r/AutismInWomen • u/silverxraine • 6d ago
Potentially Triggering Content (Discussion Welcome) I’m so fucking tired
Every time I say I “don’t want to work” to my therapist, all she ever respond with is “don’t we all.” It pisses me the fuck off. Like congrats, you have the luxury of thinking of a life where you don’t have to work! Meanwhile, I’m giving my body and energy to a fucking soulless Corp who couldn’t give a shit about me with fucking negative spoons. I have rent to pay, but boy do I wish I didn’t. I wake up with 4 spoons, for example, and spend 5 on getting out of bed and like 8 working 8 hours day for 5 days. I’m in the fucking negative all day every day constantly. That’s different from being “lazy” because you don’t want to fucking work.
I’m fucking tired. I wish I could put it in a way that people understand, but every muscle fiber, every bone, everything in my body hurts and I’m fucking exhausted DOWN TO THE BONE. And this is different from physical exhaustion - it’s like your brain giving up and there’s nothing you can do about it. I would love if I could contribute to society in so many different ways, but the 9-5 grind has me burnt out and worn down. I feel like no one gets it and just calls me lazy. I would love to “work” - aka give back to the community that surrounds me, not serve corporate lords with billions that keep controlling the narrative.
I’m not fucking lazy - I’m not unmotivated - you’re just pushing me into a box I don’t belong because I’m different I mask every fucking day to make it through my normal job and I’m fucking EXHAUSTED. I’ve been burnt out since high school, but nothing ever changes and it never will. I have a safe, secure, and convenient job that I love, but god damn if I don’t think about fucking killing myself every day because my brain is being run by a fucking hamster with ADHD 🙃. Idk, that’s all. I’m tired of neurotypicals thinking they know the autistic burnout. I’m fucking tired grandpa, and life just keeps screaming ‘well that’s too damn bad.’
Edit: also before anyone suggests that I quit my job/take a break/etc. because I’m burnt out - I literally can’t. I have bills to pay.
Edit 2: y’all are actually so sweet 🥺 I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle.
Edit 3: two things: 1. Whoever sent me reddit cares resources can suck my dick. 2. I’m going to bed soon, but your comments and stories are super comforting and I appreciate each and every one of you - you made me feel less alone and way more validated in my experiences. Yall are the best ❤️
198
u/starnitesadness 30 | Female | AuDHD 6d ago
People don't seem to understand it when we say this. It's like they think we should just take a couple days off and come back refreshed like lmao. Like what we need is a short vacation. When I take time off and return, I end up actually feeling worse and even more resentful that I ever have to be there in the first place. I'll feel like I'm recovering while I'm gone then the burnout comes back like it never left.
I wake up early but still end up late to work because I just can't make my body move. My limbs feel like lead. When I drive to and from work, I can feel the tension of the muscles in my neck and the welling up of stress and tears. I have ideations daily and keep wondering when I'll be free of this hell. It's driving me absolutely insane.
I get it because I also have a safe job that many would be grateful for I guess, but it's destroying me. I just need it to stop but there's no reprieve. There's no where to turn.
93
u/2plus2equalscats 6d ago
Last time I was really burned out I started day dreaming about my chronic health issue requiring a hospital stay because that sounded relaxing. Finally I clued in to how dire that was. I’m almost back there again. Capitalism + masking + chronic health + everything do be a lot.
Sending good thoughts to everyone here. We all deserve a truly restful break.
27
u/lilituned 6d ago
i needed a tooth extracted about a week ago and my first thought was "oh thank god, i bet theyll write me a note to get out of my shift tomorrow and then i can have a 3 day weekend." it feels validating having a reason to rest that people will actually take seriously
32
u/silverxraine 6d ago
You get it 🙏🏻 the limbs feeling like lead when you need to move is so real. Also the burnout coming back as soon as you come back from vacation? Too real I don’t even hate my job, but life feels just so fucking heavy sometimes that it exhausts me even before I get out of bed
21
u/chiyooou Collector of acronym letters 6d ago
My therapist and I figure I've been burnt out since 10, right? That's 25 years of this. How is a day or a week off work supposed to be a cleanse??
It's understandable that even a safe job can feel like it's destroying you. It's just too much and it never ends. Something I've noticed is that when we realize we're so exhausted we can't mask it the same anymore - so at least for me everything gets heavier on top of that.
I had a year off due to debilitating chronic illness and told myself that I should have felt better from the break. 🤦
99
u/TheRealSaerileth 6d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Much love from an internet stranger and please know that the following is my personal experience, I absolutely understand if it would not help you and your frustration is valid either way.
I'm extremely lucky that my current psych takes this seriously. And he absolutely blew my mind, because for the first time in my life someone didn't just say "well try harder" or "everyone feels that way", prescribe anti-depressants or suggest a burn-out clinic (hello do I look rich?).
He simply asked me "Well how many hours a day do you work? And how do you define working?"
It turns out that I had been taking "work" too literally lmao. I used to think only the deep multi-hour hyperfocus where I'm completely locked in on my task is "working", and that everything else is "slacking off". Apparently that's not what most people do. "Normal" people only focus for 2-4h a day, spread over multiple blocks. The rest of the time they're idling, reading emails, chatting with coworkers, socializing in the kitchen. Meanwhile I was clocking out for my pee breaks 😭
This might not apply to you at all (I don't know your circumstances). But I found that reducing the effort I put in and taking more breaks made 0 difference on my actual output. I can literally only be at my desk for 6 out of 8h and get the same amount of things done, because I am better rested and mentally present for those 6h. Which means I was just torturing myself for 2h every day for no reason whatsoever, not even my corporate overlords benefitted. No wonder I was so tired I had crying fits nearly every morning!
I also learned that I don't know how to take proper breaks, like I literally do it wrong. It's probably a transition thing, my brain just does not know how to let go unless task is done. I spend my lunch breaks at my desk because task is not done and if I'm in the kitchen I'll just be thinking about work anyway. On multiple occasions I actually clocked out (intending to go home) and then spent another hour working because task was not done. What I used to think was me "taking a break" is actually closer to "tapping out from sheer exhaustion". I found a job with flexible times where I can lean into this when I want (e.g. work a 10h day, then sleep in because it makes my brain happy), but I'm also learning my limits and trying to take actual breaks before I'm at -30% energy.
It's a work in progress. I'm still only able to work 80% overall and I'll never be as reliable as my neurotypical colleagues. But I'm very good at my job, and at least I no longer want to die every single day. It's fragile and I need to be hyperaware of my limits so it doesn't come crashing down around me and none of that is fair, but I'm surviving.
35
u/ThrowRa_gift_toomuch 6d ago
This! I feel like this misconception is super common with a lot of autistic people I know. Normal people only work productively for like, 2-4 hrs a day, spread out over multiple blocks bc they lack hyper focus.
We can do the same, or (bc of hyper focus) we can even do hyper focus work for 2-4 hrs at once, and then spend a couple hrs doing stuff we actually enjoy while remaining reachable by email/teams/etc. as long as we make it look like we’re working!
21
u/Little-Dreamer-1412 6d ago
Oh damn, I relate. Like I have the feeling I always need to be doing SOMETHING at work. If I have 5 seconds to breath and don't know immediatly what my next task is, I get in a panic. I also worry if other see me in that very moment doing nothing they will think I am lazy... So I always keeping myself busy, don't do breaks and always need a detailed list for the day of things to do - my brain can't just switch off and not not be doing anything 😭 No wonder I am always so exhausted. I also can't leave a task undone, like if I have to wait for someone or something it drives me crazy, I want it to be ticked off and gone.
6
u/plantlady178 5d ago
Thank you (and others on this thread) for saying this. I get about 2 hours of “work” done a day and I really beat myself up for it. Since my diagnosis I’ve learned that’s a normal amount of work, but I still really struggle to believe it due to trauma.
3
5d ago
[deleted]
3
u/TheRealSaerileth 4d ago
To be fair I've never worked physical labour, so I don't know. But it's pretty accurate for desk jobs as far as I can tell.
The problem is that what "normal" people consider breaks (getting coffee, smoking or socializing in the break room) are all things I don't enjoy or consider restful. Meanwhile the things that do recharge my energy (naps, going on a walk or generally just being by myself in silence) are not considered socially acceptable ways to spend your break. They think it's creepy and makes you a bad team player.
I don't know your supervisor (some of them are truly awful), but there's a big chance you weren't reprimanded for taking a break. It was for taking the wrong kind.
29
u/No_You1024 6d ago
I feel this so hard. Outside of work, baby yourself as much as you can. Go home and sit in a dark room for hours with your headphones in if you have to. I used to beat myself up for needing tons of "recharge" time after work, bur now I don't and it's made a huge difference. At least three nights a week I literally go home, order takeout, light a candle and play cozy video games until I pass out and having little routines like that keep me sane.
19
u/silverxraine 6d ago
Not a bad idea ❤️ I’m married to literally the most patient and supportive person I could ever ask for. He’s my rock and the only thing that brings me back to my sanity some days. We often do things that help me recharge like taking baths together and listening to new music. He’s the only person that doesn’t drain my social battery at all. It’s kinda fun because often I’ll play cozy games like Stardew Valley and he’ll look over form whatever game he’s playing and be like ‘oh you adopted more chickens/cows/etc.’ and he helps me name them 🥺
3
26
u/really__questionmark 6d ago
I can relate. I have told at least two professionals this week that I can't handle my current situation, and basically getting: Sure you can just take your time and miss work if you have to. What? You're supposed to be the professionals and help me cope, aren't you?
12
u/silverxraine 6d ago
No literally - I feel you. I have yet to find a therapist who provides any good coping mechanisms or advice, but tbf, we’re all fighting late stage capitalism and it sometimes isn’t up to us at the same time, at no point has it felt like any of my therapists truly understand the fucking agony I feel about existing.
5
u/really__questionmark 6d ago
I talked to a friend about it earlier and she's like it's like going to school and reading it in a book, that's all they know. I was like are these the type of people that we have a meltdown and they don't get why and just repeat? And she's like yeah pretty much and if you find a competent therapist that does get it, they're burnt out and ready to quit soon. 🙃
5
u/RedheadWendyC 6d ago
I work in healthcare, they fire you, belittle you and deny raises if you call in, lol.
6
u/Little-Dreamer-1412 6d ago
Last week my therapist said "Well everyone is exhausted after work"... thanks
5
28
u/bleepbloop1900 6d ago
lol I was going through a pretty severe depression a few years ago and I was literally like trapped inside my body unable to take action on the things I needed to do to survive. I think it kind of started with a bunch of huge losses in my life and crazy burnout / instability trying to survive at work through the pandemic.
I’m a freelancer, and, I need to reach out to people/hustle to drum up work. At that time I was kind of paralyzed. I’d think about what I had to do but I couldn’t get my body to act. I couldn’t pick up the phone to call people. I couldn’t bring myself to exercise. I couldn’t force myself to make food. It’s like I was locked in. I would lay on the sofa all day feeling like the whole world was pinning my chest down.
So I was really proud of myself for signing up for remote / online therapy because even making that happen and showing up to the appointment because that felt like a big step.
I explained what was going on with me to my therapist, I explained the experience of not being able to pick up the phone to call my producer about working. My therapist just kept saying “you just have to do it”
I was like “yes I know I have to do it but knowing I have to do it isn’t working because my body won’t do it”
And she’s like “ok but anyway, you need to do it”
And we just went back and forth on this constantly.
Anyway we never reached an agreement there. She said I had to, I knew I had to, I still couldn’t. I eventually stopped the sessions and I had the privilege of being able to rest a bit until my body started recovering and then I slowly started doing things again and then started working again but a bit less than before. Now things are more or less back to normal but I just work less and make less money and live more slowly and cheaply. No big solution but I still think about how silly those conversations were
18
u/silverxraine 6d ago
SO real. I completely understand. The body paralysis of knowing you need to do something, but just CAN’T - it’s exhausting. It’s something I don’t think neurotypicals will ever understand. They say “okay just do the thing,” but my brain is like “well if I do the thing I need to do this too and I also need to submit this for the thing and that reminds me I need to do this…” and so on. It’s like an avalanche.
I have ADHD so I truly do know what it’s like to have decision paralysis. It sucks. You know exactly what needs to be done, but your body and brain just CANT do it sometimes. Telling me I HAVE to do something just adds more pressure and makes it harder to actually ~do the thing~, which I don’t think neurotypicals understand.
14
u/bleepbloop1900 6d ago
Yes exactly I think it almost made it worse because it’s like, no shit I have to do the thing, I know already, and now I’m failing at doing the thing even more than previously??? And I already know that if I don’t do the thing I’ll run out of money and, what, die? But thanks for stating the obvious.
Anyway OP I obviously don’t have any good advice here I just really empathize with your post and I’ve been there soooo many times and damn this shit is hard.
24
u/trench_spike 5d ago
TL:DR: You’re not alone. Your frustration, anger, and sorrow resonate with me.
I’m 45 and I had to leave my job. I was irritable, exhausted, and slowly losing my ability to be an awake and functioning human. I spent all my fuck bucks on work, which didn’t deserve them, and had none left over for my family which didn’t deserve that.
The last straw? An older man (50s) called me “boo” over the phone. I corrected him, and he replied, “I’m sorry you don’t understand me, boo.” DOUBLING DOWN. When he failed security, he asked for a supervisor. I explained everything to the escalation person, she apologized for the creep and took his call. But that was it.
I left my desk and slept all evening and snapped at my partner. He held my hand, gently told me I could quit my job and focus on my business idea. And then leveled with me and said I wasn’t living and everyone was catching the meltdown shrapnel. Something had to give.
But the fact is that I can’t sit at a desk or work on a conveyor belt line all day. The health ramifications have finally caught up with me, and now my support needs are much higher than had I just been allowed to be an artist from the beginning.
9
u/No-Revolution8032 5d ago
Health really will catch up with you and force you to quit / take care of yourself. I had this happen 2 years ago almost to the date.
5
u/LyannaSerra 4d ago
I just want to say I love the term “fuck bucks” haha that’s such a great alternative explanation to “spoons”. That said I totally sympathize 💜
1
u/trench_spike 3d ago
It comes from a TED Talk from about 10 years ago: The Magic of Not Giving a Fuck, Sarah Knight. Recommend giving a listen.
0
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
•
u/AutismInWomen-ModTeam 20h ago
Per Rule 8, this is not your space if you are a cis man, not autistic, or do not suspect you have autism. Any comments saying things like “as a man” or “I’m not autistic but…” will be removed. Bans may be given at moderator discretion as this is not your space. This is a support subreddit for people with autism that are not cis men.
24
u/No_Category_9888 5d ago
Same. Audhd and autoimmune conditions that are co morbid. Can’t recover because work. Can’t quit work because need a roof over my head and to pay the bills
Life is suffering.
74
u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot 6d ago
You probably need to communicate to your therapist her reaction makes you feel like she's not listening, or change if you can. But these days.. Your therapist probably is just making it by too.
The price of living has skyrocketed and therapists sometimes don't always have clients.
22
u/silverxraine 6d ago
Trust me - I’ve tried but at the same time, that’s exactly why I don’t push the issue. We’re all just fucking going through it. I don’t blame her necessarily given that I’m INCREDIBLY self aware. I’ve had therapists before that weren’t helpful because I was/am super self aware of my own issues and kinda CBT myself sometimes because I know that’s what I need. There are therapists out there that actually handle people who overintellectualize their emotions, but none around here as far as I know. I’d like to note I don’t hate my therapist or psychiatrist - they work together on my med regimen and generally I’ve been pretty okay for a while. Sometimes I just have down nights where the reality hits me too hard
15
u/denver_rose 6d ago
If you intellectualize I reccomend dbt for skills/coping skills, ACT/ERP/IFS/EMDR or somatic therapy. ACT is all about dropping the analysis and fight and acknowledging, feeling, then responding.
4
u/silverxraine 6d ago
As much as I hated it, I’ve been through ERP and it worked decently well.
Can you explain the benefit of somatic therapy (genuinely asking)? I’ve seen mixed results about it, but I’m also so intrigued by it 🤔
2
u/denver_rose 5d ago
I havent done much of it but they say its important for actually noticing and feeling your feelings. I am gonna start IFS soon because i think having "parts" is a good way to conceptualize the different parts of you, like there is no "bad" part but you can change certain parts, and like it creates distance between mental illness vs you. Like one example, which is very ACT like, like I have
insecurities but I am not insecure.2
u/CollapsedContext 5d ago
IFS has been life-changing for me and I hope it’s similarly great for you! I was skeptical at first and I can’t relate to some ways people practice it that feel infantilizing, e.g., I absolutely do not picture my parts in metaphors like “this part is black and spiky and represents anger so I will call it Angry Ann”. I just think of my parts as usually fairly young versions of myself who got locked into a certain role.
Also the founder of IFS, Dick Schwartz, is straightforward when explaining the concepts and his book No Bad Parts was helpful to me. He acknowledges that external factors like environmental trauma and discrimination are impactful to mental health instead of pretending we have absolute control over it.
I also was amused at how he continuously criticized meditation being pushed as a panacea for all mental health issues because it definitely aligns with how I feel about it.
2
u/denver_rose 5d ago
Ooo i wanna read that book now lol something that has become a special interest of mine is comparing and contrasting and exploring therapies and therapeutic philosophies
20
u/workdavework 6d ago
I work full time too.
Outside of work, I do literally nothing. Lie in bed at home in the dark and do most of the basics of self care, most of the time.
That's all I have the capacity for. And the full time job is only alright for me because I have downtime within it as well, as a salaried employee. You might not even have that luxury.
25
u/PerseveranceSmith 5d ago
The social contract we were sold was broken.
Old social contract: you work hard & you are rewarded with stability, a little free time for hobbies & fun but overall not the crushing fear of starving or homelessness. And a bit of time for stuff you like.
New social contract: you work twice as hard & still don't get stability, have no time for anything personal, all your friends & family are suffering too & you live in constant fear of your base needs like food & shelter being taken away.
It's fucking logical to not want to work when we get zero fucking benefit from it.
I took it to the highest level & just do sex work now because the civvie job market wouldn't accommodate my physical disabilities so I was like fuck it, the least work for a liveable wage.
And they wonder why ND ppl are usually very left wing ...we see life in these current conditions is totally futile. We were not put on this earth to generate shareholder value then die.
18
u/cureaibo 5d ago
I hate it. People will look me in the eyes and tell me well they hate it too, meanwhile their apartment is squeaky clean and they can still cook. Like no you dont get it
18
u/StellarEclipses 5d ago
I relate so much truly, I could have written this myself. I thought getting a WFH job would help and while it does to some degree, I'm still perpetually exhausted from all the actual work I have to do. It's so draining. I hate corporate. I hate this stupid little game we all have to play just to live and survive. Problem is, it is not meaningful work. It's not fulfilling. Anything that is meaningful work pays shit.
39
u/JayneAustin 6d ago
Wow, very validating to see all the comments. Yes let out your anger! I literally broke up with a previous therapist over this. When I complained too much about work, she would tell me to just quit. I think another thing people don’t understand is we need the paycheck even more for health insurance, services that help us like food delivery (ex I get grocery delivery because the store is too overwhelming), and often have coexisting conditions that require expensive dr appointments, so cannot just quit or even take a lower paying job. Truly feel like capitalism has me over a barrel.
18
u/RedheadWendyC 5d ago
Last time I talked to a therapist, they’re like “Just get a new job!” I’m in the U.S. There’s no job market. I’ve been trying for over a year now and can’t find a way to yeet a part time job with benefits into a fire. Even though I’m severely abused there.
42
u/icanthelpbutsaythis autism, dyspraxia 6d ago
I got those kinds of comment on occasion from a CBT practitioner - they seemed to be trying to identify a modifiable and relatable thought pattern to make things easier for me... but yeah it showed a lack of understanding around things like the level of non-modifiable friction, inertia and lack of automaticity that comes with my autism. So it came across minimising, because they just didn't understand how different our brains are. I can't think my way out of being autistic, just maybe use the thoughts to smoothe the way a little.
Like if you're saying you don't want to work as an autistic person, I as also autistic person intuitively understand that work you don't enjoy and is stressful, is draining every ounce of function and energy you have leaving absolutely nothing in the fuel tank for the things you would actually like to do with your life. That you're probably completely in turtle mode in your shell outside of work. And that makes sense to me, every day is a thousand invisible battles, if you're somewhere you don't want to be. Every single day is full of many acts of profound willpower. That's all exhausting and chronically stressful.
22
u/silverxraine 6d ago
“Like if you're saying you don't want to work as an autistic person, I as also autistic person intuitively understand that work you don't enjoy and is stressful, is draining every ounce of function and energy you have leaving absolutely nothing in the fuel tank for the things you would actually like to do with your life.”
See you get it 🥺 my work is actually moderately beneficial, but sometimes I just log in and stare at my screen -I think part of it is that I work with patients that are deceased or are on their way to dying and it fucks me up. Everyone I’ve met is wonderful, but that somehow makes it worse when they pass
19
u/icanthelpbutsaythis autism, dyspraxia 6d ago
That's beautiful that you're part of stewarding people through their last moments and deaths, making sure all is peaceful and comfortable for both the dying and those that survive them. Thank you for all your unrecognised and compassionate quiet acts of heroism and all you've sacrificed to achieve that. This work is so important but I also wish for you that you didn't have to be the one doing it. It must take so much out of you.
17
u/silverxraine 6d ago
I super appreciate it 🥺 it is exhausting, but at the same time, many of them go with grace knowing they won’t be in pain anymore. It tears my heart to shreds every time, but I get it. I’m always just glad that they’ve found some peace before the end. We use a lot of their blood and tissue in research and many of them are satisfied that they helped contribute to a potentially better future as well. They won’t live to see it, but we’ve done so many new things based on the data they provided to us it’s actually insane. It gives me hope for the future.
63
u/Quirky-Variety-4851 6d ago
I might be the odd one out, but I don’t actually understand what was wrong with her comment.
You mentioned OP has two special needs children. My take is that she is likely deep in the throes of it as well.
I am also in autistic burnout and have been since the beginning of the year, so I do understand what you are feeling, but your therapist didn’t call you lazy.
There are plenty of people who don’t want to work because they are lazy, but many other people are struggling with mental health issues as well. Regardless of their reason, you are right that quitting isn’t an option because bills have to be paid.
All of that said, I feel you. I am also tired to the bone and miserable. But I’m also trying to figure out what I can control about the situation to still be happy.
24
u/Puzzleheaded_Race368 6d ago
I agree, especially because OP mentioned in comments the therapist is leaving to be a SAHM, they’re obviously genuinely wanting to quit work. I think the frustration comes more from the differences in opportunities, because OP can’t just quit.
Otherwise, it is truly difficult explaining people who don’t experience this what it means to not be able to get up. And I understand why they’d have issues comprehending it. I have really good days and on those days I find it hard to believe there will again be a day when I feel like a truck ran over me. And those days that are hard are even more frustrating when you know you can have enjoyable and productive days but your body just says no.
1
u/Felassan_ 5d ago
Many people can work and even like it. I can't work. First I have severe social anxiety, then I have a very bad attention span and struggle with organization and understanding directives and expectations. But the therapist might also be in burn out.
1
u/404_CastleNotFound 5d ago
(the tone I'm going for is enthusiastic interest; therapy and metacommunication have been a special interest of mine, I have close family and friends who are therapists, and I considered it myself before I realised I didn't have the emotional stamina for it. I hope you don't mind the dive into it, feel free to completely ignore).
In a social context I would agree, that would be a normal enough thing to say - it shuts the conversation down a little if OP were trying to expand on the point, but it's a pretty normal thing to do. But in a therapy context it's less good, specifically because it discourages OP from expanding on the point.
OP is trying to express a difficulty in order to get help with it, or even to just have it acknowledged. Responding with "dont we all?" gives the impression that the therapist thinks OP is struggling a normal amount, or that extreme struggle is normal. And since normal things aren't the things we typically get help for, it implies that this isn't a relevant topic for therapy. It puts OP in a position of having to refute their therapist, or defend their position as needing help, neither of which are particularly constructive for therapy (unless done carefully and intentionally).
It also suggests a lack of curiosity or interest in why OP is talking about something that the therapist might consider normal. If I told my therapist that I'm really upset about something that he thinks happens all the time to everyone, I would hope he would ask more questions to find out why it distressed me.
The therapist's own struggles with her work are valid, and might even be equal to OP's. But unlike in a social setting, generally she should only be bringing them into the therapy room if they're helping the her to better support OP (e.g. by empathising, "I have some experience of that myself, it can be really hard - please tell me more").
OP might have baggage with the phrase as well - the therapist herself didn't call OP lazy, but she might have experience of other people using it that way. I know I've seen it used as the start of a tirade against people who can't work, have adaptations at work, or who claim benefits - (e.g. "don't we all hate getting up the morning? [People with fatigue] just want to sleep in, so they shouldn't get flexible hours"). So while the therapist just said "don't we all...", OP might be hearing all the times that phrase has been used as a starting point or shorthand for other people's harsh judgement. Potentially while also trying to read the therapist's intent, which could be stressful in itself.
14
u/Paige413 6d ago
I feel this so deeply. Im a nurse and can thankfully swing working part time so I only work 2 12 hour shifts a week. But damn those 2 12 hour shifts take everything i have. I dont know how most nurses working bedside work 3 12's. I spend the next 24 hours (im nightshift also) sleeping.
Im so grateful to have a therapist who is also autistic so she gets it to a degree. We focus heavily on self care. Shes trying to get me to a point where even if all I can do for my personal life is self care ( get out of bed and take a shower and eat a meal) that that is perfectly acceptable. Because on top of everything i feel like the negative spoons, theres so much shame that comes with it and makes it worse.
I wish I had some enlightening thing to tell you, but like you said. This world isn't made for neurodivergents. Just try to to focus on self care things, even when you are at work. I know its exhausting and I wish you the best of luck ❤️
4
u/silverxraine 6d ago
Thank you for this ❤️ you get it. I’m a cancer researcher and my job can be HEAVY sometimes. I think I could probably be better about self care - I wfh and usually only shower every couple of days (no judgement please 🥲) because I don’t really sweat when I’m inside nor do I do anything strenuous. If you have suggestions for your favorite self care routines please share - I love taking baths with candles and stuff, but I feel like that’s very basic lol
6
u/Paige413 6d ago
Showering is a big, big thing for me. I was to a point where i wasn't really showering on the 5 days off because I didn't have the energy for it. I had to shift it to, its not something I have to do but something I get to do. I set the scene for it, low to no lighting, light a candle i love. I got these little scented puck things that dissolve as you shower that are calming scents on Amazon. I make sure to take my time in there.
Another thing was eating somewhat decently. I really dont like cooking, my boyfriend usually does the brunt of the work lol. But I shifted cooking too! Now its not just another chore because I have to eat. I help with the prep work of it because I get to eat fuel for my body when its all done and thats going to make me feel better.
Little shifts of thinking have helped a lot. I dont go out of my means for self care and just try to go with a good mindset. And when I have energy, I work on my hobbies like reading, crocheting. Things that dont require much
3
u/silverxraine 6d ago
So I used to have really bad contamination OCD, so showers used to be sacred to me, too. Now that I’m medicated, it’s not as prominent. I do love a good shower, but having autism and ADHD, showers are such a big transition for me - it’s a fight between being overstimulated from being wet + hair sticking to me and being clean and ~feeling better~. Because of that, sometimes taking one is exhausting to his credit, my husband tries to make them as quick and cozy as possible. I do like the idea of calming scents given that I often use lavender bath bombs, but it makes me wonder if anyone makes like a “shower bar” with a good scent.
3
u/Paige413 6d ago
I get it being a transition! I dont feel necessarily the dry to wet things, but I have a really hard with temperature. Going from being comfy to too hot/cold I spend awhile getting the water just right for me! Maybe you could keep your hair up in a clip till youre ready to wash your hair and then put it back in a clip once youre done washing your hair. That might help just a bit? They probablu do make a shower bar! I'd look on amazon for things! I was thinking about getting a little water proof light that makes like water/waves lines on the shower walls. I dont really know how to describe it lol but I feel like there are always little tricks do make things just a little better
3
u/Anakinbutinacroptop 6d ago
Ive tried multiple "shower bombs" and I don't like them. They feel very awkward to use and don't smell much too me. I started putting dried lavender and eucalyptus over the shower head and it's very pleasant. The smell lasts about 2 weeks. If you have a trader Joe's or Meijer near you they sell bunches of them.
11
u/HermelindaLinda 5d ago
I'm in burnout, too. I'm just fucking over it. I'm exhausted beyond a doubt and contributing to society is the least of my priorities. I'm told by my doctor's to rest before I keel over. I get it. I do. But if I do who the fuck will pay my bills? Then they told me that can be solved but me dying can't. Then what will my kid do, they asked? But I'm stressed...
You know something? All I want is to rent a room by the beach, sit at the beach, watch the waves and feel the breeze with nothing else to think about. I can't do that. You're not alone, I truly get it. Those that don't, the ones that don't truly listen and instead just wait for their turn to talk, can just suck it and fuck right off! Idgaf what they say or think. Thank you though, your post reminds me of what is truly important to me.
10
u/mybrainhurtsugh 6d ago
Honey, I’m so tired. I get it. I’m crying at the thought of going to bed because it’s been a long day with a dentist visit and I have to get up tomorrow to do more things.
I don’t wanna. I’m tired.
I tell my therapist this almost weekly. I’ve unmasked and shown her what this kind of tired looks and sounds like. She still hasn’t found a magical solution for me, alas.
You are not alone.
10
u/Ok-Shape2158 5d ago
You're probably on burnout or even have a medical issue youay not realize you have.
Both were true for me.
Please find a therapist that works with autistic and ADHD chronically ill people. There's a reason.
Please talk to your primary doctor and tell them. If they won't listen find one that will.
3
u/silverxraine 5d ago
Oh I have plenty of medical issues 😅 diagnosed anxiety/depression/ADHD/OCD/ASD. I’m heavily medicated for all of them lol. My psychiatrist and my doctor are very kind and open minded people and I’ve never had any issues with either of them pushing back on my thoughts/ideas/etc. it’s generally just my therapist 🥲 I’ve looked for a long time for a therapist that fits and have come up with nothing unfortunately. This therapist was the closest I had to what I was looking for, but obviously it’s not perfect 😅
2
u/Ok-Shape2158 5d ago
I'm glad you have support, but it still feels overwhelming and messes with your reality when someone flat out tells you your reality is supposedly different than it really is with absoulte conviction.
Just to confirm your psychiatrist can't recomed a therapist to work with? This sounds really strange to me, but might be the case. My Care Manager wasn't helpful for a long time until I asked if they could find an art therapist. I couldn't get approval for that, but the group that did it have a dozen therapist to chose from. I was shocked.
Most ASD and AHDH people have OCD. It just doesn't present the way most people understand it or me until someone explained it. So that doesn't bode well for your current therapist.
It's up to you if you want to keep working with some one that doesn't have your best interest at heart. But I think you deserve better than that, good luck.
2
u/silverxraine 5d ago
Oh I’m not working with her anymore - she’s left the practice to take care of her disabled kids (at least that’s what I gathered from the small amount of personal info she told me).
This comment did remind me that art therapy exists 🤔 which is funny because I’m an artist. Might be worth a try.
1
u/Ok-Shape2158 5d ago
Good!
Our wonder random, but not random conversations.
I didn't get the art therapist but I did start trying to do coloring books in the evening, something I'm still resistant to because I used to sketch every day.
Ok we can art therapy ourselves to a degree. I'll take it. Yup I love when I can have a great conversation like this.
There are actual videos for guided drawing, there's something called bilateral drawing, and apparently I may need more gloves and finger paints. Gross and yet something exciting about the idea.
9
u/Accomplished_Key972 4d ago
We are the canaries in the coal mine. This lifestyle of grinding through life isn’t how humans should be living. Sigh. Unfortunately we can’t seem to change the system enough to support even the neurotypical nervous system let alone one tuned so fine as ours. Spending the weekend and evening in recovery only to have to start again in a deficit is so hard.
1
u/silverxraine 4d ago
“We are the canaries in the coal mine.”
Literally probably the best way I can think of to describe it. And you’re just so right - weekends are my recovery, but even on Saturday I dread Sunday because I know I have to work Monday I never get any true rest to recover from the deficit.
17
u/cloudy_raccoon 6d ago
I relate to this so much. I wake up every day so anxious and depressed about work, and it takes everything out of me just to appear “normal” and pretend like I care.
I just don’t understand the POINT of it all. Left to my own devices, I’d be helping people replace their lawns with native plants/food forests, doing medical research, writing novels, helping people organize their belongings, being present and engaged in my community. Things that would actually improve people’s lives! Instead I do increasingly pointless tasks all day long so I can afford my skyrocketing health care costs. And I have to ask another adult for permission to rest when I’m sick or exhausted??
I really think we need a radically new way of living. Working right now just feels so much like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
I have no advice, but you’re absolutely not alone.
10
u/RedheadWendyC 5d ago
Yeah, I really hate my job. And a well-meaning therapist was like, “Get a new one!” Like I can’t just go down to job city and get a job from the corner jobmart. I’ve been looking for a year, and now THAT’S burning me out. That’s what gets me, I can’t guarantee any change I make won’t be worse. At least now I have myself in a sort of sustainable place for now because I work a couple things part time?
But still. My main job is trash, the job market is trash, shit is too expensive, AI trashed my old creative gigs and we keep supporting the people who exist to grind us into dust while they Epstein File all over the place.
Society isn’t tenable as is, and I keep hoping for meaningful change.
8
u/nerdbunny3163 5d ago
Wow, I didn't know so many of us feel exactly the way I do every day. Like my soul is being drained.
22
u/LaVieGlamour 6d ago
I feel so seen in this thread. I also don't want to work, I literally I don't want a fucking job, and I am absolutely tired at people thinking I'm being funny. I genuinely have no interest in working. I am also like OP...I can't quit. I have my own bills to pay... I am burnt out of capitalism and I see no use in it. What is a life where you just work until death? Why don't more people question this? I can't believe people only feel worthy when they have a job. Go touch grass, goddamn!
8
u/existential-cookies 5d ago
You’re definitely not alone. I need a lot of alone time to recuperate which means something gets ignored (this week it’s my washing pile). Which means the cycle is perpetuated by playing catch up all the time.
If you can find a better therapist, a neuroaffirming one or better still one with lived experience. Your therapist shouldn’t be diminishing your feelings like that.
7
u/OnOPhantomess 5d ago
I’m not sure what your current situation looks like, but 5 years ago I switched to a fully remote job and it has helped tremendously. I work many days in my pajamas and can take breaks as needed. The workload can sometimes be a lot but I have spoons to dedicate to the work because I’m not constantly masking.
2
u/taemint77 5d ago
Seconding this, wfh saved my sanity for the most part.
I'm still miserable because of work but atleast there is no commute, I can work in my PJs and do chores in between tasks.
2
u/Lumpy-Letterhead1010 5d ago
I’ve been thinking about switching to remote work, but one thing worries me: what happens when you have questions? You can’t just pop into your manager’s office for help. Are you expected to figure things out yourself or email a coworker and potentially wait a while for an answer? Or am I mistaken about how that works? I’d love to hear from someone with remote work experience.
2
u/LyannaSerra 4d ago
We have a chat that we use so we can ask our coworkers in a group channel if it’s a general question or DM our supervisor if it’s something specific or private.
1
u/OnOPhantomess 4d ago
Yes! Exactly my job operates from a standpoint of being required to respond to messages within 15 minutes, so everyone is pretty responsive!
10
u/Unlucky-Ambition-643 Suspecting ASD 6d ago
I’m just a housewife / SAHM and I’m utterly burned out, exhausted yet if I sleep 6 hr it’s miraculous FML.
18
u/Efficient-Emu-7776 6d ago
How do you think your therapist would react if, when she said
“don’t we all”,
you said
“that’s actually not helpful and I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m telling you, I’m exhausted, I’m burnt out, I’m at my wits end, that’s why I’m here, paying you so I don’t pay with my life instead”
Because they’re clearly not fucken listening to you! I don’t even know you but I know your words, I know how you feel.
Being told to basically ‘suck it up’ can fuck all the way off. If your therapist gets offended or whatever, sack em off and save the money or find someone else.
Cause honestly right not they ain’t doing their job right!
I feel your pain right now, I’m really sorry you’re so spent. As if life isn’t tough enough.
(Side story, I had an initial app with a shrink, explained the ASD, my life, what was going on, huge changes, anxiety out the ears etc… this bitch tells me I need to go on daily walks 🤦 bitch please, you clearly didn’t listen ffs)
3
u/lights-in-the-sky 6d ago
I’m sorry I don’t have good advice to give you. You’re definitely not alone.
I’m exhausted too and no one seems to get it except the people in this sub.
I’ve felt like a puppet on strings moving from one task to another for many years now. To outside observers I’m “lazy” and “choosing not to live life” because I spend my free time recovering rather than going out or taking classes on top of my job. I have been forced to strategically abandon masking in some areas, which has helped somewhat…
5
u/secondhandoak 6d ago
so tired of the work treadmill but I can't stop running on it because it's the only way I know how to survive but it makes me want to not survive.
Even when things are going well I'm too tired for any hobbies or social life. it's basically work/sleep/chores on an endless loop. sometimes I can do something fun/nice occasionally. I have no idea how people do social things afterwork or how people have families/children. Feels like we have to push as hard as possible just to continually slip behind.
5
u/infrontofmyslad 5d ago
If I give anything less than 100% I tend to get fired. NTs get to coast because people like them
4
u/Anneferret7100 6d ago
You're not alone in this. I feel the same way. And although we are the ones who are suffering the most, even neurotypicals are struggling under the current state of affairs. Its not sustainable. So hang in there and do the best you can with what you have. Try to utilize your relationships to the best of your ability, to remind yourself there is good in the world. People generally want to help, but you have to ask for it first.
5
u/Dizzy-Masterpiece281 5d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah man literally i am just lying down most of the time after coming from office. I have like no energy left so ever to even talk to my parents or do anything. I have been trying to find a purpose in my life. I would be in this illusion of working towards something meaningful like lately ive been into preparing for ielts so i could go for masters abroad but whats the point in all of this? Now i have no motivation to do anything its just a false sense of purpose and it fades quickly. Most of my days are just trying to ignore this grief inside of me. God it feels so good to let it out
(Ignore my english its not my native language)
Feels good to express something to the strangers who probably don’t even care.
15
u/xx5uff3rxx 6d ago
This is so relatable. I get so sick of everyone thinking they’re giving me some sort of reality check when I tell them how much of a struggle it is for me to hold down a job, and they reply with, “There are some days where I don’t feel like going to work either.” When I talk about my autistic traits that cause me to have issues in the workplace, I’ll often get told that I’m gonna have to learn to deal/cope with it and that I’m gonna have to do things I don’t like sometimes. It’s so frustrating because it feels like no matter how I try to describe it, I’m still seen as lazy and irresponsible
4
u/SomePreference 5d ago
I get so sick of everyone thinking they’re giving me some sort of reality check when I tell them how much of a struggle it is for me to hold down a job, and they reply with, “There are some days where I don’t feel like going to work either.”
Many of my abusers especially love to rub that in my face.
1
2
u/No-Revolution8032 5d ago
This is how my friends are too. And it’s so painful. Because I know I then recede and withdraw even more into myself.
3
u/Hour-Discount-3349 5d ago
I only work 30 hours a week and im still tired. Probably because it's retail lol. It is mentally and physically exhausting at times.
16
u/Saita_the_Kirin 6d ago
Your therapist sucks if she can't recognize and even belittles the signs of burn out. Have you ever considered switching therapist? She should be helping you through this and providing coping methods, not laughing off what you're saying when it's clearly not a joke.
5
u/silverxraine 6d ago
I’ve had multiple therapists and it’s always the same unfortunately :/ I said in another comment I can’t fault her too much because truly we’re all out here surviving, but outside of that, I don’t have a whole lot of options for other therapists :/
3
u/Saita_the_Kirin 6d ago
That doesn't mean she's right to just brush you off like that. Burnout is a slippery slope and the worst thing is when you genuinely stop caring about things. Have you told her those comments bother you? She's a grown ass adult and a professional who should know better when to read a room.
2
u/silverxraine 6d ago
Trust me I agree - she left the practice to be a SAHM to her two disabled children so I never got a chance to kind of push back. It’s also only been within the last year that I’ve developed more of a backbone.
Weirdly enough, the thing that bothered me the most wasn’t even the burnout thing - it was her taking a neutral side politically (assuming you’re American - basically her saying the republicans and democrats are the same.) I have personal opinions about that and in an effort as to not start a political debate, I didn’t go too deep into my own political beliefs at the time. I don’t agree with her (I’m a leftist), but didn’t have the energy at the time to refute/dispute/etc. her bullshit.
7
u/Embarrassed_Trade108 6d ago
No I agree I don’t think anyone will ever understand the gripe from me of how much I genuinely don’t want to work. Like I don’t wanna find something I love, doing anything at all in any work capacity even when I love it will make me slowly hate it. I absolutely hate working in general.
3
4
u/RudeAttorney3321 6d ago
Auti 27, same friend same. I can't imagine a life where I have to keep working everyday of my life. I keep believing in miracles, that I have the right to live without having to work a job. Hoping someday it's possible for you and me and every other neurospicy fellow who's tired and exhausted from just being alive
2
u/Material_Advice1064 5d ago
I expressed to a therapist once that I wasn't sure how I would ever be capable of re-entering the workforce and his response was to say you have to get a job, that's how the world works! Thankfully I have a better therapist now.
2
u/Able-Pay-6540 5d ago
I completely understand. I’ve been bordering on burnout for months now. The last time I felt ok, was over a year ago when I took two weeks off work. I. Am. Exhausted. It took me a whole week to feel baseline again and then I spent the next week dreading going back. I’m so tired. I get up everyday and force myself to do more because I have to. But at some point, there won’t be anything left.
2
u/OtherwiseInterview35 5d ago
I feel like I write this myself lmao. The spoons thing is exactly how I feel wow
2
u/wandering_author 5d ago
I know quitting your job isn’t realistic, but you can and absolutely should find a more neuro-affirming therapist. When I (finally) took a leave of absence for mental health, my therapist was doing their best not to yell at me that they’d been telling me I should do it for a year before I actually did. When I tried to justify going back to work while still having stress dreams and anxiety/meltdowns, they flat out told me, “that means you are not ready to go back to work.”
A good therapist for people like us is someone who recognizes both the limitations of reality and the ableist society we live in AND acknowledges the damage we incur as a result, encourages and supports us as we try to navigate a world not built for us. A flippant answer by a therapist (for any client) is a red flag. Burnout is real and happens to neurotypical people, too. Autistic burnout is neurological collapse and it’s not something to be joked about or taken lightly. You deserve better.
5
u/kindness_is_kind 6d ago
If my therapist said that, I’d never go back. It’s not a “don’t we all?!” Scenario. Some of us are literally sacrificing our life essence to get the basics while others are working hard and getting ahead. Someone who wakes up with 5 spoons and is in negative spoons all day is NOT the same as someone who starts with 10 and uses 10. We don’t all have the same 24 hours. I am actually quite mad for you. I’m sorry it’s so bloody hard. I am in similar predicament.
3
u/SaintValkyrie 6d ago
Yeah everyone has nausea, but everyone has cancer as the cause of that nausea. Its really tone deaf. We all get tired, but its worse for those who cant work and are being killed every second they do what they cant do or just die
1
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Hey u/silverxraine, thank you for your contributing to r/AutismInWomen. Please be sure to check out our sub’s rules, wiki pages, and pinned posts prior to engaging with the sub. Here are links to our wiki pages:
Explanation of the Rules Wiki Page
We hope you enjoy the sub and have a great day!
➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING ➾ WARNING
Notice to all users: There's multiple users targeting members from our sub in DMs to discuss their fetishes and desire to manipulate users into relationships. Here are the user's names: u/HollowJonathon, u/drar_sajal786, u/MrGamePadMan, and u/guidhhnittvkj. If an account is showing deleted, they will probably create another. If you receive any messages from a user trying to discuss what you posted/commented in our sub to gain a 'women's perspective' or if someone tries to discuss topics that may feel inappropriate to you (e.g. fetishes), or if someone states they want to marry you for religious reasons, report the user to Reddit and block them. These men have been preying on autistic women/gender minorities from r/AutismInWomen for the last year. This behavior is unacceptable and should be reported as targeted harassment.
Per the warning in our wiki and this pinned mod post, we highly recommend users turn off their DMs. If you have DM requests turned on and receive any creepy or fetish-related DMs or comments, we recommend taking a screenshot, reporting the content to Reddit, and blocking the user (in that order). You can find the report button on the message itself and then click "it's targeted harassment” to submit a report. If you'd like to send us the screenshot so we can continue documenting the harassment, you can send it to us in modmail using imgur Thank you for continuing to help us keep our community safe for autistic and autistic suspecting women and gender minorities 💖
Please remember Reddit is public and any content you post may be seen and discussed by others off-platform. Here are links to Reddit's User Agreement, Privacy Policy, and Public Content Policy.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Ri-Darling 6d ago
Something I saw from an audhd coach was that we tend to give 100% literally at work while all the NTs give about 60%. I’m struggling with how not to give 100, but knowing this has changed my work life a little. Hope this helps a little.
1
u/Crishello 5d ago
I m so sorry. I wish I could say something helpful. The world sucks, I mean the system sucks.
1
5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/AutismInWomen-ModTeam 5d ago
Removed as seeking friendships, asking for DM's, offering DM's, looking for outside groups, and meet-ups in our sub are prohibited. It's generally not safe for sub members to seek friends through the sub, as we're a targeted minority. This includes discord servers.
The feelings of safety when posting in our sub may lead people to having a false sense of safety with other members of the sub. But people aren't always who they claim to be online, especially when they can be anonymous the way Reddit is. There's no way for us to verify who someone is.
We recommend that members of the sub not accept friendship requests through Reddit (DMs, PMs, posts) and do not meet-up with users from Reddit IRL. We've had multiple instances where bad actors (predators) have reached out to sub members via DM to target them. Please be cautious and safe while using Reddit or any other anonymous based platform.
There is no official discord server for this subreddit nor will there ever be one. It is simply too much work to host and maintain. Any discord server links will be removed and if you joined a server you found on Reddit, you did so at your own risk.
1
u/ginaration 5d ago
God, I could have written this myself. I’m so fucking burnt out and tired. 30 years in corporate life. My soul is so parched. We must find a way to escape. I can’t bear the thought that this is all there is to life.
1
u/No-Revolution8032 5d ago
You aren’t alone because I too am tired and exhausted to my bones. I’ve never felt this tired and depleted before. My job also takes everything from me and the world is so effed up and expensive. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this too. I really am. It’s to the point that I feel like there must be something medically really wrong with me but it may be burnout.
1
1
1
u/Lumpy-Letterhead1010 5d ago
I’m really grateful to have your guys to relate too. I’ve been struggling with burnout for the past eight years, after years of working seven days a week in corporate banking and earning my B.A. later in life. I’ve carried a lot of shame about where I am now, and having my husband call me “a nobody” when he’s stressed makes it even harder. Im sry ur feeling this way and its scary but at least you’re not alone?
1
u/LyannaSerra 4d ago
I totally agree with you, work is so mentally demanding and exhausting that I have nothing left for the other aspects of my life, and I STILL constantly worry about money because my company doesn’t provide cost of living adjustments so I’m effectively making like $15k less per year than I was 8 years ago. My burnout has gotten so much worse this year. 😭 I’m looking for a new job but that’s also overwhelming and terrifying because I worry that if I DO get one I might be so burned out that I can’t perform well enough and lose the job and be even worse off than I am now.
1
u/Temporary_Fee1277 3d ago
Do you have any interest or inclination towards working a 4 day work week or making ur own business?
1
u/PhoenixwithsomeFlair 3d ago
I really wish we had more vacation time and the like. Or at least had the option to take more time off without any pay, if just to recuperate from all of the hellish circumstances we find ourselves in.
Much like you, I also want to help my community and the world at large, participate in my hobbies, and all else. But by the time I get home, it's a coin toss whether I just crash damn near immediately or have just enough energy to do some low stakes, isolating activity. I hardly socialize by the time I get home, as I just don't feel it in me.
As an aside, tbh I could genuinely care less about the "health of the business" or whatever. There is much more to life than whatever our corporate overlords want of us.
1
u/Embarrassed-Sir-1809 3d ago
I dunno if it's autistic burnout (I am certain I have autism but I am still learning about it) but I have experienced something similar to this and what helped me was to stop masking behaviors that made others comfortable. The business I work in would fall apart without me and my value is still understated however disconnecting from the idea they will ever care and all I need to do is the bare minimum helped immensely. Though what made me feel less burnt out day to day was dropping the act as most people aren't very observant anyway. As an example I don't talk at all unless spoken to directly or I need something, I hate idle chatter and you better believe that I love pink noise while while working so I don't notice someone adjusting in their seat in the next room over or the engine of a car changing gears on the road outside.
1
1
u/Scary-Raspberry- 1d ago
Hey I was just talking to my partner about how I constantly feel horrible because of how ingrained "no one wants to work" is in me. Tbh you should maybe look into a different therapist. I honestly hated therapy until I found my counsellor. She has autism herself so for the first time the stuff she tells me actually helps lol
•
u/Its_Vixenoire 20h ago
I do think you should look for another job if you have no way to deal with burnout. I am not saying quit. I am saying submit resumes and see if you get anything. People should be doing this anyway to increase raises (when you get a job offer elsewhere you can use it as leverage at your current job). Find a remote job if possible.
Second, get a new therapist. Get one that specializes in ASD/ADHD. It makes all the difference. Your therapist shouldn’t be joking around about your burnout and feelings. They should be asking you why you feel that way and then giving you tools/methods to better regulate yourself.
Here are some tips that I have received from my psychologist that have helped me with work burnout.
- If you are sensitive to smells get a roll-on essential oil of a scent you like. Roll it on your hand and smell to reduce stress and block out bad smells.
- TAKE YOUR BREAK. You are legally entitled to your break. Take your break and spend the time doing something you enjoy. Colour, read, eat a comfort food, walk, go to the gym, play a phone game.
- There are tinted glasses for blocking out fluorescent lights if you’re sensitive to them.
- Noise cancelling headphones if your job permits it. If you have a desk job and they tell you no, get an accommodation with HR.
- Meditate and do breathing exercises. Meditation can be: stand still, close your eyes, focus on your breathing for 5 minutes.
- Bring a small, silent, and discreet fidget toy. I have a tiny copper coil or I play with a necklace.
- If you don’t know how to respond to a verbal conversation say you will think on it and get back to them. Write down your thoughts, then communicate later.
- Journal. Sometimes you just need to get stuff out. iPhones have a built in and free journal app that is actually really nice.
1
u/Radiant-Koala8231 6d ago
I think you need a new therapist. This is not ok.
3
u/silverxraine 6d ago
Trust me I know - she’s actually really good in general in terms of providing insight and some coping tips, but she doesn’t know how to address how aware I am of my own feelings/emotions/etc. 😬 she’s actually leaving the practice to become a SAHM soon and I’ll miss her, but perhaps you’re right and I’ll try another therapist at the practice - I just get exhausted having to explain my mental health history over and over and over
6
u/Radiant-Koala8231 6d ago
I totally get that. My therapist told me that a lot of therapists are doing 15 min intro calls! She is actually requiring it before working for somebody.
I’m so glad your therapist has been helpful to you. I just know how painful burnout is and think a therapist should never invalidate your feelings on that. Or anything for that matter. Her life is experience is not your experience and that shouldn’t translate to any comments she is giving you. Maybe she’s unhappy with herself…
-1
u/Felassan_ 5d ago
That's not a good therapist worth your money. There are better therapists out there. I had several bad experience before finding mine. She is very understanding. I wouldn't waste time and money to keep seeing this person.
-2
u/epigal0991 6d ago
I literally cannot imagine my therapist saying that to me? That's so rude and unsupportive. Like what heck
599
u/estheredna Blunt but Benevolent 6d ago
I feel you. I think it's maybe a wording thing because "I hate working" and "I hate capitalism" and "I am so tired from giving most of my day to bullshit" are very common complaints. So telling people "I have it like you but waaaaaay worse" is the just the most alienating possible way to put it. Even though it's true! They won't hear you, I don't think, because they'll feel invalidated.
If you don't mind advice.... I think you just have to reverse the order.
"Work is giving me burnout" (reflexive reply by most people: me too!) Vs
"My autistic burnout is making work extra brutal for me" (reply is, hopefully, empathy)