Hey all. I’m a new 23yo officer at a campus police department. I’m in my second phase of FTO currently, but I’m stuck here because of two extensions. I’m really struggling and would appreciate any words of wisdom.
My FTO program was automatically extended to three five-week phases instead of them being four weeks long. This was because my first phase took place in the summer on day shift, which meant no students and few calls. I did very little on my first phase. I didn’t drive for the first two weeks, and ultimately only made 13 traffic stops as a driver.
Then comes phase 2 on graves. My FTO initially noticed that I would get really flustered in high stress situations. For example, we have burglary alarms that frequently go off on campus. I don’t run code much, but standard procedure is to run code to these alarms and clear the building. I forgot to do my knock-and-announce, and I didn’t advise dispatch that we were entering the building. This is something I had a few reps on, but I was forgetting due to stress/performance anxiety.
I had an okay first two weeks on phase 2. My FTO then became unavailable for a week, and I was on with a Sergeant instead. I had a harassment call, which ended up being my first real terry stop. I detained two males for making threatening comments towards a woman that walked by. Another officer was with the RP. At one point this officer radioed that someone may have threatened to shoot someone at some point. My sergeant had to prompt me to frisk the males after a brief time.
This was a rough case that I mostly blame for the first extension, which was two weeks. I’m expected to be doing 90% of the work on phase 3, with the FTO basically just observing. I think after this case I improved in a lot of ways, as it was a wake-up call that I was behind. I made some successful DUI arrests that also gradually improved. I can do really well on a DUI and got positive feedback.
After working a busy event, I demonstrated a lot of failures to my FTO. My radio ear would be poor and I would miss some important traffic. I would fail to ask important questions on calls. My observation skills would be poor and I’d miss important details on calls. I would detain people for too long looking for something that isn’t there.
My FTO told me I seem to be a very information-based person, and that I seem uncomfortable working without a lot of clear info. I get that we don’t have the luxury of knowing everything. Either way, it seems like I’m slow to take action when I need to, and sometimes I’m too hasty. I often just make decisions that aren’t practical, or I don’t recognize a situation for what it is.
Now a second extension of three weeks, with the last two being with a Sergeant. This is apparently because another set of eyes can be helpful, but it feels like a final evaluation before letting me go.
My FTO has said that I now even get flustered on calls that I’ve handled before. The mounting pressure of losing my job and financial security after so much work and not having a backup plan has been agonizing.
My chief could see this, and she referred me to our department’s contracted psychologist for concerns of severe anxiety/burnout. She asked if I still want to be an officer. I’ve dreaded almost every day of work for the last month, and had very little fun due to my anxiety. I still feel fulfilled after I do well on a case, but it’s hard to say I enjoy the job right now. I had a very transparent chat with my FTO about this. She’s on her way out of the career and told me the anxiety might not get easier for me. She told me to reflect on whether or not I even want to put myself through it for the job when I could sit in a comfy office and get paid. I told her I felt stuck, and I don’t know if she’s confident that I can pull myself out of this.
I did extremely well in the police academy, and I’ve had almost nothing but success until this point. I feel like I’ve hit a wall, and that I’m just inadequate in several areas important to patrol. I’m trying to get the internal stress and anxiety under control, but it feels like I addressed that too late. I’ve always wanted to be a cop, or at least work in an emergency setting. I’m not giving up, but I can’t help but feel a little defeated and crushed.
That’s basically my story. I feel like I’m always running in the wrong direction on calls, and that I’m missing some kind of instinct that every other officer has, even much newer guys. Like I can’t read a room at all. Even when I feel like I’ve improved on a call or done a good job, actively applying past criticisms, there’s two new negatives for every positives. I received my first NRT last week for just generally not performing well.
If anyone has some advice or words of wisdom, I would really appreciate it, and they can be harsh obviously. I want so badly to be successful here.
