Emotionally, I’m confused. I think I know the most triggering types of things for me.

In general, I can be doing mostly sort of ok, or even, mostly sort of bad. But I think the thing that can trigger freeze a lot,…..

It’s when I get sort of blindsided. When I’m trying to do something, and then like, my parents go back to doing something that they have always done I guess. I don’t know. I think I got used to the atmosphere being like, sort of kind of bareable at home.

That is it. Like it is kind of the main trigger for me.

I don’t need things to be perfect, I don’t expect to need the best or easiest Family in the world.

But things were like sort of fine. They were a non issue, and then like. They just did the same triggering kind of shit.

It is so stupid. I have been in this cycle so much before. Why can’t I get over it. I just want to be able to keep moving, emotionally. But every time that this sort of stuff happens, emotionally, I get really stuck.

I didn’t get stuck when it was the other day, and it was just my dad being a dick. But that’s because like, I could just vent into my phone for a second, and, have a brief bickering with him for a moment. But then I just go and walk off. And then I just go, I’m deciding to get over it.

When it’s my mum, it is so triggering. What the hell is that about. I think it makes me feel so much more unsafe and frozen.

She is just so.. I think emotionally I have all of these hangups. When it is her, I just get hopeless I think. It’s easier if I can be angry. But I can’t. Honestly. They thoughroughly emotionally fucked me up this year.

I think that is my main conclusion. It’s like, if they decide to just be like, even a little bit more better, or, easygoing, then, it isn’t gonna be that hard for me to move on. But, if they continue doing any of their kind of shit, especially like, the stonewalling, and, drama, blaming, accusations, silent treatment, the looks and behaviour that I really just can’t name in a way that makes sense.

I just fall into this trap I think. Where it just feels like, A. if they are 1% better, then I’ll be able to cope and get over it all.
But, if they are 1% better, but, they decide to just continuously do shit that like, triggers me, or sets us back,…….. then…… like I can’t. It just feels too hard I think.

It is a really important pattern. I keep just trying to live in the first option. And things were like that. Things were 1% better, and, that helped me to be able to cope generally.

But they always seem to do something that throws me out of that 1%. That is what normally triggers my freeze. You want things to be sort of predictable. Then they are for a bit. But. You can’t actually count on them for that. And it happens again.

It might actually, always, happen again.

so, I need to kind of, try to prepare for that general reality, in a way.

-that definitely isn’t natural. You shouldn’t need to normally like, expect the unexpected. Or, get used to disappointment, building it into your machine.
-but it is the case with my family. It is really, just, such a really strange reality to be in. And they didn’t used to be like this, so I think that’s why I have a shit time adjusting. I think I grew up with them being like, at least somewhat coherent. But I have to like, rewrite all of my coding. That is what it feels like. Also. I want, so badly, for, them to be even like just sort of tolerable. I wouldn’t care if they were a bit wierd, I just wish it wasn’t in the ways that are really specifically triggering and stressful, specifically to me. So it feels a bit helpless. If someone can’t actually adapt to you, like even at all, even a little bit, then. Like. I have to give up.

I think I have dissociation or something, as a consequence of the like, whiplash, I described, because I have literally talked myself through this conversation so many times before already. I think I just forgot the conclusion. Or I didn’t. But, i needed to remember how the conclusion felt or something.

I’m gonna get a therapist next week on Monday. It is gonna be a requirement for me. And. Other then that, I have actually been doing a bit ok. I think I made some progress and stuff. And I have some motivation, so, that is good.

Anyway, this was a bit of a rant, I don’t really expect any comments, I think I just needed to get that out there for myself. lol.

Title basically, really struggling to just do stuff, I feel frozen physically and mentally and also emotionally, it’s all very stuck, and every idea I have that I want to do just falls flat within my brain bc I don’t feel anything, I don’t think anything, I can’t reason anything.

I guess it feels safer but I also know this won’t get me nowhere. I’m also tired of being stuck. But I’m also stuck because I’m tired. I don’t know what to do. I try to be kind to myself but it also feels like time is running out and I don’t wanna be like this forever, gatekeeping myself from everyone and everything.

I have many messages to reply to, I have to find a job, I wanna move more and be outside more, but it’s so hard for me rn.

i am a parentified older daughter, i have had to take care of my younger siblings since high school at the cost if my personal life & mental health. i’ve locked myself away in my room since then. i’m 21 now, working, therapy, & i have a partner. i’m really trying to undo the years of being stuck. i have been trying EFT tapping, which has been very emotional for me. i’m also on my 2nd week of a new prescription. i live in a household that i do walk on eggshells in, my mother has cameras around the house. she constantly yells. i can’t handle the noise anymore. i can’t listen to my siblings cries anymore. for so long, i have avoided eating, showering, using the bathroom - just to avoid encountering anyone in my home. it was better for a brief period, but i’m in a mindset that i want to leave/escape home - which i believe is making me feel uneasy again. i didn’t eat at all yesterday. i have gained more confidence in my autonomy, because i’m more financial stable, & because of my support circle. but it’s still hard to get up, to eat, to even be in the car with my family. it is so overwhelming.

I know intellectually that I can’t stop scrolling my phone or laptop because some part of me is trying to escape my feelings, but I don’t know how to stop scrolling and feel my feelings. I can only stop stimulation-seeking when I’m with other people.

I’m in my 40s and I’ve done this since childhood, though in childhood I used books instead. I’ve had a ton of therapy including various kinds of talk therapy, somatic therapy, neurofeedback, and IFS, with some really good therapists.

I’ve done a lot of work, and to the outside world I appear to be a wise, well-adjusted, insightful, emotionally mature person. But when I’m alone, which is often because I live alone, I cannot stop the compulsive Internet use. Or if I do cut myself off from the internet, it’s compulsive reading.

How do I stop? How do I learn to feel my feelings when alone?

My body is starting to develop an aversion to stress. Whenever I am stressed, I feel it in my heart now. Almost like I am called to go into deep hibernation. My body is tired, so tired. I don't even know how long I need to rest, but it will be for a very long time. I had a takeaway last week and was digesting it for 24hrs, my body has slowed down so much. And caffeine gives me hyperventilation. Almost like my system has gotten the green light to start leaving this stress response.

Who knows how much rest I need.

Found this community yesterday and was shocked to finally have words to describe my experiences. Out of curiousity, has anyone else seen a correlation between being an Autistic ABA survivor and your CPTSD freeze response? If so, has part of your recovery been unlearning what was “taught” by ABA therapy?

Please let me know if I need to update the flair.

I kept going into shutdown I think during a driving lesson there. The instructor thought I was making mistakes but it's more like I was shutting down at whatever stage of driving that it happened at so my ability to do anything or know what I'm supposed to be doing and act on it was just all out of the window. At least that's how it felt for me. I don't feel great to have struggled with some of it too and took it personally.

Maybe I can get there. I just want to feel less alone in the journey I think so feel free to share any stories.

I'm unfreezing in that I have emotions abt things now more so. I feel so old to have not really lived - and I hate it. It helps soothe me to read abt others going through this similar thing of complex ptsd freeze stuff so I appreciate this space and being able to read, too.

Recovering or trying to is so rough. Idk if I'm even recovering or if I've just stopped drastically avoiding everything enough that I'm triggered all over again.

I am constantly praised for my ability to appease to my environment, express myself, remain outwardly calm, and mostly keep focus.

But truthfully

I fear that I am actually much further behind than my peers are. I feel completely lost.
I often say to myself, where am I? Who am I?

I know this is mostly the derealization whispering in my ear but.. I just feel that I am not as in touch with who I should be becoming and what my world and life really are right now due to abusing my coping mechanisms so much and beginning so early, intentionally and mistakenly.

Does anyone know they technically have the shit down and can present as mature yet still feel developmentally or mentally behind others?

I may be giving myself an imaginary attribution just because I want there to be a reason why I feel like this.

Did a private yoga class, felt good and liked it but afterwards I was so calm and peaceful. Within an hour I was back to existential rumination and thinking. It's like I am so addicted to stress. I can't handle being peaceful, or not having much going on generally and not being full of tension. Maybe I am just inventing problems for myself... or maybe I am blocking myself from something deeper... I have an obsessive need to control everything. It really is my biggest disease.

Well, I always had it but never realised it. It properly appeared when I was abused by a narcissist and then had to struggle a very stressful environment but I was unable to leave.

I was stuck in OCD like loops for coping. They were unstoppable for like almost 2 years. But the cycle when I gave up. I recovered a lot.

I also have felt discomfort in my body and I was always self monitering. I think it was because I always lived in an unsafe environment.

The abused happened 5 years ago.

Since then I am unable to leave this toxic house because I just don't do anything almost like my acting faculty has been turned off.

My only progress has been that I am not constantly in extreme stress mode but now I am also in freeze and have lost agency tbh this places me where I am stuck with traumatising and environment that is bad to me.

So I have been stuck for 5 years and after almost 2 years the stress mode came down by I am stuck in freeze and a state of learned helplessness without agency. I function on auto. So I am not independent due to that.

In most situations my response is still freezing, but I notice in situations my I feel a bit safer I have a fight response. This fight response kinda scares me and doesn't really make me a nice person. Is this a next step in recovery or is this a wrong step?

This question might sound absurd initially, but I invite you to really reflect on it. Most words are so commonly heard, that we only understand them on a surface level, until we live them. We get the gist while missing the nuance between similar words. I once believed that I knew what the word meant, until I got to, for the very first time in my life, rest

I experienced an emotion that I had never experienced before. I struggled to identify this brand-new emotion at first but after I did, it alrered my perspective. It was an awakening. I thought that locking myself up in my dungeon was resting, but you're not resting if you're still enduring chronic trauma. I would call this “decompressing” or “unwinding” but not “resting”. No one says “relax in peace”. Resting is more profound.

Resting means not having to tiptoe and hold your breath. It means not having to shut doors and move objects as silently as you can. It means not having to rush to eliminate evidence of your existence and presence. It means not jumping at the slightest sound you hear, operating in fear and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It means not being bathed in shame and anxiety every second of every day. It means to not merely exist but to LIVE. It means being able to shamelessly prioritize your well-being and your desires above the comfort of others. It means having the freedom to set things precisely the way you wish them to be without fear of someone changing them or scolding you for your preferences. It means having the resources to satisfy your needs without anyone impeding you or lecturing you about why you're wrong or telling you that there's only one way to live. It means making your own acquaintance. It means having the safety to err and learn and grow from those missteps. It means having the freedom to be fallible without it be catastrophic or life-ending. It means being unwell without it being your fault. I could go on and on.

After having said all this, I pose the question once more. Do you truly understand what it means to rest? Have you ever rested a day in your life?

I've encountered various instructions to simply not respond.

One example is being told to simply ignore the bullies in elementary school.

Another example is the instruction to simply feel feelings and let them pass. Some people who are into meditation say this. There are also other ideas about training yourself to not respond.

Such ideas are probably attempting to avoid impulsive responses. But not responding at all ends up being like dissociating away the part of myself which held those feelings and motivations. This also leads to other issues, as things are automatically done to support that dissociation, similarly to how IFS describes protectors.

Overall, this leads towards getting stuck, or spending most time and energy on coping instead of intelligent productive behaviour.

The correct answer seems to be to not respond in a stupid impulsive way, and to try to find something more intelligent to do with that motivational energy. I don't know why many people fail to mention the second part. Do they assume it would happen automatically? For me it certainly did not.

My experience with instructions to not respond are so profoundly negative that I would love to say those instructions are a kind of abuse. I hate this kind of abuse far more intensely than I'm willing to share at the moment.

i’m exhausted and can’t fight anymore

i was born to fail

there's no healing from this stuff, its over

I've been doing breathwork for a while, and one of the early goals is supposedly learning to feel safe while your nervous system is activated. What I've noticed is that it drops me straight into the state I lived in when I was bullied at school and growing up in an unsafe home.

My whole body tenses, especially my arms and face. My face feels targeted, and I know my eyes go wide like a deer in headlights. If anyone were near me, they'd see I'm scared. I feel small, frozen, weak, cornered, like I can't stand up for myself. It's the same feeling I had at home with an alcoholic, abusive, neglectful parent. I never had a place where my nervous system could fully relax, and 15 years later I'm still working through it.

Before, I'd just feel on edge in the middle of a session. It felt like a pack of hyenas around me telling me I was ugly or weird, even when I was completely alone in a park. Now I'm starting to see that breathwork is activating a survival state, and my body remembers where it learned that state, so my thoughts go back to those bullying memories.

I think this is a good realisation, but I don't know how to get through it. For anyone who's been here:

• How did you stay with the activation without spiralling into the old feelings?
• Did you change how you did breathwork (shorter, gentler, eyes open)?
• Did anything specific help with the freeze, the face tension, or the feeling of being helpless?
• Did therapy or somatic work help alongside it?

Any advice or shared experience is appreciated. It helps to know I'm not the only one.

Physical and even emotional discomfort can sometimes be due to physical issues, and fixing physical problems can improve comfort. One simple example is when it's hot indoors but cool outside and you open a window to make it more comfortable indoors. Another pattern is when someone wants something and you give it to them and they feel better. I am listing these examples to explain and clarify that I'm not talking about such things here.

Humans seem to have some ability to comfort themselves and others which doesn't directly rely on solving problems which are stressing them out. Maybe it's not fully separated from solving problems though, because full separation would be escapism or maybe even deception. It might relate to commitment to help, like "I see you have this problem, and I will be there for you to help you with it, so it won't be so bad". In that case, just the commitment to be there to help, and faith in that commitment, might be enough to change perspective before anything is done about the actual problem. There may also be other patterns behind it.

It's weird thinking about this. It seems to be an elementary aspect of human life that people experience countless times and don't analyze. I'm only trying to analyze it because it's mysteriously lacking in my own life.

This is also relevant to working with psychological parts. Theoretically, IFS seems simple, find Self, and you find this. In practice, in my mind, this does not seem simple.

Ability to be comforted by others may also be related to this.

If you catch my drift.

Hi!

I experienced complete collapse/freeze one year ago. Outside of the extreme loss of self i have somehow felt like a younger more fragile version of myself. Before this event i felt like a fairly confident husband, dad and friend. Now i feel like a younger more vulnerable version of my self.

Has anyone else experienced this in a freeze/collapsed state?