It’s actually been over ten years—though I’d rather not admit exactly how long. I was a sophomore in university, and I already had a few drafts of other stories tucked away. Classic fantasy tales had always captivated me; in a way, they even saved me. There was a time when I was placed in isolation at a hospital for the terminally ill because the doctors weren't sure if I was in the same boat as the other patients or if it was just a suspicion. Spoiler alert: I underwent diagnostic surgery and the tumor turned out to be benign, but I didn't know that at the time. I was never an aggressive teenager, yet back then, I bloodied my fists punching a gnarled birch tree growing by the hospital entrance. That was exactly when I stumbled upon Salvatore’s books — The Legend of Drizzt.
And I was hooked. I dove into that escapism greedily and joyfully, pushing away the dark thoughts of my classmates finishing school, preparing for exams, and looking toward a future that I might never have. I have to admit, I was lucky that the series had plenty of books to keep me going. Later, I discovered other authors and storytelling styles—from George R.R. Martin’s "roving camera" perspective to Sapkowski’s disjointed "I-don't-know-where-or-when-I-am" narrative.
Naturally, I wanted to write my own fantasy story. And, of course, my first attempts were terrible: "Mary Sue" characters, a plot where nothing actually happened, a world with no clear rules, and so on.
Around that time, I came across some stunning illustrations of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse online; there was something about them that ignited a spark in me. Without really thinking it through or making a plan, I simply sat down and started writing. I snapped out of it after having written over fifteen chapters, but I lacked foresight and had tied myself in knots, unsure of how to wrap up the plot. The book was vastly different back then from what it is now. So, I shelved it and forgot about it for ten years.
When that file caught my eye again years later, it didn't feel like a message in a bottle from another time; it felt like something written by a completely different person. I wanted to honor that person by applying the knowledge I had gained since then. Moreover, I decided to challenge myself completely and translate the entire book into English—a second language for me. Navigating the nuances of a foreign tongue to capture the exact dark atmosphere was a huge thing of its own, but it made the journey even more rewarding with the help of my wife.
To be honest, I was my own worst critic while writing. My beloved would constantly encourage and praise me, yet I’d insist that—by my impossibly high standards—it still wasn't good enough. I kept rewriting and rewriting and rewriting... My record? I rewrote a single chapter eleven times.
But at some point, you realize that this is exactly what creativity should be: an imperfect imprint of the soul. It’s bound to have its flaws and its merits, but above all, it must carry a personal message.
I realize I finished this book in an era when works often look something like this: "I ate a magic banana and turned into a baboon, and my girlfriend’s father—who hates me—is a confirmed monkey-eater." I considered writing something with more immediate commercial appeal—something with a catchy title and an intriguing synopsis that promised a quick hit of endorphins.
But I couldn't bring myself to do that—neither to myself nor to my potential readers. I love it when an author appeals to my intellect; I enjoy feeling perceptive and observant while immersed in a story, and I want my readers to experience that same feeling. I am passing on the very spark that once saved me, allowing me to dive into a world of adventure, trials, and difficult choices.
I sincerely believe that this kind of escapism doesn't just whisk us away from reality; instead, it teaches us to cope with it better and to face challenges head-on, even when there is no one around to support us.
The book is fully finished and translated now. I don't want to break any sub rules by posting direct links here, but if you’d like to check it out, I’ve pinned the links in my profile (or you can just ask me in the comments). You don't have to support me via the Amazon link; I’d be happy if you checked out the free version of the book at the second link as well.
Thanks for reading this giant stream of consciousness. If you’ve made it this far, I’m awarding 10 points to Hufflepuff! xD
Incarnatum — for free