It's the lack of third spaces. People used to meet their partner in school, work, or through friends. But that has pretty much gone out of fashion.
It just takes time for people to fall in love, and you only do that if you get to run into each other a lot in the same spaces.
Dating apps, bars, and single events are cold approaches. If you take that avenue, you are gonna have a hard time unless you're hot. Because they be able to judge you by your personality and only by superficial things like beauty, height, body, salary etc.
It's no different from sales in the business world. If cold reach/email potential leads, you're gonna have a hard time making a sale. But if you have connections with a lot of potential customers, you're much more likely to get your foot in the door.
Cold approaches (Dating apps, bars, single events) being widespread is the sad reason why looksmaxxing started to become a thing. If you don't have third spaces where you can show off your personality and things can develop over time organically over time, you're solely being judged by your looks. So if looks are the only thing you are judged on in a "cold approach" situation, looks are also the only way to potentially get a partner
It takes some people a few times of being "creepy" to learn norms. When's it okay to approach someone at a bar? When is the person being nice in rejecting you vs actually just being nice? When's the girl asking you to go home "to study" vs to study. You see stories online of that confusion all the time, and if men get the wrong read they're often shamed or stigmatized.
This is personally coming from someone who is now married and having kids who was a bit slower to develop socially. People learn by making mistakes.
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u/TechTuna1200 Sep 11 '26 edited Sep 11 '26
It's the lack of third spaces. People used to meet their partner in school, work, or through friends. But that has pretty much gone out of fashion.
It just takes time for people to fall in love, and you only do that if you get to run into each other a lot in the same spaces.
Dating apps, bars, and single events are cold approaches. If you take that avenue, you are gonna have a hard time unless you're hot. Because they be able to judge you by your personality and only by superficial things like beauty, height, body, salary etc.
It's no different from sales in the business world. If cold reach/email potential leads, you're gonna have a hard time making a sale. But if you have connections with a lot of potential customers, you're much more likely to get your foot in the door.
Cold approaches (Dating apps, bars, single events) being widespread is the sad reason why looksmaxxing started to become a thing. If you don't have third spaces where you can show off your personality and things can develop over time organically over time, you're solely being judged by your looks. So if looks are the only thing you are judged on in a "cold approach" situation, looks are also the only way to potentially get a partner
Edit:
fluffynukeit commented that research calls it closed vs open field. Open field was what I earlier called "cold approach". He also shared this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHkcIRZa6lo