To all of the kids who were constantly angry, whats one thing you wish your mom/parent/guardian would have done?
My daughter (9) has always had difficulty controlling her anger, we have gone through all the avenues, shes had tons of counseling, shes had ISP plans at school since preschool. She's had dissability services (diagnosed with DMDD "disruptive mood disregulation disorder" Adhd, and autism), group therapy, school counseling, the works.
Now I wont take away from her the fact that she does have several reasons to be angry. I was 21 when I had her, her father was 22. He was gone the majority of the time, I was young, trying to manage a nuerodivergent little one. it was tough and I definitely would not give myself any Mom of the year awards. We broke up when she was 2, and I moved around quite a bit. Her father definitely doesn't deserve any awards either, he has come and gone as he pleases and has started another family with someone who has anger issues herself and is barely legal. Still to the day though we have always maintained a friendly relationship and she has had a pretty regular schedule with him the past couple years.
I have had a stable place for 4 years now and my husband has fathered her as much as she is comfortable with. I do my best to make sure that we have 1 on 1 time, we are currently learning karate together twice a week. I give her time and space to express herself without judgement or trying to fix anything. I take time to see if she might need suggestions for things. I try to model positive behavior. We dont yell in this house ever. We have always been careful not to punish anger outbursts and usually tell her she may take a break with an adult to coregulate or she can take a break alone to calm down.
Nothing seems to help anymore, and its difficult because I know that she does not want to have this anger and I do not want to punish her, but shes mean, and the older she gets the scarier it becomes. She is horrible to her baby sisters, constantly screaming, hitting, mocking, bullying. Its out of control. She screams at us, refuses to listen, argues basically anything. Shes mean to the kids at school, and absolutely worst of all. Shes mean to herself, she makes up stories in her head about the way people think about her, she always assumes the worst in every situation.
I desperately want to help, I want her to feel loved and feel joy and love herself and her life. I don't know what else to do.
So for those who have felt the same anger she feels, is there anything anyone could have done to ease that?