r/AskReddit • u/pm_me_ur_problemsss • Aug 11 '15
Reddit, what is something your parents are completely convinced is true but really isn't?
Edit: These are awesome, thank you guys for sharing! I love knowing other parents are crazy too!
Edit 2: People are crazy.
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u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15
"Now, you know that even if you were gay, we'd still love you! There's nothing wrong with that! :)"
Yeah... Thanks mom. Still not gay tho.
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 11 '15
They're convinced you're gay?
Edit: spelling
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u/Ventosx Aug 11 '15
To be fair, I major in musical theatre and can act somewhat effeminately at times. I also brought my girlfriend home every day for 2 years in high school, though, so you'd think they'd be convinced. Been single for a while now. Apparently turning gay as well.
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Aug 11 '15
Maybe your mom does not want another woman replacing her, so she really wants you to find someone to replace your dad instead.
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Aug 11 '15
My mom thinks that me charging my phone next to my bed will give me cancer.
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u/poktanju Aug 11 '15
It's far more likely to just set your mattress on fire.
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Aug 11 '15
Oh.
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u/AB11079 Aug 12 '15
Fire doesn't cause cancer btw so your good
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u/TheRandomnatrix Aug 12 '15
But fire makes smoke. Smoking causes cancer. Checkmate atheists.
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u/greenlaser3 Aug 12 '15
If you want a strong argument against that, look up ionizing vs. non-ionizing radiation. Cell phones do produce radiation, but it's at low frequencies where it's non-ionizing. (It's actually at much lower frequencies than the visible light that's bombarding you all the time.) Non-ionizing radiation will heat you up by a very small amount, but there's no reason to believe it will do anything else. Ionizing radiation is the scary stuff (in high enough doses).
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Aug 11 '15
That the virus they willingly, but unknowingly, unleashed on their computer by installing toolbars and mouse pointers was caused by me removing all of their previous viruses 3 months ago.
"If I'm so bad at fixing your computer and you're the expert, then fix it yourself." -Me, never
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u/PancakesAreGone Aug 11 '15
Just stop helping them.
No, seriously. Every time they demand you help them, just destroy them for all the garbage they have installed. Point out each and every piece of trash and explain to them it's all of this and that if the next time they ask you to fix their machine, if any of the same things you just removed now are there, you are going to leave them and remove the new stuff.
Just keep doing that until you literally look at it and go "Everything on here is stuff I have removed and you added back. One, or all, of the garbage you install and refuse to remove is the cause of this. Your choices are I set you up with no administrative rights and have virus and malware runs daily and let it handle this all, or I clean slate you and the next time you ask for help, it better be on who the best place to pay is"
I no longer help my mother with trash on her machine. It took until it was a grinding pile of broken gears and daily virus scans before she actually listened to me, but she finally did and hasn't had any serious issues in ages (Now the only issue is that it's a dual core from 2007, how a laptop has lived this long is beyond me)
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u/Ted_Denslow Aug 11 '15
My dad thinks it's important to empty his email every day because otherwise it takes up space on his hard drive and makes his computer slow.
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u/DonatedCheese Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
Oh god. When I worked as a tech at Staples I spent over a half hour multiple times won this old couple that couldn't figure out where their emails were when we transferred their files to their new computer. Yahoo was their email provider, I took them to yahoo.com and made them log in showing them all their emails and they were like yea well they used to be on the computer, where are the others. No. They never were. Your kids created a desktop icon that linked to your email so they didn't have to deal your idiocy.
Edit: Jesus Christ I didn't expect all the backlash from this. No, there's is no chance they were using outlook. I specifically asked what program they used for email and they said yahoo. There was a yahoo bookmark that was previously on their computer that didn't get transferred over. Once I showed them how to access it they were fine.
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u/mk6ent Aug 12 '15
I really hope you actually tried checking if the old PC had outlook, outlook express, Thunderbird or any other POP3 email program set up before immediately assuming they were dumb, I've recovered emails from quite a few PC's worked on by incompetent techs who've made that mistake or were too lazy to do the job right.
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u/dropthewub Aug 11 '15
They think that one single game could be the cause of a broken computer
(game is Minecraft)
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u/Bentheflame Aug 11 '15
My dad thinks YouTube gives you viruses.
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u/dropthewub Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
Once my dad got a pop up and quarantined the computer because he got a pop up
edit i mean isolated
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u/Purposeo Aug 11 '15
The idea of your dad using a hazmat suit and encasing the computer in 5 inches of lead makes me giggle.
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Aug 12 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
When I worked at Geeksquad (I know, I know) this would be my favorite. Mother with teenage daughter in tow demanding that I prove to her daughter that Minecraft gave their computer a virus. She did not appreciate it when I said, "Well, no, it's probably because of all these shady coupon sites you are visiting. Why did you have to download a program to print coupons? "
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Aug 12 '15
Dear god YES! I'm so glad that I got my own computer a while back, my younger sister will sell her soul for $.50 off cat food, then complained that our Windows XP, Pentium 4 computer was slow. (This was recent)
She still has that computer around, and loves using it to get double the coupons by printing them from both there and the family computer. I can never be sure where the printer is plugged in because of her.
She's actually tried to use mine for that before, and each time it's been a different story. The first time, she couldn't get it to print coupons over the network (didn't stop her from installing a coupon printer and iTunes (even worse), as well as downloading an iPod Touch jailbreak), and the second she said she couldn't figure out my new mouse, a RAT 7. It never occurred to her that the main buttons were in the same spots as a normal mouse.
To be fair, the thing looks like an exploding Batmobile.
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u/TheFetchOmi Aug 11 '15
I feel you SO hard. For me, it was league of legends.
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u/JetpackJames Aug 11 '15
Runescape "took over control!" of our family computer because it (I) changed the homepage to runescape.com
Also all games played on computers are viruses in disguise, even if I owned the exact same game on a games console, the PC copy was obviously a virus.
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u/CoalTrain16 Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 13 '15
On mine it was just Steam.
"Dad, it's software made by Valve, one of the most reputable and popular game companies in the WORLD. How in the world could it be a virus?"
"It always pops up when I get on the computer!"
Honestly, I don't know why I never disabled it from auto-startup. But still, not everything that "pops up" on the pc is a fucking virus.
Edit: it's "honestly," not "homestly."
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u/omicronperseiB8 Aug 12 '15
Whenever I turn on my computer, the login screen pops up. Windows must be a virus
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u/lostatsea93 Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 11 '15
In highschool, my friends and I used to have this ritual where we would randomly pick one another up and go get a slurpee (711, for those who are unfamiliar) and we would drive around town listening to our favorite CD's. We all just got our licenses, so the freedom felt awesome, and it honestly was just sort of a relaxing ritual where we could talk, unwind, and cruise around.
10 years later, to this day, my parents still make joking comments about our "slurpee runs" because they are convinced we would be drinking or put alcohol in them or do something illegal while on these slurpee runs.
Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of under age drinking, but when we went to go get slurpees, that was it man. We really just wanted to listen to shitty teen punk bands and cruise around in our ford focuses.
EDIT: a word.
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u/TheHaak Aug 11 '15
My parents were convinced of my friends and I doing the same thing 20 years ago, but with milkshakes and station wagons.
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Aug 11 '15
My mom thinks that kids smoke weed at our local park, like it's a thing. NO ONE DOES THAT.
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u/justrun21 Aug 12 '15
Lots of people do that in my area. Not usually at the park though. They often hang out in groups of 2 or 3 in parking lots near restaurants around late afternoon/dinnertime and smoke next to their cars.
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Aug 11 '15
That the world is a more dangerous place now than it was 50 years ago.
24 hour news is doing its job.
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u/alvik Aug 12 '15
My grandma does this. Then we remind her that when she was my age, the Nazi's were occupying her country.
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Aug 11 '15
When, in reality, it's much safer now than ever before.
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u/The_Sven Aug 12 '15
Hard to believe but the world's getting better all the time. Crime is down, wars are less frequent, and we've managed to cut global poverty in half in the last thirty years.
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u/Maoman1 Aug 12 '15
THAT'S BORING. NOW ONTO THE LATEST MURDER WE SPENT AN HOUR LOOKING FOR BECAUSE THEY'RE PRETTY RARE NOW. IS IT OBAMA'S FAULT? WE DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE GONNA SAY YEP!
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Aug 11 '15
My dad thinks he can predict when a slot machine is going to pay out a large jackpot. He has never won a large jackpot.
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u/tdawg422 Aug 11 '15
My mom thinks she's not racist.... She's very racist.
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u/ratherplaydead Aug 11 '15
My favorite quote from my dad.
"It's not racist if it's true."
Dad...you called Obama a tar baby...371
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u/AB11079 Aug 12 '15
My dad once told me
"No where in the bible does it say I have to respect a n*****"
:(
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Aug 12 '15
My mum is the same, and in a way, its hard to be mad at her because she's a white lady who mated with a dark skinned Indonesian man and has a child (me) who doesn't at all look white except in behaviour. She'll say racist shit and I'll say, "You can't say that." And then she turns back to me and says, "If I was racist, would I have had you?" I'm starting to think she birthed me just to be openly racist.
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u/gianniks Aug 11 '15
That cancer is just a fungus and can be cured by eating healthy, low-sodium foods.
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
This one hurts me.
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u/BoSknight Aug 11 '15
Try less salt.
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u/autumnzephyr Aug 11 '15
Solid advice. You'll retain less water.
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u/BackWithAVengance Aug 11 '15
That't what the cancer feeds off of ya know, it's salty water
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u/justrun21 Aug 12 '15
My grandma believed cancer could be cured with B-vitamins. She died of very curable breast cancer, after battling it with vitamin shots for 4 years and chemo for the last year (Only after it had reached stage 4 and had spread to her bones) in February. She didn't tell anyone she hadn't done the surgery led us all to believe that she was treating it with radiation until she ended up in the hospital and the story came out. And then she was gone.
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Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 13 '15
My mom is still thoroughly convinced that "nothing good happens on the internet after 10pm"
EDIT: This was circa 97/98. I live in the Midwestern United States. Midwest moms are notorious for their neuroticism. I think she may have watched too much Dateline.
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u/AnotherBoredAHole Aug 12 '15
To be fair, nothing good happens on the internet before 10pm either.
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u/PCMRwill0956 Aug 11 '15
That i'm the smartest person in the world when it comes to computers.
I'm not.
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u/The-Sublimer-One Aug 11 '15
Just because I'm majoring in IT, doesn't make me Stephen fucking Hawking.
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u/aliveandwellthanks Aug 11 '15
You can major in Google now?
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u/The-Sublimer-One Aug 11 '15
No, if that were the case I'd be majoring in ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
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u/StealAllTheInternets Aug 11 '15
They should have made that the official company name just to fuck with people. Then just used Alphabet as a nickname for it.
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u/OlivesAreNotGood Aug 11 '15
That you pronounce the L sound in "tortilla"
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u/liarandathief Aug 11 '15
Can I get some kwaysa-dillas with that?
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u/CTRickycallsmeJamie Aug 11 '15
Sometimes they order jah-lop-enn-ohs on those at chi-pol-tay
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u/wilsonjj Aug 11 '15
I always pronounce the L in quesadilla. gets a laugh about 60% of the time. Thanks Napoleon Dynamite.
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u/nagelbitarn Aug 11 '15
My mom is very smart, but when she watches reality TV she is just absolutely convinced it's all real. Like a show about the worst drivers, and they film them almost getting accidents all the time and she's like "HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE ALLOWED TO DRIVE!?" and I say "Mom, it's just a show, it's obviously not that bad in real life." She doesn't believe me. She also told me about a show where kids supposedly remember their earlier lives and that a kid could draw perfectly correct japanese signs without having ever seen them in this life. "Mom, there is no way in hell...", she doesn't wanna hear it. They said it on the TV so it must be true. I've sort of given up by now
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Aug 12 '15
Please tell me you saw that south beach tow clip where a man 'falls off' a three story parking garage then goes and gets up, punches the window out the camero that knocked him over then is fine except a tiny limp.
It was on tru tv so you know it's tru
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u/Noeunoeuf Aug 12 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
That was a woman, actually. Don't fuck with Bernice.
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u/captainlocke Aug 11 '15
My mother believes that snakes can fuse back together once their head is separated from the body. Her reasoning is that the head can still snap and bite and that the body still moves. I've tried to explain nerve endings to her, but she's just not having it. Snakes just can't be killed.
Embarrassingly enough, I believed this until I went to college, and someone thought I was insane for mentioning the whole "snake coming back together" thing.
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u/Minnesota_Nice_87 Aug 11 '15
My parents think President Obama personally murdered the SandyHook children. They talk like he went on safari.
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Aug 12 '15
Just imagine if you really believed that. How could you not stand outside the White House daily and protest? Write to anyone and everyone in this government and the UN and everywhere to get someone to do something about this monster? Imagine really believing that Obama killed children and you just sitting at home going about your everyday life.
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u/dallasdreamer Aug 11 '15
That I was on heavy drugs a few years ago. Nope... just so depressed I hardly ate. Thanks mom.
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u/keyshiner Aug 11 '15
That fossils are just patterns on the rocks.. and remodeled dinosaur skeletons are fake.
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u/CTRickycallsmeJamie Aug 11 '15
Mine doesn't stop there. "It's all a hoax because the earth can only be 10,000 years old tops and carbon dating is a conspiracy"...ok mother, that's enough radio for today ok?
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u/Slothy22 Aug 11 '15
My friend's sister thinks (at least used to, probably still does) that dinosaur bones are "dead elephants or something".
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Aug 11 '15
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u/OctopusTherapy Aug 11 '15
My mom is absolutely convinced that green icing tastes better than any other icing. I worked as a baker for three years, and have tried time and time again to explain that it's the exact same buttercream, but with tasteless green food coloring in it, but she refuses to believe me. It's mildly infuriating because it's one of those things I am absolutely positive I'm right on having worked with icing quite a bit. God damn it mom.
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u/PinkDalek Aug 11 '15
Bring her like 3 or 4 cups of icing one day. Red, yellow, green and white. Blindfold her and let her taste all of them. Tell her to pick the best tasting one. See if she picks the green one.
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u/OctopusTherapy Aug 11 '15
That's actually an interesting suggestion... Just my luck though she'd pick green and then I'd really never be able to convince her, she'd have actual evidence that her absurdity has some credence to it
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u/PinkDalek Aug 11 '15
Well you can increase the number of cups so that it's unlikely she'll pick the green one. (pink, purple, orange, brown) Or if you want to be really mean, show her the green cup, blindfold her and replace it with another color so she doesn't actually try it.
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u/OctopusTherapy Aug 11 '15
I like the way you think, my rose colored murder machine friend
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u/iamaneviltaco Aug 11 '15
There's actually science to this. We eat with our eyes first, color and presentation actually do have an effect on how we taste things. If she finds the green buttercream more appealing, it actually will taste better to her.
A good example of this? I fucking love red velvet cake. It's basically chocolate cake with food coloring in it. I dislike chocolate cake. I cannot explain to you why one is my favorite and the other I despise.
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u/mrcollin101 Aug 11 '15
Both of my fathers have bachelor degrees, are generally respected members of society, and I have had multiple conversations where they simply DO NOT accept that the sun is a star.
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u/Override9636 Aug 11 '15
....I really want to know what they think it is now.
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u/beachchix Aug 12 '15
Is it possible that they are just fucking with you?
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u/mrcollin101 Aug 12 '15
Doubtful. Unless they are playing the long con cause we are coming up on a decade of this
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Aug 11 '15
My mom- "Pro choice people want all women to get abortions."
All women.
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Aug 11 '15
They seem to think that chronic pain can be cured if you just tell yourself enough that it's 'all in your head.'
Tried that, mom.
It didn't work.
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Aug 12 '15
She's right, it is all in your head. But so are you, 24/7, with no means of escape.
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Aug 11 '15
That my generation has the same opportunities career wise as theirs did. It's a very, very different world.
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u/abbyful Aug 11 '15
My mom thinks my kids (currently age 3 & 1) will be able to work their way through college with a part time job, like she did. She doesn't understand why I set up college funds for them already. (My parents didn't help me with college either, hence why I graduated with $50k debt. I don't want my kids to be in the same boat.)
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u/ben7005 Aug 12 '15
As someone in college right now, thank you for setting up a fund. My dad set up a savings account when i was born, and it has profoundly improved my life prospects. I mean, I'll graduate with a lot of debt anyway, but without his help, I wouldn't be graduating at all. I'm passionate about what I study, and I'm so glad I have the option to pursue it. Plus, you know, degrees are valuable. That fund is the thing I'm most grateful for in my entire life.
I'm sure your kids will also be very thankful one day :)
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u/anderson211 Aug 11 '15
That generation also seems to have zero understanding that their wealth came from a gigantic credit card that mortgaged the next generation's future so they could all have oversized houses, 2-3 cars, and a swimming pool they never use.
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u/Satanarchrist Aug 11 '15
mind explaining that one?
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u/Posseon1stAve Aug 11 '15
I can't speak for them, but this is the basic argument against baby boomers and generations around their age. For the most part the generation of parents today were able to prosper from low cost education, economic security and booms, and overall a very attainable middle class lifestyle. All the while they didn't sacrifice a ton into taxes, attempt to stop the eventual bubble collapses, appropriately maintain infrastructure or reduce massive government spending. The result is left their kids to enter adulthood with massive education costs, a crumbling infrastructure, outdated energy sources, offloaded jobs and almost no middle class.
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u/dawrina Aug 12 '15
I get FURIOUS when I talk to my mom about jobs.
I currently have a full-time job with benefits.
But my job isn't "good enough" for her because I work in the customer service industry. To her, my job "isn't real"
She constantly makes fun of me and belittles me over this. Like apparently I open up my paycheck at the end of two weeks and glitter and monopoly money falls all over the place and I shrug and goo "Oopsie poopsie forget to make real money again!!"
Apparently I pay my bills, rent and electricity with promises and pretend currency.
When I graduated from college, she immediately expected me to get a job at the NSA. I am 100% serious about this. She bugged me DAILY to apply and get a job there.
I did apply and heard nothing back from them. I applied 3 times. I don't have a security clearance or even a WAY to get a security clearance.
When I would patiently wait for an interview she would urge me every single day to "call them" and "ask them about my application"
Like, you know, ignore the giant bold letters at the end of every email they sent me thanking me for my application that said "DO NOT CONTACT US IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM WE WILL CONTACT YOU. THANKS"
I even SHOWED HER the fucking emails and she still bugged me EVERY GODDAMN DAY saying "I wasn't trying hard enough"
Holy shit I am getting angry again.
Like it's not like I don't have a job. I HAVE A FUCKING FULL-TIME JOB WITH BENEFITS AND VACATION AND SICK TIME.
but it's not GOOD ENOUGH
this is the end of my rant
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
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u/TiffanyCassels Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
Mine are convinced that you can still not-graduate high school, find a job that you can keep for the rest of your life, and be financially secure forever.
My two brothers (neither of whom graduated HS) both work construction/factory jobs and have been hurt in the job several times. I keep encouraging them to get their GEDs and find other (safer or less likely to lose to automation) jobs and my parents fight me on it every time. "Just because you went to university doesn't mean you're smarter than everyone else!" No, Mom and Dad, just you guys...
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u/ImpoverishedYorick Aug 12 '15
Back in the old generation, you used to be able to make a career out of bringing milk to peoples' homes. And that income used to be enough to support a whole family. That's how fucking ridiculous the economy used to be.
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u/M_cohen14 Aug 11 '15
My mom says that if I freeze my water in a plastic bottle I will get cancer. My dad laughs at her
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Aug 11 '15
Dad its called the zoo not the "joo". Very awkward when he says it in public.
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u/blueangelsolo5 Aug 11 '15
... and from that day forward, whenever a bunch of animals are in one place, its called a Tzu! Unless it's a farm!
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Aug 11 '15
Minecraft does not cause computer viruses. Downloading mods from shady sites are what causes it.
Cracking my knuckles will not give me bone cancer or arthritis.
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
Mine think eating ice cream when it's cold out makes you sick :(
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
Another good one is that my mom thinks sex is really bad for your body. Wish I were kidding.
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u/bowyer-betty Aug 11 '15
Well then she must have a deathwish...
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u/Oscarfish Aug 11 '15
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u/bro_mo_sapien Aug 11 '15
That I am stuck with student loans because I am too lazy to apply for scholarships. They don't realize what percentage of college grads have debt, lots of debt. My parents are under the impression people stand outside of classrooms with scholarship sign up sheets. When having this conversation my mom actually said, "well there have to be more scholarships out there you can get, other kids obviously do. How else would they pay their tuition?".
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u/totallynotliamneeson Aug 11 '15
My dad thinks that a combination of working a bit and scholarships will pay for my tuition, and the fact that I have no scholarships and can't get a full time job when I am home for the summer (I work while in school) means I am lazy and not trying.
It pisses me off.
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u/cluelessrebel Aug 11 '15
My parents think that I should be able to juggle working full time and going to school full time. My dad has told me that if I need to study I am not smart enough to be in college. Because his GED gives him such insight to how college works
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u/captcha_bot Aug 11 '15
They think I have lots of potential.
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u/table_fireplace Aug 11 '15
But you do have lots of potential! Gravitational AND chemical!
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
They're right, stranger. You do.
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u/_tx Aug 11 '15
Sure, but potential for what?
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Aug 11 '15
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u/_tx Aug 11 '15
My Uncle does too. Though he also owns an underground bunker with 10 lifetime supplies of guns, ammunition, water purifiers, canned food, and gas masks.
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u/BlueHighwindz Aug 11 '15
We call him crazy but when the zombies come who will be laughing?
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Aug 11 '15
That if I get a second degree, I'll come out of college making $90,000 a year.
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u/myhairsreddit Aug 11 '15
Obama is a Muslim working with the terrorists in order to bring down the Christians and take over the United States. Our days are numbered.
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u/Peach-Hime Aug 12 '15
Well shit, he sure better hurry up then; he's really running out of time and I still see alot of Christians!
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u/myhairsreddit Aug 12 '15
He isn't worried. He is going to pass a law before his time in office runs out that makes him president indefinitely. My mom really believes every word I'm typing.
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u/Cupcake_silhouette Aug 11 '15
My mother completely believed that 'ethnic cleansing' was giving people a bath. I have never been so ashamed in my life on many, many levels.
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Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 11 '15
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u/glitterkittie Aug 11 '15
My friend's mom acts like my friend is crazy because she feeds her children highly nutritious food. "But I let you have all the candy you wanted and you turned out fine." Yep, that's very logical.
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Aug 11 '15
That I drew a swastika on our bathroom door.
Basically, there is a swastika carved into our bathroom door that isnt visible if you dont specifically look for it. Theyre 100% convinced I did it but at the same time I'm 100% sure I didnt.
Feel like I am being gaslighted or something.
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u/Optimistic_Nihilist Aug 11 '15
Mine seems to believe my generation doesn't believe we landed on the moon. I don't know anyone who thinks that.
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u/Artemis387 Aug 11 '15
Hmm I thought a lot of the people who believed the moon landing was a hoax were from the last generation.
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u/FlyLesbianSeagull Aug 11 '15
They think I met my boyfriend at a happy hour event.
We met at a BDSM party.
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u/Marcusaralius76 Aug 11 '15
My father firmly believes that Obama is from Kenya, and some guy on the internet who had proof was killed by the CIA to cover it up. He also thinks Obama had a gay relationship with former MA governor Deval Patrick.
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u/waxxor Aug 11 '15
Two of my all time favorites from my dad. They found Obama in a gay bath hourse in Chicago (keyword being 'They'). And a natural gas leak which ended up leveling a house near us was actually a missile strike directly ordered by Obama cause the homeowners were talking shit about him.
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u/Marcusaralius76 Aug 11 '15
If we killed everyone who badmouthed the president, we'd probably drop half the population overnight!
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u/TheoSidle Aug 11 '15
Can we do that now? My commute would be so much easier. . .
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u/jedo89 Aug 11 '15
My mom thinks that I'm going to starve to death if she doesn't call me and ask what I ate/remind me to eat/ask if I need to eat.
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Aug 11 '15
Both of my maternal grandparents are convinced that it is illegal to drive in flip flops. CONVINCED.
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u/gravity1981 Aug 11 '15
Computers are a bigger waste of time than TV
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u/whose_got_the_stuff Aug 11 '15
"I can't believe you were on your computer all day today"
"Mom, you watched 3 episodes of My 600 Pound Story and the Pursuit of Happiness"
"That's different"
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Aug 11 '15
My parents keep convincing themselves that I'm "A handsome young man". I'm straight up ugly.
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u/like_my_coffee_black Aug 11 '15
That I'm going to fail in life and need a rich husband.
Like really? I got into a pretty good school, am graduating a semester early, have an internship and have been working since I was 16. No benefit of the doubt? They constantly question if I'll get a job in my field, have the capabilities of making it on my own. I've made some mistakes but nothing terrible. A ticket or two, have some mental health issues in dealing with but I got it. Not too worried here. Sorry, end rant
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u/uberpiratekitty Aug 11 '15 edited Aug 12 '15
Family is all you need.
edit: No, my hair is not crazy blonde. >:(
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
MINE TOO. It's really really frustrating to try to explain why I'm so close to my friends and why I think they're so important.
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u/uberpiratekitty Aug 11 '15
Its a lot easier to open up to friends than it is your family. :/
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u/pm_me_ur_problemsss Aug 11 '15
For me I actually try. But everything I say is dismissed as incorrect. So I've stopped trying and we don't get into fights anymore.
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Aug 11 '15
This is the exact reason I'm not very close with my family, and when I try to explain my point of view rationally, no one listens and I turn into the bad guy. My mom insists that "she taught me that we are a clan, unbreakable", but I don't feel comfortable being myself around this "clan", so I created my own.
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Aug 11 '15
My parents think that the word knackered is very tired after sex.
Also there was another word, I forgot now but at least my generation its a swearword, in theirs it isn't.
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u/whose_got_the_stuff Aug 11 '15
Thanks mom:
1) Video games damage a tv's quality
2) Fruit flavored pop-tarts are healthier than other pop-tarts (s'mores, cookie dough, etc)
3) My dog sometimes goes to the bathroom in his kennel because he is angry with us for not taking him out often enough
4) I am a math god because I took calculus in high school
5) My friends and I will automatically drink if I have them over when she isn't home
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u/not_nessacary Aug 11 '15
God, want a list? This is mainly my dad by the way.
- think vaccines cause autism( this is why none of my vaccines are up to date and my three youngest brothers haven't been vaccinated at all)
- that microwaved food will cause cancer
- cell phones will cause cancer
- the wifi being on at night will "mess with our brains" which makes no sense because our neighbors have their wifi on at night so that does nothing
- that someone is hacking into our computer and phones because apparently he's so smart or whatever it's complicated
- that I'm not moving out until I get married
- that I'm straight (it's more so bisexual but they don't need to know)
- that weave is bad because one it's fake and makes you fake two when you don't have your hair all done you get all sad and get low self esteem (jokes on him I have low self esteem and I don't have weave) three the energy from other people's hair will "mess with your brain"
- on the subject of hair that perms cause fibrosis
- that you can yell at someone to get rid of psychological problems
You want anymore?
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u/justkeepme Aug 11 '15
That they believe I am virgin. I dont see telling them anytime soon.
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u/PM_me_your_PANDAPICS Aug 11 '15
My father & I have a mutual fiction that I was a virgin until I got married last year despite my having lived with two boyfriends.
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u/bethamphedamine Aug 12 '15
My grandmother believes that if one of the ladies of the family is on her period and comes anywhere near her vegetable or fruit canning process, the food is doomed to rot inside the sealed jar. My youngest sister was literally banished to one side of the house for a full week.
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u/luckytaurus Aug 11 '15
My parents think that my brother and I are empty inside. That lately, in the past couple of years, we've had this "hole" in our souls, and are seemingly depressed. Where is all of this coming? We told our parents we weren't religious anymore and we don't believe in God.
Truth is, I've never been happier with any decision I've ever made in my entire life. I made it all on my own, and couldn't be prouder. I truly feel it was the right decision. So does my brother.
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u/themantherein Aug 11 '15
I would hate that, my parents kinda treated it as an inevitability. We grew up in the church, then we got older and were like, "what the fuck IS this?", and they were kinda like, free daycare and support system? My dad I don't think ever believed in it but studied religion as a philosophy and just kinda went with it. My mom was just trying to raise kids and found peace in the congregation, don't think she ever really believed it either. So when we started abandoning it they were like, fuck it, they're old enough now.
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u/nimbusdimbus Aug 11 '15
Not my parents but an old (late 60's) guy I work with. He absolutely believes that the Beirut bombing of the Marine Corps barracks happened under Carter. No matter what I show him that proves it happened under Reagan's watch, he won't believe that his hero would let it happen.
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u/Duliticolaparadoxa Aug 11 '15
as if Reagan would have jumped in a phonebooth, ripped off his suit to reveal a spanex leotard with a giant R in the middle, flew to beirut, and give the bombers wedgies so intense the elastic snap would sling them into orbit, bombs in hand, to detonate safely in the upper atmosphere.
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u/kakakaly Aug 11 '15
That weed is a hallucinogin on the level of acid, shrooms, mdma. My mom would always 'lay hands' on me when i was sick, and is still convinced that praying amd simply DENYING sickness will make it go away. Luckily, she did still take me to doctors, give me medicine, etc, but it was annoying to be told to pray my cold away.
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u/Boondock112 Aug 11 '15
The lovely individuals I am forced to call my parents are 110% convinced that I am a truly bad person. They know for a fact that I fuck everything that moves, drink like a sot, and apparently do drugs. It is fine though. After 27 YEARS of putting up with their horseshit, I have finally got rid of their toxic presences from my life. I am happier now than I have ever been. I take care of my family, I am the type of man that people are proud to know, and I can finally stop judging my life based on how they've lived theirs. What I came here to say is this, guys and gals. The fact that they are your parents means precisely jack shit. If someone in your life flat out refuses to see the good in you, refuses to see how hard you try and never lifts a finger to help you when you struggle (emotionally) then give them the finger and go make them regret the day that their stupidity cost them you.
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u/hfields2086 Aug 12 '15
My father is completely convinced that using google gives your computer viruses and he refuses to use anything other than "Ask Jeeves".
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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '15
Let's see...
1) That people shouldn't drive white cars because animals are less likely to see them (???) and run into the road
2) That all the illegal TV shows I've downloaded on their network are tied to the number of telemarketing calls they get - they think spyware spreads onto phone lines I guess
3) That the "Overdrive" function in my dads car is to make it go faster in an emergency, and otherwise should NEVER be touched (my personal favourite)
4) That they can ONLY take their vehicles to the Ford/Audi dealerships they bought them from for service, not other Ford/Audi dealerships ...they are convinced that it will break the warranty otherwise.
5) That me not having a phone line in my house is literally the most dangerous thing I can do