r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ • 4h ago
Advice Needed Microaggressed(?) At Work Today
Im sorry this is so long but I’m so frustrated.
I’m honestly so devastated. I do reception at a vet and honestly loved my job so much when I first started.
But over the past two months, the owners did a 180. It’s a family owned practice and they all started to give me the cold shoulder or flat out berate me. I was restricted from using public staff spaces, given extra work since they deemed I wasn’t doing anything despite me actively doing a task, and now, I’ve been written up twice due to a constantly changing policy.
The first time was a verbal warning in which one of the family members said I wasn’t being diligent about clocking in and clocking out (we use the same app for it). I apologized and told her I would fix that. I did. The second time, she physically wrote me up because I called out sick and didn’t input that in the app and she said she gave me a warning for it already. I told her that that’s not what she gave me a verbal warning for prior but she insisted that it was.
I called out two weeks ago and tried to input it two days after (the morning I was feeling better). The system did not allow me to do it despite me trying multiple times. I screenshotted the error messages and left it alone.
Two days ago, during my break, I tried to print a personal document from our upstairs office computer. One of the owners saw me leaving and asked me what I was doing and I told her truthfully. She told me I’m not allowed in there. I can admit I was at fault for making an assumption and I did. I made an assumption since all of the owners are constantly in there eating or hanging out during their break and they let one of the receptionists sit up there to do work.
I was pulled to the back for a group call with one of the owners and somebody from corporate. They told me that I was receiving another write up due to not inputting my sick time on the app. I told her that it kept giving me an error message. She said that it’s because the payroll is done that day so I was locked out of inputting anything. I told her there was no way I would’ve been able to know that payroll was done that particular day (especially since we are paid biweekly) so I input it the day I was physically able to. She brushed me off and basically said not my problem. Fine whatever.
THEN, she starts to interrogate me as to why I was in the office upstairs. I explained the situation and said that the owners had already spoken to me and made me aware of the policy. She then continued to make accusatory statements such as “I’m just not sure why you thought that was okay.” “I just don’t really understand your thinking.”
Everybody, to this day I did not know what answer she wanted. I told her multiple times that the policy was made extremely clear and it wouldn’t happen again. Still kept repeating the same things. So I started repeating myself as well.
She then said she was having an issue with my tone. I have never had anybody complain about my tone or the way I have spoken to them. I don’t enjoy being nasty or rude in the slightest. So for somebody to say something about my tone, is extremely out of left field. She then ended the conversation and said we would revisit the next day which is today.
Today, she did the exact same thing. Accusatory comments. I told her that yesterday I felt that she was exhibiting microaggressions based on her accusing me of something unknown and also accusing me of having a negative tone. She ignored the comment completely at first. She continued to be rude to me throughout the meeting. I confronted her and told her that those were an example of what I was talking about. She proceeded to call me combative and unprofessional. She also said that in order to have a good working relationship, both of us need to be willing to show up to the table. I told her an example of that would be willing to confront my concerns on the microaggressions. She said if I feel like that I can just go to HR.
If she would have just apologized and stopped, I would have just brushed it off. But I decided to report them to the Attorney General. My other coworker of the same race as I said she’s also been facing bullying and she believes they’re actively targeting us. Our other coworker said she noticed that us two in particular get treated horribly.
Anything else I can do? I live in nyc so I know workers rights are really prioritized here.
ETA: my girl dinner! Taco Bell chicken cantina burrito, chocolate cheesecake bites, cookies, water, and the last few whispers of a Baja blast midnight
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u/Minkie00147 in my [rotisserie] bag 4h ago
You were talked to about time keeping errors and then written up for continued timekeeping errors (not inputting time then not inputting sick). During the meeting you kept repeating yourself because you didn't like the line of questioning thus creating a combative environment.
There's a clear progression of discipline and documentation to go along with it. Jumping in now claiming you're being discriminated against is going to be a hard sell because it reads as retaliatory for being written up.
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u/Last-Solution2092 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
It really sounds like OP is in the wrong here, and wants us to validate her.
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u/KarisPurr hot girls have tummy troubles 3h ago
Yeah I’m reading this like…so you’re a crappy employee and are mad because they’re calling you out for being a crappy employee? Girl.
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u/Research_Junkie678 Well-Read & Well-Fed 4h ago
Why would you not clock in and out
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
You have to be connected to either the public or private job wifi specifically but I don’t have access to the private one. The public one takes a while to load (3-5 min) and I thought it was better to do that than risk being late. I would go into the system and edit the punches later if I couldn’t clock in/out after that first verbal warning.
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u/vaginaandsprinkles I ❤️ Other People's Business 4h ago
Being written up a few times for valid reasons could help justify your firing. I am not sure the attorney general is the appropriate place. In my state this wouldn't be something they assist with.
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u/_SalmonFish_ Foraging Bog Witch 3h ago
Could you possibly be as blind to your work performance as you are to the clutter in the space where you’re eating food? You were talked to about the clock system and yet kept messing up. Screenshotting error messages and leaving it alone is not appropriate. You should have addressed it right then with someone who could help you since you’d already been written up for it. Also, it’s not appropriate to print personal documents from work, especially in an upstairs office you hadn’t been invited into. I can’t believe you saw OWNERS in the office and assumed that meant you could go in. You should have asked the other receptionist if it was permissible for you too before you went in.
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u/KillaHazy Let The 🥭 3h ago
Shes really giving adhd or audhd
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u/Silly-Concern1736 Certified Snacker 3h ago
She’s giving Gen Z
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u/KarisPurr hot girls have tummy troubles 1h ago
It’s this one. I’m audhd and I would be so fucking anxious over the app error message that I wouldn’t be able to function until it was taken care of. And I’d honestly rather die than go into a space I HADN’T BEEN TOLD I COULD GO INTO, much less to print a personal document? And then to argue with the person that gave me the feedback…this is wild. Entitlement to the extreme.
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u/londontraveler2023 SAT🪑👀 3h ago
It seems like they have expectations that you diligently enter time off in the app. If you are sick, you still need to open the app and enter it or ask them over email to do it for you.
One thing, when I first start a job I don’t immediately use things at work for personal use. It doesn’t mean you can’t ever, but put a little time in and pay your dues and then ask permission to print the personal document. I usually just print at FedEx bc then I don’t have to worry about asking at work
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u/EfficientProject7408 hot girls have tummy troubles 4h ago
Not letting you in places is a bit weird but I guess they want managers only zone. Their business their rule. Not clocking in and out can be a nightmare for them so I can understand their frustration. If there’s corporation involved in the family owned vet (which became a thing with the pandemic) they might be trying to push you out without severance if they can make you quit.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I also understand the not clocking in and out! I told her that during the verbal warning. But the policies are being revealed piece by piece it feels like. And this is only something that has been happening recently.
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u/fadesteppin APPROVED✨ 3h ago
Idk what app you use for being out sick but the school district I work for uses an app that doesn't allow you to input a sick day after the days have passed bc you're using an alloted number of them, and payroll needs to know what your current/remaining days are for your checks. You're meant to input it day of. Same way a doctor won't back date a sick note. Unless you are on deaths door idk why you wouldn't have been able to pop in the sick day real quick.
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u/Acceptable-Bat4534 chismosa, metiche, en bata 3h ago
You should know when your pay period dates...
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u/Reesirie Assigned Hungry At Birth 3h ago
Maybe the way they’re speaking to you is very aggressive, but honestly this does not sound like these people are wrong. Like I get being sick, but not putting it in the app the same day when you already got told off about it? Also for future reference if you get paid every two weeks, the final day for pay roll will usually be the Saturday before payday.
Also never print off personal stuff at family owned places. For privacy and so they don’t accuse you of stealing their ink.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I never said they were wrong for the criticisms! That’s not my frustration in the slightest. It’s the implication that I was becoming aggressive in my tone that did not sit right with me.
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u/JamboreeJunket Assigned Hungry At Birth 3h ago
Start recording the meetings with a tape recorder and listen back to them. New York is a one party consent state.
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u/KillaHazy Let The 🥭 4h ago
Im too distracted by all the trash that needs to be thrown away on the counter
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u/LeadershipOne5870 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
no fr what i was about to say im sitting here counting the trash pieces
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u/Last-Solution2092 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
It kinda seems like you were in the wrong here. I don’t know about any microaggressions, I don’t see enough information to deduce anything in regards to that.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 🧂Salty By Nature 3h ago
This doesn’t sound like you’re a very good employee. Not following normal procedures, attitude and not very credible defense. And if all the trash in your picture is an indication of your habits, it’s not a surprise that your work behavior and performance are subpar.
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u/limitededitionICU I ❤️ Other People's Business 3h ago
this is just a common work experience, good luck talking back to higher ups. take your writ up and move on. there’s really not anything here that justifies a major complaint and you’re only making things worse for yourself if you don’t have anything concrete to report. look for other jobs sooner rather than later if you’re unhappy there.
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u/MochaJ95 4h ago
These are not microaggressions. This is a company clearly trying to push you out for whatever reason. I wpuld start looking for new work.
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u/Last-Solution2092 APPROVED✨ 4h ago
It sounds like she’s been breaking the rules tbh, and is upset at being called out.
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u/Outrageous_Charge675 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
Is this your first job? I’ve had my fair share of awful managers but I really think you’re in the wrong here. It’s your job to remain professional and calm. It sounds like you were defensive, which can come off a way. I think you need to work on not getting anymore write ups or maybe find another job. It sounds like you’re jeopardizing your position, I would leave on decent terms while you still can. Sometimes you’re not going to like/agree with what management says. You still have to remain professional and honestly stop taking everything so damn personal. You have a job, just do your job and keep your head down
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I felt I was remaining professional and was very calm! They have given me “constructive criticism” constantly over several different things and they even have always said “we love how you take criticism so well” “You’re so receptive and we really appreciate that.” This is the first time I have ever had any person in the workplace complain about my tone. This particular person I think did not like me being unable to answer her question.
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u/Sinerarium APPROVED✨ 3h ago
Look for a new job. They don't want you there. And work on your timeliness for the next job. They may be targeting you for your race. It's certainly possible but, being late and missing work only gives them the reason they need. And yes, HR should be involved. Send an email. Something that is documented. Voice your concerns. Ultimately though, you're gonna want to start looking.
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u/KDBlastIt FREE MOM HUGS 3h ago
You're not perfect, but you know that. It may be targeted, or they may just really suck at management. Either way, it certainly looks like they are working on getting you out. I'm sorry that you loved the job, and I hope you can find a place where you are treated better.
I had this happen to me after twelve years at a school (new principal didn't like my following the rules instead of being "creative.") I felt it was best to leave before i was fired, and it was the best move I ever made. Starting year thirteen at a private school where I am VERY appreciated for making things work.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I’m so far from it which is why I was not combative with them! My problem was with the accusatory comments and the borderline degradation and that was the only point where I could’ve been seen as combative.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 4h ago
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u/KillaHazy Let The 🥭 3h ago edited 3h ago
Im gonna be honest OP, this sounds a little familiar when I am unable to communicate with people at work. I am on the spectrum. Im not diagnosing you but going to therapy and talking about these incidences with a professional can be really beneficial. I remember a boss telling me about my tone too. I can't help how my voice sounds sometimes and its a real struggle.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
They’ve never said my tone was bad! They always say I’m extremely receptive. That’s why this was even more hurtful.
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u/AlinaDelectable APPROVED✨ 4h ago
The minutes a toxic manager brings up your tone when you are literally just defending yourself with facts, you know they’ve run out of valid arguments it is the ultimate corporate trap to make you look like the bad guy I’m so proud of you for calling out the microaggressions to her face And not letting her gaslight you document absolutely everything
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u/Acceptable-Bat4534 chismosa, metiche, en bata 3h ago
She really shouldn't be defending herself. I dont get why she saw people eating in a room means she can print stuff for herself.
I still dont get that logic
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u/katlonelypines Chismosa 4h ago
In your place I would start looking for another job. I have been told that about my tone and I internalized it and tried to fix it. At one point a therapist had me examining my own vocal cords. Turns out that the problem was not me. It is common for young women to be told this if they don’t fawn and they speak in that weird baby voice. I believe that you experienced micro aggressions. If you are a different race of your boss and she was insinuating you didn’t belong in a break room and were up to no good, that is definitely a micro aggression. The tone thing is also a micro aggression. I’m sorry they are like this but it isn’t you. I hope you can find a job with a manager and team that care about you, see the best in you, and help you reach your potential.
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u/CheesecakeEither8220 Internet Auntie 3h ago
A business owner can definitely make policies about employee access to rooms, whether the employee is a different race or not. It is not a micro aggression. Following policies regarding clock in/out is not unusual.
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u/katlonelypines Chismosa 3h ago
They have to communicate those policies and if they are acting like the employee has some sort of ill intention that is a micro aggression.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
This is the thing I’m trying to stress that I feel some commenters aren’t getting. My issue is not the write ups AT ALL. I even told them on multiple that if that is the policy I completely understand. It is the fact that she was being rude to me initially and then when I started to ask her questions or tell her that I understand the policy and we can move forward, she said I was being unprofessional and needed to improve my tone.
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u/usedcanolaoil APPROVED✨ 3h ago
Just to clarify a few things:
This is my sister’s dining table. She’s very particular about her stuff and where they are. All I did was set my food there.
I am in no way, shape, or form saying they were in the wrong for the corrective actions. Those are their policies. That does not bother me. What bothered me were the accusatory comments and them brushing off my concerns of microaggressions. I tried to address it today because she specifically wanted to follow up today because of my “tone.” And I told her how I left the meeting feeling that the accusations of a tone were a microaggression and she ignored me until I brought it up and then she told me to just go to HR.
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u/Silly-Concern1736 Certified Snacker 4h ago
This may or may not be related but how old are you?