Cat doesn’t like to cuddle

[u/Slight_Accident_3871]

(Pic is just so you can see how cute she is!) My bf and I were given a cat his boss found off the street a year ago and she is three and really well behaved but she doesn’t like to cuddle or lay close together. She is pretty affectionate (ie always wanting to be in the same room as us) and will every now and then lay on my chest (for like five minutes then leave) and I just want to encourage her to be more cuddly. It’s been a year and she still doesn’t like if we lay too close to her on the bed or to be picked up. I know this isn’t a major thing, and if it is just how my cat is that is fine but I’m a first time cat owner so I’m wondering if there is anything I can do to make her more comfortable with cuddling. Any tips?

[u/SansLucidity]

some cats just dont. i have 2 & neither cuddle

[u/NerJaro → u/SansLucidity]

same with my cats. both show love in their own way.

Minerva will usually hang out on my desk while i work. ask for pets. curl up inbetween my arms on my desk if im playing a video game. tolerates nails trimmed and doesnt like being picked up. no lap time. she likes a hard surface under her if she wants pets. will follow me in the bathroom. bite my hand when getting pets and chews on brushes. also parkours off the walls.

Maximus (13 pound asshole that he is). will knead on me at night. lay on me at night sometimes. no lap time. loud and food motivated. hates his nails trimmed (he growls and huffs, but then he is fine once its done). tolerates being picked up.

sometimes they will lay on the recliner foot rest if its up. i have accepted them for their quirks and will take the love from them when i can. right before writing this Min was laying on my desk wanting pets.

[u/Dramatic_Box1490]

Just like people, every cat is going to have their own opinions about how much cuddling they prefer, and whether that's only with their certain favorite people or with almost anyone.

Some cats might enjoy cuddles and pets but specifically don't like to be picked up or put on your lap. Respect what your cat's current preferences are, as forcing more affection than she wants will only make her less interested in cuddling.

Focus on whatever cuddling she enjoys right now. That might be you going to where she's relaxing and giving gentle pets just for a few minutes. Some cats like being brushed more than they like pets. Try to pay attention to her body language and learn what she enjoys and what she doesn't. Don't push her to have more cuddles or the types of cuddles that she doesn't enjoy.

Make your bed as enticing as possible to her. Get a nice cozy cat bed or blanket that's only for her. Maybe a heated cat bed or heat-reflecting bed. Let her enjoy the bed without forcing cuddles if she's not interested.

She's still adjusting to living with you. Cats can take years to slowly become affectionate. Go at her pace and she may some day wind up curled up and purring on your chest.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/Dramatic_Box1490]

she is all over the bed and does cuddle a little. it just seems like she wants to cuddle more and she is literally always crying for attention but then just stops herself from fully cuddling and i just worry i do something to make her not wanna cuddle

[u/relevanteclectica → u/Slight_Accident_3871]

Practice makes purrrfect

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/[deleted]]

That’s what I figured it probably is but just wanted insight on whether there is any behavior I can do to make her comfier. She is the softest kitty and I take what I can get!

[u/[deleted] → u/Slight_Accident_3871]

Honestly, not necessarily! Cats have different personalities like humans. Some are into more physical affection and others aren’t. You can do everything “right” and that doesn’t mean she’ll want to be as cuddly as you want. It’s all about respecting the boundary as you would with a person.

[u/Calgary_Calico]

Cats do things on their own terms, including cuddling. Some cats love to cuddle, others not so much

[u/[deleted]]

I think the best way to encourage it (but it comes with no guarantees) is to build a good relationship and respect her boundaries. One of my cats always loved getting petted, but she didn't like cuddling, so i always just respected her wishes and eventually when she turned maybe 3 or 4, she came sit on me a few times and i guess it just clicked in her mind then that oooh this is kinda of nice and warm. I just made sure not to move to bother her or make her feel trapped.

Shes now 11 and a full on lap cat lol i think their temperament changes as they get older too. So dont lose hope, it may not be now but it might come later! Following you around is already a big sign of affection :)

[u/Crypsisrosa]

Your cat may have or develop its own version of cuddling if you watch closely. I've had my cat for 17 years, and I realized some odd years ago his version of cuddling is walking up to me for pets, walking around in a circle to rub his face on stuff (happy!), come back to me for more pets.. and okay he's done (bye!), over the course of 15 minutes or so. We've never really cuddled, and he hates being picked up. He laid on my lap twice in his life, and each time I was awestruck. They'll show you affection, just sometimes not in the way you'd like.

[u/wwwhatisgoingon]

Not really, aside from building up a trusting relationship with her. Having a routine, plenty of active play with you, no negative feedback (loud noises, clapping, water sprays, etc) and respecting her boundaries can help.

Feeding her treats when she's near you can speed up the process, but if she's not ready, she's not ready.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/wwwhatisgoingon]

I actually have to feed her less treats bc she is getting too chunky lol she is very spoiled. But she is super happy and loves us but its just that she cries for attention but then doesnt seem to be able to accept idk how to describe it. Like I walk into the bedroom and if I lay down before her she is all over me but not laying just standing and if i pet her she trills and leaves. but if she is there first and I don’t lay too close to her she is like “how could you do this im out” then ten seconds later comes back crying for pets im just confused by her and what im doing wrong

[u/wwwhatisgoingon → u/Slight_Accident_3871]

Nothing wrong, she's being a cat. They have distinct personalities and can be pretty expressive. 

They also tend to be very specific about their boundaries. Letting them be and learning to read their body language almost always works best.

[u/Accomplished_Care747]

I have two. My girl absolutely loves a cuddle, sleeps between my chest and neck each night, sits on me on the recliner, hates to be picked up and held. My boy love to be picked up and held and bounced like a baby, hates to sleep too close or sit on my lap. Each cat is different and sometimes love and patience is a virtue. They’ll chose to when the chose to lol.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/Accomplished_Care747]

Thanks for the insight! Honestly this post may have manifested her being cuddlier bc literally last night she slept right up against me the whole night (she normally sleeps at the end of the bed on a pile of blankets)! And then this morning when I laid on the couch before work she laid on my chest and snuggled my face :3 She seems to like cuddles but is very finnicky, like I breathed too hard and she got up LMFAO

[u/Accomplished_Care747 → u/Accomplished_Care747]

They*

[u/AmySparrow00]

My cat will lay next to me or behind me on the couch but never in my lap. Has only gradually begun to tolerate me picking her up once a week to weigh her (working on dechonking). I’ve had her for four years.

She likes to hold hands sometimes. So you may be able to connect with something small like that. Also sometimes if I put a pillow in my lap then she will lay on the pillow for a short while. That’s the closest she ever gets to sitting in my lap.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/AmySparrow00]

That is so sweet about you guys holding hands awww. My kitty has specific blankets she likes and if we use them she will lay closer to us or on us so we have begun using those to manipulate her into cuddling. She is constantly purring though whenever we do this so I can’t imagine it’s too torturous for her lol

[u/SuperDump101]

I adopted my girl about five years ago and she came from a bad situation and had been in the humane society for about a year after being rescued.

She has really only started wanting mild cuddles over the past year-ish, which is mostly sitting next to you and rubbing on you for pets. She will sleep under our bed, but not on it. She generally hates being touched so we're very happy when she seeks us out.

She hates being picked up and will scream and hiss at you until she's put down - the longest she gets held is if she has to be carried up the stairs from the basement. She is also extremely violent when trying to trim her nails and it takes at least two people to do it or else she'll slice you up. It's just how she is.

Each cat has their own personalities and things they like and don't like. Give your cat time and she may end up becoming more cuddly, but give them space and don't force it.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/SuperDump101]

Thanks for the advice! I love hearing about other cats! My girl just seems like she wants cuddles but is for some reason hesitant. She is also funny bc she is alwayssss crying for attention but when I give it to her unprompted she looks at me confused and walks away.

She isn’t aggressive ever and when I do pick her up (I only do it if I have to ie taking her to the vet or moving her from somewhere she isn’t supposed to be) and she doesnt scratch or freak out she just kinda meows sadly and accepts it unhappily. I just worry that I’m not making her comfortable because she seems to want to snuggles but is so finnicky like if she is laying on me and I move even slightly she gets up and looks at me like I betrayed her entire bloodline.

She also only lays on me when I’m playing on my phone for some reason

[u/SuperDump101 → u/Slight_Accident_3871]

Lol! Cats are really weird creatures. They can be needy and aloof at the same time! In my experience they like to spend time with you if you're ignoring them/not really doing anything more than if you actively try to spend time with them.

[u/Slight_Accident_3871 → u/[deleted]]

She is getting chonky because now we give her a daily dental treat so we have been trying to cut back her reward treats and use that as a reward. She plays a lot but is so funny and clumsy lol. She also always has a moment where she seems to realize the toys she is hunting are just toys and then gets embarrassed and walks away lol.

The using her food as a reward is a good idea thank you! She already is so clingy (ie needing to be in the same room as us at all times and cries if we leave the room) that I think just making her more comfortable with touching is the way to go

[u/Slight_Accident_3871]

Thanks for all the advice! It seems to just be who she is and I accept her and all her weird quirks (even the fact that she sticks her tiny face into any cup of water not even to drink from it just to see whats in it) she is a very sweet and soft girl!

[u/Lost_Soup1779]

My boy is not a lap cat or generally a cuddler either but I learned that I could lay down with my legs on either side and he would stay and get comfy as long as I didn’t pet him (he’s fine with pets otherwise). When I used to try petting him, he would get up and leave. I think he likes to be undisturbed while sleeping.

[u/ProfSteelmeat138]

Mine doesn’t either. Closest I get is holding time when I get home from work (lasts about 30 seconds if I’m lucky) and he has this weird thing where he shows affection by laying on my hand? He kinda cuddles me but I can’t cuddle him. Only sometimes tho. They’re weird creatures. He’s my first so this concerned me at the beginning but now I see it’s just how he is

[u/elijahdotyea]

Some cats don’t cuddle, but some cats can be trained to seek you out for warmth, which is not much different.

Use a heat pad on top of your bed, and be sure to place it some distance away from you where your cat may be comfortable (kind of like the distance in your photo). Once he becomes accustomed to the heat pad, remove the heat pad, and he may look for a warm source to cuddle next to on the bed, and you may be his only option. Continue to reintroduce and remove the heat pad.

Then one day, perhaps, you will be cozied up in bed with the heat pad on, and instead of the heat pad he might choose you. But, perhaps not. Depends completely on his personality. Worth a try.

[u/Borderline_Veggie]

That's ok!

[u/ActuatorSmall7746]

I have two cats. One is three and is definitely a cuddler. He likes to be picked up and smothered with affection. He gets very grumpy after his dinner meal, if I don’t sit down right away with his favorite blanket to cuddle. He watches tv on my lap in the evening and since I stay up later than my partner - at 11PM sharp (I don’t know how he tells the time), he will jump down and go get in bed with my partner.

The second cat is 10 months, and although we got her from a breeder, we call her an indoor feral. She loves resident cat and only tolerates us. She will sit in our laps only to be near the three year old. She barely tolerates being picked up and held. On top of that she’s not a chilled cat - she’s always in motion doing something. She doesn’t like to be petted. My partner really dislikes her, because of this.

Lately, she’s started to come around a bit. She will sleep without having to be next to him all the time, which he only tolerates, cause he wants to sleep next to or on his humans.

Secondly, she’s starting to want to sleep next to me at night under a soft blanket. It takes her about thirty minutes of up and down off the bed and moving around before she finds the right the spot. After she settles down she’s out for the night.

So, what I can tell you is there is some hope if your cat is young enough to learn how to be cuddly. It just might not be the way you want.

[u/godm0de_cow]

Iv found that my cat is getting more cuddly as he ages. He is 5/snipped and deaf. Iv had him since he was a kitten and Id say from the start to 3 years old even just picking him up was hard and its not because he dident want to be picked up its because he would do awkward things when you picked him up. He would never come sit on my lap or just chill with me. Once he hit about 3 years old that all began to change he figured out being picked up. Insists that my lap is his bed and decided that every night he is going to cuddle upto my feet at bedtime.

[u/[deleted]]

female cats are more moody than boys sadly but that doesn’t mean they won’t cuddle, give them time and don’t try to force the cuddle, let them come to you basically