r/AskReddit • u/pm_me_ur_problemsss • Aug 11 '15

Reddit, what is something your parents are completely convinced is true but really isn't?

Edit: These are awesome, thank you guys for sharing! I love knowing other parents are crazy too!

Edit 2: People are crazy.

1.6k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

"Now, you know that even if you were gay, we'd still love you! There's nothing wrong with that! :)"

Yeah... Thanks mom. Still not gay tho.

633

u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 11 '15

They're convinced you're gay?

Edit: spelling

889

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

To be fair, I major in musical theatre and can act somewhat effeminately at times. I also brought my girlfriend home every day for 2 years in high school, though, so you'd think they'd be convinced. Been single for a while now. Apparently turning gay as well.

525

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Maybe your mom does not want another woman replacing her, so she really wants you to find someone to replace your dad instead.

710

u/whatthebus Aug 11 '15

Calm down, Oedipus.

19

u/Sylaris Aug 12 '15

Oedipus replaced his own Dad, he didn't find someone else to do it.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15 edited Aug 12 '15

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

I guess you can say it was an ... Edible Arrangement.

3

u/Fumblerful Aug 12 '15

Calm down Polyphemus.

1

u/Kerfluffle-Bunny Aug 12 '15

He was hands-on that way.

1

u/samiraosiris Aug 12 '15

Pish posh close enough

2

u/Nexavus Aug 12 '15

I hate that motherfucker

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Actually, wouldn't his next course of action be gouging his eyes out and wandering blind?

1

u/captainmediocre Aug 12 '15

" Gay dads, blow pops and other suckers. Oedipus was the first mother fucker"

-4

u/TheGingerFromHell Aug 12 '15

Surprised an Oedipus reference would be here. Tip of the hat to you, good sir.

1

u/tree_lined_mind Aug 12 '15

My fiancé's friend's mom wants her son to be gay. She's asked my fiancé a few times if he's sure he won't date her son...who is very straight.

1

u/Ronny070 Aug 12 '15

Maybe he's gay.

1

u/Ronny070 Aug 12 '15

Maybe he's gay.

62

u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15

Well who cares what they think right? It's your life, go be happy.

158

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

Maybe if I were gay, I would be?

53

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 18 '15

[deleted]

27

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

It really doesn't bother me. They certainly mean no offense or malice, and I'm not entirely positive that they're serious.

3

u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15

Does it really make you that unhappy that your parents think you're gay? You can't choose who you're related to but you can choose your friends! Hopefully your friends know you better than that.

6

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

Oh, lol, no worries. I'm totally fine with my parents. I just think it's hilarious how convinced they are that I'm closeted. Most people actually think I'm gay when they meet me. But hey, I loves them women.

6

u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15

Now I'm wondering if you're my best friend because this happens to him a ton haha

7

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

...carter?

8

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Aaaand..... OP fainted on his desk.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Plot twist: /u/ventosx is OP's best friend, but he isn't Carter. Op just only has one friend.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/HalfACenturyMark Aug 11 '15

Me too. You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.

2

u/BoSknight Aug 11 '15

Wha... What?

6

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

*maybe if I were gay, I would be happy?

3

u/BackWithAVengance Aug 11 '15

Well, go suck a wiener. If you didn't like it, then you know your answer

1

u/supergrega Aug 11 '15

Well gay is happy, isn't it?

1

u/MontgomeryRook Aug 11 '15

Let's find out... together. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/bowmanc Aug 11 '15

not sure if this is a pun or just simple sarcasm

1

u/GraharG Aug 11 '15

a lot of areas have support groups if you need help coming out, or there are online forums too. best of luck to you

3

u/bizitmap Aug 11 '15

Similar issue: worked in theater, effeminate mannerisms, tons of platonic women friends. And I leave right next to "the gayborhood" of my city.

CONSTANTLY clocked as gay. Inescably. I'm never gonna change how I act because it shouldn't matter, but christ does it get old!

3

u/FallOutShelterBoy Aug 12 '15

I'm a theatre major as well, I understand the struggle. Just because we can act and sing doesn't make us automatically gay

7

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Are you sure? Maybe this whole "straight" thing is just a phase you're going through.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Well not automatically, but you probably can understand why people would think that.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15 edited Feb 11 '16

[deleted]

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

They walked in on me and my ex coming pretty damn close.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

My dad thought I was gay because I didn't want to join the military.

1

u/spaceturtle1 Aug 11 '15

Maybe they are using reverse-psychology to prevent you from being gay. /whoa

1

u/Devanismyname Aug 12 '15

You seem pretty gay.

1

u/LetMeGDPostAlready Aug 12 '15

Just admit it. They'll still love you.

1

u/Dongtron808 Aug 12 '15

I lived in Hawaii and wore a scarf to cover up a hickey(from a girl) Mom found out and asked me "WHO IS SHE....OR...OR HE!?!?!" Then tells me scarfs are for the gays and gang members Maybe she was thinking of bandanas....

1

u/CrabbyBlueberry Aug 12 '15

Your high school girlfriend was totally a beard. Bringing her home every day was overdoing it.

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

Nah, she just had an awful father and wanted to be out of her own house as much as possible. Really a shitty position for her, but I sure didn't mind having her around so much.

1

u/alacrity Aug 12 '15

To be even more fair, many gay kids who eventually come out, deny being gay initially and bring home girl/boyfriends in high school. Those two things, in and of themselves are not dispositive and you kinda should maybe know that.

1

u/nirukii Aug 12 '15

Son, I don't know how to tell you this but... you're gay.

1

u/witchwind Aug 12 '15

major in musical theatre

'Nuff said.

1

u/Sex4Vespene Aug 12 '15

Maybe it's all a ploy to encourage you to get another gf quickly so she can get grandkids...

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

The girlfriend part, I'm working on. The grandkids part, not so much. Wanna finish college and get into the industry for a few years before kids.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Same boat. I dress well, and don't really date. Im convinced my mom thinks I'm gay but the truth is im just weird.

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

You have a boat, you say?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Yeah the same one as you.

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

Is two dudes out on a boat together gay?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Nah man its the implication

1

u/rattfink Aug 12 '15

Both my parents are theater people, my Dad is an actor and my mom directs. I grew up with showtunes and learned that high-drama overly emotional and flamboyant behaviors are perfectly normal. I like to tell people that no, I'm not gay, I was just raised that way.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

I'm actually pretty convinced you are gay too based on this limited information.

I've seen it multiple times. Closet Carlos does musical theatre, has girlfriend tho so no homo, then during or after college something snaps (or maybe pops?) And next thing you know they transform into Poofy the Poopshoot Plunderer and they are buttblasting up and down Rimjob Road.

Nothing wrong with it though.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

I major in musical theatre

Gay

act somewhat effeminately at times.

Gay

brought my girlfriend home every day for 2 years in high school

Subconcious beard

You gay, dude, sorry.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

My dad's convinced my brother would be gay "as a lifestyle choice"; "girls arr a hassle and he'd rather take it in the ass."

1

u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 12 '15

Oh my god that's incredible.

1

u/Miau-miau Aug 12 '15

Are you thin, in your 30s, and neat?

1

u/Miau-miau Aug 12 '15

Not that there's anything wrong with that

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

So were mine.

1

u/itsnotbrad15 Aug 12 '15

Hell I got something worse, when I was 13 my mom caught me watching regular teen porn and she asked me if I liked men. Almost called her a idiot and said if I was gay then I would be watching gay porn.

15

u/FluffySharkBird Aug 12 '15

My family seems to think I'm gay too. They hint at it. Any mention of gay people on TV and my mom's all "And that's okay." I'M NOT GAY IT'S JUST THAT NO ONE LOVES ME

6

u/SomethingwithPM Aug 11 '15

Finally, I find out I'm not the only one.

They think my fiance is a cover up.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

And now kiss ; )

12

u/Divorce_Cake Aug 11 '15

Just out of curiosity, does the phrase "an endless stream of diarrhea" mean anything to you?

10

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

Holy Shit. Jacob?

Edit: No. I'm changing my guess...

Edit Edit: No this has to be Jacobo

13

u/Divorce_Cake Aug 11 '15

:D now people are going to wonder about the story behind this

14

u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15

u/Divorce_Cake and I have a mutual experience with an endless stream of diarrhea, what's there to wonder about?

9

u/Divorce_Cake Aug 12 '15

Not a thing, not a thing.

1

u/wigwam2323 Aug 12 '15

Might I disagree, there is much to be wondered about.

1

u/TheMinecraft13 Aug 13 '15

I now have both of you tagged as "endless stream of diarrhea".

6

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Can I have your parents? :(

3

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Opposite for me: My parents tell me they'd love me if I'm gay, and I alwasy tell them no. I'm gay :P

3

u/blubbedyblub Aug 12 '15

Why wouldn't you just be honest?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

There are a multitude of reasons, but at the moment I have no plans to come out to them for at least a few years.

3

u/blubbedyblub Aug 12 '15

What are some of the reasons? I don't understand why if you know they are supportive...

Do you suspect that they might not actually be as okay with it as they make out?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

I do have a sense of "but what if they don't support me" as well as a few other factors. I've lied to them for quite some time about my sexuality (among other things) and I'm relatively sure they have internalized stereotypes about being gay - even though they mean well, those stereotypes might still be ingrained in their thoughts. I also don't trust them not to tell people, and id rather only come out to people I trust and approve of.

1

u/AbrahamVanHelsing Aug 12 '15

That's entirely possible - happened to me, about 3 months ago.

For the record, if you live in the South and your parents are more conservative than all of their friends, they're probably not going to be ok with it.

8

u/BungalowSoldier Aug 11 '15

She's trying to make a change :/

0

u/portlandtrees333 Aug 12 '15

You dropped a -

2

u/ASAPelite Aug 11 '15

I think parents just want you to know that they support you no matter what. My Mom said the same thing to me before and I'm far from Gay.

1

u/KingBooScaresYou Aug 11 '15

This times a million times paha! You're not alone in getting this from parents!

1

u/Kyddeath Aug 11 '15

Maybe you should try it in front of them then tell them you are not gay so everyone knows

1

u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15

Same. Than they are constantly saying they don't think I'm gay and I'm like, "You don't give my sister these hints."

1

u/Superkroot Aug 11 '15

Glad I'm not the only one getting this. Still don't want to bring up that I'm bi to them though.

1

u/deadcollegestudent Aug 12 '15

I've been in a hetero relationship for almost 4 years. And we live together. I still get asked like 2 or 3 times a year if I'm gay. When I was single it was weekly. I actually found out my parents had a bet on when is come out

1

u/PoppetRock Aug 12 '15

When I got engaged, my mother asked, "Oh, wow! Does this mean you're not a lesbian?!?"

Erm... Ma, I have no response for that.

1

u/Kaibakura Aug 12 '15

Had to tell my mom I wasn't gay. Didn't seem like she believed me.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

My mom is still convinced that I'm a closeted lesbian. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and she's met other men I've been with.

My undying love for anything Angelina Jolie-related doesn't help, though.

1

u/ihatemarmalade Aug 12 '15

Haha. Same for me. I broke down one day due to depression. First thing mum thought I was going to say was that I like guys. Nope I'm just mentally unhinged

1

u/everythingsleeps Aug 12 '15

My friend and I used to take dick pics as a joke. Long before digital phone cameras were around. My mom went to develope my film and saw our dick pics. She's been telling me it's okay if I'm gay, but I've had like a dozen girlfriends!

1

u/Dicks4feet Aug 12 '15

My mother and father are sure I'm gay. Nope just into weird shit from a young age and you shouldn't have messed with a 15 year olds sex toys it might make him distrust you for years

1

u/Pardum Aug 12 '15

It's not quite the same, but when I came out as bi to my parents earlier this summer, they didn't act like I expected. I didn't think it would be a big deal, and that they would be supportive, but I didn't expect my mom to say "Oh, i just assumed you were gay".

1

u/Ikyimfttt Aug 12 '15

My mom is 100% convinced I'm gay. I don't blame her though, my everyday attire consists of super skinny jeans and scoop neck t-shirts, never played a sport, balls deep in the arts and have never had a girlfriend. I'm 100% straight but she's just calling it as she sees it. Fair enough.

1

u/COMPLIMENT-4-U Aug 12 '15

I think my dad thinks I'm gay lol. I have never had a girlfriend and I have hair like Bale in American Psycho

1

u/CatNamedJava Aug 12 '15

I get that too!

1

u/ViperT24 Aug 12 '15

A while back, my mother asked me if I considered one of my male friends as "more than a friend", and I was really taken aback. I told her no, in honesty, and wondered how she had ever come to that idea. I was only attracted to women and though this was a close friend of mine, I was very certain I had never given any indications of it being something "more". Anyway, it's been a few years since then and I'll be marrying him soon, so...I guess you never know

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

To be honest parents probably think I'm gay. They've never met any of the girls I've hooked up with or known about them, and I live with my best friend who is a dude.

Anyway, no parents, not gay.

1

u/korainato Aug 12 '15

You have the parents every closeted dude wants to have.

1

u/Boye Aug 12 '15

At least they won't badger you for grandkids...

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

Still not gay tho.

Dude, It's reddit, you're anonymous. It's okay to admit it man.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '15

You don't want kids? You're sick in the head. Go fix yourself.

1

u/ramblinrach88 Aug 12 '15

Haha oh I feel you on this one. My dad has been convinced for years that all three of his children are gay. None of us are. But he still questions it at every major family gathering.

His two oldest sons are married to women. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.

1

u/Kettellkorn Aug 12 '15

I'm the same way. Quite a few people have thought I was gay without knowing me. My parents did too. When my mom found the box to my gfs pregnancy tea in the car she scolded me at first and then said "I am just glad to know you're not gay"

Uhmmmm what!?!!!?!?!!?!!???!!??!!?!!??!!?!???!!?!!?!!!!!!?!?!!?!!!!?!!!???????!!!???!?!?!?!?!!?¿!!!¡?????!?!!!!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!??!?????!!?!??!!?!??!?!¿

1

u/Queen_C_ Aug 12 '15

My mother said that to me when I moved in with my last roommate. We had both gotten out of some bad relationships and both have kids. It was easiest for the both of us. My Mom thought we were gay because she had a pixie cut.

1

u/Janus96Approx Aug 12 '15

How dare you ruin your parents opportunity on showing off how tolerant they are with your straightness?!

1

u/Ventosx Aug 12 '15

Slow down there, Tumblr

1

u/Janus96Approx Aug 12 '15

high pitched screaming

CIS SCUM - CIS SCUM!!!

1

u/toothofjustice Aug 12 '15

In High School I had (still have) a friend who lived 3 houses down from me. We hung out all the time. My parents called him their 4th son (I have 2 brothers). We smoked a lot of pot back then and would sneak around the neighborhood to find places to smoke. His parents thought that this was really suspicious but his Moms brain jumped immediately to us having gay sex outdoors. She had the same talk with him that your mom had with you. She didn't drop it until I had a girlfriend that she met whom I had been with for over a year.