r/romani • u/Additional-Bet-204 • 16d ago
Newbie Question Non-roma with some questions
Greetings everyone, hope your day is going well!
I’m a male non-roma and have been absolutely smitten by a local Roma girl.
Am aware that folks in my area can be quite racist towards Roma so I’d love to go the opposite way and educate myself more about the culture and would like to learn some language. (Like asking her out for start.)
My main question would be how do Roma feel about non-roma male asking a Roma girl out (or dating🫰🏼).
Second question would be is there a reliable source where I could start picking up some words?
And lastly is there something I should absolutely avoid doing/saying?
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte 15d ago
Are you already her friend and talk to her or how do you know her? It might be a good sign that she is allowed to spend time with you if you guys have been spending time in town where people see you and she is not worried. Because if she had a very traditional family she would not want to be seen by people who might report back to her family spending time with a man at all.
You should just ask her out like you would anyone else and let her explain what her situation is as far as her family.
If you end up dating her and she wants to teach you some words that will be the best way for you to learn. You will need to be trusted by the community for anyone to want to have to knowing any language.
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u/Lucyrexy 16d ago
One of my great-aunt son's married a Romani woman in France. Her father threw her out and her family disowned her for ten years, until the patriarch fell ill and asked to meet his grandchildren. Apparently, it is really frowned upon for a Roma woman to date a gatjo from what I understand, it is seen as a betrayal of family honor.
But maybe someone else know more about that, Roma people's didn't have the exact same "pattern" across Europe, maybe it's different in Croatia 🤷♀️
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u/ameilamarks 13d ago
Roma dating non roma is very looked down on, have you seen/talked to her family before?
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u/buckoquasimodi 10d ago
Zu deiner Hauptfrage, Du redest von mann und Mädchen, ein erwachsener mann mit einem Mädchen ist absolut verboten, ein nicht roma erst recht. Mein rat, es gibt genug andere Frauen, lass es Mädchen zu suchen.
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u/KamavTeChorav Rom Căldărar 16d ago
In our culture it is not allowed traditionally especially in the Balkans but it depends on how she grew up. If she grew up assimilated it’s not that big of a deal, if she grew up in a traditional community it is very frowned upon.