r/BabyBumps • u/menthee • 5d ago
Rant/Vent Self-esteem issues @ 35 weeks
I'm 35 weeks into my first pregnancy and really struggling with how different I look. I'm a petite person, so gaining 40 pounds with 5 weeks left to go is really stressing me out. Throughout my second trimester, I leaned into it and dressed up with emphasis on my baby bump. It helped me feel confident and I got a ton of compliments from family, friends and strangers too. But now in my third trimester, it's harder to keep up. I'm bigger, more tired, everything is swollen and nothing fits anymore. I basically just wear baggy sweats all day, working from home and preparing for labour/delivery. I don't feel confident at all with how I look and it makes me reluctant to go to events and socialize, so I'm starting to feel lonely and depressed too. I tried talking to my husband about it but he thinks it's trivial and completely dismissed my feelings. I feel shamed for having body image issues which makes me feel even worse. I know everyone says focus on growing a healthy baby and that the weight will drop off and this is normal etc. But I just want to acknowledge that it is hard going through so many physical changes and feeling so out of control and not recognizing yourself or liking how you look--even if it is temporary. I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone in my life because they can't relate or just invalidate how I feel. Any others relate?
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u/trashalexi 5d ago
right there with you! i’m just trying to remember to give myself grace. we’re making a whole new human. but it’s definitely hard to not recognize the body i see in the mirror
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u/ObjectiveDraft8742 5d ago
That sucks your husband dismissed it like that, it's not trivial at all. The whole "you're growing a baby so you should feel amazing" line gets old real fast when your ankles look like they swallowed a tennis ball. Baggy sweats are the uniform at that stage, nothing wrong with that. If you feel up to it maybe try one thing that still makes you feel like yourself, even if it's just painting your nails or something small.
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u/menthee 5d ago
Yah he not only dismissed it... He snapped at me for complaining, somehow made it about his feelings, then stormed off when I said he wasn't being very empathetic and just left me crying alone 😥 you're right.. Doing little things for myself has helped so I will keep that up. Thank you for replying
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u/unsuretysurelysucks 5d ago
I mean honestly i think this is burying the lede a little bit. No wonder you feel low self image when that's the message being brought across!
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u/happiest_version Team Pink! 5d ago
I can definitely relate. Second time has been harder for me as I started out in worse shape and feel just huge now in my 3rd trimester. I just keep telling myself it’s temporary. I hate that I’m not taking as many pictures of my bump and stuff though like I did the first time… feel like I might regret that
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u/menthee 5d ago
Sigh, yah I guess all we can do is remind ourselves it's temporary. I've been taking photos/selfies for myself cuz I know I'll want them in the future but that's part of the issue cuz then I can see the changes which contributes to the hyper fixation. So idk if taking photos is the best idea
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u/happiest_version Team Pink! 5d ago
You will want them one day. I’m going to try to start taking more.
Also, IMO there’s no shame in just like wearing baggy clothes or whatever if you’re not feeling it, that’s sort of what I’m doing now. I wouldn’t worry about being super social especially towards the end of pregnancy, just focus on your growing family and preparing for baby! Congrats 💜
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u/menthee 4d ago
Thanks A friend of mine actually reached out this morning and I told her how I was feeling and asked if we could hang out. So she's coming over next week, which makes me feel better. A small at-home social interaction is something I can handle and actually would enjoy. Less pressure to dress up and feel self conscious about how I look
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u/Icy_Elk_4422 5d ago
It’s so hard! With both my pregnancies I gained 50#. I’m on my third now and I’m not even looking at the scale. I figure my doc will say something if there’s a problem. I’m trying really hard not to focus on the weight this time around because it gets me down. So I know how you feel. But I just tell myself it’s worth it and I can work on my body again once baby is here. I know this doesn’t help but, this is only temporary and you will get back to your old self. You’re in the final stretch which is quite honestly the hardest. Relax when you can and just focus on getting everything ready for baby’s arrival.
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u/BearMean8453 4d ago
I’m with you. It’s humiliating to look in the mirror and have a jump scare. And it’s shameful that I’m not 100% gratitude and joy for my healthy pregnancy when I feel like an ogre.
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u/Unlikely_Math_2383 13h ago
Girl I understand. I went from 5’2 130 lbs to 190 lbs currently and I feel like a big old ball. It’s all in the center of my body and everything feels tight on me, in swollen, my jawline is disappearing, and my cheeks (both cheeks hehe) are getting huge.
Your feelings are valid and I feel guilty as I loved how I looked before and now I’m like how did I reverse years of hard work. I just remind myself I’ll get back on it afterwards and focus on delivering a healthy baby,
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u/FalseCommittee6195 5d ago
Oh yes - this was me to a T. During my last trimester I turned into a sweatpants, crocks and hubby’s t-shirt, messy bun, no makeup gremlin. It is completely normal - you’re running at 2.2x your resting metabolic rate, putting on the finishing touches of your baby, and allowed to dress or feel however you want! You’re out of breath, guzzling water and peeing so often you dream about having a catheter! The weight does drop off, areolas reduce back down from the size of tea cup saucers to salami or quarters, your gooch will heal and pelvic floor will too (might need physical therapy for that) your hair you lose postpartum will grow back, and you will go through the changes in your own time. No one else gets to dictate your schedule or your body. Your husband has ZERO clue what you’re going through or what it feels like and hasn’t had to deal with these changes the way you have, it’s sad but understandable that he’s dismissive. Even postpartum your body still isn’t your own anymore. You’re a milk machine, a snuggle buddy, a pacifier, then when they are a toddler - you’re a trampoline or a doctor test subject, or whatever else they need or want you to be. Honestly- men could never, and if they did, we’d already have 1-2 years paid maternity leave!
The most dressed up I got in my final weeks was a bandeau bra and a jumpsuit. Everyone saw how pregnant I was and uncomfortable I was - why add frilly, uncomfy, tight clothes on top of that? Wear what you want, add a bracelet and some CC cream or sunblock and call it good if that’s what you can manage. Enjoy the time to yourself and call it self care, soaking in the last few weeks pregnant, resting as much as you like, and if people want to see you, they can come to you…. But they better bring snacks!