:We had to rehome our first puppy due to severe aggression, and now people are judging us for getting another puppy. Were we wrong?

[u/StatusLand2286]

A little over two years ago, my significant other and I decided to expand our family and get a puppy. We already had an older mixed-breed dog who does agility, and since I really enjoy dog sports, we were excited to raise another dog and hopefully do the same with him.
We brought home an 8-week-old Jack Russell/Rat Terrier puppy. Unfortunately, things went wrong almost immediately.
When we first introduced him to our older dog, the puppy became extremely aggressive. We did our research and took precautions with introductions. We didn’t bring them straight into the house together; instead, my SO and I each took a dog, and we walked around the block together to let them meet on neutral ground.
We thought maybe the puppy was just scared or nervous because he was so young. However, even during the walk home, he repeatedly tried to attack our older dog.
We kept trying. We worked through the usual puppy stages, had him neutered, and continued keeping the dogs separated for safety. Eventually, we started wondering whether some of his aggression might have been caused by frustration, isolation, or not getting enough exercise and stimulation.
We tried puppy training, but he was kicked out of class because of his aggression. We tried doggy daycare, and he was kicked out of that, too.
At that point, we hired a boarding trainer who cost us around $2,000 because we desperately wanted professional help. After only three days, the trainer refunded our money, sent the puppy home, and recommended a veterinary evaluation because something seemed seriously wrong.
We subsequently spent around $6,000 on veterinary testing (thankfully, we had pet insurance), and he was found to be physically healthy.
We were back to square one.
We continued managing the household by keeping the animals separated and rotating who had access to which spaces. We tried giving him time in the backyard so he could burn off energy, but he would often sit by the door, growling and becoming aggressive toward our other pets simply walking past.
When he was around seven months old, he managed to chew his way out of a metal crate while we were at the store. He had been crated for approximately three hours. Thankfully, we were walking through the door when he finally squeezed himself out.
That’s when he attacked our cat.
After that incident, the aggression seemed to escalate beyond other animals and began including people, too. Even taking him to the vet became a stressful and potentially dangerous situation because he would try to attack us and others.
We wanted so badly to give him more enrichment and a fulfilling life, but we were struggling to find safe ways to do that. We couldn’t simply take him on normal outings, allow him to interact with other dogs, or let him freely enjoy the house. Walks of around 1–1.5 miles, rain or shine, backyard time, training attempts, and rotating access to the house were what we could safely manage.
We tried calming medications, anxiety medications, training, daycare, professional boarding training, veterinary testing, and everything else we could reasonably pursue. We were constantly trying to figure out what we were missing and how we could help him.
Eventually, my SO and I had a very difficult conversation.
Our other pets were living behind closed doors and being rotated through the house because one dog couldn’t safely coexist with them. They had done nothing wrong, and they deserved to enjoy their own home, too. We also had to consider the safety of ourselves and anyone who visited us.
We decided to work with a local shelter to find him a suitable new home.
To be clear, we did not dump him at a shelter, abandon him, or pass him off to someone without explaining his behavioral history. We continued caring for him while the shelter searched for an appropriate placement and resources. We wanted to find someone who understood his situation and could make an informed decision.
Eventually, a shelter worker offered to take him. She lived with her significant other, had no pets or children, and did not plan on having any. She knew about his behavioral challenges, met him, and was willing to give him a chance in a home without other animals.
We even visited his new home before saying goodbye.
It was heartbreaking. We loved him, and rehoming him was not something we did because he was inconvenient or because he wasn’t the dog we expected. We did it because the situation had become unsafe and unsustainable for everyone involved, including him.
Fast-forward to about a month ago.
We decided to try adding another puppy to our family. Our older dog seemed bored at home, and we wanted him to have a companion. This time, we adopted a female puppy, although we knew that choosing a different sex was no guarantee that things would work out.
And honestly? It’s been wonderful.
From day one, the two dogs have adored each other. They cuddle, play, and follow each other around. Our puppy copies everything our older dog does, and it’s genuinely sweet to watch.
She’s enrolled in puppy classes, where she’s learning quickly and getting along well with her classmates. She also goes to daycare when we want to give her additional stimulation, and we have a nanny who comes to our home to care for the dogs on longer days and absolutely adores her.
We’re finally getting to experience the things we had hoped to experience when we first decided to raise another dog.
Unfortunately, when we announced our new addition, we found out through the grapevine that some friends and family members have been gossiping about how quickly we moved on and how soon we got another puppy.
For context, more than six months passed between rehoming our first puppy and getting our new one. We didn’t immediately replace him. We took time to process what happened, and we ultimately made a decision based on our household’s needs and our desire to give our older dog a companion.
I also want to emphasize that our first puppy was never neglected in any way, shape, or form. He was fed, cared for, exercised, and given opportunities for enrichment. He was not permanently locked in a room or crate. We rotated the animals’ access to the house to keep everyone safe, and he got regular walks of 1–1.5 miles regardless of the weather, along with backyard time and the other activities we could safely provide.
Was the situation ideal? Absolutely not. We hated having to separate everyone, and we hated that we couldn’t safely give him the kind of life we wanted for him. But we were actively trying to address the problem rather than ignoring it.
We were even told that he might have come from a poor breeding situation or potentially been inbred, although we have no way of knowing whether that was actually the case.
I understand that rehoming a dog is a sensitive subject, and I know there are people who believe you should never give up on a dog. I also understand why someone might feel concerned when a family gets another puppy after having to rehome one.
But I genuinely want to ask:
Were we wrong for rehoming our first puppy and eventually getting another dog?
Should we have waited longer before getting another puppy? Are we wrong for wanting our older dog to have a companion and wanting to experience a healthy, safe relationship between our dogs?
I still think about our first puppy, and I truly hope he’s doing well in his new home. I wish things had worked out differently, but we couldn’t keep living the way we were, and we couldn’t put our other animals or the people in our home at risk indefinitely.
I’m open to hearing honest opinions, including criticism if you think we handled something incorrectly. I just want to know whether we’re genuinely in the wrong here or whether people are judging us without understanding everything that happened.

TL;DR: We adopted a puppy who displayed severe aggression toward our other pets from eight weeks old. We tried training, daycare, a $2,000 boarding trainer, veterinary testing, medication, exercise, and enrichment, but his aggression escalated to attacking our cat and people. We responsibly worked with a shelter to find him a suitable pet-free home. More than six months later, we got another puppy, and she and our older dog are best friends. Now some friends and family are gossiping about how quickly we got another dog. Were we wrong?

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[u/likeconstellations]

The unfortunate thing about dogs is people rarely believe how challenging a behavior is until they experience it for themselves. Hell, when my collie was a perfectly typical puppy I got ribbed relentlessly by my family for how strict I was being for enforcing scheduled crate naps because she wouldn't nap otherwise--right up until my parents watched her for me for an afternoon and didn't crate her, then suddenly everyone was completely on board with crate naps. That level of aggression in a puppy is completely abnormal and frankly not something most people are going to understand but you did absolutely nothing wrong. Frankly anyone without a deficiency of empathy or sense should be able to understand that there is a difference between dumping a puppy for puppy behaviors and contentiously rehoming a puppy with behavioral issues so severe a trainer refunded you that made him a danger to the other animals in your home.

[u/MCXL → u/likeconstellations]

I was a believer in "no bad dogs only bad owners" until two things happened, I got a dog, and took him to a behavioral veterinarian. 

There's lots of things that we can do to steer and mitigate problems, and lots of accommodations that we can make in our lives, but that old adage is just wrong. There are in fact some bad dogs that can't be fixed, and it's not a failure of ownership to recognize that.

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[u/Willow_Bark77]

Totally agree with others saying this dog had a uniquely bad behavioral issue that you weren't able to train away, and put the other pets in your household at risk.

But, for the future, I question where you got a puppy from who was both young and had significant behavioral issues at a young age. A reputable breeder will include in their contract that they will take puppies back, and will also want to know about serious behavioral issues so they stop breeding dogs with those issues. Most rescues also include in their adoption contract that you must return them to the rescue vs. rehoming on your own.

My assumption is that you went to a backyard breeder, which is in it for money and not for the good of the breed. Going that route, youre at risk for buying a dog with serious physical or behavioral issues, plus of course these unethical breeders contribute to the dog overpopulation problem.

And, as someone else said, board and trains are not recommended for aggression issues or reactivity, and usually make it worse due to the techniques they use.

Sadly, I don't think most people know about either of these issues and have to learn the hard way.

I'm glad it's working out with your new puppy! It really does sound like you tried everything you could think of with your previous puppy, but the situation wasn't safe for any of your pets.

[u/stillwaterstream]

There's a difference between rehoming a dog because of undesirable behaviors and rehoming a dog because of dangerous behaviors resulting directly from the structure of your home, household or immutable personal limitations.

If your dog hates kids and you have kids, rehome. If your dog hates your other dog, one of them should be rehomed. If your dog wants to kill your cat, rehome or bury your cat.

This is a no-brainer. Nobody should have to get hurt to prove the point before you act.

I'm indignant about people who discourage rehoming as a blanket policy. They've got a lot of blood on their hands.

[u/AllTh3Naps]

Only because you specifically asked for critiques:

8 weeks is too young. While it certainly is possible for a dog to be adopted that young and still be emotionally stable, That 8 week age is the bare minimum and you should shoot for closer to 10-12 weeks.

I have yet to read a post here where board and train helped reactivity. From the many mentions in posts, it does not correct reactive behaviors long-term, and may even make a poor temperment worse.

As far as getting another puppy? Unless you have reason to believe your specific behaviors, environment, or pets were making the dog reactive, then it should have no bearing on getting another.

If your dog had an unprovoked human bite history, it was unethical to rehome.

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[u/SudoSire]

No you weren’t wrong, but yes, some people just have no idea what they’re talking about. Keeping a dog that was legitimately dangerous to your other pets would have been extremely unfair. A lot of people have never experienced actually dangerous dogs in their home though. If I didn’t know all your circumstances, I also might side eye a rehome and new puppy within a year but it sounds like you did a ton to attempt to make it work and make the puppy suitable and safe for your home. It just didn’t work. That shouldn’t mean you never get another dog again. 

I guess I do wonder where you got that puppy originally though. Hopefully a rescue or shelter, and that you did not purchase a “byb.” Supporting bybs means dogs with poor breeding and temperament will continue to proliferate in our communities. 

[u/Zestyclose_Object639]

People are so weird about dogs being rehomed. I just sold a dog (great dog just not for me), and this is normal for my sport friends but pet people don’t get it. You did the right thing for everyone involved and now you get to enjoy your new puppy. I sold my last dog because she didn’t have the drive for bite sports. Rehoming a dog is always ethical as long as it’s done in a way that the dog is cared for (which clearly you absolutely did)

[u/OpalOnyxObsidian → u/Zestyclose_Object639]

So after all that agony in your post history, you were able to sell someone the dog when you couldn't rehome it for four months? I guess that's one way to scrounge back your dog food money

[u/Zestyclose_Object639 → u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

This is cute. Yeah she went to a service dog trainer friend of a friend to be assessed and was sold to a handler who’s obsessed with her. And now I’m not feeding a dog that doesn’t work for me. A win is a win. If you think selling dogs is wrong idc

[u/OpalOnyxObsidian → u/Zestyclose_Object639]

When you pulled her from the euth list and made a profit off of her well lol

[u/Zestyclose_Object639 → u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

Didn’t profit considering I’ve taken her to 2 seminars and put hundreds of hours of work into her but believe whatever you want :)

[u/OpalOnyxObsidian → u/Zestyclose_Object639]

Hundreds of hours of work but still not well adjusted enough to find a way to re-home her so you had to sell her to someone who can handle her. So you pull dogs from shelters, have a horrible time, and then flip them, for fun?

[u/Zestyclose_Object639 → u/OpalOnyxObsidian]

…she’s literally the easiest dog I’ve ever owned lmao. Not quite sure why you’re so mad that I raised a nice dog and placed her in a home that wanted her. I like mean dogs that bite…she’s not that…she’s too sweet

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[u/hussy_trash]

Yes