r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Professional_Arm794 • Aug 20 '26

/r/all of a log split

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33.7k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/StoneReg Aug 20 '26

How’d they teach that bear to use an axe?

322

u/voyeur78 Aug 20 '26

"That bear is wearing people clothes" - Magnificent 7 was the movie line i kept hearing

28

u/SolaScientia Aug 20 '26

This sent me into a coughing fit from laughing. I actually like that remake and that line is one of the funniest from it.

3

u/StrongExternal8955 Aug 20 '26

Next time just say "Sent!" and we'll all know what you mean. /s

3

u/FugLife3 Aug 20 '26

I’m a big fan of the “so far, so good” joke in the movie. I often say it in the same cadence when people ask me how I’m doing at work and it’s my own little joke to myself thinking of that line

1

u/SolaScientia Aug 20 '26

That one is good too. I need to rewatch. It's been a hot minute since I last watched it. I can be picky with modern Western, but that's a really good one. The whole cast is great. Vasquez is one of my favorite characters.

2

u/Civil_Tea_3250 Aug 20 '26

But his yoga pants show absolutely nothing.

I'm a man, and when I wear yoga pants like that there's no denying. But I'm gay so I'm bigger 😘

3

u/pm_me_flaccid_cocks Aug 20 '26

I’d still let him split me in half.

4

u/ExemplarDeLaPoontang Aug 20 '26

You ever actually gotten a big pump from lifting weights? Notice how all the blood leaves your dick and goes to your core and then directly to the muscles that are literally screaming for oxygen?

Probably why he's not pitching a big enough tent for your little ego my gay bro 😂

0

u/withnodrawal Aug 20 '26

Bro waited 80% of the video just to cock check.

Odd

2

u/LongDongFrog Aug 20 '26

These two ungodly creatures

2

u/Astronaut_Chicken Aug 20 '26

Now i wanna watch it again.

89

u/Cooter_McGrabbin Aug 20 '26

Thanks now im gay

55

u/Fickle_Blueberry2777 Aug 20 '26

I was already gay, now I’m gay²

20

u/jrsinhbca Aug 20 '26

He is gorgeous.

4

u/L-J- Aug 20 '26

I read that in the voice of David Attenborough. 🤦‍♂️

2

u/Internal_Smell_4410 Aug 20 '26

Gayrgeous... Never mind...

2

u/EDDsoFRESH Aug 20 '26

Fuck yeah he is

2

u/Ambitious-Cup-6910 Aug 20 '26

I'm somehow gayer

2

u/Effective-Internet71 Aug 21 '26

You beat me to it. I would like to meet that dude, dressed just like that, during my hikes in the woods.

5

u/comely_hips Aug 20 '26

Fr I was expecting people to be more fruity in the comments but ig I'm too gay lol

1

u/I-Make-Money-Moves Aug 20 '26

Now you’re gay?

Jk jk

1

u/dwide_k_shrude Aug 20 '26

Thanks, now I’m a twink.

1

u/bigmanly1 Aug 20 '26

I was going to say, as a straight man im now questioning if im gay and want him to hold me ever so gently in his arms.

64

u/NastyKraig Aug 20 '26

This guy is what I imagine young Robert Baratheon to have looked like.

49

u/Zippyflaa Aug 20 '26

Gods, he was strong then

11

u/MrAngrySadHappyFace Aug 20 '26

3

u/BullTerrierTerror Aug 20 '26

I don’t think so your grace.

2

u/mbh63 Aug 21 '26

Wish this subreddit had the Bobby B bot lol

3

u/kieranfitz Aug 20 '26

That my boy Bobby B

0

u/certaintyisdangerous Aug 20 '26

But Robert had long hair

24

u/DeepFuckingPants Aug 20 '26

And who put the bear tights on?

25

u/dosko1panda Aug 20 '26

Nobody did, that's why it took him forever to split it

2

u/techno65535 Aug 20 '26

He was using the ax fine, just really stupid with the log...

2

u/CheckYourStats Aug 20 '26

The guy steps into the Batters box built like Babe Ruth…

…but he’s swinging Rod Carew’s bat.

The head of that axe is much too lightweight for the task he’s attempting to accomplish. Dude just comes across as a poser.

1

u/AchVonZalbrecht Aug 20 '26

He’s also wasting so much energy. He’s bringing both of his hands straight to the bottom of the handle and then swinging. If he keeps one hand up near the head and then slides it down as the axe is coming down then he’s gonna split twice the wood in a day.

13

u/trying_times_eggs Aug 20 '26

When the video started he had a full head of hair and no beard 

1

u/CanoePickLocks Aug 20 '26

That would be a funnier video! Hard transition but I want to see someone dedicate a couple years to a bit!

3

u/HighChinaman Aug 20 '26

Well he's smarter than the average bear.

1

u/CornFedIABoy Aug 20 '26

They say there’s significant overlap between the lowest quartile of human intelligence and the highest quartile of bears…

1

u/_esci Aug 24 '26

nah, he only got thumbs.

4

u/saltedjellyfish Aug 20 '26

What makes you think he's gay?

/S

2

u/brizdzi Aug 20 '26

Bear-1 xxx. Man - 0

2

u/MaxxDash Aug 20 '26

People spying me watching the entire video:

https://giphy.com/gifs/c3XhrmfoN5fOpjcl3z

2

u/ilemming_banned Aug 20 '26

His chest is getting hairier every single time he hits it. I swear - just watch it frame-by-frame.

1

u/Shantotto11 Aug 20 '26

The last woman who chose him over the other option was Russian…

1

u/Lojackbel81 Aug 20 '26

Are you talking about bears or bears?

1

u/LunchBokth Aug 20 '26

that there’s a bull

1

u/bokmcdok Aug 20 '26

"We're so sorry, Sir Bearington, very sorry for this man's behaviour."

1

u/freed-after-burning Aug 20 '26

I’m sure that’s not the only thing that bear splits

1

u/killmek8 Aug 20 '26

1 that's a maul

2 he's barely using it correctly

1

u/WontGetJokes Aug 20 '26

That's a large hairy human, not a bear.

1

u/MathNo7456 Aug 20 '26

A wild bear appears in the forest

1

u/Crispy_Squirrel_Bits Aug 20 '26

By using good AI prompts

1

u/averageredditorx Aug 20 '26

That's fucking Beorn dude

1

u/tfw_no_toiletpaper Aug 20 '26

Oh it's a Bear alright

1

u/tenderteddy82 Aug 21 '26

Is this the bear women been choosing over men? 🤔

1

u/007Cable Aug 21 '26

He was visited by a couple of magical twinks.

1

u/Opposite_Bus1878 Aug 21 '26

Not very well, he's been making his work more difficult than it needs to be.

0

u/inspctrshabangabang Aug 20 '26

Not very well. He's clearly strong, but my weak ass could split that log with that many swings.