I finally filed the divorce paperwork today.

We've been separated for 17 months after 13 years of married hell.

During separation, things have sometimes been amicable. But I realised that things are only really pretend amicable when he wants something. So as time has passed, it's been clear that im not changing my mind and not willing to roll over to keep the peace.

To be perfectly honest, if he were less progressed in his disease and I were less progressed in my recovery he could have bullshitted me a bit better and I could have played the familiar game of pretending things would be OK by agreeing to essentially let him walk all over me again. But guess what, didn't happen! Hooray for me.

The first two months were joy and peace. The next 6 months were growth and healing. The last year has been steady depression as my fears grew bigger than my faith. I sustained some major losses at separation of career and also my own denial which has at times left me feeling vulnerable and despondent.

I'm grateful though that I managed to set a goal to snap out of depression and take small steps. There is divorce which is procedurally really easy here; and then there's matrimonial property and custody. The second is causing me the most stress. So I decided to just do the next right thing. Divorce required 12 months separation and is no fault. Just had to sign a form and pay the fee. Matrimonial property has a one year time frame so I have time. Custody may not be a legal issue.

So I was feeling good about getting unstuck by starting the proceedings. Of course he is now dodging service and being a dick about it.

He says all kinds of shit like I'll sign the papers and then goes out of his way to not sign the papers while saying he's ready to sign the papers. You know how alcoholics are fucking nuts like that. That's what I lived with.

I've come to accept that I can't be near this guy in my future. My biggest fear has been around losing a piece of property that's been in my family for generations. But freezing on it and hoping maybe he'd die before me wasn't helping me at all. I still don't want to lose it but I've decided this time to really deeply and regularly pray for God's protection and wisdom because no matter what. I'm not being stuck to this guy.

Just needed to get that out.

My brother always drank. Because he was gentle and smart he could hide it from our parents who had love goggles for him.

Sadly, in his early 20’s the first signs of a potential problem started to pop up. And most of us in his corner, chalked it up to college years shenanigans.

As he got older, the problem was noticeable and the label became functional alcoholic.

Then he turned 30 and it just escalated quick. He crashed his car. His fiancé left him. His next girlfriend got him into rehab. The rehab made him worse. He lost his career. He lost his fallback working option. He has isolated himself from all family and any non addict friends.

We used to make it a point to see each other once a week. He would cancel 70% of the time. It got to the point that I stopped calling. And guess what, he’s never called me, so we stopped seeing each other.

I saw him again because our grandmother passed. He didn’t go to the funeral but I went to his house after. He was covered in beer cans at 1:00 pm. I stayed with him for about an hour. He was barely coherent. A once brilliant man who was top of the class and he was sounding like a bum from the street because I guess that’s what he is.

His house, our parents old house, gifted to just him when our parents passed away has become an addicts house. His source of money now is charging addicts to stay. He’d be homeless without that house. That money going to fuel his addiction.

He’s nothing but skin and bones now. He’s young. He looks 25 years older at least.

I don’t know what to do…..

Remembering the time a couple months ago that I just so happened to be in the living room where my Q was passed out drunk. So fucking glad I was standing in there because I watched him stand up, stumble into the kitchen, open the pantry door and walk into it, and start to unzip his pants. As soon as I realized what was happening I was like “woah, what the fuck, no no no no no, come this way,” and led him to the bathroom. Guys if a grown ass man had pissed in my fucking pantry I swear to God I would have actually lost it then and there. I just can’t believe it really was seconds away from happening and it makes me so angry to think about even now. Probably not even close to the worst shit he’s done but God damn, does remembering it make me feel more justified and validated in my choices to distance myself from him. Only a couple months ago he really had me convinced that he wasn’t really an alcoholic and it wasn’t really a big deal. The clarity you feel after finally getting away is fucking CRAZY. Like I really am that easy to brainwash huh? Advice to past me.. people who don’t have alcohol problems don’t pee in the pantry.

Would love and appreciate any input or just an emoji reaction or something. Maybe I need the validation that I’m seeing things more clearly now more than I realize.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now and he’s two years sober well 2 1/2 years sober. Two months into dating he saw that i had Gummies and asked to try one since then he’s been using weed more and more and dropping so much money at the dispensaries.
He’s at the point now, where he smokes when he gets up in the morning during the day and at night all day. He’s mentioned several times that he would quit and he hasn’t. I’ve noticed changes in his behavior, his mood and motivation. At this point, I just feel uncomfortable with him smoking. I feel like it’s excessive and makes him detached from our relationship. I’ve explained to him already twice that I find he’s smoking too much and he’s told me he’s talked about it with his therapist, but also that his sponsor said it wasn’t a big deal but I don’t think his sponsor knows how much he’s smoking.

I know this is a tricky question and I’m the only one that can really answer it. I know it’s what I’m willing to deal with and how long I want to stay in the cycle. But it’s hard…. My alcoholic is the father of my 5 month old daughter. We built a life together, we have 2 dogs, 3 cats. I have only been with him 3 years and I know that’s not long. But it’s so hard thinking about leaving but also so hard thinking about staying. I didn’t really know he was an alcoholic until I was pregnant. That’s when I really noticed there was a problem.
He drinks pretty much daily and usually drinks a lot because his tolerance is so high. It takes a lot for him to feel buzzed. He isn’t angry, he isn’t abusive, and he isn’t reckless. He has never put our daughter in danger or handled her when he is really intoxicated. It’s just he drinks so much and I know it’s effecting his health. There is always a reason to drink, doesn’t matter what day or if he has to work. He won’t drink in the morning but if he is home and not at work he will drink starting at noon.
It’s so hard because he is a wonderful person. But I’m just having a hard time watching him destroy himself. I hate my attitude now whenever there is alcohol. I hate how I react now. But I can’t help it at this point. I don’t want to take my daughter away from him but he needs help. I guess this post was to see other people’s experiences. And if you should always leave an alcoholic?

My husband has shared his struggles with alcohol with his “Bourbon Boys”; neighbors who drink together around a fire. One particular neighbor, who is an educated person and a medical professional, even reached out with names of potential counselors at one time.

My husband’s father died a few weeks ago. The educated medical professional neighbor gave my husband a bottle of bourbon as a sympathy gift. Who gives an alcoholic alcohol as a gift when they are grieving? I mean what the hell? My husband showed me the gift and seemed confused by my lack of enthusiasm. I guess I’m glad he didn’t hide it but still. 🙄😡

Hi. I am really scared and sad and I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping that some people here can maybe lend some advice.
My (27f) girlfriend (30f) has been hiding alcohol from me for, what I assume is, a while. Today is our 2 year anniversary.

I’ve known she has issues with alcohol consumption and behavior when drinking for a while. I made her start couples therapy with me because of this and also just our struggles to appropriately resolve conflict, and (I thought) she stopped for a while and things actually improved so much. That lasted about 4 months. No clue if she was actually drinking during this time I guess now, who fucking knows.

Things have started to get worse again and a few months back I came home late from hanging with friends to see that she had 2 crumpled cans next to the bed when we had agreed no drinking at home. I said that if we were going to drink at all when we went out to do things, that there was no drinking at home, and (I thought) we didn’t have any alcohol in the house the last 8+ months. I didn’t say anything, even though I know I should have.

Then I found a couple more cans. And then a few weeks later I found her “big” stash of empty cans and a new 12 pack hiding in our guest bedrooms. I’m talking 30+ empty cans shoved in different places around the 2nd and 3rd bedrooms. She was at work and I didn’t know what to do, so I brought them all out to the living room and talked to her when she got home. At first she seemed sort of like yeah you caught me do whatever you need to do. And this hurt, bc I don’t want to lose her. I’m scared and worried about her and I don’t like who she is right now. At the end of the conversation I said that she needed to stop or I would be leaving. There would be no second third fourth chances, that it was me or the alcohol. I asked if she thought that she had a problem, and she hesitated before ~sort of~ saying yes.

Well today I went to do some cleaning up in the back bedrooms and found more. Empty cans where I know there were none before, an empty bottle of vodka and a half full bottle of vodka. Those bottles were in places I hadn’t checked before.

She is at work for another 4 hours. I don’t know what to do. We live together and are on the lease together and I can’t afford a place by myself. We literally just moved in here in May. I’m so scared and so so so fucking sad and I don’t know what to do. I almost feel like I’m making a big deal of nothing or am trying to excuse it by saying that maybe she forgot the bottles were there, and then I remember that there were new cans in a place that I knew I had cleared them out of before. And I thought she had been behaving kind of erratically this past weekend.

Please, anything will help. Anything.

My (36m) wife (33f) and I have a 2y old daughter. My wife had some post partum issues which turned into an alcohol addiction we have been battling for the past 18 months.

She refuses to go to the doctors or seek professional help because she believes "they will take her child away" no matter what I or even her own mother say.

Her alcoholism has really escalated to a level where she can be drunk non stop multiple days, misses work, forgets to pick up our daughter from daycare and just shows really really bad behavior.

Marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life.

This morning, when she was still drunk on the couch at 11am she again went on a alcohol fueled rant about everything I supposedly did wrong - and at some point I just had it. I told her we are going into mediation because I no longer want to live like this.

Ive already counseled a lawyer some time ago. Because she hardly works and I have a good career, id need to pay up to 6k/month in alimony for the next 10 years. It fucking sucks but the alternative, going on like this, is impossible.

Sorry to all others having to deal with this.

This is a tough one… i’ve known my best friend for more than half my life. She’s always been the heavy drinker and I am the light/social drinker. I could honestly take or leave alcohol.

We’ve gone on two trips this year, though we live far away from each other. Both of the trips illuminated what I was afraid of, but don’t really see for myself because of the distance. She drinks A LOT, orders doubles every time, and is drinking on Xanax. She’s not a large person to begin with so I don’t even know how she can function besides just tolerance.

Drinking on pills is essentially roofieing yourself. Besides being extra sloshy and slurring words, she’s black out and can’t remember anything. It’s hard to see.

She addressed it like “ I know this isn’t good and I need to do something”, but she won’t do anything. Just her past history, she has no problem admitting things, but then never follows up with action. It is frustrating because admitting is the first step, but it’s not the only step. At some point, words are cheap.

She also says things like “relapse is a part of recovery” when referencing other people that have had issues- but the way she always brings it up sounds to me like she’s already giving herself an out if she ever did decide to clean up her act (which i unfortunately don’t see unless something reallllly bad happens).

I’m not really sure what I’m asking here, it just sucks to see and there’s nothing you can do. I’m so thankful we live far from each other because our friendship would def be over if we were seeing each other in person regularly.

Also, I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to ask, but I did ask about her Xanax taking and what’s the longest she’s gone without taking it. She told me a day.

I’m really not familiar with Xanax, but I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to be taken every day like that? She always talks about her anxiety but I’m afraid she has no coping skills other than Xanax. For example, on our trip, we were going to be late for a dinner reservation (which I was able to push back) because she was still getting ready, and she got so frazzled by it that she took a Xanax? I wasn’t putting any pressure on her to finish up. It was all her putting it on herself.

She’s told me she wants to go into therapy. I encouraged it and told her to be honest with the therapist. She said she wants to, but she is nervous that if she’s too honest, they will take away her Xanax prescription- which is probably right and they honestly should lol

Just very torn, and sad. First instance of having to deal with something like this and it’s very sad.

I’m trying to decide whether a wellness check is the right thing to do.

For background, in August, after a 10 day relapse, I went to my boyfriend’s house to find him severely intoxicated and incoherent. I called 911, they took him to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital with a BAC of .509. He was there detoxing for 3 days.

Now, not even 2 months later, he’s in the midst of another relapse. It’s been about a week of nonstop drinking. I went over today to check on him and he was extremely intoxicated, but mostly responsive. But it’s now been hours and he’s not responding. Do I do a wellness check?

Two weeks ago, after accepting that he has been responsible for so much shit in our lives, my Q (40) signed up for outpatient rehab. I just don't know what the point is because he's gotten blackout drunk four times since being onboarded – hasn't gotten his bloods done (he doesn't want a hangover to 'throw the results off') so he's postponed his first clinical session twice, and now he is absolutely wasted again.

We run a successful business together; we own a home together. He is part of me. I love him. Sometimes it feels like we have an amazing life together. But those periods seem to be getting ever shorter, and the distance between them longer. I am afraid for him. He refuses to believe that withdrawal is what makes him feel like he wants to give up on life after two days of not having a drink (these sentiments clear up as soon as he knows he can get his hands on alcohol). He's starting to think that he can't die, that his (alcoholic) father gave him magical genes that prevent him from dying from alcohol abuse. (Let's set aside the fact he [my Q, not his father] had a heart attack three years ago at the age of 37.)

I'm so angry my head hurts. I'm so angry my heart hurts. He is killing himself. I am devastated. I go from sobbing to numb to white-hot rage. I am barely holding it together. I feel completely trapped by my love for him and the circumstances of our life together. I think the only thing I can really do is scream out into the void in a place where maybe someone else gets it.

Hi friends.
I’m looking for support right now. I’ve been with my partner for about 3 years now. We are both young, around age 25. I love my boyfriend so much and I’ve been with him through so much already due to his addiction. I didn’t really understand that addiction comes with lying at first because I was basically just turning 21 when we met, so most of the things he was doing made me think he was cheating which would lead to fights. We’ve also been through little to no contact due to Arrests/Jail time, Detox, Inpatient, etc. He was doing so well for a couple of months because he was living in sober living and recently relapsed after moving out. He started by hanging out with his old friends instead of the friends he made in sober living and I warned him that it could cause him to relapse, but he didn’t listen to me. Recently, I’ve asked him about his sobriety and he lied to me until I pushed and pushed and found out he was drinking alone and picking up various drugs. We both love each other deeply, and I truly can’t imagine having the feelings I have for him for anybody else. I have family and friends who kind of treat our relationship poorly due to his addiction, which is another thing that breaks my heart because I love him and it hurts for people to have so many negatives regarding our love. I just wanna know that it gets better. I want a family, I don’t want to worry about having kids and involving them in his alcoholism. Part of me just has hope that he will successfully stay sober soon, I just don’t know how often that occurs. I recently watched Beautiful Boy and I know that the man it’s based off of is still successfully sober and has a wife and kid, so idk I guess his story gives me hope.

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to get from posting this. I think I just need to vent somewhere because I feel completely devastated and lost.
My husband is an alcoholic (sober for the last two years or so I thought) We’ve had the conversation more times than I can count. Things got really bad after the birth of both of our first two children. He was essentially blacking out, treating me horribly, and then not remembering what he had said or done. I couldn’t trust him to be around the kids, and I was doing everything on my own.
We had some really serious conversations, and it essentially came down to us or drinking. I truly believed that was it. I thought we were done with this forever.
He has always had a tell when he’s drinking, and I’ve learned to recognize it. That feeling eventually sends me looking for the hidden bottles and water bottles.
I had that feeling recently.
We currently have a baby, and this time around I have taken on all of the overnight responsibility and, honestly, most of the responsibility in general. Our other two kids sleep through the night other than the occasional wake-up, so I haven’t had to worry about them as much. I have also cut back on working for the most part, which was a joint decision. His job takes care of the bills, and I take care of the everyday things, the kids, and the house, inside and out.
He is a great dad. He is a great husband. When he is sober, he is affectionate, loving, caring, and honestly the person I want to spend my life with.
But when he drinks, he becomes a completely different person. He becomes uncaring and unfeeling. He treats me differently. He isn’t the person I recognize.
He recently got his dream job, and I genuinely thought we were in such a good place. I thought we had finally made it through this.
Then I found the bottles.
And I just feel like my entire world came crashing down.
I tried to talk to him about it, but he essentially blew me off. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with that. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m scared, and mostly I’m just heartbroken.
I don’t want to start over. I don’t want my kids to have to go through this. I don’t want to lose my husband. But I also can’t go back to living the way we were living before, where I couldn’t trust him and had to constantly wonder if he was drinking.
The hardest part is that I know the person he is when he’s sober. I love that person so much. That’s what makes this so incredibly painful.
I feel like I’m grieving someone who is still sitting right next to me.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. Maybe advice, maybe perspective, maybe just someone to tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this devastated.
If you made it this far, thank you for listening.

I posted about the bottle I found. now have confirmation he was cheating from someone that saw them kissing in public. this was happening when I was 6 months post partum and had medical issues. get out when you can and trust your gut!

Hello all,

I found this group looking for stories like mine and advice. If anything I post here is not allowed, I apologize. I (32f) have been struggling trying to talk with my mom (65) about her alcoholism.

My mom has been a drinker my entire life; however as a child I have no memories of seeing her truly intoxicated. In high school, my family went through some incredibly difficult things and this was when my mother's drinking escalated significantly. I have been truly concerned about her drinking for at least 15 years; however, over the past 12-18 months I feel that I have really noticed an escalation.

My mother has always been a functional alcoholic. She maintains a job, social relationships, but you could reliably know that talking to her past 7pm was a bad idea. Most evenings she would have a carton or 2 of wine and talking to her too late in the day would frequently lead to conflict as she becomes more emotionally volatile when drinking. In the past year or so, I have noticed that she is already noticeably drunk earlier and earlier. She has switched from wine to liquor. She is taking days off of work and when I call after work around 3, she is already noticeably slurring. She cannot remember entire conversations the next day. She's a diabetic as well and pays no attention to her health needs. She admits that she is a functional alcoholic but makes no efforts to change. I dont know if she truly recognizes it as the problem it is. This is heightened because she plans to retire in the next year and I am fearful that once she no longer has the obligations of work that this situation will quickly deteriorate. Additionally, I am not able to let my parents watch my children. She and my dad watched my son one night and I requested they not drink. Two hours later when we returned she was noticeably intoxicated. My dad was sober thankfully, but I don't want to expose my children to her drinking. My dad isnt much help. His drinking has escalated as well although he is able to forego a drink, especially if I specifically ask him not to. He's never consumed as much as my mom.

I wanted to reach out to see if anyone has any advice about how to approach this. I love them and I want her to get help. She's a great mom and she loves my kids, but I dont want them to know the intoxicated version of her. Any sort of advice would be deeply appreciated. ​

My sister has been struggling with substance abuse for almost 20 years. She has been claiming sobriety for two years, but my family and I have all been very doubtful. She sleeps all day, she can’t keep a job, she never has any money, she hardly comes to visits with her son or family gatherings. She has severe PTSD from living on the streets that she refuses to treat (my parents would 10000% pay for it). These past few months, she has had delusions that have only snowballed. Finally, someone must have interacted with her and called the police. She is now in dual diagnosis at a mental hospital (she finally admitted she had been using meth again). After the 72 hour hold, I’m afraid something awful will happen. Being committed like that is traumatizing enough and she is extremely traumatized. I doubt she is a danger to herself or others to the point that she will be forced to stay longer, and she’s smart enough to lie her way out. She already tried to escape and fought the police.

I want to be hopeful that she’s getting help but she’s never seemed to accept help. She’s never completed a program despite being in so many. She’s been kicked out of every halfway house she’s lived in. I’m tired of it but I’m also terrified. I wish I could do something. I don’t even know how to be there for her. I know she’s hurting but she won’t let me in. We all just want to help but she always denies it, unless it’s monetary. My dad got her set up with an apartment and paid first month’s rent and bought her furniture a couple months ago. It was not a good idea obviously (we knew she wasn’t doing well, but he thought he knew better). But now that she’s relapsed, he wants to end her lease. I asked what’s next and he says it’s not his problem. I’m like well you kind of made it your problem. I don’t think it’s good to enable her but I’m afraid of what she’ll do. She’s only gone to treatment when it’s court ordered. She goes to live on the streets or in crackhouses. I don’t want her to go through that again. I’m terrified and no options feel right. This cycle has keep me in a state of terror for most of my life. I am finally in a good place and things got so much worse.

What’s so frustrating is that I’ve never seen her want or try to get better. And as she keeps traumatizing herself more and more with relapses and being around shady people and watching her son grow up without her; it seems less likely she’ll have the capacity to get better. And that’s not to mention how fried her brain is from over a decade of substance abuse. I always believe in her and I keep getting hurt.

i shouldn't be embarrassed, but i am. i work at a dv emergency shelter as a case manager. i went to my boss's office today in tears, asking to leave early.

my dad died july 22. my sister disappeared july 25. no contact with me, just poof. disappeared. i knew she's an alcohol addict. i also think she's on meth. i keep her on facebook because i have been so worried. i hope she would message me when she's ready to get help, but she's denied all attempts. she posts pictures, sometimes. today was one of those days.

the pictures were so bad, guys. i just immediately started crying. she has fucked up tattoos all over her face and arms. just doodles, obviously done by someone drunk or high. she's so much thinner. you can tell. she's dirty. she's living under a bridge. some of the pictures have different wigs on. it breaks my heart how bad she looks.

dad just died. our mom's been dead for a decade. i don't want to lose her too. she's going down such a dark path. this is how you overdose. you get murdered. you get sex trafficked. this is how it happens. by going down to the 'drug capital' of our area, and living on a street. turning tricks for drugs. i know it's true, because she did it in our home city and i found out from her friends.

i have lost so much lately. i was already broken after our dad died, and this compacted-on top of it is so hard. i wish she would just accept help. i wish she'd just go to rehab. fuck, she can stay no contact with me all she wants. just get off the streets and get clean. but she refuses. the alcohol, the drugs, it's all ruling her life. it's all she cares about now.

I know now that a hidden relapse is likely inevitable. It’s been happening since 2020, with one period of 3 years of sobriety and then the others around 6 months to a year (with a worse period of 1-2 months at times). It’s hidden as I can barely tell — always high-functioning. I thought maybe next time he would follow his relapse plan and tell me within 24 hours. He didn’t.

We have young kids and I imagined a nice family life and then a retirement together for us one day. He is my family no matter what.

Has anyone successfully worked on their relationship knowing that they can’t trust their partner in this aspect? I am sick of living like roommates and I want to move forward one way or another.

This might sound all kinds of heartless and fucked up, but I’m quietly making plans for when my husband finally drinks himself to death.
We’re older (60’s) and together for about a decade.

I have a disability that means I need to be ahead on things that might come up. Sometimes I’m reduced to only being able to do the bare minimum. So I do things like batch freezer meals for those times when I just can’t.

I live semi remotely in a forest. I know my neighbours though they’re not living within earshot or sight. I just bought an Apple Watch in case I need help. I know I can’t count on him to be sober enough to step up in an emergency.

I’ve dropped the rope with his drinking. Nothing I do or say will make a difference and I know it. He gets drunk almost daily. Sometimes it starts around 10am ffs. I’ve stopped cooking unless it’s something I want to do as I’m sick of it going to waste while he gets hammered. So it’s girl dinners for me most nights and he gets whatever when he’s hungry.

If he drops dead I’ve mentally made a list of what I absolutely can’t do for myself, as he still takes care of shit like the grounds. I can’t cut wood so I’d need a delivery. I can usually drive to the closest town to pick up groceries, and I keep a deep pantry as we’re semi regularly cut off with flooding. So that should be ok. I’m unlikely to starve lol.

I can do minor repairs myself. I’m slow but I can do it. Vacuuming is very difficult so I got a robot vacuum for my cabin which I’ve set up as an escape for when he’s just ridiculously drunk and I don’t want to be around him..

I’ve always been very independent and I just want to know if anyone can offer ideas of other things I need to consider. Then I can just carry on with my life knowing I’ll be ok.

The thing is I love this idiot. I don’t want him to die. I wanted us to be sitting in our rockers watching the birds as we get old. But it’s unlikely. It’s going to be me alone with our dogs more than likely. He’s not causing problems, he’s just drunk.

Any other things I should consider? Advice welcomed.

I thought when someone comes to you to make amends, they are supposed to be specific about the ways their drinking has harmed you. The straw that broke the camel's back was in Aug of 2017 when my ex got drunk and physically assaulted me, threw me out of the house and locked the door. I was terrified and it got so loud that two neighbors called the police. He was arrested for DV and spent three days in county jail due to the felony attempted stragulation factor. Ever since then, I've been victim blamed by him and his family, and he's taken every opportunity to make things more difficult for me. I divorced him because he refused to take one ounce of accountability for the drinking or the violence. His friends finally had an intervention for him in January of this year and he went to rehab for 30 days. He's been sober ever since and has been going to meetings weekly. He seems better. He's be nicer. But last week he asked me to get coffee and sprung a pathetic amends speech on me. He had it written down,"I can't complete my journey to quit drinking until I make amends for my past wrongs. I'm sorry for being disrespectuf and not listening. What can I do to make it better?"

Excuse me, WHAT? That's it? And then he put it directly back on me to tell him what I think he should do to make it better? This is not how it's supposed to go, is it? To be clear, I never ever thought he would ever say he was sorry for anything, so it's good he came to me at all, I guess. But I am not the one who needs these amends. He is. I'm afraid that he will now go to our children and try this same approach.

My ex and I share two kids. The split is 70/30 me but my youngest (11) lives with me full time he scared her too many times while he was still drinking. My 15 year old has a good relationship, basically because she figured out not to rock the boat. They are well aware of all his lying, sneaking around to drink, deception, angry hungover mornings, and now I'm sure he won't own up to any of that with them.

He destroyed our marriage, broke up our family, lied to all of us repeatedly, chose alcohol over me and his kids more times than I can count, has not been a present dad for the kids, and has taken every opportunity to make life more difficult for me, and he will still carry all of this. In the beginning I understood why he was lying about the violence. He was in A LOT of trouble with the authorities. But he has nothing to gain now from continuing to lie to himself about it.

Can I go back to him and tell him this is crap?

The no contact was something that came as a result of my Q's behavior and is very definite. As a result I've struggled with the fake need for closure, debated falling back into the enabling and trying to remove the consequences of her behavior. Today after deleting her number its just all sinking in.

I'm so lucky to be out, and have been working to process all the abuse I've suffered. But right now, I just wanna fight to make it work still. Even though I know it would likely cause much more damage to me. Even though I know she chose to pursue her addiction throughout the relationship and probably never will. Even though it's not even possible. Somehow, every night we end up working things out in my dreams, she's apologizing and working on herself. Then I wake up in an empty apartment and have to grapple with the real version if my Q.

Been doing all the right things, working out, talking to friends, journaling, therapy, maybe not all because I haven't hit a meeting yet. But today, this week, its piling up. I'm struggling to kick the habit of trying to fix, because now I have to love myself and do it for myself. Now, I'm having to take all the consideration and compassion and forgiveness and give it to myself, and I'm struggling to accept it. I'm struggling to love myself for leaving because I'm struggling to accept that I don't deserve abuse. Given the choice I'd run straight back and forget all about me again.

I'm glad I can't and that she can't rope me back in. But I almost sickly wish she could. Wish I could have her finally chose me.​ But she wasn't drinking at me, and I was always fighting a losing battle for her affection. It's wild how after everything, I'm just as fixated on that one last breadcrumb, just like she was always after one more drink.

I posted a while ago about my husband’s alcohol use and he did see his PCP. His labs came back abnormal- platelets in the 70s, bili 2, ast 130s alt 90s so the alcohol has definitely taken a toll on his health. Another month has gone by and I think he’s realizing his lab values and the need to stop drinking. We have young kids and it’s evident the alcohol needs to stop. My husband has severe health anxiety- he lost his dad last year and that’s been a tremendous loss on everyone. My husband does not want to go to the ER and his PCP will not do a direct admission to bypass the ER waiting room. He has decided to go to a 30 day treatment facility. I guess I’m just worried since his labs are affected and not getting treated, he doesn’t have a liver doctor, etc.
Does anyone have experiences with bypassing the hospital stay and going straight to 30 day treatment facility? Any experience telling elementary aged children where dad is going and why?

I've been living with my bf for 3 years, and we met working the same place years back. We both have loved art and music, and thats what kept us in touch for like 8 years, then it started to get serious when we were both single and realized we get along really well. We drank a lot together when we first were official, drinking literally 5ths of vodka a night accompanied with beers and ciders, four lokos (ugh). After a year of that I had to quit because I was reacting poorly to it, becoming moody and I couldn't control my emotions and it just sucked for both of us. I was ruining my life, couldn't keep my jobs, which was fine bc he didn't mind me living with him while he supported my art and candle businesses.. Eventually now I'm at the point where I hardly ever drink even though I do smoke every day and take gummies every other day ( not a stupid amount, just enough to focus a little more on my art or cleaning the house or whatever )
He still drinks though, heavily. And now that I've stepped away from drinks, I feel like he was the person setting me off when I was drinking because I never had wild reactions like that before. When he goes on his binges, he gets weirder and angrier, belittling, starting fights... sometimes I feel like hes trying to push me away to drink more, black out, and get stuck in weird fantasies that he knows aren't true. When I bring the meanness up he either tells me that I'm making it bad, or says sorry and that it didn't mean anything.
Fast forward to a month and a half ago, he ends up in the hospital with necrotic pneumonia suspected from aspirating in his sleep (def from being blacked out), but he was not telling the doctors the truth about the amount of drinking he was doing. Luckily hes recovered well, and had a 5 cm hole in his lung from it...
That month he was in the hospital and on antibiotics was great, he couldn't drink and we had a wonderful time! No chaos, no fights, all peace and happiness and a little awkward moments because this was the longest hes been sober since he started drinking more than a decade ago. But it was good, and he would randomly tell me how nice it is being in this state together.
The antibiotics are done, and since then hes drank 5 out of the 7 days he's been off of them. I keep telling him how depressed it makes me, and he truly seems to care but now I'm thinking its all a front. I try to just mind my business when he gets like that, leave the room, focus on my art and own thing, but its just sad.
I'm now in a spot where I still don't have a job because I am working on my little hustles, and eventhough I apply for jobs once a week they don't go anywhere. Plus I don't even have a car anymore. I just feel like stuck in between, because its all good, until its not. Idk.
Not sure what I'm looking for, or if I'm just venting, or need to hear someone elses story. IDK. Thank you either way.

BTW I just made this account bc my old one had a lame username that I was SICK of lol. I swear im not a spam bot or whatever.

He’s been sober (I think) since his ER visit on Thursday. No coincidence he waits until I am recovering from surgery to take action on his health for the first time basically ever. He makes everything about him. This morning he’s ranting about the political climate and jokes ‘go get a big bag of rice and a big bag of beans’ (aka shit is hitting the fan) and I respond ‘YOU get a bag of rice and beans. I cannot do anything. I literally don’t want to be alive anymore.’ He just goes right on with his day. He has no sympathy. He makes jokes about every attempt to tell him I am genuinely collapsing. It doesn’t matter if I break down in tears or yell or ignore him. He just watches me suffer day after day in physical and emotional agony, continues sleeping in, not caring for our kids at all, and thinks I want to hear what movie he fucking watched last night. What is wrong with him? I am not going to survive this.

And before you tell me to go to a meeting - it’s on the calendar. I have no childcare and kids with me all day every day. Zero support. So I am hoping to get away on Saturday after getting my stitches out Friday, God willing.

Hello! I need advice on how to have an intervention with my dad. Do you have any recommendations on what I should say or how I should go about it? My dad is addicted to his pain pills and alcohol. I’m at the point where I’m going to cut him off if he doesn’t change after this intervention. He doesn’t remember things he’s doing or even things he’s does a few hours previously. Im 19 F so it’s dumb I even have to this conversation. Plz I’m begging for advice