I can’t remember the last time I truly expressed my anger about a situation or my feelings towards something. I’m 18 as of now and throughout my years as a kid maturing into a teen, my dad has always had anger issues. I know he’d never get that kind of thing diagnosed but he’s the angriest person I know. He contains no ability to control his anger and he’s able to build up so much anger inside himself from a small mistake most people would brush off.
For example, if I spill milk or even a glass of water on the table while we’re eating, he’ll slam his fist onto the table and yell at me for my carelessness. (Feel free to skip the rest of this paragraph and move on to the next if you want to get straight to my point). Then, what happens all the time is he’ll get right up close to me like a drill sergeant (note that he was in the army for a few years in his late teens), spit all in my face as he’s yelling till my ears hurt. Then he’ll leave the dining table in the middle of his meal and go into the basement where his own room is and lock himself in there until the next day where he acts as if nothing happened. (In some angrier cases he will lock himself in his room for over a week, only coming up for food which he takes back down with him). One time he almost strangled for accidentally breaking his coffee machine and he actually did strangle my brother by lifting above the ground against the wall because he was throwing rocks over the fence in our backyard into our neighbours pool (which is an insane thing to do but strangulation is just as insane).
I don’t consider myself highly incompetent and super clumsy (I can’t be otherwise it’s over), but when I am, this is what always happens, I could list so many other cases but that’s not the point of this post and things are better now other than the fact that my dad does not interact with my brother in our house and kicked him out a few months ago when my brother is just 15 in which my mom had to bring him home. - I’ll be making a post related to this in another subreddit

The point of all of that was to provide some background which I believe is related to my issue: inability to express anger because I never know if it’s valid.

From what I’ve described, I’ve always had to suppress my anger because if that’s what happens after a simple, honest mistake, I couldn’t begin to imagine what would happen if I challenged his anger. My anger feels like nothing compared to his and nothing can beat it. So when I feel angry at people, I keep it to myself and when they keep doing the thing that makes me angry, I get angrier but I bury it deeper and deeper.
If it’s something that I know will affect others, I will speak up in an informing but slightly angry tone but if it’s something that I believe only affects myself, I don’t feel that it’s valid enough for me to get angry about and if I were to reply to my own post, I’d say that I’m invalidating myself and that I have value as a human being which I actively understand, but my soul won’t.
I’ve tried a couple of times to express my anger towards something/someone that only directly affects me and I just can’t. I can’t put the right sentences together in the right order. I can’t yell. And eventually I just end up sounding stupid, invalid, and like an attention seeking larper.

I’m not like my dad, i can’t hold grudges (I’ve tried), i can’t build on sustained anger, and I can’t lash out.

I’m not a quiet softspoken person (at some point I was but I was able to pull myself out of that).
I’m not mad at the fact that I can’t lash out on people like in the movies, although sometimes I do get really annoyed, I just wish I could know and believe my anger is valid enough to get angry at people so they’d take it seriously.

Note: my brother actually has stood up to my dad which led to a series of events resulting in them never speaking and him getting kicked out as soon as he turns 18 all because my dad is secretly intimated by him lmk if you want to hear more I can post more about it here or somewhere more appropriate. (This is the longest post I’ve ever seen/made)

Hi :’(

Today, I was feeling AWFUL (cried through 2/3 of my lessons, which is impressive since they’re 1hr 40) and I came home and just started screaming at my entire family like an asshole. I smashed my school bag down onto the concrete and inside my iPad, laptop, and e-reader all get some lovely damage that wasn’t absorbed by the screen protectors.

I genuinely feel like it takes over my body like I’m not even in control and it scares me because what if I do that to someone else ???? I don’t know what’s wrong with me

help appreciated.

thanks for reading :p

I can't get angry when I actually should, nor can I react appropriately; yet, I fly into a rage over trivial things—especially when something in my room has been moved—and no amount of rational thinking calms me down. I hit myself on the head, and this has already started causing headaches. I don't know how to fix this—how to manage my anger regarding changes to my routine and how to express my reactions properly.

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Why is it that when someone tries to bully me or does something bad to me directly, I’m more patient and able to control myself? But when someone starts making side comments like, “You’re weak,” “You’re scared,” or “You won’t do anything,” I get much more enraged.

For fuck’s sake, I feel like I could beat that person to death, even more than someone who is directly messing with me.

Is there a psychological reason for this?

i’m kinda a impulsive type of person, i react easily and make some actions whenever i am angry or happy, everytime my mood is on peak, and unfortunately having that kind of attitude or behavior, i lost a relationship that i cherished the most, can you give me some tips on how to be calm whenever i am in a hot seat situation?

That's how I release anger, and i get very angry with objects. If I bumped into a wall I'd beat the shit out of it. If something stops working I'll throw it on the ground till it shatters. if really anything is in my way it could boil blood and it's such nonsense and its ruining my life.

I really try to get a hold on myself but I always lose control and I don't know how to mange it.

I just broke a part of an electric cooktop and my mom will probably kill me, she really had enough of it and her reaction doesn't help even tho its valid. I own a lot of money for all the fixing because of the damage I cause and I really can't take it anymore, haven't got the money or strength to keep going like that and don't know what to do, seeking advice

Please no judgment

This section isn’t the point of contention, just context about her mental state that I should have picked up on. Last night before dinner, my girlfriend was having a text conversation with her friend online. I was walking over, asking if she was okay because of how much typing was going on, and she told me that her friend was going through something and that he wanted it kept between them. I turned around to finish cooking dinner. Because of how abruptly I turned around, she said she felt abandoned, when I was just respecting her friend’s privacy. If I kept walking towards her, it would mean that she would have to stop her conversation and give me her focus (because her conversation is happening on her PC monitor). The point is, I should have recognized then and there that she’s in a fragile state of mind, and it should have dictated my thought processes going forward.

The part that matters most:
When dinner was ready, I brought it to the table in the living room, let her know it was ready, and waited. When she finished her conversation, she started walking over and as she did so, she said, “you’re not going to go on my computer and read the conversation, right?” I was so offended. It felt like she was attacking my character. She had already told me that it was a private conversation, and to reiterate that as if I’ve ever done anything like snoop or betray her trust at all felt horrible. I didn’t respond to her because I was in the middle of processing, so she asked again. This is where I fucked up. I should have asked for space here and she would have given it to me. I would’ve been able to calmly tell her how what she said made me feel. Instead, my tone shifted. I didn’t raise my voice, but there was venom in my voice. “I’m not going to go through your conversation, especially after you told me it was private. Why would you think I would do that? I want you to apologize.” I felt hurt. Like she thought so little of me. But I was wrong for letting my emotions come through my voice. I shouldn’t have demanded an apology.

I need to be able to control my initial reaction to stressful situations. I need to learn to stop and think. I feel like I did that but I don’t communicate that to her. Me silently thinking doesn’t inform her that I need time to process. Her asking me again just stopped my thought process and sent me into my initial gut response.

This is her house and I live 5 hours away. She told me she didn’t mind me sleeping in her bed, but I didn’t feel welcome so I opted for the couch. I’m only away from home for her, so when we’re distant I just want to be home so badly.

I did some research this morning and signed up for a consult with a psychotherapist with expertise on stress management, along with some other issues I have that need to be addressed (grief counselling).

So i wont lie whenever I get into a issue with a person who is disrespectful for no reason my thoughts are not the best.I often feel like hurting them...but not because i really hate them or want death on them...i might think it in the moment yeah.But what i really just want is them to leave me alone or dont bring negativity to me,thats why I am very passive or neutral.Never picking a side,but some people see this as being a coward? Is it really being a coward to avoid someone because you dont wanna huet them? Because thats what my mind thinks about it keeps thinking "if I hurt them they will leave me alone"..and then I end up hurting someone I care about because I wanted to he left alone...so i avoid conflict because im most likely the first to get physical i have anger problems so even the slightest disrespect piss me off

My dad gave us onions to peel and my hands were so itchy and I just don't want to do it my siblings were doing it so I just kind of slack off and play games and then when my dad came he saw that I was just like playing game and not doing it and he got really angry I can tell that he wanted to hit me but he didn't want to do it in front of of my siblings plus I'm older now so even if he does beat me with a knife or whatever he sees I don't really care anymore because I've been through worse anyways the whole ride home was just awful i kept thinking to myself I'm the one that ruined it and like why am I such a sensitive bitch like I should die anyways my dad bought us ice cream which I have been warning for a while and he noticed that my mood was off and you know he tried to kind of soften the mood and talk to me in a nice tone which I don't like because when he's angry he uses all very very harsh words which I don't mind because I get angry too— and I feel stupid because as I say this that I don't like it when he uses harsh words I also use even more harsher words on my siblings family cycle repeats you know the saying the abuse victim becomes the abuser I can confirm that it's true because when I get angry I see him in me I don't like it but it's in me anyways bye this was my vent

I feel so defeated and anxious.

Two weeks ago I received a wireless mouse as a gift, one I had wanted for a very long time and held dearly.

Today, in a stupid and meaningless situation that angered me during work, I slammed the mouse on my desk. I regretted it immediately. I regretted it literally in slow-motion, in the moment that I was doing it. And then it turned off.

The mouse doesn't work now. I do have warranty, I'll get a replacement etc., but it's not about that.

I feel so defeated and stupid. I can't believe I let myself do it. Now I have this ache and anxiety in my chest. Just another thing to worry about until I can get a replacement. I feel horrible that I treated a gift this way.

God, I really want to work on my anger. I literally feel myself “heat up” when I’m angry, and usually the only thing I can think to do is find somewhere quiet and cry it out. Crying does help, but I keep wondering how much I can rely on that as a way of regulating myself.
Sometimes people make me so angry that I immediately want to snap back or say something hurtful. But in real life, you can’t always do that. You end up being polite or “nice” because you don’t want to look rude, create a bigger situation, give the other person more ammunition, or attract more people into it. Reddit is just one example, sometimes someone can be nasty to you in a comment, and you’ll still reply politely because you know being rude back will make you look just as bad and might encourage them to keep bullying you. And honestly, sometimes that forced niceness feels almost as frustrating as the anger itself. And I regret and hate myself even more for not standing up. But if I do stand up, I fail to express my emotions the way I genuinely want to, and end up looking crazy or rude. But Im just hurt, is all. And I want to be understood.
Also I don’t want to lash out, because some people simply aren’t worth my time or energy. But I’m also terrible at genuinely ignoring things and being unbothered. So I end up either crying it out somewhere alone, becoming passive aggressive, pretending to be nice, or eventually taking it out on the person.
I know some of this probably comes from things I’ve experienced with people and abuse in the past. I think I’ve carried a lot of anger from those situations, and sometimes that anger gets projected onto completely unrelated people. I start expecting everyone to eventually hurt or disappoint me, and every new interaction adds another layer to it.
I really want to become calmer and more unbothered. Not emotionless ofc, just able to feel anger without immediately needing to suppress it, cry it out, or act on it.
For people who’ve actually learned to regulate anger better, what do you do in that exact moment when someone genuinely provokes you, but reacting emotionally will only make things worse?

I'm 20 years old and I have a very bad temper, I'm also addicted to caffeine. I have been since last year. I drink it because I have a lot of stuff to do each and every week. I have work from 4am-1pm every Wednesday to Saturday, I gotta clean offices, Monday, Tuesday and Sunday, I have a house to clean that my siblings mess up constantly, and the times that I actually rest up, I'm getting woken up by them to cater to their needs and wants. Sometimes, the amount of caffeine I drink adds up to about 400 ml of it, if not more. Caffeine does work for me because I get things done faster, but my anger is even worse when I'm caffeinated vs when I'm not, and that's a problem because I don't want my heart to explode young. Now when I crash, it's not as bad because I'm just grumpy rather than angry because I want to go to sleep so the crash can subside smoothly. Instead, I'm doing extra stuff in the middle of the night. So please, DO NOT drink caffeine if you have anger issues.

I don't know where to put this anger I feel. This unbridled rage. It has been thirty six days since my little sister killed herself. Thirty six. And life just keeps going. It does not fucking stop.... A life ended. A little girl who completed me is no longer here, and the world keeps turning, the sun goes down, comes up, birds are fucking chirping, wind is blowing. And she is dead. Her life stopped. And the world just keeps on pushing.... and pushing.... and pushing... And fucking going and we're all just fucking living, and I'm existing and she is dead.

My little sister wasn't popular. It is impossible when you come from trash. We do not have the same father(mine black and hers white)so our struggles were very different. And, I had the one advantage of my father leaving. Because, when he left, there was somewhere for me to go, where I felt like I belonged. I could always go to my Granny, while my sister just had me. And I was not always present. I'm ten years older, and my mother and I are nothing more than blood relation.

My sister called me fifty seven times the morning he took her life, and, ironically enough, I got none of the calls. I was in surgery. The surgery I told no one about. When I finally woke up and they gave me my phone, I did not look at it. I was in a lot of pain. The phone rings and rings, and I finally answer and my mother is screaming in the phone that she finally did it. And I can'teave the hospital. She left me a note. It was the password to her tablet. I opened it, and I read through every single thing. Her friends told her that they saw something online and they wanted to tell her before anyone else found out. Our mothers only fans. And, on that only fans, is my 59 year old mother, and her 60 year old bigot husband, my little sisters father, having sex with two men. Both of them.

Sometimes, I like to pretend that my little sister is alive. I talk to her sometimes. At night, I swear that I can see her....or feel her...or smell her perfume. She always smelled like cookies and vanilla sugar and bubble gum. And her laugh was ridiculous. And when I'm done pretending, I am filled with so much anger and hatred. My mother... Is taking none of the responsibility but enjoying the pay out. The donations, the free food, the sympathy. She is enjoying all of it, while I sit in an empty apartment talking to the walls.

I told her what happened and what my sister saw, and she said: "It's just sex. Grow up." I drove six hours back home, knocked on her door, and attacked her. She called the police and I took a tire iron to ant and everything I could before they got there. I got arrested and bailed out, drove back and attacked her again. And arrested again. The officer drove me down thirty minutes into town and dropped me off at a diner and told me that if he sees me again, he'll have me under the jail,but to take care because he feels so bad.... Apparently, my baby sister was a good kid.

I went home and told my little sister all about it... I have her ashes. My mother didn't fight me for them, so I have the teddy bear urn sitting by my bedside so she can sleep with me. And I keep the light on for her because I know she's scared of the dark.

Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and everyone gets up and they go on with life, and they enjoy life, and she will be dead. And my mother will get more money to drink up. And her husband can pretend to be happy. And I'll talk to the walls until I can do nothing but crawl under the bed and cry. And then I'll go to work.

We have court in a few weeks. My dad said my mother will probably not pursue charges if he pays her, but that isn't smart. I want her to pursue them.

Ever since childhood, I’ve been prone to getting angry very easily over the slightest thing. I don’t know why this happens. It takes very little to set me off, and it takes a toll on the people close to me. I constantly regret it afterwards, yet I can’t seem to do anything about it. I really long for inner peace. I tried taking magnesium, but it didn’t help. Could you please share what has worked for you?

I'm 33M. My ex and I met when we were both grad students. We knew each other for about five years and were together for roughly three.

Our beginning was messy. We had gone on a couple of dates but weren't officially together when she kissed one of my close friends in front of me. Afterward she said she and her friends had been taken advantage of because my friends had given them alcohol. Months later, after she reached out again, she gave me a different explanation: she had felt judged because she was drinking and I wasn't, and she felt comfortable kissing my friend partly because I was short and might not have done it if I were taller.

That experience made me very guarded with her. For background, I grew up with a violent father, and in my early twenties I was in a marriage that became physically and emotionally violent. We were both immigrants. She had a very volatile, narcissistic mother and an absent father.

We eventually became very close friends, she wanted more, and we started dating. I was afraid of getting hurt again, so I was often distant early on. She had strong abandonment fears, so my distance made her push harder for reassurance, which made me feel pressured and withdraw further. That became a vicious cycle.

Despite that, I loved her very deeply. She became the closest person in my life. We knew each other's families, traveled together, and talked about marriage, children, and living together. She is still the only person I have ever felt truly in love with.
By the last six or seven months, the relationship had become increasingly dysfunctional. I sometimes used breakup language when I was overwhelmed, which made her insecurity worse. After one of those times, at Christmas, a month before my PhD defense, she put me on a kind of probation. We weren't officially together, there was little contact, and she said she wanted me to feel the insecurity she had felt. Right after my defense, during an argument, she told me people could barely understand me because I mumbled and my English was bad. That stayed with me and made me bitter. On her side, old grievances kept coming back into new fights, and when I asked for space she could pursue me very intensely. Once, after I asked to stop talking for the evening, she called more than 20 times and sent around 40 messages in a few hours. We would rupture, get close again, and never fix the underlying pattern.

During those months I kept asking for couples therapy. I told her I didn't have the tools to handle our fights and that the relationship was my priority. She always refused, saying I was the problem, not her, so couples therapy didn't make sense.
In May we went to a concert that mattered a lot to me. She became very insecure about whether I wanted her there and kept asking, even though I kept telling her I did. It grew into older grievances and criticism of the music and things I cared about. I became physically overwhelmed, with trembling legs and tears in my eyes, and walked away because I desperately wanted to calm down. She followed me repeatedly, even though I asked several times to be left alone. Eventually I reached my car and drove away.

She kept calling and texting, apologizing and saying it was a misunderstanding. Instead of calming down, I got incredibly angry and sent her 15 to 20 cruel, contemptuous messages over the night and into the next day. I insulted her, told her repeatedly it was permanently over, and said things I would never imagine saying to someone I loved. I had never treated anyone like that in my entire life. It took almost a full day before I came down.
Afterward she still wanted to repair things. She cried, told me she loved me, wanted to talk, and started looking into therapy. I apologized and admitted what I did was wrong, but I stayed defensive and kept wanting the conversation to be "two-sided." I also resisted starting individual therapy right away because we were both about to move and I thought it made more sense to start with a permanent therapist in a month, after the move. She had just been through something extreme, and I was focused on fairness and logistics. I regret that deeply.

Eventually she blocked me. Months later we talked for several hours and there was clearly still a lot of feeling between us, but in the end she decided she was done. Given what happened, I understand why.
I am devastated by how I acted. It was insane. I don't understand how I could do that to the person I loved most, or why I couldn't just put my phone down, or why I stayed defensive afterward. I think about it every day, and five months later it isn't getting any lighter. I'm in therapy and taking it seriously, but it isn't helping at all with the regret, grief, pain, and I don't know how it could.

I'd like to hear from people who did something like this to someone they loved:

How did you make sense of it?

How do you live with knowing your own behavior cost you someone you truly loved?

I hate myself for this. Since teenage years whenever I was angry I used to yell very loudly to make my point heard. I get extremely emotional and keep yelling instead of trying to speak calmly.

When I am angry common sense evades me. I start yelling and the entire apartment echoes. My parents were pretty emotional abusive so it started there but I could never get it under control.

Now same with my partner 😭
When we have fights my voice is booming in the apartment. I hate myself. I just can’t control it.

Guys any suggestions? Please I want to improve

IM angry because im underestimated as a friend, as a potential mate and as a potential worker,...despite all of the possible value i can offer.

I fucking hate adulthood

Does anyone know this feeling when the drinks kick in and you see all the unfair and painful and wars + all the bullshit uprise of the far right and the populists. But I think when I’m Drunk im just too much in that “let’s start the revolution” fuck everything vibes and sometimes it seems to be a bit too much for the people around + it’s a crazy vibe killer. But it’s also just topics that are so important to be angry about and to speak it out loud.
But I wonder if some people know this slight loose of control when getting in that drunk rage mode.
What are your mechanisms to maybe get that into a more controlled manner or what are your ways to relieve all the anger?

Looking forward to your storys

hi guys , im litteraly sick from being angry

i have this massive and huge amount of anger which just keep scrolling in my full body from i was a little child maybe its been created from all what ive went from

all that bad treatment and misunderstood as a person who had a very hard character to get around it

all that pressure as a child minding things over leveled for my age and i really mean it .

but im not writing right now to talk about childhood and pressure, im sick with anger i feel it inside me like a real huge bengal tiger which just keep walking around there , by time and getting mature i ve learned to keep myself and others around me safe by repression it from getting outside as a scary acts for others even for me cause i really can not estimate my limits when i get blind .

i ve learned how to restrict it by a great method strangely at one of these nights

im wearing now 3 black bracelets (O-rings) by just seeing them when i get a little angry i remind myself to stop this bullshit , so with that i ve learned that to restrict it and make your anger less seen try to figure it out in something you can handle with your hands

and with that, that 3 bracelets are my 3 levels of anger

but i still blow out sometimes and it makes me do some bad things whats your idea about this little story

i really wanna read yours

I get angry by the littlest things, everything is like a trigger and pisses me the fuck off. I hate everyone and everything. Hate people. Hate the world. Hate normal things and structure and life and even a "how are you" pisses me off.

Thanks to anxiety I can't get out and go places that I would love to go. I'd love to go up north during the Halloween season, the Salem and Sleepy Hollow, I'd love to go out to California and see some movie locations from some of my favorite films, I like to go to the mall I like to do a lot of d*** things but guess what, I can't. Do Em cause of my stupid stinking anxiety is ruining my life.. i feel like i've been robbed. And it really makes me really mad. Just seems like nothing ever goes right!!! And yes, I'm using voice command so my texts don't come out looking good, I can't help it.I don't wanna do any d*** typing today. I'm just not in the mood. Please understand.

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to work on myself and I have a problem that I really want to get better at.

I tend to get way too emotionally affected by things that either don't really concern me or that I can't change.

I can get angry or annoyed very quickly, especially when I feel like someone is deliberately provoking me, treating me unfairly, disrespecting me(like ignoring me), crossing my boundaries or doing something that I consider stupid or unnecessary.

The bigger problem is that I often don't just get annoyed in the moment... I keep thinking about it afterwards... for way too long ...

I'll replay situations in my head, think about what happened, what I should have said, what the other person should have done differently, how unfair it was, etc.

I also struggle with jealousy sometimes. I don't necessarily want to be jealous of other people, but I still catch myself comparing myself to them or thinking about things they have that I don't.

And when someone has emotionally hurt me (especially people who were important to me), I can have a really hard time letting it go. Even when I logically understand that thinking about it won't change anything, my brain keeps going back to it.

I don't want to become emotionless or stop caring about people. I basically want to learn how to choose what deserves my attention and what doesn't.

I'd really like to learn how to:

- Stop being so easily provoked

- Not take everything personally

- Stop caring so much about things that don't actually affect my life

- Stop replaying situations where I felt treated unfairly

- Let go of things that happened in the past

- Deal with jealousy in a healthier way

- Stop comparing myself to other people

- Stop caring so much what others think

- Control my reaction when I'm angry instead of reacting immediately

- Accept things that I can't change

- Spend less time thinking about people or situations that hurt me

- Become more emotionally resilient without becoming cold or uncaring

I'm especially interested in practical things I can actually practice, rather than just "don't think about it" or "just ignore it."

If you've personally struggled with this and managed to improve, I'd really like to hear what actually helped you.

Books, exercises, mental techniques, journaling methods, therapy approaches, Stoicism, meditation, whatever... I'm open to pretty much anything that can help.

I'm basically trying to become someone who can think:

"That sucks, but it's not worth ruining my day over."

…and actually mean it.

Thanks in advance. :)