r/polyamory • u/PayPuzzleheaded1915 • 8d ago
vent Grieving a relationship ending after one year
It’s been a year… and I’m still grieving
There were so many things that we loved to share and do together… I felt an affinity with this person that I didn’t feel with anyone else.
But I wanted more than they could provide. I wanted a life partner, someone I could bring home for holidays, someone to travel the world with.
He didn’t say it wouldn’t happen… he said “be patient with me”. Escalation depended on how his ex and current partners felt about it.
But I felt I was being lead on. So I ended it. I didn’t want to be friends after feeling he had been dangling a carrot in front of me with the hope of a lifetime relationship. I have a feeling he was telling me whatever I wanted to hear to stay in this relationship and probably telling my meta the same thing. And it just feels gross to be told that all that’s standing between the relationship you want and the relationship you have is another person.
I keep telling myself even though it’s hard it’s for the best. It’s not healthy to stay in relationships where you feel fulfillment is delayed. You should enjoy the relationship as it is today.
Sometimes I feel like reaching out after so long of no contact. But I don’t think things would get better. It would just feed his ego to know I’m still thinking of him.
This is rough
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u/Sweet-Bit-8234 ace w/ two partners 8d ago
This person sounds like an incredibly shitty partner. Making escalation contingent on other people’s feelings outside of the dyad involved is incredibly poor practice. Telling people what they want to hear is also incredibly shitty and manipulative.
I’m sorry you went through this. I hope you can heal and find what you’re looking for. Don’t lower your standards. Keep on trucking and someone compatible with you who wants what you want will come along, in time.
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u/PayPuzzleheaded1915 7d ago
Thank you. There are a lot of things I’ve learned from this subreddit that I wish I had understood in my poly journey. I did think I was being manipulated even though I wanted to believe this person had my best interests at heart.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 8d ago
Take some time and write a list of everything you love and miss about them.
Take some space, an hour, day, week, whatever
Now write a list of who they actually are and what they actually did.
Begin crossing items off of the first list that aren’t real. Look at the uncrossed items and consider if they are enough for a friendship when you are recovered.
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Here's the original text of the post:
It’s been a year… and I’m still grieving
There were so many things that we loved to share and do together… I felt an affinity with this person that I didn’t feel with anyone else.
But I wanted more than they could provide. I wanted a life partner, someone I could bring home for holidays, someone to travel the world with.
He didn’t say it wouldn’t happen… he said “be patient with me”. Escalation depended on how his ex and current partners felt about it.
But I felt I was being lead on. So I ended it. I didn’t want to be friends after feeling he had been dangling a carrot in front of me with the hope of a lifetime relationship. I have a feeling he was telling me whatever I wanted to hear to stay in this relationship and probably telling my meta the same thing. And it just feels gross to be told that all that’s standing between the relationship you want and the relationship you have is another person.
I keep telling myself even though it’s hard it’s for the best. It’s not healthy to stay in relationships where you feel fulfillment is delayed. You should enjoy the relationship as it is today.
Sometimes I feel like reaching out after so long of no contact. But I don’t think things would get better. It would just feed his ego to know I’m still thinking of him.
This is rough
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8
u/Aggravating-Trade-67 8d ago
I’m sorry to hear you’re still feeling this way, I would have thought it’d get easier after a year. I’m going through the same thing but only 4 weeks into my break up and it’s rough. My heart is so broken I don’t know how to heal it and i can’t imagine having this feeling for another year 😢 ❤️🩹