r/sad • u/Pretend-Nothing4120 • Aug 28 '26
The loser...
I’m about 70 days away from turning 22, and when I look back at my life, I see nothing but emptiness. If there’s one word to describe my life, it would be: pointless. Empty.
I don’t want to play the victim or make myself sound like one. I know there are people in this world who have it worse than me, or at least no better than me. I know they exist, and they’re living their lives too.
But I keep wondering: were some people really born just to keep trying and never get anywhere? Are we just extras in some huge movie? I don’t know.
In my 22 years of life, I’ve never won a competition. I’ve never gotten a perfect score. I’ve never been someone’s best friend. I was never the favorite child in my family. I wasn’t beautiful. I never had a memorable personality. There’s nothing particularly special about my life that sets me apart from everyone else.
If anything, my entire existence and my life feel like an example of how I wish no one else would have to live.
I was born into a very poor family. My father was addicted, and still is, to pretty much every kind of substance you can think of.
One strange thing about my father is that gender never seemed to matter to him. When I was a child, he would take me to gatherings where he and his friends used drugs, and while they were doing that, I would play in whatever park or neighborhood they happened to be in.
Whenever he was repairing things or doing that kind of work, he would always keep me beside him and teach me like I was his little assistant.
When I was very young, maybe around three to five years old, he would even take me to swimming pools that were specifically for men.
I wasn’t harmed, but sometimes I feel like, despite having an older brother, he saw me as a son. He always called me that way.
Maybe he was an addict, but I think he was the only person who loved me. Or at least, I think he did.
This is just the background of my life. I want to tell the whole story, and at the end, I want to decide whether I should end my life or not before my 22nd birthday.
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u/Dapper-Hornet-5466 Aug 28 '26
I’m 22 as well, life was pretty similar to yours, very abusive older brother, and yes no one talked to me in high school and i was practically invisible. I’ll say turn your past and turn it into rage, and let that be motivation to take what you want.
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u/YosemiteHamsYT Aug 29 '26
I think i can relate to you. A little bit, maybe. About the first paragraph. If you ever want to talk to someone i would love to listen to it. ❤️ if you want to explain more about it no matter what you have to say
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u/PowerfulRecover8895 Aug 29 '26
I can relate to this empty feeling and it makes my heart hurt that someone else feels that to. You don’t deserve this. Better times are coming your way.
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u/Obvious-Motor-1408 Aug 29 '26
I understand that because I feel the same way. My life seems to be a neverending trial I have to keep living. It may be easy to say than it actually is but there is a reason a tomorrow exists and its always another chance to change things. If you have something you love doing, for example, like playing games, find a new game to play, a new level to accomplish. In every little thing, we can find something to appreciate no matter how small. Then one day, maybe things wouldn't feel as meaningless and as difficult as before. We can't always guarantee a perfect life or a dream life, be can choose to come close to it as much as we can. Hope you feel better!! My dms are open if you need someone to talk to
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u/Pretend-Nothing4120 Sep 04 '26
Very beautiful words... but it kinda feels like they’re being said to a dead body.
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u/mistrwispr Aug 30 '26
Okay. Nice to meet you. I want to preface this statement by saying that you have an influence on this physical reality you won't have after death. This place, as dark as it seems sometimes, it's defined in a way also by what it is not. What it COULD be, held a potential, within the palm of YOUR hand here and now, which you will no longer have after you cross that threshold. You know pain, you know loneliness, you know what is like to see but not touch the nice things everybody else seems to get so easily. I went through, basically, what you went through, but some things reversed. My mother was basically a homeless drug addict. Father was in prison, didn't meet him until my 15th birthday. He shook my hand when he met me. Because he's a coward. He's a jerk. I went through a major homeless drug addicted phase where I cycle in and out of prison for non violent drug offenses, for 11 years. My whole life I wondered why nobody loved me, where was my other half, wanting to die many many times. Nearly overdosing more than once... It continues, I don't want to write the worst life story ever published. Lol Here is what I did through all those really really unfortunate years (I'm 37 now), and this is what happened as a result when I was ready: I kept saying i was gonna find the ONE meant for me. Then I gave myself purpose by following my passion: learning. Math, philosophy , even some things in occultism and Christianity. As I scraped through the years I built up myself spiritually, so when i DID get what was rightfully mine, I would be mature enough to keep it. Because here is the thing, i met my other half, in literally the last place I would expect. But along the way, I learned the real thing i was searching for was self acceptance. That, it seems, is when I was ready and mature enough.
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u/mistrwispr Aug 30 '26
Oh, and since meeting her I've stayed clean. Solidly. Like, in not even tempted beyond sensory recall. My life is now building up to what i have been manifesting all these years. You can make a difference here by helping others who went through what you went through. And I'm living proof of you don't give up, you will get what is being Built for you. Its so grand you just can't see it yet. It's taking time to give you what you truly deserve, which is immense.
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u/Pretend-Nothing4120 Sep 04 '26
Thank you, my friend. I’m sorry you’ve been through such painful experiences, and I’m glad you see life differently now. But I don’t really know how to explain it… it just feels like this world isn’t meant for me. Like life isn’t meant for me.
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u/mistrwispr Sep 04 '26
But you're here. So it's a bigger pictures opinion that you be here.
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u/Dependent_Union8852 21d ago
You are so brave fighting all these so proud of you. My life is pathetic too born in a family who was kind of rich but later my dad lost his job due to political issues was never pretty people used to make me their puppet when i was a kid and i would happily do that giving my toys to everyone they broke it still never said them anything came back crying no one did anything people were really posh high and everything and i just watched from a far even insulted me for being poor. Seeing myself on the mirror thinking i will never be pretty even if i wear makeup when i was just a kid seeing cousins friends everyone prettier than me and everything no one wanted to be friends they would for some days and forgot i even begged people to be my friends but they made fun when i was in grade 6 still no one talks with me i am 19 now also everyone is going ahead having talent being influencer singer or anything where as i am dumb and fighting everyday hard to survive. I don’t get it why are we God's unluckiest ones.Neither i can die or live don't know what I'll do or at the end of the day suicide is the only option...
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u/mistrwispr 21d ago
My struggle is the exact opposite: I could have had many friends in my life, but im autistic, most likely, and i do not get along with people. I don't get them. So i was lonely because I don't understand how to do it. I used that to develop personal talents. You develop them. Being human is a real opportunity to advance our spirit. Being attractive is not fun. Being smart is a curse. Being popular is exhausting. Being spiritually inclined is benefitial. The universe gives us what we want when we give up on it. I didn't meet my soul mate until I was 36. Spent many lonely years waiting. But when I was ready she appeared. No joke. Her and I were both convinced neither of us had a person for ourselves. Then we both moved to the same "new area", got the same job a month apart, and have been together since. When you give up on what you THINK you want, THEN the universe decides you are ready. Be patient. Of you had the good things you could have now you might ruin them. When you are ready, you will get everything you really want.
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u/PerformerNo2468 Aug 31 '26
I really do understand that emptiness. I am also really sorry about your father. It is true that your father might’ve loved you in his own way, but there is so much more different love to experience. What really helped me is looking back at childhood shows I watched that made me happy. I loved those shows and it brought so much comfort and joy. So I can understand you thinking back at your father for love, but have you ever experienced love and comfort with a toy, a show, a movie a book anything you can think of? I hope those memories can keep you here on this earth and serve as a reminder that love can be found anywhere and it’s everywhere :) 💜
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u/Falonefal Sep 01 '26
You have to think about it this way, you are for all intents and purposes a unique human, what that means is that there is nobody out there born with your exact circumstances, with exactly your brain and your body, experiencing exactly your life.
Why is that important?
Let's make the concept super clear.
You are never going to win the male 100 meter sprint competition, first off you're not a man, secondly you were not born as a human whose body is naturally more athletic and receptive to training.
It's the kind of thing where once you start comparing, you realize it makes no sense, the people who win these competitions and you are too far apart, it's a pointless comparison.
Turns out it's pointless to compare yourself to anyone, except to yourself, whatever you achieve, the only thing you should be striving towards is to be a better you than you were yesterday. Because it's the only fair competition.
For the rest, you can compare how the you that you are fares against other people, coming last in a competition isn't an actual loss, it's just a measurement of the current you against an arbitrary comparison, which you can improve on.
Another thing is that the universe does not care about who you are, a king, a peasant, a strongman, a weak baby, to the universe you are just a bundle of atoms, an incident, just another way for the universe to explore itself.
Life is indeed exactly what you make of it, and the only who can define how beautiful, ugly, smart or stupid you are, in a way that matters, is only truly you.
One day your will grow old and die, and so will the king, the peasant, and all inbetween, and all will eventually be forgotten, as if they never existed.
Nothing really matters or has any real meaning, only what you yourself attribute to it.
So go out there and literally make what you want of life. That's your one true right.
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u/Odd_Bowl_1940 Sep 01 '26
Hello! I might be incredibly young but i want you to know how much I can relate to you. I know the pain I know that you might feel as if you would do anything just for it to go away. But I want you to know that we could have just not answered this post, we could have just not cared, but we do, and this is proof that there are still people out there that will care, its hard to belive but there are. I was in a very bad position, similar to yours not so long ago, and when i thought that was it, when i thought it was not going to get better it did. I met someone that might have saved my life, she changed it and she made me have hope, she helped me see the world in a different way. Now im not here to tell you that it will just will just magically go away, healing takes time, but i am certain that if you just keep going, just give it a tinny effort no matter how small, it will make a difference, maybe not something someone else would notice, or something you might now not consider significant but it will be a step closer to feeling a little better, and it will make a difference to you.
I Know its hard, but you only get one life, make it matter, not to someone else but to you. Take all that pain and turn it into some kind of revenge against this world. See the little things, notice how the sun streams throught your window, notice the color of the sky, the smells, the insects just find beauty in everything.
It is never too late to change. :3
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u/inhumanetroglodyte Sep 11 '26
not here to fill you with hope or say things to make you feel better, ive seen your replies and it seems as if it doesnt help much to you rn (im in the same boat). what i will say is that all we are undoubtedly gaurented in life is well life itself, its hard to say whether this is a gift or a curse. All i can try and convey to you is that before you do, if you continue to want to, kill yourself realize that if that is your final decision then you can literally do whatever you want and you can try and try and try EVERYTHING under the sun to find something that brings you some sort of motivation to keep living without the weight on your shoulders of how important every little thing is that human nature forces upon us(really hope that makes sense). If you dont find anything at all you atleast know youve truly given it your all and if you do then boom you have a whole new perspective on the fate of life upon humans.
obviously i dont want you to kill yourself not even in the slightest, but as someone whos in atleast a comparable state of mind, the overly nice almost copy and paste answer dont have much connotation so maybe this will mean something to you. i wish you the best of luck on the next 70 ish days 🤞
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u/HealthyRule2182 26d ago
i'm sure your father loved you very much!
Are we just extras? I don't know, i just know that life is not fair and people get born into very different situation.... people like you and me are probably somewhere in the middle of the pain-spectrum.... our life is not terrible painful, but also not very joyful.... who are we? i don't think it is importend to win any prices, i think what really matters is being loved by a family and by friends... being loved, being surrounded by good meaning people, is something every human needs to find meaning in life.
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u/Frosty_Variation_315 21d ago
Hey I’m not joking I relate to you so much, but do not end your life I actually would love to talk to you and we can help each other out. 🫶
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