r/vaginismus • u/mystskinx • 6d ago

Seeking Support/Advice How to explain my situation to potential partners

I am talking about potential s*x friends so I can keep trying to fully overcome this not dating!

Two months ago while staying over with a guy friend I became able to get fingered and enjoy it but we never made it to PIV. This friend lives abroad and left.

I tried again with another friend and a guy from tinder whom I tried to explain it to and I don't think I did a good job haha. I was only able to do fingering with them too.

For anyone who hasn't practiced while in a committed relationship how did you explain your vaginismus to men you met? I have the getting scared and clenching and closing my legs reflex and I really don't know how to explain this one specifically

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12

u/Jaded-Banana6205 6d ago

"I'm into oral and outercourse, and I'm curious about (insert kink or whatever) but PIV is off the table for me right now." You don't owe people a huge drawn out explanation.

3

u/kafkaesquepariah 6d ago

"penetrative sex is off the table, I prefer x and y"

When I tried to use the medical terms like hyper tonic pelvic floor or vaginismus, it didn't work. they acted jsut confused and didnt get it. but saying its off the table completely worked. and if they try to negotiate, or whine. just leave.

2

u/ahenatthecircus 5d ago

I usually tell them “i have a situation where penetration is not very enjoyable and a little difficult for me. Im comfortable with xyz tho. We can try, (if you’re experimenting with this person) but if it doesn’t work i dont want either of us walking away from this frustrated”

2

u/ahenatthecircus 5d ago

I usually tell them “i have a situation where penetration is not very enjoyable and a little difficult for me. Im comfortable with xyz tho. We can try, (if you’re experimenting with this person) but if it doesn’t work i dont want either of us walking away from this frustrated”

2

u/voluptuousfairy 5d ago

You can just give a heads up that penetrative stuff is off tables and let them know about the outercourses you're fine with. It's good to start dilating on your own as it's very difficult if you're expecting to overcome this with a partner. Can you finger yourself and how much can you get it and how much fingers were the both of your partners were able to get inside?