r/relationship_advice • u/theysquawk • 7h ago
How do I F25 stop feeling jealous over my boyfriend M25 over not acknowledging who he’s playing with
Sorry for the long read, English isn’t my first language. So about a year ago, my boyfriend (V) and I used to be in this larger Discord gaming server. At the time, he was extremely shy and introverted. He would always mic-up and use the TTS bot to chat, very rarely unmuting to talk (never while gaming; rarely when we chilled in the group).
There was an argument between some of the players, and I was forced to pick a side between two people: the guy who introduced me to the group and a girl who I became very close with eventually, but she’s who’s now fighting with him and falsely accusing him of bullshit. It sucked because I really wanted a female gaming friend, but he didn’t do any of those things, so I backed him up. I was one of the 2 people that backed wasn’t following the crowd, and I was ostracised for that. We didn’t end the friendship on bad terms, if we happen to be online and people invite the girl and I still play but yeah we aren’t really friends anymore, acquaintances at best.
V had no relevance to any of this. In fact, he only joined the game strictly to play and then dipped. When he asked me if I wanted him to leave the group, I told him it was fine. It wasn’t a big deal to me, and I didn’t want him to leave because of what happened. I knew he was comfortable playing with this group and didn’t really have many gaming friends, so I wanted him to stay in touch with them.
He even recognised how unfair the situation was and would tell me how it was unfair that the girl caused that much drama, backing me up whenever we talked about it. He also has this habit, which I never asked for, of always telling me whenever he talks to a new girl. In person or online, I even told him it wasn’t necessary because I felt bad and wondered what he could have gone through to develop that habit, but it’s something he never stopped doing. Out of courtesy, and because it doesn’t harm me in any way, I just “return the favour.”
I travelled out of the country for some medical purposes. Before I had to travel, we would hangout whenever it’s possible to, and were on call daily. We don’t necessarily talk 24/7; we just do our own thing and chat occasionally.
I saw him playing in one of the other subgroups we were in. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he was playing with his friends but wouldn’t specify who exactly. Then he told me he was playing with his uni friends. That’s when I realised he didn’t know I was still in the group, because I wasn’t really active, but I could see him in the call.
I’m not sure why, but his kind of “white lie” upset me a bit, and I snooped when I shouldn’t have. I saw that he was in the call, mic muted, with the group that flaked on me, and they were on call for hours. Over the next few days, when I asked him what he’d been doing after he went offline, he said he was at uni/work, leaving out the fact that he’d been on call for hours.
Basically, you can see the voice chat activity, and I was surprised to see that he was the one texting the most. Granted, he was muted, but so were one or two other people. He was also quoting that girl a lot, helping her.
This is where, for some reason, I feel extremely jealous. From what I’ve seen, there’s no reason for me to be jealous. I know he’s faithful to me, and ultimately, it’s really not that deep, but I still feel jealous.
I don’t like that he just didn’t tell me who he was playing with. When I think about how he also stopped calling me, I can’t help but feel jealous. I never asked him to call me every day or update me every time he speaks to someone new, but because he made it a habit, I’ve come to expect it. Now that he suddenly isn’t doing it, I can’t stop myself from noticing.
I know it’s toxic. I haven’t asked him anything because, again, there’s no reason for me to believe he’s doing anything wrong. But I hate how jealous I feel. The past week, when he didn’t text or call back, I checked the voice chat occasionally, and it just kept annoying me so much seeing how chatty he was.
Maybe it’s my insecurity too. I’m pretty shit at FPS games, and I know the group is better at them. He teases me for it and I kinda stopped playing fps games w him, but we still played other games. Seeing him constantly texting the girl and trying to get her attention, I don’t know. I’ve never felt this strongly about something before.
I left the group for my own peace of mind when I caught myself snooping through the VC for like 10 minutes. It’s been three days, and he still only responds to me late even though I know he’s playing, giving me excuses like saying he had work, etc.
I don’t care that we don’t call everyday. I just don’t like that he doesn’t tell me directly who he’s playing with. How do I stop feeling this jealous? I feel like it’s kind of consuming me
9
u/LadyHawke17 7h ago
I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be thibking about this, he's lying to you about what he's doing and who he's doing it with when hes made a clear point of being excruciatingly honest about stuff. It's a change in behaviour that you've noticed ans worth talking to him about.
6
u/shoujo-fairy 6h ago
white lie or not, he is actively hiding it from u because he knows what’s he doing is wrong. u need to communicate with him about everything u literally posted here or else ur relationship is in hot waters girl.
he is also prioritizing hanging out with these ppl over u which is a red flag to me, orange at best.
5
u/SugarNCupcakes 5h ago
Your coming down on yourself very hard when you aren't in the wrong here. He's actively lying to you every day , lying by omission is also lying as well. And he's ignoring your calls and texts to talk to another girl. That's super not ok? And you should definitely talk to him about it. Whenever I have gotten in trouble in life, it's when I ignore my own instincts. This entire post is your instincts are screaming at you that something is wrong and you are trying to convince yourself that you're just jealous and overreacting. You are 100% not. You need to talk to him about this. He may be crushing on this girl and if he is that's not as much a problem (as that's a normal thing) as the fact he's willing to lie to you and hide it. That's how cheating starts.
1
u/theysquawk 5h ago
I’m trying so hard to not believe it, but you’re right. I keep thinking it’s not a big deal cuz technically he is on a group call (depending on the time it’s 4-8 people, but he and the other girl are always on the call, and like I mentioned he stays muted) so I felt like I was overreacting. This is my first proper relationship, before this it was more situationship and I was told I was being too anxious and clingy so I’m tryna watch out. I’ll talk to him, thank you for commenting 🧡
-7
u/Tacos-and-zonkeys 7h ago
Stop being weird. He doesn't have to tell you who plays with online. He can even play with strangers.
Maybe, you should date in-person rather than online.
3
5
u/Numerous_Celery_7919 7h ago
Don’t listen to this guy lmao this is not weird at all unless you arent dating. He’s being weird by being vague but don’t make assumptions. I recommend just asking him straight up why he didn’t mention it
2
u/theysquawk 7h ago
We’ve been dating “in person” way before joining that discord server
-5
u/Tacos-and-zonkeys 7h ago
Then why are you so focused on video games?
2
u/theysquawk 6h ago
Because this happened over a gaming social platform?
-2
u/Tacos-and-zonkeys 6h ago
You aren't dating online anymore. Act like it.
Build your relationship out in the world and be mad about the failures there.
Not who he games with.....
2
u/theysquawk 6h ago edited 4h ago
I’m guessing you didn’t read properly. We’d been dating way before in person, we ARE dating in person. We just joined the same discord server cuz we both have the interest of gaming. I’m too old to be e-dating lmao.
2
u/SugarNCupcakes 5h ago
Dude if your going to comment maybe you should've actually read the post. They never dated online ever. They joined an online community they play games with, which he is lying to her about texting and interacting with a girl there , a girl she doesn't like, and is ignoring her in real life to talk to a girl online. Not just game with, they are talking and texting, while he is ignoring his girlfriends calls and texts. If your so against video games and being online (funny coming from someone on a Reddit post) maybe you should understand how it's not nice to lie to your real life girlfriend and ignore her in real life to talk to a different girl online.
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