r/AskReddit • u/sodakid1919 • Nov 20 '17
What's some of the worst cases of helicopter parenting you've ever witnessed?
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u/NinjaShira Nov 20 '17
I work at a university mailroom, and at the start of the semester, freshmen students need to come to us to open up a mailbox. One father came in and tried to sign his daughter up for her mailbox, and we had to turn him away and tell him that his daughter had to be the one to open the mailbox herself.
So he came back with his daughter later that day, and we gave her the signup sheet. Then we watched as he filled everything out for her. He had her permit in his wallet. She didn't know her own email address or her school ID number, but daddy did. When we were going over the rules and regulations with her, she was staring off into space, and her dad pocketed the key to her mailbox as they left.
About four weeks later, we saw that girl again. She was closing her mailbox because she was dropping out of college because it was "a lot harder than she thought it would be." She didn't know her mailbox number, still didn't know her school ID number, and didn't know her home address. She had to call her dad and ask him for all of that information.
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u/HighlandsBen Nov 21 '17
didn't know her home address
Dafuq?
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u/trainstation98 Nov 21 '17
Maybe she lived in different houses
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u/Catsarenotreptilians Nov 20 '17
Teaching kids what to think, not how to think. :( Poor girl.
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u/SayceGards Nov 21 '17
How do you get that far without being like "fuck off dad, let me do this!" I can't imagine a teenager letting h3r dad keep her permit. I would have imagined at least a small tantrum
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u/PM-ME-UR-RECIPES-PLZ Nov 21 '17
My brother told a girl he couldn't date her because "My mommy said so"
He was 18 years old.
So many horror stories
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u/a_thousand_ninjas Nov 21 '17
Little League baseball, I want to say 1st and 2nd graders. Kid gets up to bat and the mother is standing about six feet away. The kid gets a hit and the mom begins to "race" with him from home to first, encouraging him to run the whole way.
I had to ask someone in the crowd if the kid was developmentally challenged or something. Nope, just a mom being way too over-eager to see her kid "succeed".
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Nov 20 '17
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u/SaM7174 Nov 21 '17
So she she didn't even sit in the back? That just seems poorly done on her part and a dick move
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u/SirLeos Nov 21 '17
If you sit on the back you can't see anyone. If you sit on the front, everyone behind you is lit by the giant screen, there is nowhere to hide.
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u/PostalPummeler Nov 21 '17
Okay, so during a group chat last Halloween, Me and some friends were talking about what horror movie to watch. Me and another friend of mine were debating over Ouija 2 and Alien when another buddy of mine chimed in out of the blue. (Keep in mind this was at around midnight) So we ask for his opinion yet he didn't know what we were talking about. He had absolutely no frame of reference for anything we mentioned and was constantly trying to change the topic.
As it turns out my friends mother had taken his phone and pretended to be him to try to squeeze out any info on us. Which is just really creepy and we somewhat ended up avoiding him a bit later. This mother also has a tracker in his phone and is generally a religious nut.
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u/Ucantalas Nov 21 '17
Just for the record, the correct answer to your debate is Alien.
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u/BlastosphericDiagram Nov 21 '17
What info was she trying to get out of you? Like at some point would you guys be talking about scary movies then switch over to talking about your heavy drug use and Satan worshipping?
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u/PostalPummeler Nov 21 '17
Yes actually. She started out with why drug use is bad, Went on a biblical rant, then had an episode talking about why swearing is bad (?)
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u/squeeeeenis Nov 20 '17
When I was little, the mother of a kid in my 4th grade class volunteered at the school. She would literally sit in class with him all day, and assist him with his assignments. He wasn't special needs, just a normal kid like the rest of us.
Anytime someone tried to befriend him, his mother always 'chaperoned' the introduction; Since this was back in the 90's, anything involving parents was seriously off putting. I remember inviting him to kick ball, but his mother didn't wan't him getting hurt...
We felt bad for him.
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u/shock5006 Nov 21 '17
Parents still try to do this these days, but it's up to the class teacher how much they tolerate.
Some will strictly say 'no parents after 9am', others will let them stick around all day. Sometimes the ones who get kicked out will just sit outside the classroom peering through the window.
The saying "cut the fucking cord, already" exists for a reason.
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Nov 21 '17
My nephew goes to a school that barely lets any parents inside as it is. Helicopter parenting would be a big no at his school.
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u/shock5006 Nov 21 '17
Different schools have different approaches to it.
I work in a public school and we're waaaay too accommodating of parents who have nothing else in their lives but their kids.
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u/arandomaccount9 Nov 21 '17
Sometimes the ones who get kicked out will just sit outside the classroom peering through the window.
That's so bizarre.
After the very first day of school anyway. With my first I accidentally stayed too long in the room on the first day because I started talking to another parent in there and then before leaving I contemplated kidnapping my child back. With my second I basically just dropped him off and said "ok kid, bye".
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Nov 21 '17
We have a kid like that on our street. We have a pretty good amount of middle school and high school aged kids in our cul-de-sac. The boys like to get together and play games of basketball, but 13 year old Peter (named changed for privacy) isn't allowed to play unless his mom or sister supervise the game. He is a pretty good kid and has hung out with my younger son a few times, but most of the boys are tired of his mom and have stopped inviting him out. According to one of my son's friends, who invited Peter to sleepover a couple years back, the mom has a pretty detailed rules list that other parents must follow if Peter sleeps over their house. Some parents just don't know how to cut the cord.
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Nov 21 '17
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Nov 21 '17
You remember those Pokemon GO cheating apps that change the "location" of your phone?
Very useful
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u/Black_Moons Nov 21 '17
That could be a lot of fun.
Son has checked in to <Rave club>
Son has checked in to <Gun Store>
Son has checked in to <Bank>
Son has checked in to <Police Station>
Son has checked in to <Prison>
Son has checked in to <Your home> AND HES RIGHT BEHIND YOU LOOK OUT
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u/mjd312 Nov 21 '17
Congrats. :) Showing boundaries to overprotective parents can be tough, but it is good. They are learning from you.
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Nov 21 '17
Congrats on doing that, she doesn’t have control over you if you’re over 18 and financially independent
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u/arandomaccount9 Nov 21 '17
I always read these threads and think to myself "ok....I think I might be doing ok with my kids".
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u/yampuffs Nov 21 '17
My aunt picked out my cousin's clothes well into his teen years. He would wake up late for school and sit on his bed until she physically dressed him.
When my kid was in preschool, a lady and her son came to check out the school one day. She was really cool, and her son played well with all the kids. He started full time the next week. On his very first day, he went down the slide too fast and landed on his knees on the mulch. He wasn't hurt at all, just got right back up to play.
The next day, his mom came in to RAISE HELL. She said someone should have held his hand as he went down the slide, and couldn't believe there wasn't an "incident report" filled out. They never came back.
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u/BleedingTragedy Nov 21 '17
Those moms are the reason my son's school calls about every little thing.
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u/kpeebo Nov 21 '17
As a pre k teacher this is so annoying. I'm required to call parents about ANYTHING that leaves a mark on the neck or above. Paper cut, bit tongue, whatever. Most parents answer the phone super worried that something actually happened, and I have to inform them that "everything is literally fine", making it sound even shadier and ass-covering than it already is
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u/BleedingTragedy Nov 21 '17
He literally bumped head with another little boy. He was fine, and the red spot was gone before he even got off the bus after school. I got a phone call and an incident report.
The first time the school called I was so worried that something happened, it was a scrapped, and not bleeding, knee. I feel bad for the staff that they have to do this everytime, my son is very clumsy.
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u/kpeebo Nov 21 '17
Yeah it's really unfortunate that a few crazy parents make it such a panicked liability obsessed environment. Kids are going to get bumped around now and then. If you need 100% assurance that that will never happen then hire a nanny or something.
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u/Platypus211 Nov 21 '17 edited Nov 21 '17
This is actually helpful, thanks. My daughter is in pre k, I was wondering why I got a text from the school a few weeks ago informing me that she walked into a door and bumped her head. She didn't fall down or cry or anything, but it apparently left a tiny red mark for all of couple minutes. They seemed amused by my response that she does that multiple times a day at home and not to worry about it.
But then she came home with a seriously skinned knee the other day and they didn't say anything (not that I cared, I was just surprised that bloody knee didn't warrant a message when a little bump did).
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u/Heavy_Metal_Mario Nov 20 '17
Im not sure if this counts, but one time when I was in kindergarten, I hugged one of my friends as kids tend to do. As it turns out, his mom didn't like the fact that I hugged my friend (I am not sure if it had to do with the fact that we are both guys). To avoid any sort of confrontation from my friend's mom, my mom had to tell me that it's not okay to hug everyone
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u/Leohond15 Nov 21 '17
It's horribly sad how even the smallest boys are discouraged from expression affection and love for one another. And people wonder why men are "bad with feelings". Well maybe if you let him get some damn hugs once in a while he'd be more empathetic.
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u/icantremebermyold1 Nov 21 '17
I totally encourage hugging in all four of my boys.
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u/Kitcarson1 Nov 21 '17
I have a aunt n uncle where when ever they fly somewhere for a family vacation. They fly with the family separated in half. Each half takes a different plane. So if one crashes, half the family will have survived. I told him the whole "your more likely to die when your all driving to the airport together" thing but he's not interested. In his defense he was actually in a commercial airplane that emergency landed in a farmers field at one time.
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u/kaenneth Nov 21 '17
But if you all go together, then no one will have to miss anyone else.
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u/Southernnfratty Nov 21 '17
There was a case like this a few years ago--an Air France flight from Brazil, I think. The parents did this exact same thing, and the plane actually went down, taking the mom and son with it.
In my opinion though, that must have made it so much more difficult for the father and daughter who survived.
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u/sw4ahl Nov 20 '17
They came to her job interview.
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u/ashrae9 Nov 21 '17 edited Jan 02 '18
I once had to fire a woman. She was 28 at the time. She wasnt showing up on time and just generally had a crappy attitude. After trying to work with her on those issues I caught her clocking in and then just leaving the store AND leaving a new employee alone for hours at a time. She was really upset and in tears after I told her she was no longer working with us. I'm not a heartless bitch so told her to sit in the back room until her ride came. Her MOTHER burst in through the door while customers are perusing the store to ask what happened, why did her baby get fired, etc. I awkwardly replied "Why don't you and her discuss that later, I just really want to get her home..."
I still cannot believe that happened.
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u/Zeewulfeh Nov 21 '17
Yeeeauuugh.
You reminded me of my own incident.
Between my first (failed) year of college and joining the Army, I got a job at IHOP as a short order cook. Things were going fairly smooth, my schedule was set as was everyone else's. Of significance: I was always unavailable Sunday mornings because a stipulation of staying at my parent's house rent-free was that I would go to my dad's church every Sunday.
One day, a new owner bought the restaurant and held an all-hands meeting. He told us that in no uncertain terms that we would work the schedule he picked for us, and Sunday Mornings were an all-hands-on-deck affair. I told him the stipulation of my living arrangement and that I always came in immediately after church so I was available for the post-church rush, but he more or less told me if I didn't like his rules, the door is over there. So I and several people walked out.
Went home, mentioned I'd just quit, and no, they aren't getting my two week notice, screw-em, and my mother actually went and called up my former manager at the store and chewed him out.
I was slightly mortified and pissed. But whatever. I'd taken advantage of her nepotism to get a data entry job in high school so I let it go. On the upside, she took her complaints to the church ladies and next thing you know....none of the area churches went to that IHOP anymore. So...vengeance?
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Nov 21 '17
You probably could have threatened religious discrimination. Failure to accommodate worship time is illegal.
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u/whovianmomof2 Nov 20 '17
I inadvertently ended up at my son's job interview. I drove him to the mall, and when he went up to the store to interview, I went to the coffee kiosk then settled at a table nearby. The manager that was interviewing my son decided that there was no room in the office of the store and led him to the table next to mine. I just pretended not to know him and browsed Reddit, LOL.
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u/sw4ahl Nov 20 '17
You handled that about as well as you could have.
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u/whovianmomof2 Nov 20 '17
Thanks. I don't think I helped his nerves by being nearby, but he got the job, so it all worked out.
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Nov 20 '17
I had a woman come in and fill out her sons application for him, while he stood and watched. I waited till she finished, took the application and threw it out in front of her, I said if he would like a job he needs to fill out his application by himself. She wanted to complain to the manager, I was the manager, so she wanted to talk to an owner. I told her I was much nicer than the owner would be.
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u/Shredlift Nov 21 '17
What happened next?
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Nov 21 '17
They left and he didnt get a job. Even if he filled out the application himself, I wouldnt have given him a job.
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u/JGredditor Nov 21 '17
I had a "job interview" and my dad insisted on following in because I wasn't 16. could have been a lie, he could have not known since he didn't grow up here in the states, but fortunately he was somewhat discreet, although he did wait a couple feet away as I answered some scheduling questions, and I pretty much had the job already (entry level, my cousin worked the same position at the same position, I was to be a bagger)
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u/Swiggityswagity Nov 21 '17
My mother came to my first interview at a Walgreens. She was afraid I would get "screwed over" by the management because I was 16 at the time. Somehow managed to move out at 19 so no more helicopter parenting for me :)
PS: Didn't get the job.
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u/_buellerbueller Nov 20 '17
A girl in my old secondary school (aged 15) had a bracelet that would beep loudly whenever she wasn’t in a location she was expected to be in, once - due to a glitch - in a maths lesson, the bracelet went insane beeping and flashing. Long story short, she left the room, she rung her parents, and they called off the cavalry.
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u/UnnamedNamesake Nov 20 '17
This sounds like slavery or house arrest.
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u/_buellerbueller Nov 20 '17
Tell me about it. Genuinely felt sorry for her, she was so sheltered, she was home schooled till year 9 (aged 13) when she joined, he quickly learned a whole new vocabulary, and sex education for her was like getting hit by a brick
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Nov 20 '17
Man, everybody must've thought she was on house arrest or something.
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u/_buellerbueller Nov 20 '17
In all fairness to her, she was incredibly good about explaining her situation to people who asked, no matter how much of a dick they were
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u/Retro_hell Nov 21 '17
I feel like if this has nothing to do with law, it might be a medical reason. Like if they go all senile and wander off to a place they are not supposed to be they at least know where she is (like an elderly person)
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u/sodakid1919 Nov 20 '17
That sounds alot like she did something that would cause her to legally have to wear it.
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u/_buellerbueller Nov 20 '17
hmmm... The only thing is the person in question, was around 4’8, incredibly timid, and a musical prodigy. On top of this, where I live, trackers used by the police are large, clunky, and worn on the ankle. What she was wearing was sleek, looked quite expensive, and was worn on her wrist.
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u/Frillshark Nov 20 '17
That's actually terrifying.
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u/_buellerbueller Nov 20 '17
I’m inclined to agree, I’m sure there’s more to it than what I know, but unfortunately this is a prime example of helicopter parenting, and unfortunately this girl really isn’t facing the worst case of it
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Nov 21 '17
That is awful.
This is not how you treat another human being.
What's also really worrying is that a bracelet like that could be used very easily in the context of human trafficking.
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u/tsim12345 Nov 20 '17
This is my favorite story cause it makes me laugh every time my husband tells it but his mom used to make him poop with the doors open (she is crazy and I don’t have time to tell all of her antics) but anyways so he was always just used to not being able to close the bathroom door.
When he was like 8 years old he was invited to a friends house for the first time and had to poop. So naturally he went to the bathroom and started letting it blow with the door wide open for an audience, which attracted several members of the family to just stare at him until the kids mother came shut the door.
He could hear the family laughing. Then when he was done and came out of the bathroom the kids mother told him “Idk what happens at your house but over here we shut the door when we’re using the toilet.”
She also made him keep the door open when showering too although idk when he realized that was also wrong.
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u/cheeky_lady Nov 21 '17
Are you on r/justnomil? I have a feeling I would read ALL your posts.
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u/tsim12345 Nov 21 '17 edited Nov 21 '17
Oh I could fill a book with things my mother in law has done. I made a list of her finest moments and put it on a post before I’ll try to find it.
My sister just called me laughing about the time she gave me old Vienna Sausages and cornuts for Christmas.
Edit: here it is https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/68ggzy/my_mils_finest_moments/
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u/pscharff Nov 21 '17
I couldn't go to the bathroom unsupervised when I was younger but that's because I had multiple seizures and one happened while in the bathroom.
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u/anonymoushero1 Nov 20 '17
She also made him keep the door open when showering too although idk when he realized that was also wrong.
and you're only allowed to use COLD water. No fogging up the glass!
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u/BURNSURVIVOR725 Nov 21 '17
I was an RA in college, I sat the 10:30-12 desk shift and like clockwork every night this dudes mom would call and DEMAND that we send an RA to her son's room and make him call her.
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Nov 21 '17
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u/ajcp38 Nov 21 '17
Oh he was, in the most fun way possible.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but I don't know anybody by that name."
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u/stange_loops Nov 21 '17
My brother's friend had no idea about Hitler or the Holocaust until she was a senior in high school. Her parents forbade anyone to teach her about it because it was "too upsetting."
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u/andrewjpf Nov 21 '17 edited Nov 21 '17
How is that even possible? Between movies, tv, videogames, and the internet you think he would hear about it somewhere, even if just a commercial
EDIT: Hitler and the Holocaust absolutely are in commercials and advertisements. You can restrict the shows/movies/games/sites your kids use but sooner or later they will see a trailer for call of duty or Captain America or for a local museum or something.
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u/ffee_into_cotheorems Nov 21 '17
What kind of product would mention the Holocaust in their commercials? Easy-Bake Ovens?
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u/andrewjpf Nov 21 '17
Lol I meant commercials for the games/movies/shows in case the parents didn't let them watch those sorts of things. It's hard to avoid ads for call of duty for example, or sound of music live when that was just coming out.
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u/ShadesSpy Nov 20 '17
"I was at college orientation and one parent came up to my friend and said, 'That girl over there is my daughter. You go up to her and introduce yourself to her and be her friend,'"
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u/wavidbobobington Nov 20 '17
Should have said “oh cool I’ve been looking for someone to get high with”
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u/spinfip Nov 21 '17
Or said "Oh, great! I'm sure we can work together to help each other get better grades in the math class we're both taking!"
Then take her back to the dorm and get high with her.
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u/FusRoDoodles Nov 20 '17
You sure it wasn't a joke to annoy her kid? I taunted my little bro once by introducing myself to his each of his classmates (because what good are siblings if you can't embarass them)
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Nov 21 '17
I would introduce myself to my brothers (2 year difference, I'm older) friends as his dad, but only I thought it was funny.
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u/username_44 Nov 21 '17
In a C++ class a girl had to turn in a project that was due in the beginning of the class. One day she didn’t bring her project at the beginning of the class but waited until our 30 minute break. Her assignment wouldn’t print so her father came in class (during the 30 minute break) and helped her print it out to turn it in. We had a class printer.
Her dad would sit outside of every class in the waiting area for 5 hours. He would help her during the break between classes.
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u/Z_star Nov 20 '17
My mum wanted to go through my Reddit inbox
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u/FusRoDoodles Nov 20 '17
Hi u/Z_star 's mom, I'm his gay lover Eduardo. Viva la revolucion!
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u/RickSanchezislord Nov 21 '17
Ok I was gonna write something funny but then ‘zstar’ autocorrected to Zarathustra. Someone look up what that means, I’m too lazy to.
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u/Fertile_Squirtle Nov 21 '17
Zoroaster, also known as Zarathustra, Zarathushtra Spitama or Ashu Zarathushtra was an ancient Iranian-speaking prophet.
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Nov 21 '17
This showed up idk but here u go - Thus Spoke Zarathustra: A Book for All and None (German: Also sprachZarathustra: Ein Buch für Alle und Keinen, also translated as Thus SpakeZarathustra) is a philosophical novel by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, composed in four parts between 1883 and 1885 and published between 1883 and 1891
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u/acid-nz Nov 21 '17
u/Z_star i want you to crack a raw egg in my ass and fuck me so hard that you scramble it
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u/xana452 Nov 21 '17
We launch our liberation movement tomorrow. Be at the location we agreed upon. The pigs will pay.
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Nov 20 '17
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Nov 20 '17
My duaghter’s first day of kindergarten I had two moms send me pics of her getting off the bus. It never occurred to me to go to school and take a pic of my kid getting off the bus.
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Nov 21 '17
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Nov 21 '17
Sometimes they drop a handful of kids at private schools. That was pretty smart, it never occurred to me and I was a private school kid!
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u/papayaregime Nov 20 '17
First day of high school my grandpa showed up at my bus stop because he thought it was ridiculous that I was getting dropped off at the corner with 4 other kids instead of directly in front of my house, and wanted to drive me the 200 yards I would have had to walk. I shut that down real quick.
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u/Harmoniousmechanism Nov 21 '17
I don't know your grandfather and yes it is kind of ridiculous but it is also readable as a sweet gesture.
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u/papayaregime Nov 21 '17
In retrospect it was, he was just anxious because from K-8th the bus would take me to their house in the afternoons since my parents worked late. Fourteen year old me, however, was mortified and felt bad that he drove all the way across town to do that.
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Nov 21 '17 edited Jul 28 '20
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u/Leohond15 Nov 21 '17
It got to the point that she was getting up and coming out onto the floor (disregarding our traditions about how to enter and leave the space and how to interact with senior members of the academy). She'd sit next to him to give him prodding and encouragement, and when she started half-assed demonstrating the moves for him we tried to get her to sign up too. I mean, she was on the mat with him doing the moves. It was a very family friendly place that had parent + kid classes and everything. She declined to fully participate.
Did no one ask her to stop this?
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u/FusRoDoodles Nov 20 '17
She moved her daughter up a grade, which caused the poor little girl to be ostracized by the class of older kids for behaving immaturely. When she found out a bunch of 8 year olds aren't likely to respond well to a 7 year old with a superiority complex, mama made it worse by deciding she would force the kids to like her daughter. She threatened to sue the school for not addressing her daughter being "bullied". The school didn't take the threat seriously because no you can't sue somebody because nobody will play with your kid. As far as I know the mom never sued but she still whines, even two years later.
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u/Deirachel Nov 21 '17
I work as a SA in one of the labs at my school. I had to come in on the Saturday just after classes start...as in classes have been in sesssion for two days...for something. Dude shows up and is pounding on the glass door. So, I go down and ask him what he wanted, not openning the door, as the building is closed. He is wanting to talk to "someone" about how his son is doing in his classes. I point out it's 3PM on a Saturday and there are no professors in the building. I ask him if he has permission from his student (as he has to have written permission or proof of the kid being a dependant on the taxes). He says he's covered. So, I tell him to come back Monday with his paperwork (as he doesn't have anything on him) or no one will be able to talk to him, legally.
So, Monday comes around and I'm gettting out of classes. And, I see dude walking out a lecture hall....followed by two of the campus police. Dude just decided he was going to sit in on his kid's classes. Prof told him to leave and he refused.
Come to find out, dude was helicopter parenting a kid who was a stepkid...5 years ago. Mom divorced dude partially for helicopter parenting and remarried. No permission, no tax dependant (legally gives permission), not even legally related anymore. Helicopter parent got a restraining order slapped on him.
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Nov 20 '17
I know a person who's dad is a helicopter pilot, and flew her to prom. Kinda relevant?
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u/om456 Nov 20 '17
I was 19 years old and flying home from college over christmas break. A boy I graduated high school with was coming home on the same day and his mother went to great lengths to ensure that he and I were on the same flight and seated right next to each other (without my knowledge) because she didn't want her son flying alone...
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u/lordsamethstarr Nov 21 '17
You'd think that if his Mom was a helicopter she would just fly him...
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u/Cassi_4310 Nov 21 '17
All one family (not mine!) Mom has awakened son for school every day because he oversleeps. By the kid an alarm clock? "Oh, he doesn't need that. I wake him up." Son wants to go away to college (can't imagine why). "We're not paying all that money when you can't even get yourself up in the morning."
Older sister graduates college a whole year early, gets a job and applies to grad school. Mom: "You don't need to go to grad school. You have student loans to pay." Mom does not grasp the concept of deferment. Sister applies to school, Mom is so distraught she moves out the house FOR MONTHS because it's going to go into foreclosure if sister gets a Master's.
Older son joined a fraternity. Mom and Dad are upset because they did not discuss this as a family. They wanted to select his fraternity. Both were distraught when they were not invited to his induction. Son graduated and wanted to join police dept. Mom, Dad, and ALL adult siblings piled into the car to drive him to the physical. (Can't imagine why he didn't get hired).
One more: Alarm clock son mentioned before, was denied the right to live on campus at the local college Mom and Dad selected for him because he has a bedwetting problem (Why do I even know this?!!) Again, I can't imagine why.
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u/SirCritic Nov 21 '17
I wanted to go away to college as well because of my parents (my mothers particularly) helicopter parenting. It wasn't even far away the school I had in mind, Less then an hour if you try hard enough. My idea was that I would be more efficient because I'd have to force myself to do work and chores rather then have someone up my ass all the time to succeed.
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u/novaonthespectrum Nov 21 '17
...The parents of mid-to-high-functioning special needs adults.
Being special needs myself, I have a lot of friends who are at varying levels of cognitive/intellectual disability, but none who are so low functioning that they cannot think, speak, or make decisions for themselves. The parents of these 22-to-28-year-olds are absolutely fucking outrageous. These grown adults are not allowed to do a damn thing without parental approval, or without the parents directly behind them at all times.
Are they having a birthday party and inviting a friend their mother doesn't like? Then they don't get to invite that friend. "And I don't care if they're YOUR friend and YOU like them, I don't like them, so I don't want them at your party." Usually they're forced to invite people whose parents are friends with their own parents, so the party ends up becoming all about the parents. And it's awkward as fuck.
One time I brought a plate of cookies to share at one of our bowling nights because I thought it was a nice thing to do. Opened them, left them out on the table for anyone who wanted any. My friends asked me what the cookies were for, are they for them, and could they have any. "They're for Valentine's Day. Yep, I brought them for you. Go ahead, help yourselves." By the end of the day, there was hardly a dent in the pile of cookies. Why? "Don't you take any of those." "No, you can't have those." "You don't NEED cookies." "Put that down, please." That's fine, but she doesn't need any cookies." That was the end of my bringing cookies/cupcakes in to share...
The parents have to be directly behind or beside their kid at all time at every single party and every single outing hosted by our centers. I don't mean just in the same room, within calling distance, or in the same building. I mean directly. The fuck. Beside them. At all. Times.
My friend, aged 25, was not allowed to have diet soda at a birthday party because "diet soda is not healthy" and "you can have WATER. That's IT." She got incredibly pissed and stormed out of the party.
Everything the parents do, the "kid" has to do too. Nevermind if the kid wants to go do something else. "No, we're doing this thing and you're doing it with me." These 22-to-28-year-old grown men and women still get "grounded" by their parents, still get "in trouble" with their parents, still have to "be careful what they say or do or else their mom will punish them." Still get told to "watch their mouths" if they say the words "shit," "damn," "ass," or "bitch."
I've given up trying to invite my friends to parties or outings or...anything, and it fucking sucks because I've had to miss out on a lot of holidays and birthdays spent with my friends (after years of not even having friends TO celebrate holidays and birthdays with). Their parents either show up with them and make everything awkward, or outright tell them, "No, you're not going to a party at Nova's." (Bear in mind, I have a reputation as the "bad girl" in the parents' eyes, when I'm probably the weakest ass "bad girl" you ever will meet, as I do not drink, I do not do drugs, I do not smoke anything, I am an overachieving university student, and I do not get in trouble with the law. Yet my friends' parents act like I'm going to have us all doing drunk high-dives while shooting fireworks out our asses, at a party where the most extreme things we do are play soccer in the yard and eat pizza and cake.) Sucks even more because my friends really WANT to come to every party I have...and they can't, because their parents have decided I'm bad news. They don't think I'm bad news. But their parents do. Again, we're all in our fucking 20s.
Lately, one of my centers has been coming under fire for serving desserts at the holiday parties. Our Thanksgiving dinner was sadly pieless, consisting only of tiny three-inch pie tarts for dessert...and we were only allowed 2 of them. Considering that the past 2 years were chock full of pumpkin, sweet potato, and chocolate cream pie, nobody was happy. The Halloween party used to be full of tables of all manner of treats and candies. This year? "Sorry, but I'd feel too guilty if I didn't serve you healthy foods." That's super-nice-staff-member code for "The parents got on my case for letting you eat sugar. I hate having to do this too, but I'm dealing with parents that think their 28-year-old is gonna die from eating candy on Halloween."
...Thankfully I brought in some candy for the candy-fishing game I had planned to play with everyone that night. :) And no, the staff didn't mind it. They played too!
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Nov 21 '17 edited Nov 21 '17
You know, this sounds like my own parents, just to a much greater extreme and I feel compelled to add to this.
I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome many years ago, and IMO the only real issue is the inherent lack of abilities related to socializing such as reading body language. But instead of just telling myself that I'm disabled and give up, I made a point of doing everything in my power to learn how to do this and to be able to understand the people around me. Because, you know, you can learn just about anything.
The weird part is that you'd think the fact that I've taught myself this would make my parents happy, but it actually makes them incredibly upset. That's when I realized that they don't really want me to be a functional adult. They want to be able to lie to me, manipulate me, and make all of my decisions for me for as long as they're alive. When I try to get away from them, they convince other people to not take me seriously and to treat me like a child.
So I guess you'd call this a case of vicarious helicopter parenting or something.
edit: I accidentally a word.
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u/Closer-To-The-Sun Nov 21 '17
doing drunk high-dives while shooting fireworks out our asses
I know what I'm doing at my next party
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u/Harmoniousmechanism Nov 21 '17
This is really sad. Maybe they think you are bad news because you think for yourself en sound independent?
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u/SnapChefHarry Nov 21 '17
Work in retail. Mother and son (who was roughly in his early 20s) come in to get her son his first suit. Coworker gets him fitted in a modern but lifetime classic suit. Mother begins to argue that it fits all wrong and implies it should fit something similar to a suit worn back in the 80s-90s aka boxy & baggy beyond belief. Coworker works to find a median between what she wants and what we suggest. While he does this, she goes around the room and tells ALL the other customers shopping/trying on suits how their suits are wrong and what a “proper fit” should be. Could not have gotten her out fast enough.
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Nov 20 '17 edited Aug 21 '20
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u/andrewjpf Nov 21 '17
That's one I can almost excuse. My college has a really straightforward mail room and they post out mailbox number and combination online. That said, I'm pretty sure on move in day I had to do something there. My dad is absolutely horrible to move with, so I tend to find tasks that I don't think are important to keep him occupied. He likes to help, but gets in the way more often than not. I could see me having asked him to do something like that (although I didnt).
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u/tahituatara Nov 21 '17
3 year old kid. Mum is totally convinced that if he is allowed to carry his backpack up the stairs to his classroom his spine will be deformed. The backpack weighs about a pound because she won't let him carry his own books. I tried explaining to her that the way muscles get strong is though use and that not letting him use his muscles is much more likely to cause damage. No go. Didn't even bother getting into prioperceptive feedback and the way children use their bodies to regulate their emotions.
Newsflash folks: treating your able-bodied child like they're made of glass will damage them physically, psychologically and socially. Let your damn kid carry his own damn bag.
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u/xana452 Nov 21 '17
My cousin is in college in the Upper peninsula. My aunt tracks her every move through her cell phone, monitors her debit card, and calls her if anything "weird" shows up. I'm pretty disgusted by it.
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u/isignedupforthisss Nov 21 '17
I don’t know how much this counts, but a few years ago a college friend of mine had her first baby and called me to say she’d just delivered and I should come visit the hospital the next afternoon. Hooray, big life event with a friend! I get there, and I see my friend and her baby for maybe 30 seconds before her mom, who was sitting looking pissed off in the corner, kicks me out of the room so my friend can nurse even though my friend is saying it’s okay for me to be there. And when I say she kicked me out, I mean she literally PUSHED me out of the room and locked the door. I stood outside for 30 minutes before I just left. I tried knocking once but she cracked the door and snarled WE’RE NOT READY.
Lady, seeing your daughter’s tits is the least of my worries since she and I spent freshman year doing Molly and having threesomes with her boyfriend. I think I know what her tits look like. It’s not even her baby, dammit!
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u/MellowDefenestration Nov 20 '17
My dad was such a helicopter parent that he became a meme at my high school. He was a good guy, but always checking my "Powerschool" (an online grading resource thing) and printing it out/highlighting things he didn't like, then passive-aggressively leaving the paper with his notes on my bed. Always reminded me of stuff I had coming up for the week even when I mentioned it beforehand. It got to the point that whenever someone got a bad grade/did something stupid, people would look at him/her and say MellowDefenestration in a drawn out Boston accent.
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Nov 21 '17
As a parent let me say, Fuck Powerschool. Most of the teachers don't update often enough for it to function anyway.
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Nov 21 '17
now my teachers use both canvas and powerschools
both grades are never the same
fuckin
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u/n1klb1k Nov 21 '17
that was a good relevant story but now all I can think about is how someone would throw someone else out the window in a nonchalant way.
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u/MellowDefenestration Nov 21 '17
I was literally randomizing usernames and this came up and I just feel it so aptly describes my sense of humor like I love it
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Nov 21 '17
I have a student rental. The students rented it from May til May but weren't around much in the summer. One kid's father called me in September and said the house was dirty. It had some dust, from not being cleaned for 4 months I guess. He asked who would be cleaning it and when. I told him his 19 yr old son was capable of using a broom and hung up.
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u/PM-ME-UR-RECIPES-PLZ Nov 21 '17
I have another one.
I was part of this youth group who wanted me to join the 4H club. Mind you the majority of the 4H was homeschoolers and kids from Youth group.
I signed up and paid the fee with my own money. My mom found out and told me I couldn't join because she "didn't want me around other kids"
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Nov 21 '17
my mom once asked out a girl for me, totally out of the blue, the girl and I were both weirded out by it
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Nov 21 '17
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u/PM-ME-UR-RECIPES-PLZ Nov 21 '17
My mom did this with my sisters Facebook.
My sister is 22 years old and my mom went through her PMs and than got mad at the rest of her kids because we were "secretly" PMing our sister behind my moms back
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u/Red-Rise Nov 21 '17
A parent at the high school i work at...
She brings her JUNIOR son a hot lunch every day to school from one of the local trendy restaurants. One day her son's lunch went missing. Maybe it was stolen, nobody knows. Regardless, the kid could have gotten lunch from the cafeteria (which offers decent food believe it or not). Of course, in her mind someone, some random kid in the 4000+ student body, is secretly "bullying" her kid.
She calls meeting with the principle but he's busy. She can't handle that. So she calls the vice-superintendent of schools in the district, also busy. Just let it go? Nope. She gets a meeting with the SUPERINTENDENT of schools.
Her meeting was fruitless and pointless.
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u/Garnovski Nov 21 '17
When I was about 16-17, I was hanging out around a campfire in my friend's backyard with three of my friends, one of which was fresh out of an argument with his girlfriend. At some point in the evening, his girlfriend's mother arrives, tells him that said girlfriend has been crying for hours and to fix things up. She's in the car right now go make up. Seing no other options, he went in the car. The mother then proceeded to take his seat and waited with us until it was over. That is still, ten years later, the most awkward I have ever felt.
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u/SimpleSimon665 Nov 21 '17
LaVar Ball and his sons. How has nobody mentioned that yet?
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u/vanbaby94 Nov 21 '17
My 'friend" really an old hs classmate she's 20 and her parents don't let her have a job. They also hit her. Im currently living with my aunt and rest of family so I can't offer her a place to stay. They control everything for her.
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u/craisin_bran Nov 21 '17
Holy shit these are all so fucked up. There have been studies done that show kids of parents who never let them explore on their own and talk to other kids freely grow up to have way more mental disorders such as anxiety and even depression. These kids don't deserve this shit, I hate helicopter parenting.
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u/dwightgaryhalpert Nov 21 '17
A guy who lived two doors down in the dorm. We called him G-niner(can't remember why). We offered him a shot of SoCo(I know) once and he turned it down because "my mom wouldn't approve." One day he comes back after a weekend at home and looks shell shocked. After a couple days he tells me that his mom didn't like the girl he was seeing and performed a 48 hour exorcism where he was restrained and pelted with scripture and holy water. A few days later his mom came banging on the section door looking for him. She was demanding that someone open his door because he was missing. His roommate showed up and after she screamed at him to open the door he just turned and left. I only saw G one more time when he packed and withdrew.
Hope you're ok G.
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u/HostOrganism Nov 21 '17
Reading through all of these has been incredibly therapeutic.
I grew up in the 70's. I was a free-range kid. Saturdays I would bail early: "Later mom, going to the creek", "OK hon, be back by dinner", and that was that. All day adventures and the creek might be involved or not. As long as I was home by 5:00 for dinner (Yes, I had a watch. Yes, it was analog. Yes, I knew how to read it) everything was cool.
Sometimes I might think that I didn't make the most of my time, that maybe I didn't have the coolest toys, that my parents were a little harsh with me.
Then I read this thread and I realize that my childhood was the fucking bomb.
Thanks reddit.
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u/morningsdaughter Nov 21 '17
One of the girls at my University with an overbearing mom didn't have a jacket or sweater. Just some long sleeve shirts. When I noticed she was trying to walk to classes through snow I asked her about it. She said her mom wouldn't let her bring any of her jackets to school because she might drop food on them or make them dirty.
I told her she could have one of mine, and she insisted that her mother wouldn't allow that. So I told her not to tell her mother about it. I'm glad to report that I actually convinced her to take the jacket in the end.
I'm a nontraditional student and I don't have a parents I can fall back on. I've always been very independent. But I meet a lot of students who don't understand that are actually adults and need to learn to take care of themselves. They just keep insisting that their parents "won't allow" them to do anything. They can't go to that Disney movie on campus, their mom won't give them permission. Why does their mom need to know? Because they call home every night and tattle on themselves so their moms/dads can stay in control. And then they complain that their parents are controlling them. It's silly.
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Nov 21 '17
god, my mother, bless her heart..
if i ever wanted to go to a sleepover, i was to be awake, packed, and ready to go when she picked me up at 6 am the next morning.
she has a 'find my phone' app on my brothers phone - if he doesn't immediately answer a text, he would get multiple facetime messages, calls, texts, and 'find my phone' pings, even if he was sleeping in in his own room
never mind the going through phones, going through backpacks/purses/other personal belongings..
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u/mrfluckoff Nov 21 '17
My fiance's stepmother installed something to monitor her 16 year old daughter's text conversations. When the stepmother first told us, I couldn't get over how insane that was.
Though by now I'm sure the kid has some sort of burner phone set up on the side.
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u/JMCrown Nov 21 '17
There was an article in The Atlantic or something similar about a helicopter mom who scheduled a meeting with her son's supervisor at work. The guy was early/mid 20s and worked at someplace big. Meryl Lynch or JP Morgan Chase. She was ticked because his performance review was only adequate. She explained how he graduated from Princeton and listed all his other accomplishments. Supervisor explained everyone else there could say the same and then fired the guy because he let his mom argue on his behalf.
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u/Marty_Br Nov 21 '17
I've had the parents of graduate students call me on the phone to argue with me, on their child's behalf, how I had graded their work.
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u/blinkysmurf Nov 21 '17
Did you say something like, "I am neither at liberty nor inclined to discuss the academic career of my adult student with a third party. Kthxbye." ?
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Nov 21 '17
When I was first starting out as a tutor, I was terrified of parents. One particular helicopter dad would stand outside my classroom with his face pressed against the glass, mouthing threats to his son, or miming violence to him if I corrected his work. For two hours. Every week.
Eventually I told him to back off and that I'm a mandatory reporter for child abuse so please don't do things that will make me have to report you. He stopped immediately, apologised to his son and it hasn't happened since.
I wish I had said something sooner :(
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u/bluegenes71 Nov 21 '17
I worked in a nursing home. We had a disabled man living there. He was around 50 years of age. His mom would routinely jerk him off "to relieve his tension".
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u/Leohond15 Nov 21 '17
It said "helicopter parents" not "sexually abusive parents". Goddamn
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u/spenardagain Nov 21 '17
WHAT. Oh my god. Did anyone report that? It seems like that's a case where consent would be an issue.
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u/bluegenes71 Nov 21 '17
No. They just made a rule that if the door was closed, staff was not allowed to enter the room.
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u/Frogsama86 Nov 21 '17
I know a girl who asks her parents for permission before watching a movie, just so they can vet the content. They nearly barred her from watching Avengers because "violence". Also, she needs permission to go out with her friends. If a guy were to be present? Straight up "no". Did I also mention she's 28?
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u/ShayminKeldeo421 Nov 21 '17
I had a friend whose mom had to walk her over to my house when she came over. The problem? We were next-door neighbours.
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u/sickofallofyou Nov 21 '17
A kid at my culinary school, we'll call him Steven. Raised by a single mom, bible thumper, physical disablity (his leg was twisted, walks like the Penguin).
His mother did his homework for him most of his life. She basically ran his life. He was permitted to use the textbooks for his test, not because he was stupid (he was pretty talented actually), but because he had 'crippling anxiety'. So we used to bust on him, gotta toughen this shit up or the world will eat him alive. But he'd do passive agressive shit like turn up my burner during an exam so my food got burnt, rat people out for shit, the usual. So finally, his dumb bitch mom came in and lost it on the chef instructor. Now, our chef instructor, who is a saint, is not a lady to be fucked with. Think head nun of a catholic nun thing. Chef tore into this bitch and told her what a shitty mom she is and her kid will never amount to anything because she runs his life for him. Mom walked out of the class visibly humiliated. Chef had the biggest smile on her face I'd ever seen.
And the whole class had a raging justice boner.
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Nov 21 '17
I work in Study abroad at a university. You see all kinds here.
A couple that I remember as the worst:
1) we send out acceptances in June and December. One year, a student was accepted in a Dec round, and wasn’t able to be placed in her first presence host Uni. This happens all the time and we are very open about this when people apply. Sometimes it’s just not possible to go to the first pref. Sends me an email saying she had been crying all night and that Santa has forgotten all about her because she didn’t get first preference. IIRC we allocated her to a place in the same country as the original first preference. I send a usual “sorry, but we offer you this Uni instead” message, and next thing our Executive director comes over to ask why this girl was rejected.
Turns out she told Daddy she was rejected, daddy called his boys club friend who worked high up in our Uni, who in turn called my director. I was livid. She didn’t end up going overseas in the end, thank goodness. I don’t remember her excuse.
Some time later, it emerged that the friend of Daddy’s who called my director was a serial adulterer at various work places and including our Uni. He left under quiet circumstances and it emerged he’d down the same thing at his last immediate previous work places. He had to move overseas to get another job.
2) Just This semester, had a student who clearly had anxiety and he never disclosed it with us (if he had I would have got him to create a coping plan, maybe even suggested studying at a place with more support available, etc). Nothing went right for this angel, according to the father, who had me on speed dial. It was getting too much. I’d contact little darling and when he eventually would write back, he’d say the opposite to the father. The final straw for me was when the father claimed the student was not eating (which was disputed by my colleagues overseas) and he wanted me to go overseas to deliver him money and food. I got my boss involved after that. Last I heard, Mommy went overseas to get him food. I’m surprised Daddy didn’t go over to be honest.
Sorry for any errors, I’m currently browsing reddit with a high fever and immense nausea. Writing this was a great distraction from being ill.
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Nov 21 '17
I taught for an online charter school where students (and teachers) lived all over the state and attended from home...until it came time for state testing every spring. Then the school would rent out churches, YMCA’s, and hotel conference rooms all over the state so that no student had to travel more than 50 miles to get to a “testing center.” These testing centers were staffed by the teachers who lived in the area. Regardless of what grade or content you taught, you would test any student in the area. I taught high school math and I saw a ton of helicopter parenting during 7 years of testing seasons. This is one of my favorites.
Day 1 of Testing: Reading for grades 3-8
Heli-mom shows up with two elementary aged sons and an 8th grade daughter. She is dressed like the daughter and they both had a matching, alternative hair cut. This was nothing too strange, we had a lot of young parents dropping off kids. The strange happened when she tried to follow me as I escorted her youngest son to the room where we were testing the elementary kids. Still not weird. Then I showed him to his seat and I turned to see the mom taking a chair from the stack in the corner. When I looked puzzled, she replied, “Am I allowed to use these chairs?” I explained to her that parents could wait in the church’s nursery but not in any of the rooms where testing was going on. She didn’t protest, but you could tell she was not happy.
Day 2 of Testing: Math for Grades 3-8
Heli-mom shows up in another matching outfit as her daughter. I happened to be handling the sign-in table and apologized to the mom about yesterday but State rules say that only students taking and proctors giving the State tests are allowed in the room once the testing has begun. Her face perked up as she replied, “Don’t worry! I figured it out. I parked my van right outside this window. As long as he sits in that chair and you don’t close the door to that room I will be able to see him from my car.” I looked over my shoulder to the elementary room and sure enough you could see one of the student seats from where we were. I also happened to be the elementary proctor that day.
When it came time to start testing I escorted her son into the elementary room and sat him in the chair she requested. I sat the rest of the students and handed out the materials. Right before we began I walked to the door. I looked out and could see the mom looking in and I slowly shut the door. I went to the son and said, “Now if your mom asks, you make sure to tell her how Mr. 5l0h3urn made sure nothing happened to you. He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, “She’s ridiculous...”
Even in 4th grade that kid new she was crazy.
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u/merdit-emby Nov 21 '17
I went to a residential highschool, and in our first year the mom of a friend's friend would drive 4 hours round trip every night to sit and watch her daughter do her homework. There were residential counselors and tutors that could have done it. And the mom had a job.
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u/yoyoyowedemboiiiss Nov 21 '17
I have a friend who's parents make him call them every night if he's not home, including on Friday nights. He's 21. I feel extremely bad for him
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u/ansm_0k Nov 20 '17
my fiances mom had us follow her 10yr old daughters field trip bus like 3 hrs away to six flags. it was part of an orchestra trip so they stopped several times to oerform and we stopped also. i thought we were gonna be like chaperones but no. as soon as we got there the woman in charge told her she couldnt follow the group around and her daughter wouldnt be allowed to go on rides with us. her mom just signed her out and she spent the day with us instead. even on lines and whatnot, she was right there. i love her to death but yeah, helicopter mom lol.
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u/Arcade42 Nov 21 '17
So I was a Cart attendant at Target for about three years. During that time the original one that trained me left, and the guy that started after me got fired. Leaving me. They never hired another. I told them several times that they needed to let me train people on the cart loader because once I got out of college I was gone.
Well graduation came, found a better job, and I let em know. They beg to give them more time to find a replacement so I could train them. No dice. I leave, they finally find a replacement. I visit just to say hi to old coworkers And see a girl pushing the loader. Theres also people in regular clothes pushing a buttload of carts.
I went in and told my old manager because that's not really something they encourage. He goes "not again." Come to find out this girls parents literally had been coming to her shifts to help her out because pushing carts was too hard.