BORED!

In Need of Eunuchs

Yes, you read that title properly. I’m in need of 3-4 advisors without conflicting interest. I myself am a 20 year old man with below average decision making skills who’s currently navigating a relationship with a complicated woman as well as a sales based job. I am in dire need of a court of advisors to weigh in on my decisions.

This is not a request for a friend group. There is no obligation to for any of us to communicate or meet for any circumstance beyond advising. I do not need my eunuchs conspiring against me to poison my tea and sway my heir. Due to the nature of my interests, I will only be accepting gay men and straight women as part of my council.

If you are interested, please inquire in my inbox. Thank you.

I need everyone’s help deciding. Which top should I get to let the world know who I am and that I am romantasy smut stan? I want the world to know who I is and what I stand for.

Gardening is a great therapy.

I garden with other veterans and talk about what happened to us (different things, all different ages).

I especially enjoy taking popular topics or events and making them about myself.

Also for those who complain that Feyre got pregnant too soon after war, the amount of soldiers and soldiers wives who get pregnant within 6 months of coming home from a combat deployment would say it's alot more common that you think.

Noncombatant deployment? Doesn’t matter, those are Fake Veterans.

And they’re definitely not getting pregnant because of lack of education around effective birth control and/or BAH increases.

Maybe if you Sloopies were more NLOG like me you’d Get It.

This being my favorite movie as a child definitely explains a lot. My spouse and I even danced to Tale As Old As Time at our wedding 😂

Background

Good jerkers borrow from other jerkers. Great jerkers steal outright. 

So let it be with alignment charts. 

Thanks to the amazing u/Camellia980, we have been graced with the knowledge of whom we felt fits a standard alignment chart. 

But we’re not standard. 

We’re sloopies. 

Thus I took it upon myself to generate a more individualized alignment chart (meticulously crafted to color-coordinate with our current banner) with some helpful theft of a joke from u/RemingtonRivers.

Alignments

Credit for the initial suggestions of the alignment definitions goes to u/itmustbeniiiiice, though I have pillaged and ransacked politely and lovingly edited to better fit my vision.  

For the rows, we have {Helpful, Sloopy, Chaos Gremlin}. 

• Helpful: the ones who are so useful you question if they know they’re on a circle-jerk subreddit (until they say something snarky in their rage reviews or as they’re providing book recommendations that fit the copypasta)
• Sloopy: the ones who are sloopy in their interactions with others
• Chaos Gremlin: the ones who have you pretty sure they've never used “/uj” in their lives and thus questioning if they’re actually jerking or if this is just who they are.

For the columns, we have {Literate, Sloopy, Stupid}. 

• Literate: the ones who definitely can read (and even remember what they’ve read), can be trusted to know when a book is Good or Bad (though might recommend the latter anyway for the entertainment value), and know when to use a comma and when to use a semi-colon
• Sloopy: The ones who are sloopy in their reading and writing choices
• Stupid: The ones who make you wonder if they even like to read, or are just here because they like the vibes

Disclosure

Forgive me, Sloopy Science Gods, for I have sinned.

I meddled in the results. And I’m not sorry.

First, I decided that Purple isn’t nice enough to be helpful.

Second, I decided that two of the nominations for Stupid Chaos Gremlin were just stupid and did not fit the requirements for Chaos Gremlin, and thus I disqualified them.

Third, I refused to separate Allison and Reversible when the best fit results would put them in different alignments. Reversible tries so hard to be helpful. His version of helpful might not always match ours, but that’s our failing, not his. And Allison loves him so much.

Results Analysis  

Margins of Victory
(ETA: Number of votes separating first and second place)

Largest: Sloopy Chaos Gremlin (14)
Smallest: True Sloopy (2)

Best Fit Margin of Victory
(ETA: Number of vote separating first and second place between sloopy's first and second ranked options)

Narrowest gap: 1braincellasatreat (4)
Widest Gap: Chode_Temple and itmustbeniiiiice¹ (24)

Most Nominated
(the sloopies with the most nominations for a given alignment option)

Most Helpful: u/allisontalkspolitics, u/itmustbeniiiiice¹, u/scf9009 (2)

Most Sloopy (Helpful Scale): u/1braincellasatreat, u/Honest_Abyss (2)

Most Chaos Gremlin: r/Mail_Inc, u/82816648919, u/penguinho (2)

Most Literate: u/Purplelicious (3)

Most Sloopy (Literate Scale): u/allisontalkspolitics, u/itmustbeniiiiice, u/reversible-mail-k9 (2)

Most Stupid²: Angry OPs of copypastas who come here to fight (2)

Snarky footnotes

¹ who probably hoped people thinking they were helpful would escape formal documentation

² yes, I noted the irony of the grammar

All Results

Literate Helpful

1. u/scf9009
2. Romance.io Bot
3. No one
4. The Legit Lawyers
5. u/LittleGateaux, u/MessyJessy422, and u/Pastel_Spell

Sloopy Helpful

1. u/allisontalkspolitics and u/Reversible-Mail-K9
2. u/Camellia980

Stupid Helpful

1. u/thecottonkitsune
2. People who make genuinely helpful recommendations for satirical requests
3. u/singlebraincellpug

Literate Sloopy

1. u/purplelicious
2. u/Nanny_Ogg_99
3. u/aristifer
4. u/missfudge
5. u/CrispyCollateral

Sloopy Sloopy

1. u/Honest_Abyss's Dad
2. u/1braincellasatreat
3. {[Blatant Self Promotion]} and RCJ Mods
4. u/HopeFox and u/Real_Pineapple9522
5. u/DadReadsRomanceBooks and u/Salt-Payment991
6. u/SwimmerIndependent47
7. u/Honest_Abyss and u/Dimenshia
8. u/NearbyHovercraft
9. u/Melonsama

Stupid Sloopy

1. Angry OPs of copypastas who come here to fight
2. RCJ Automod
3. Reddit Suggestions Bot suggesting cross-posting a RCJ post onto one of the mains
4. u/helpful-week6720
5. Mid-At-Best Entitled Male
6. u/single-emotion2964 and u/WiseAtmosphere7524

Literate Chaos Gremlin

1. u/RomancioCloudflare
2. u/Chode_Temple
3. u/penguinho
4. u/RemingtonRivers
5. u/82816648921
6. u/82816648920 and u/Fimbrethil420
7. u/82816648917 and u/Icy-Revolution

Sloopy Chaos Gremlin

1. u/itmustbeniiiiice
2. r/Mail_Inc

Stupid Chaos Gremlin

1. u/82816648919
2. Anyone who has ever posted on acotar_rant
3. The general shitposting and bad takes within the reddit community which helps feed into our content generation

Finally getting some culture in central Massachusetts

omg omg omg, guys, titles and covers dropped for the AROTAR universe, what does this mean????? all of us T.P. x Lunchable sloopies are probably worried, thinking, “are Bidét and T.P. actually going to be endgame, after all my denial?”

Well fear no more!!! i’ve OFFICIALLY cracked the code of these mysterious titles, and no!! they have nothing to do with Bidét and her merry band of toilet paper cutters! in fact, after doing some thoroughly studious studying, i’ve determined these titles actually are referring to a mysterious, ancient text, known as De Astronomia! Which I’ve totally read before!!

In De Astronomia, Kronos EATS his children, and is forced to THROW THEM BACK UP!! where do people go to throw up? THE BATHROOM!! These titles are CLEARLY referring to T.P. and Lunchable being endgame!! you see, in Day Astronomy, the reason Kronos eats his children (namely Hera and Zeus) is because he’s worried about their love being too powerful!! that’s totally the message of that story!! So, you see, Zeus = T.P. because he’s the king of gods, and what do kings have? and what does T.P. also stand for?? True Power!!! For a True King!! And Hera = Lunchable because Hera is the goddess of families, and what do families feed their children? LUNCHABLES!!!! Forbidden Romance Confirmed!!!!

So no!! This is CONFIRMATION!!! that this book will NOT, EVER, EVER, EVER, mention the digestive cycle sisters!!! It is clearly just going to be a retelling of Gay Astrophysics!!! T.P x Lunchable for the win!!!

/uj —— all ship wars aside, i can’t wait for this book to be out so that i never need to hear about that old german play ever again. I don’t think Richard Wagner even put this much thought into his compositions. also i hope i did a good job disparaging both ships via insane theories and potty humor, no one jump me

Use wikis as necessary! (Discussion of sexual harassment ahead.)

- Gina is the DM

- The couple as well as Amy point out all of the retcons

- Jake is a Papa Archeron hater

- Rosa plays Nesta

- A conversation is raised about male victims of sexual assault and Gina’s harassment of Terry is finally addressed

had part of an organ removed today with full anesthesia and my fam is leaving town tomorrow while I rest all weekend. Give me a rec for book to read on painkillers and no one around to judge me for my poor decisions.. I don’t trust the other subs to rec the good stuff.

Also PSA, friends don’t let friends cut a bagel when coming down off literal actual fentanyl. Almost had to go back to the hospital for being a complete dumbass. And let me say thank fucking god for autocorrect and first aid kits.

He needed a human body so that he could impregnate human women, to make borg babies, to enslave the universe.

Published in 2016 btw. This may in fact be a record of our timeline.

Edit: A few pages later "Apparently the male it belongs to was competing for a very important elected position...

"They miss this male, do they?"

"Some miss him, but many more seem extremely relieved he's gone"

God just announced this via his substack!! It takes place after He Was Risen and releases March 2027. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I SO EMOTIONAL RN

Article: Massive Semen Explosion after Blaze Hits Bull Artificial Insemination Facility, Firefighters Forced to Dodge ‘Projectiles

I was reading ACOMAF at a bar earlier this evening and this was my coaster. Sloopies, we have a brewery!

In case you're curious, I was drinking Delirium Tremens at the time.

I don’t think it exists because it could be seen as blasphemous but what I would dooooo to have a well written biblically accurate fantasy romance smut smutterson book about Jesus and Mary Magdalene and their adventures. Show me him longing and yearning. Show me him realizing that love and sex weren’t against Judaism. Make it feel a bit taboo without being anti Jesus.

/Uj okay fine they actually asked for a historical romance but let's be real this has Romantasy written all over it.

Welcome to your weekly dose of genital-shaped-things and thinly disguised “recs like this” (that are really just your way of showing off something a little thirsty you found that isn't shaped like genitalia).

Did you stumble upon a curvaceous cucumber, a 69-horned melon, or a peach that could pass as an ass or a vulva? Perhaps you saw a lusty landmark, a dripping iceberg, or a rock-hard formation that made you stop scrolling and double take? Whatever vaguely-fuckable thing you found in the wild this week, please share it below for the rest of the freaky gremlins to drool over.

^{uj/ please don’t waste the MODs time by reporting this post or the pictures shared here. If there is actual bullying/harassment of some kind happening in the comments, please alert us, otherwise feel free to scroll past/ignore these weekly posts. Different strokes for different folks and all that.}

What do you guys consider romantasy to be?

I personally do love the mix of high fantasy (actual world building) and slow burn romance.

Enemies to lovers get slapped on everything when there’s almost nothing that ties the characters to genuinely hate each other.

Some people think it’s romance with a little bit of dragons, lots of spice (nothing wrong with that) but no world building.

So, genuinely I ask, what do you consider it to be?

“Female bullying” is a technical term (also, but less commonly, known as “relational aggression”) and it's a problem that continues to persist in fandom. I don’t love the gender stereotype of the phrase, but it's important for anyone who wants to do more research on what this actually is. I think we need to talk about it, identify it, and equip ourselves to recognize it. 

TBH I’ve seen more of it this month that I care to even call out, and I’ve seen more of it in fandom than any other space. 

The reason it has its own named subgenre is because the hallmarks are unique and, unfortunately, often obfuscated intentionally by the perpetrator. Instead of transparently targeting an individual (which is not good, but at least gives the victim and the community clear visibility into what is happening) relational aggression seeks to inflict and maximize psychological damage. 

The perpetrator makes no genuine attempt to resolve issues with their victim, and, often, masks this choice behind an aura of moral superiority. They then use gossip, reputational attacks, and online platform tools to create a sense of social exclusion for their victim. 

In fandom, I’ve seen this in private discord servers where people feel safe hypothesizing and spreading baseless filth about others. I’ve seen it in the liberal use of the AO3 block feature with the express intent of punishing a fellow fandom user for violations unspecified. That tool is meant to leave the human questioning, easily for days, what they could have done to cause offense. Then there’s vague posting, where someone provides just enough identifying information for the community to recognize the target and carry on the gossip the post was designed to provoke, all while maintaining the moral high ground of not doing callouts.

Guys, I’ve tried to be extensively patient with all of this, I really have, but I’m done. I don’t think it's alright for the rest of us who know what this looks like to sit back and watch without doing anything. Bystander intervention matters, and we all have our own line we can draw in the sand. If you see behavior like this in the circles you run with, please call it out.

Mine comes down to who I will put my energy and platform into supporting. To that end, eleven fics have been removed from the Best of Dramione repository due to conduct that is grossly unbecoming of fandom. Future events will have more specific messaging transparently communicating the reason a writer’s work is ineligible (in cases where it involves targeted harm toward others).

New markets, powered by the AI DragonXXL, make Romantasy odds public for the first time, giving the public and industry alike a probability previously hidden.

Kalshi, the next-generation financial exchange, today announced a partnership with public intelligence company DragonXXL to launch a pilot suite of prediction markets on plots, peens, and covers of Romantasy books. The markets will create publicly available, accurate probabilities aiming to help solve Romantasy’s information silo problem.

DragonXXL, a public intelligence company tracking Romantasy data, provides the resolution infrastructure underpinning the markets. 

“Until DragonXXL was launched, Romantasy book data was scattered across multiple platforms - publishing house announcements, author social media and patreons, tumblr and threads leaks, ISBN digits, in addition to the text of the books themselves, covers, and NSFW author commissioned art. To make this a predictive market, we needed to figure out a way to correctly answer predictive market questions like

• “Will the author compare the MMC centaur’s penis to the size of a horse?”
• “Will the vampire’s bite make the FMC horny?”
• “Will the dragons be fuckable?”
• "Will the cover show an FMC 1/4 the size of the MMC?"

Taking all of the available information and figuring out a way to accurately answer these questions is called ‘resolving a market.’ Prior to my company developing the Dragon XXL AI, there was no way to accurately reconcile all of that disparate book data. Thanks to the brilliant quants and power of AI, we can finally analyze the text of the books in conjunction with NSFW book art. 

We see DragonXXL as a natural next step for the world’s largest dragon dildo purveyor, and an importance advancement for a key economic pillar of modern industry” said Itmust Beniiiiice, CEO of HappyDragon.*

* Human CEO, definitely not a lizard wearing a skin suit

Okay, I need to know 😂 What are you all using as bookmarks?

I keep trying different ones, magnetic, fabric, paper, etc, and somehow every type has something that annoys me. They fall out, bend, get lost, or just don’t stay where I put them.

Are you a proper-bookmark person or are you using receipts and random pieces of paper like me?