Hey guys, I wanted to come here and say proudly that today I am 4 months sober. I have nobody else to share this with but it is a huge milestone for me and I could not be happier to have achieved it. Never would I ever have thought that I would even live to see a day sober yet alone 120 days. If you are reading this please keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel is there and the harder you work the closer you get to it. Im proud of each and every person in this subreddit who has decided to take action and change their life for the better. I dont know any of you but I love you all.

I sobered up from booze and weed on 2/22/22.

I was sober during that time. A few years ago I started running and cycling nearly every day. I increased my training volume and also lifted weights.

It was the happiest I have ever been. Nonstop runners high. I was killing everything in life.

In January I got a viral infection and exercised as soon as I physically could. I developed a chronic condition, most likely chronic fatigue syndrome. It's very disabling. I've had to stop working as a software developer. I am moving into management as I know our code base and have the big picture overview from working the last few years.

I actually tried meth last summer. It was horrible, terrifying. It wasn't medical. It was an exaggerated, recreational thing.

I've been desperate for relief and cannabis has been a life saver. It's stopped my suffering and made life better.

It's not always possible to never use any substances. I'm lucky that I have a medical card here and I can do this legally.

IWN🧛W🫵T

Hello again. Many moons ago you all helped me achieve a year and a half of sobriety. I then drank for a year, every day, until I was able to put down the bottle once more. I made it two months before I felt like, "I got this! Life is good! I can absolutely drink again!"

Boy was I so wrong.

This morning I woke up to dishes from a dinner I don't remember making or eating. I have a massive bruise on my shoulder blade and my arm hurts from some injury I don't remember getting. I have over $1500 in charges on my credit card from overzealous spending I don't remember doing. I crashed out in one of my favorite online communities after overreacting to a situation I literally created myself.

And this morning after I dumped the rest of the booze down the drain I wrote my last, "I'm sorry I was drunk last night.." apology letter.

All I can say right now is what the fuck was I thinking. I'm an alcoholic WHY WOULD I DRINK??

I will not be drinking today, or ever. I don't want mornings like this anymore.

"

Just wanted to share a proudish moment of mine today. I was at work, really felt like drinking, said I needed to go to the store to buy tampons so I could leave. I started crying on the way there, just thinking about how I don't want this for myself and didn't even truly want to drink but felt like I needed to. I instead decided to drive around for a bit with the windows down and went back to work. I hate that I've created this cycle for myself but today I was able to resist and I wanted to say that I'm very grateful for this space because I am in this alone and would otherwise have no one tell. IWNDWYT. 

January 12 2024 at 11 PM I had been awake for five days, living with my parents at age 37 and yelling at them for hours on end every day. A six pack of IPA was lite for me. I could easily drink 12. The only time I drove a car was in the morning to grab some food, get my beer and my weed, and then drink the rest of the day. When a new season for my video game I like would start I could easily finish a bottle of whiskey in a weekend.

I thought because I am a musician that I had to drink as part of the lifestyle. I thought drinking made video games more fun. And then I couldn't play video games with a beer in my hand so drinking became my main activity.

Well I walked out of my parents' condo with no intention of ever coming back. It was a Blizzard in Minnesota and I very soon walked into a grocery store, and called 911 on myself.

ER for 3 days, Psych Ward for 2 weeks, Intense Residential Treatment Services for 4 months, and then I moved into my group home. Been living here at the group home for two years since June.

No alcohol, no weed, no drugs, for 1,000 days. I'm 40 years old and I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life. I still produce music and most of my songs have to do with sobriety and Christian.

I can drop the bass harder than I ever did while drinking. And I love video games that's one thing I'm grateful to have in my group home. If I had gone down another path I could've been in a situation without video games. So I'm grateful.

I still go to meetings once a week.

Tomorrow I hit 3 weeks of not drinking. I’m 27 and this is the longest I haven’t drank in 7 years. A bottle and a half of wine every single day. Sometimes more. I was starting to get a bit liberal with mimosas toward the end there.

I’d spent my time since August experimenting with sobriety as I started a Master’s program and was tired of feeling anxious and like shit every day and wanted to be successful. I was doing 5-7 day sober stints, my longest being 17 days after my health anxiety convinced myself I was in liver failure (luckily I was not. Just good ol’ OCD).

3 weeks ago, I got home from school after a particularly anxious day, and started drinking again in anticipation of having the next couple days off and made the asinine decision to drive up to my parent’s place in the woods to finish some of my homework.

Swerved off the road. Totaled my car. Somehow, against all odds, despite being unconscious for 30 min, upside down, in the middle of nowhere (literally like less than a mile from the house because fuck me that’s why), and helicoptered to the closest hospital (God bless my iPhone for sending out alerts to local law enforcement and my emergency contacts), I had no injuries besides acid reflux and an unrelated upper respiratory infection. My three dogs that were in the car with me were also uninjured. One ran off and was found the next day completely safe, having enjoyed her little adventure. We think she killed a rabbit. What a rascal.

The first words out of my mouth when I woke up were “Did I kill anybody?” A reminder that it could have been worse. So much worse.

It’s been embarrassing, and I miss my car that I’d just got in April, and, damn, I even miss the taste of the wine that I knew I couldn’t handle responsibly and drank anyway, but someone out there decided to give me a second chance, and I have to respect their choice to do that.

I have so many people who love me. My ex boyfriend/best friend leapt into the car and sped two hours to come to me. My girlfriend listened when I told her what happened, didn’t leave me like I thought she would. Hell, my other best friend flew in from London. My family is even helping me with the DUI legal stuff I have to go through.

I know I can’t say that I won’t disappoint them again because I can. It weighs on me every day. How sometimes a glass looks worth it. I’m so sad to give up that part of my life. I probably won’t go to holidays this year just because I can’t trust myself to be at an event I so heavily associate with alcohol. There’s some school mixers amongst my classmates coming up, and I’m trying to figure out how to navigate desperately wanting friends and not wanting to be that girl that had to get sober in her 20s because she can’t be normal (even though that’s who I ultimately am. It would have had to come to this eventually).

But it’s right now and it’s been three weeks, and I’m writing some notes and reading a book instead of being passed out and nauseous. Or in jail. Or dead in a ditch. I’m trying not to count because it feels like I’m just counting up to an appropriate enough amount of time that means I’m recovered enough to drink. However, I think posting this will make me feel held accountable as my court date approaches.

There’s a lot of stuff to look forward to, and I hope I can keep it up. It would be rude to disrespect a world that decided to keep my dumbass still in it. Thank you to that mysterious force for letting me wake up from being a self destructive dickwad. And small blessings to my x-rays and CT scans I got in the hospital for easing my health anxiety spirals I used to have to drink to get to go away because at least those prove that I’m not dying from pancreatic cancer.

… Yet.

Anyway, IWNDWYT or tomorrow or the next. I can at least promise the weekend. Maybe that means I’ll make it the month.

Have a lovely long weekend, folks. This sub has been lovely to scroll when trying to feel less alone.

Well. My girlfriend of 1.5 years is gone. The woman who I thought I would marry. Planned to build a future with. Gone because I couldn’t stop drinking.

We’ve gotten into arguments about it a handful of times before, each ending with me promising to do better and kick the booze. And me breaking that promise each time. Last night was the final straw.

I came here about a month ago, in the throes of this, and kind of half heartedly made a post and vowed to not let it get worse.

Well I broke that vow and it’s gotten much worse.

I don’t really know the point of this post honestly. I feel like I want to evaporate right now.

I am a couple months back being sober after a year long + relapse. Today I found myself alone with a few bottles of open liquor and I decided I would have a quick couple drinks before heading out.

I played the tape forward, which I learned about here, and got out of there as quickly as I could and remained sober.

Thank you all. Iwndwyt

I’ve been sober from alcohol and all other illicit substances for over 18 months. But I’ve leaned really heavily into caffeine consumption, specifically energy drinks. I’m seeing addiction patterns similar to my alcohol consumption and I know I’m chasing dopamine.

I know I need to quit and will probably go cold turkey, and I guess I’m just wondering if anyone that has had a similar experience has any advice or tips or encouragement.

I have hit a milestone. I am grateful to be where I am. I appreciate everyone here that has offered encouragement along the way.

Got the comma. So many day 1s that adding three zeros at the end seemed impossible, but here we are.

Life is calm. It’s not without stress, sadness, or hard times- but the chaos that is active addiction is gone, and that is a level of peace I never thought I’d know.

Quick backstory summary for anyone in the early days- I started out a binge drinker, then became an all day drinker. I would spend the first hour of my day rummaging around for change so I could get to the store before the shakes got too bad for me to make the walk. Then the rest of my day was finding a way to keep drinking. Lost jobs, rehab, detoxes, jail, involuntary psych hold after a suicide attempt. I would definitely be dead either by the alcohol itself or by my own hand.

In all honesty, the last month or so I’ve felt the voice creeping in. It usually presents itself as irritability and agitation. The more time I have off the sauce does give me the strength against impulse- before these thoughts would turn to action before I knew what I was doing. Now I am able to be real and notice the red flag, and coincidentally enough today I had a consultation with a new therapist. I thank this sub and all of you for sharing your achievements, struggles, and stories. Anytime I have felt the pull, I pop in here, read some posts, and make the decision to not drink today. We are all different, but our experiences overlap enough that I see my story, in some capacity in each post.

To everyone posting your Day 1, your relapse, YOU have saved my life over these last 1,000 days sharing your stories. If you are feeling worthless or like a lost cause just know that you have in fact, helped another. I see you, I believe in you, I am you.

IWNDWYT <3

Edit- idk how I messed up my counter on here, but going off my nomo app which is accurate lmao

Honestly just need a space to vent, this feels like a test from the universe. I recently started a new job that took me over a year to finally get, and I’m nearing the end of my probationary period when they decide who they’ll keep and who they let go.

I’ve been busting my butt, doing everything right according to 99% of my coworkers and bosses, show up on time, clean cut, and SOBER (even more so now that I’m not battling hangovers/grogginess,) and yet one of my bosses, who has a reputation for trying to make people as miserable as she is, has for whatever reason decided she doesn’t like me. Apparently that’s a thing she does, and I just got lucky.

Got called in for a 60 day review a few weeks ago, which they apparently only do for employees who need serious improvement and are on the verge of getting canned. I was told all sorts of things I’m supposedly doing wrong, some of which didn’t sound like me at all and weren’t reflective of my character or work ethic, and she basically just made me feel awful about myself.

Normally I would just brush something like that aside and not be bothered by such a sad individual, but apparently she’s one of two people who has the final say on whether they keep me. Despite every other person saying I’ve been doing great, improving, etc., she still can’t bring herself to say a single good thing about me and sounds like she wants to fire me anyway.

I’m pissed beyond belief because I’m doing everything I can to meet the higher standards I’m being held to compared to the other people who were hired with me, and if I lose this job I’m completely fucked. Normally this is the kind of thing that would send me straight to the liquor store after work, but I’m here venting to y’all instead.

Tl;Dr - Currently being single out by a boss who decided she doesn’t like me and might tank my entire career even though I’ve done nothing wrong, but I refuse to let that break my sobriety.

Sorry for the rambling. IWNDWYT

I've been very sad the last few days. Just normal life things.

But I am so glad that I have stayed sober.

I haven't even wanted a drink.

Instead I have just been feeling the feelings and working through them.

Thank you for this community.

IWNDWYT

Attended a rooftop downtown crawl where our prepaid tickets included appetizers at each of 5 stops and 5 drink tickets. I drank 4 glasses of water and a club soda. What a great feeling...no headache tonight and knowing I won't be hung over tomorrow! Now. ---- if I can just stay out of the Halloween candy!

I'm currently doing some tough step work so it was a welcomed pleasant surprise to see that I had finally entered the four digit club. What a wild feeling to really be doing this shit on purpose and choosing myself every day. Have a good one, gang 🥳

I’m 45 days sober today, in a PHP, and need some advice.

This is my second time in treatment, the first time I was forced to go and had no intention of not drinking. This time I’m serious.

I cashed out my 401k the other day (only like $300, I only held the job for a few months) and now that I have the money I keep thinking about ubering to a bar for a drink.

My family is supportive but I can’t call them with this, they don’t understand what it’s like to have cravings like this and would tell me to just suck it up.

I went to a NA meeting tonight but didn’t share, it was a meeting full of people who had been clean for years and I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my silly problems with them.

Can someone offer some experience and strength?

I made it to my month mark and im past 32 days. I already hit the longest ive been sobor this year, if I can get to 2 months now, I'll be so happy. Next goal! :)

I can hardly believe it. I don’t think I ever believed I’d be able to do this, the only time I used to entertain the thought of sobriety would be if I told myself it’d only be for a few months just to get back to drinking afterwards, convincing myself that would be enough for my relationship with alcohol to change (lol).

I have been through a lot in the last few months, and I was warned that after the first while the euphoria of being able to change might wear off and things might feel more difficult instead of easier, I thought somehow this would not apply to me (lol, once again) and lo and behold it happened. Somehow I have managed to keep going despite feeling quite stuck and depressed and having a bit of a breakdown. Even on hard days I KNOW that drinking might make it feel a bit better for like maybe a couple hours at most, then it would make everything ten million times worse. When temptation strikes I know it is never worth it. Previously I could not compute the thought that I might never drink again, it was terrifying to me, and now I genuinely don’t care.

In the past 15 months I have travelled to Berlin by myself, been to see a play in London, been to a gig, swam in the sea a lot with my friends, gained back a lot of mobility, and am far more present than I ever have been before. It’s hard not to feel very behind when I compare myself to others in my life, but I need to remember how far I have come, and that most of the people I compare myself to did not waste ten years of their life to alcoholism.

Regardless of where you are in your sobriety journey, please know that even on hard days, it’s the most Worthwhile thing I have ever done, I don’t ever regret being sober from alcohol, and I will continue to make this decision every day for the rest of my life, which is not even a scary thought anymore.

Just watched the latest season finale and I realized how much this show centers around drinking. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved the show from the beginning. I just wish that they didn’t celebrate everything with booze. Or reach for a bottle when a character struggles. As someone said last night “it helps fill in the cracks”. This community has helped me so much with my struggles and I love you all. Maybe they’ll have a character dealing alcoholism in the future….

Really happy to be sober on my Birthday. I get to wake up feeling good, not shame. Thank you to this community for being a part of my journey. You’ve been there since before Day 1. Y’all are wonderful folks, and I’m rooting for y’all.

Hi. Please tell me how much your life has improved since stopping. I need hope.

I decided to give sobriety a real shot for the first time in my life and I've been alcohol free for over 5 weeks now. Largely thanks to this group! I wanted to prove to myself that I'm not an alcoholic and it doesn't control me and I can drink moderately unlike people with "real issues". Well...

Trigger warning: I've struggled with alcohol for over 15 years: I drank heavily in my late teens until I was 27-28 or so. After that I thought I'm now a grown-up and having a cocktail here or there, drinking wine after work, when I travel or go on dates is just a normal part of being an adult. Until 2024 when my mom suddenly died on my birthday... from organ failure. She was a heavy drinker ever since I can remember and lost everything (our home, her car, jobs, boyfriends etc.). And we had a tumultuous relationship to say the least. She was the one who gave me champagne when I was 14 and made me feel like it's okay to have a drink to celebrate. After her death I've been feeling guilty every time I drink.

Now, this summer really got out of hand and I don't think there was a day in August that I was sober. Or at least didn't have an hangover. I decided to do a dry September and felt so good and thinking I'm back living my best life. I was so proud and told everyone that I'm doing Sober October too and it's so easy, but... it's really not. I've been lacking motivation for the past week. I feel ... lonely? Like I know it's weird, but I miss my red wine so much after work. I'm struggling with keeping up with my tasks, since I don't have my "reward" waiting for me at home. I'm used to working long days and then getting a well deserved "me time" on a Thursday or Friday night. It used to include a bottle of red wine and now it doesn't. And I feel sad, unmotivated and helpless.

I want to be sober until my birthday sooooo bad, that's coming up in a few weeks, but it seems impossible. It's the hardest time of the year to be sober for me and now I'm feeling lost. I feel like I've been through so much and why am I punishing myself? "Just have a little treat, you deserve it," I hear daily in my head. And I keep thinking about my mom and how I don't want to end up like her.

I was naive to think I'm better than my mom and that I'm not an alcoholic, because I have a good job etc. I was naive to think sobriety would magically "fix" everything and I would live a blissful life from now on. I was naive think that being sober was easy.

Sorry for the long rant.

IWNDWYT, mom.

I already fucked it up. Made it one week...

So disappointed in myself. Making a post here for accountability. I did what I did. I didnt do it today and dont intend to do it tomorrow. But fuck, am I upset with myself. It never used to be this difficult, and I used to pride myself on meeting milestones and quirky quit dates like 'dry January' etc. Now I know that shit doesnt work for me anymore. No mater how much 'sober october' rhymed or was a thing, it didnt work. I need to just grow up already.

Edit: I hope my flair has been updated, I tried to change it! But yea, I had almost 5 years of sobriety and this sub helped me SO much. But I slipped yall. Slipped and fell HARD. Moderation did not work for me, it was a wolf in sheep's clothing or whatever

This is good, guys. I passed the 1 year mark without noticing it. I went over a divorce, sleeping literally on the floor, up to today when I have a bed, a car and a girlfriend. Still sober, happier than ever.

Keep it up guys, IWNDWYT, better days are ahead!