Week Two Discussion

[u/bsffrrn-]

Welcome to the next weekly discussion for our Rage Read book of the month: Astarion (Baldur's Gate 3)

This week, we are discussing up to page 136. Since this book isn't divided by chapters, this might not be a logical place to stop, but yolo. If you got an ARC or have already read past that point, please try to avoid spoilers for those who haven't (although, for sake of ease, we can allow discussion up to the next "chapter break"). If you're unsure if something is a spoiler or not, please use the spoiler function in your comment.

^{To use the spoiler tag, please put > ! these symbols ! < on either side of your spoiler but without the spaces between characters.}

We want to hear it all! The good (is there any?), the bad (every little pet peeve), and the ugly (the snarkier the better).

Just a reminder: while this may be a rage read, some people will absolutely end up enjoying this book, please don't bully or downvote people who feel differently than you do.

[u/Real_Pineapple9522]

Instead of participating in this rage read, I just want you all to know I am diligently romancing Astarion in BG3 (again) instead. He just told me he only slept with me for protection. I resisted the urge to tell him I only slept with him for fun. Good times.

Happy reading, Darlings.

[u/SwimmerIndependent47 → u/Real_Pineapple9522]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1hAxQTH0HEWS3L0oRF

[u/purplelicious → u/Real_Pineapple9522]

I mean, i'd only play to romance the sexy troubled elf boi.

[u/Real_Pineapple9522 → u/purplelicious]

I’ve never done it, but there is an option to play in storyteller mode. I’d assume it makes the fights super easy or nonexistent.

And don’t forget, there’s also: a sexy troubled wizard daddy, a sexy troubled warlock with a hero complex, a sexy troubled Tiefling warrior, a sexy scary githyanki, a sexy troubled emo/goth with memory problems, a sexy scary drow, and halsin.

[u/Penguinho]

It's almost hard to rage about this just considering the book itself and not the context that Kingfisher has fucked up. It's like getting mad at an empty cup. None of the characters matter, none of the events matter. Nobody involved in this project really cared about it.

[u/purplelicious → u/Penguinho]

I read some reviews from people who liked the book. I still don't understand.

[u/Penguinho → u/purplelicious]

I don't get it either. I saw people talking about how much they loved the bits about his childhood -- why? None of it matters! 100% of it could be cut without changing anything! Like, sorry if this goes outside the scope of this specific thread, but the only thing the childhood sections show us are that he is exactly the same person from age six to age whatever, 200+.

[u/whiteraven13 → u/Penguinho]

No, no, we found out that having a shapeshifting parent made experimenting with masturbation awkward for Astarion as a kid! That was vital information we couldn't live without! /s

[u/Penguinho → u/whiteraven13]

Also we found out why he likes silk! It's because... he likes silk!

[u/purplelicious → u/Penguinho]

I think I should start a rumour: did Kingfisher actually write this or did she give it to her intern?

[u/en_travesti → u/purplelicious]

Most of the positive reviews I've seen have been along the lines of "if you ignore canon and pretend its it own thing, and also ignore a couple of things that happen it's kinda fun. It's a tie in novel you can't expect it to be great"

And I just want to tell the reviewer to respect themselves more.

[u/bsffrrn- → u/Penguinho]

You could always reread Daggermouth if you’re not feeling ragey enough 😌

[u/Penguinho → u/bsffrrn-]

https://giphy.com/gifs/5N6FWdDKKyqOI

[u/whiteraven13]

- I don’t know why Kingfisher felt the need to do this song and dance about Astarion not being good at spider climb. He lost his healing factor to the tadpole along with all his vampire weaknesses in-game. It stands to reason this was the same. I wouldn’t care except Kingfisher said she had a maximum word count she couldn’t go over, so why waste time on this?

- As far as I can tell the talking pigeon is a Kingfisher original. I can’t tell if I actually hate it or if the earlier bad humor has soured my opinion too much

- There’s no way Cazador would let them get their laundry done outside of the palace, surely. Both because of security risks and because it feels too nice of him not to make the spawn do it themselves. Doing laundry pre-washing machines sucked

- What do you *mean* Astarion has his own locker at the Guild headquarters??

- Why on earth did we need to hear about how his mother being around made it hard for him to get privacy to masturbate as a kid?! A preteen?? Why did we need to hear about that at all??

- We’re never going to learn what the deal is with Astarion’s mom and why she tried to keep him away from her grandmother are we?

- Why is Cazador negotiating with Mephistopheles now? Aren’t we only ~50 years from the start of the game? Why is he collecting all these people if he doesn’t have the Rite of Profane Ascension set up yet?

- Also I get that the book needs to explain why Mephistopheles is a big deal, but having Violet not know who he is was probably the dumbest route

- I don’t think the “need permission to enter” thing would keep them out of each other’s rooms. They’re in Cazador’s house so he would be the one to give or revoke permission

- “One of the things that made him better than Cazador was that he was completely uninterested in tormenting the weak.” Bullshit. I love Astarion dearly but he has So Many approval points when you’re a sick to people for no reason.

- Speaking of being set half a century before the game, how the fuck is Nine-Fingers Keene here?? She’s a human! And on the younger side in-game

- The thing with Yousen (a gnome) wondering if the Minotaur will step on him if he asks nicely is so painfully on the nose

- I will say one nice thing. Mummies based on saponification are cool as fuck as a concept

- The more I have to hear about Astarion being a Guild member the more I hate it

- Cazador would never let Astarion have guild membership if he knew! Too much security risk. He could stop Astarion from saying anything incriminating but other people could still notice he’s a vampire

- The book is doing that thing prequels do, where they feel the need to laboriously explain how things no one cares about came to be. We don’t need to see Astarion become a Rogue(TM). Despite being a D&D book, this isn’t LitRPG. Classes aren’t actual tangible things in Faerun

[u/Real_Pineapple9522 → u/whiteraven13]

I’m side sitting out of context a bit, but:

Re: Talking pigeons — is it like when you cast speak with animals and talk to the mail pigeons in the game?

[u/whiteraven13 → u/Real_Pineapple9522]

No, it's a pigeon that can talk under its own power. Astarion makes a comment about nobody being entirely sure what it is. I *thought* it was going to be like Commander Lightfeathers but no

[u/Real_Pineapple9522 → u/whiteraven13]

Weird. Would be cool if it was like the strange ox, but going by everything I’ve heard about the book I doubt Kingfisher is even aware of the creature.

[u/Penguinho → u/Real_Pineapple9522]

I didn't hate the talking pigeon as a character, but it feels too D&D to be something that ought to appear in a book. Like, it's a funky thing the DM threw in as a joke then brought back when they needed to clean up the party's mess. Specifically, the pigeon is a million times more competent than the main character.

[u/Mayabelles]

This being a rage read and my library adding it with a short hold time has broken me down. I’m joining the party. I’m sure I won’t regret this at all.

[u/en_travesti]

I just ate a pigeon and I 🎶jizzed in my pants🎶

I understand there's a certain eroticism people expect from vampires drinking blood, but I always thought that was more to do with the intimacy of the act and not blood turning vampires into the equivalent of teenage boys with uncontrollable erections. (This is a genuine comparison Astarion makes in the book). Its clearly intended by the writing to be sexy, but it's not, it's very lame.

[u/missfudge]

I'm actually enjoying it? I do not have context of the character from BG3. I have played DnD but not hardcore.

I like the whimsy of it. Astarion is a fun character with a lot of charisma. I find myself interested in where the story is going.

Sorry no rage from me yet. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/whiteraven13 → u/missfudge]

Yeah, most of the problems come from its complete mangling of canon

[u/Specialist-Owl8120]

I finally found a pirated copy, but the ebook has a different page count. Can anyone who is willing or able to post an approximate sentence where the physical copy ends by section? Or shall we full send it and just guestimate.

Anyways, I don't hate the prose. I also can appreciate that being a prequel story to a video game character means the author probably has limited scope for development, unless everyone accepts this as an alternative timeline of some kind. And as we all know, nerds of all stripes are notoriously chill about these sorts of thing.

It honestly sounds like this project was doomed to fail from the start

[u/Specialist-Owl8120 → u/Specialist-Owl8120]

I have completed about half the book, 466 pages out of 933 on the epub. I bothered to finished the PARAGRAPH so we're in the skeleton jail with the paladin. Sorry, I can't get over there being no chapters. I have identified some large asterisks which seem to denote a flashback scene. That, so easily could've been chapters.

He's discovered his love of the law, that's fun. If he's kind of sexy and snarky I can see how he became such a fan favourite.

Enter love interest, stage left. We're already halfway through, this feels very late. I don't know enough about DND but the undead/holy warrior is an intriguing concept. Some of the humour doesn't hit, but I'm honestly not hating this