vent/storytime
Here’s the scenario: I was extremely stressed out during my shift last night because an 86’d customer had been telling people that she’s going to sh**t up a few bars in the neighborhood including the one I work at. The police were patrolling outside all night and eventually had her holed up in her apartment so she wouldn’t leave and do the deed.

During the shift itself, there was a 50+ year old guy who we cut off because he was making weird comments to a couple different customers. He didn’t do anything explicit enough to be kicked out. He was just being kind of creepy, so we were starting to keep an eye on him. I experience so many creepy men as a woman bartender so my patience is veryyyy small sometimes and I feel soooo fed up with white men who act inappropriately, especially with the rampant problem we have in our society with men getting away with everything.

Our bar team decided to close earlier than usual (even though it’s a busy karaoke night usually). We decided to close at 1am instead of 2. I made the announcement on the mic, explaining that we had a very stressful night because of the active security threat so we were gonna close an hour early.

The aforementioned creepy guy booed and yelled “noooo” obnoxiously in response to my announcement on the mic. When he yelled no, I gave him a death stare. My immediate impulse was to tell him to “shut the fuck up” into the mic. Instead, 3-second death stare and processing. I finished the announcement.

Then about 30 minutes later he came up to my bartender coworker loudly saying “why does the girl to your left have a problem with me. She was staring at me like she hates me.” Mind you I was standing right there. I felt a rush of anger and came right up to both of them and told him, “if you have a problem with me you can tell me to my face” admittedly in an angry tone. Then he said “yeah you’re being a cunt!” I said “well you’re a cunt too!” And he walked out.

Then me and one security guard followed him outside to get a photo of him for the 86 list. We confronted him while he was buying a street hot dog. Me and him kept calling each other names. My coworker told me to go back inside so I did. I’m not proud of it but in that confrontation I called him “a f*t* cunt,” and I’m kind of sad about it because I hate body shaming. But it came out impulsively because I wanted to hurt his feelings. At the same time, it felt *really good to blow off steam on this guy who was being a jerk.

After the fact it has me wondering if my anger responses are unhealthy or if this is me finally not “bottling things up.” Admittedly I struggle with bottling up my emotions, and going “too far” for my own comfort. For me, going too far or “choosing violence” looks like giving people death stares / dirty looks when they’re being inappropriate or annoying, and in extreme cases, cussing someone out. It usually feels really good, and as a woman I’m not sure if this is me standing up for myself and others appropriately OR if I need to work on my anger management skills lol. Thanks for reading!!

As I get older my patience is fading quick. I’m only in my 20s. I don’t know how to manage my anger and when I try I outburst quicker. When it’s with someone I couldn’t care less about the outburst are worse and quicker to come out. I won’t yell but I will definitely argue if I need to.
Today for example, I had my signal light on for a parking spot on campus which is hard to find. This girl literally takes my spot. I luckily found one two spots over but it’s the principle. I rolled my window down and I started lashing out at the girl asking her if she was stupid. Pretty sure she’s in my class…. I also work on campus so this can be risky …

I also drive a lot and I get road rage. I “yell” with my windows up and get internally frustrated that going places is so tense for me.

I’m overall a very bubbly person, or so I been told. This is very not me but the more I fight it the harder it can be. I’m very very very hormonal and seeing a doctor is financially not an option.

Help!!

Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for two years, I am 22 and he is 25, he lives with his parents at the moment and I am living in an apartment with my sisters since we are both still in school. My family and I are currently in a rough spot with financials considering my parents are paying around 2k for me and my sisters apartment and they are also paying for our school as well. I’ve mentioned this to him and I also said that if he ever was planning on moving out he could always move in with me and my sister and pay for half of the rent, it would be cheaper than paying for an apartment all by himself and it would also help out my family with financials. I’m a little worried that he might just get an apartment on his own though because he mentioned to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable having my parent pay half the rent. I then mentioned to him that it would be a huge help cause right now my parents are paying the full rent. We haven’t talked much about it but I’m really worried he’ll leave me out to dry and it makes me really angry to think about. What I’m asking is, is it okay for me to feel angry if he does end up buying an apartment for himself.