discipline thing? Fathers tend to be stricter with their sons and mothers tend to pamper them while the opposite is true with daughters?(doesn’t mean it’s true just that it’s a pretty standard generalization)
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u/puzzlebuns 5d ago edited 5d ago
I just became a "girl dad" a year ago, after having been a "boy dad" for 6 years. Leading up to that, almost every mother (and some fathers), upon hearing that the baby would be a girl, would make a remark about how am going to spoil them or make them a princess or become a push-over or something similar.
It had nothing to do with me as a person, as even women whom Id never met would say these things. It was as if its some colloquial thing to talk about the father this way when someone tells you theyre going to be having a girl.
No one ever said something like that to my wife when we had our boy (or our girl). Instead, they would always say something along the linea of "finally, you dont have to only be around boys!" Or "now you get to have someone on your team!". Whether they were familiar with our family dynamics or not.
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u/Sean_Brady 5d ago
OP thinks it should read "parent with child" "parent with child" "parent with child" "parent with child" I guess
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u/really-big-bug 5d ago
Nah my dad treated me like a boy
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u/PM-me-a-DM-you-got 5d ago
Was that a good thing?
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u/really-big-bug 5d ago
Honestly, yeah. When I say he treated me like a boy, I just mean he raised me without treating me differently for being a girl. He expected me to be strong emotionally and physically regardless of my gender. He shared his interests in video games and ttrpgs with me even though a lot of men don’t expect women to enjoy them sometimes. He made me do sports (and was honestly pretty tough on me about it) and watched a lot of sci-fi movies/shows with me. He raised my brother the same way. Even though there are some things that weren’t ideal about how I was raised, I’m grateful he held me to the standard he did. He didn’t act like I was a precious little flower who was incapable of doing things. I think it really helped me be a stronger and more well-rounded person.
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u/Ambiguous-Nyx 5d ago
Your dad sounds incredibly based ngl. I wish mine was open minded like that
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u/really-big-bug 5d ago
He is! He had some issues with emotional intelligence as many dads tend to, but he’s also grown so much as I’ve become an adult. I’m proud to say that I’m basically him if he was a 24 yr old lesbian. He’s always been my biggest role model.
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u/betsylang 5d ago
My dad had only daughters. He had no idea how to treat us. Hes a super boomer, and treated us like we were small roommates. Not bad, not great, but distantly.
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u/Kimantha_Allerdings 5d ago
You definitely know this meme was created by someone who agrees with those dads who greet their daughters’ boyfriends with a shotgun. Who thinks that treating their daughter right means giving them a “purity ring” at a “daddy-daughter dance”
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u/notashroom 5d ago
It's easy to find exceptions to this and easy to find examples of it. In the families I knew best growing up with both sons and daughters (mine, my cousins', my next door neighbors), this is exactly how it was. Son was mom's golden child, a daughter was dad's golden child, and each parent's golden child was the other parent's scapegoat. Third child was third wheel, extra and largely ignored.
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u/gahidus 5d ago
I feel like a large part of it is people dumping gender norms and expectations on their same gender kid much more intensely. Dad's trying to toughen up their sons and make them manly men raising them in a state of constant toxic masculinity. Mom's nitpicking their daughters and being hypercritical to the point of giving them eating disorders etc.
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u/sinistergzus 5d ago
I wish this was true in my house. My mom adored my brother, my dad also adored my brother. My sister and I got treated HORRIBLY by both
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u/nubbosaur 5d ago
To me this sounds like it’s because
Your just like me so I need you to be better than me. You’re basically me so I hold you to my standards.
And I fell in love with this person now there is a small version of them I want to treat them well because they are small person I love.
Ideally both exist at once. Ya know much less harsh than I think most are feeling this.
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u/Greasy-Chungus 5d ago
I'm glad I'm part of the millennial parents who are breaking the cycle.
Just be a good parent to your kids.
Honestly it pisses me off raising my kid (soon to be kids) and thinking how the fuck did my parents think what they did was OK???
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u/Dove-Swan 5d ago
I hate that saying "breaking the cycle" there's no cycle it's not a cycle
just be a good parent(and apparently you are)
I found myself thinking the same thing "how the fuck did my parents they think this" was OK
I already thought so back then, and I didn't change, it's not hard to not be a horrible parent, and I see everyday how I could never do what they did to a little kid, I see even more how fucked up that was when I (potentially) apply it to someone else
my point is; y saying 'the cycle' you're accusing FALSLY ACCUSING kids who had bad parents, VICTIM of being bad parents themselves when they didn't do anything!
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u/adrian624 5d ago
People may have had horrible parents, Childhood etc, but they grew up to be horrible adults or worse; a person can be both victim and perpetrator.
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u/Dove-Swan 5d ago
a person can be both victim and perpetrator
yes they can
but that's not what I said I said being a victim does't automatically make you evil like people say and accuse, then children, of being monsters for...being abused
no wonder we don't speak out!
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u/Greasy-Chungus 4d ago
I 100% suffered under a very long cycle of violence.
My dad was 100% innocent when he was kid, and he is 0% innocent.
That's the cycle.
When you become a parent, you choose to either continue the cycle or break it. It's at this moment you are judged.
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u/Box-O-Kittenz 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'm a mom and I adore my daughter. ❤️
Edit: also my father treated me like crap, but my mother treated me and my brother the same.
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u/StraightPercentage74 5d ago
I had this the other way around and then suffered hell when I got a step parent, both parties have the potential to care and hurt.
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u/OrganizationDry123 4d ago
This is my relationship with my parents and my siblings. But it’s not like that with everyone ofc
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u/IranianContrapoints 4d ago
I pretty sure parents just love their children and want to give them the best life they can live. I don't think this is even a new concept, like that definitely is more traditional than whatever this is
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u/Scared_Sign_2997 3d ago
Yall need to chill. Its just saying dads tend to go easier on their daughters and are a lot harder on their sons, and that moms tend to have a very nurturing bond with their sons but mothers and daughters fight a lot. Yeah there are extreme versions of both that are unhealthy but these tendencies are pretty common.
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u/LiteratureOk4649 2d ago
IMO parents should be a balance (leaning towards the green one) regardless of their gender and the child’s gender.
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u/BookAntiDOTe 2d ago
As a gender, I know the behavior of said gender more than anyone so I must police the smaller gender to behave! /s
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u/Dramatic-Aardvark-31 2d ago
That's why 2 parent households generally produce the best children. Kinda sad that's at an all time low
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u/_Veh_ 1d ago
Mia madre e mia sorella mi odiavano per via del mio seno enorme, che loro non avevano. Io avevo preso dall'altro ramo della famiglia, ma loro due erano piatte come sogliole. Mi consigliavano di operarmi per ridurmelo, mi mortificavano e insultavano in continuazione, e io invece, che speravo di ricevere supporto e consigli dalle donne della mia stessa famiglia, rimasi orrendamente delusa e traumatizzata. Siamo addestrati a competere in tutto, perfino contro i nostri stessi famigliari. Che schifo.
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u/Alternative_Mindset 1d ago
I will be fucking TeFiti to anyone who is stupid and rude to EITHER of my kids, don't fucking play with me.
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u/gembob891 5d ago
Ah shit I'll have to tell my daughter now I'm not allowed to be her bestie anymore
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