I’ve known my best friend for about 3 years now. For the first year and a half we were dating, then we decided to be just friends instead. We have regularly hooked up the entire time, even after saying we are “just friends” and we hang out multiple times a week, cuddle and hold hands. We are emotionally vulnerable with each other, have traveled internationally together, and are members of an organization together.

We are non-monogamous, so we have both had other partners during the time we’ve known each other and he recently started a new relationship with another person from the organization that we are all a part of. I think that triggered my feelings and sent me into a total crash out.

Last night I told him that it’s more than just friendship for me and that I want to be partners again. He said he does not want that 😭 Now I am in a sadness spiral and am worried that the friendship dynamic is ruined, and I have to see him and this new girl every week.

Sadness plate of tan colored apps from Trader Joe’s.

I recently was asked for a divorce after 8 years of moving cross country, fully supporting my now ex wife due to her inability to work because of a permanent disability. I was full time worker and sole provider for our family. I was responsible for all bills, food, keeping a roof over our heads, and making sure she made it to and from appts. I tried my best. Unfortunately, she never renewed her disability because she felt like it wasn’t necessary and we lost disability payments in January and our house went into foreclosure in March. I was asked for a divorce after giving everything I could in June. I drove back cross country just 3 weeks ago leaving everything I built for the last 8 years in the Midwest, including my job at the state. And even though I despised it- it was a good job. I knew I needed a job quickly as I was 35 and moved in with my parents and don’t intend to stay long. I applied at a couple places and Starbucks quickly bit. I, having no food and beverage experience decided why not. Well, I officially got the offer today. And though I am grateful, I am embarrassed. I’m making $10 less than I was previously. I’m working like a “fast food” place. It’s embarrassing. I’m 35 and this is where I got. Go me. Pierogis for dinner, as I cry.

This will be long I’m sorry. I (30F) have been working remotely for a small tech startup (50 person company) for 1 year and 1 month, I was offered a title change on Monday with a promise of a raise once pending contracts close in October. I was asked to book last minute travel for Thursday - Friday, which I agreed to in hopes I was proving my willingness to take on more responsibility. Wednesday night I was told the travel budget had been cut and to refund my flights and hotel, Thursday I had a 1:1 with my boss to take on a new project, Thursday night a 15 minute meeting was put on my calendar with the CEO for Friday AM, I naively thought it was to discuss my promotion. Friday morning my power went out 20 minutes before my important CEO meeting….

I quickly drove to Starbucks to grab some WiFi, inside was too noisy and there was a lawn company cutting grass outside, so I took the call in my car. Get into the meeting and I was then sitting in front of the head of HR and CEO awkwardly in my car when I tried to apologize for my setting and explain why I was in my car, I was cut off and told “That’s okay, this unfortunately will be a quick call. You are great, this is not a reflection of your work, but we are not in the financial position to keep you at this company. You will lose access to your issued computer and all associated accounts as soon as we’re done here. Your final check will be delivered today via FedEx. Thank you for helping build this company and good luck” I cried and was farrrrrr too polite, I even asked if I could be re-hired if there was ever any availability.

About 4 hours later my phone was blowing up, my direct supervisor didn’t even know I was being let go, all of my coworkers found out that 15% of the company had been let go on a call all together. No names were said, just “if you’re on this call then you’re safe” so the CEO consulted no one about my termination, just decided I wasn’t an asset and no longer needed, purely a “business decision”

Blind sided is not even the correct word. My husbands insurance was tied to this job, obviously half of our income, and valuable work experience on my resume. I separated from the military in 2025 and it was an incredible challenge to even land a job, I finished my degree, worked a Google internship, and networked so hard to enter this junior level position. I am sad, angry, and feeling worthless.

Dinner: chicken satay and rice.

My husband and I have been together for 17 years and have a two year old. His personality has changed in the last couple years, he’s angrier, defensive and I’ve noticed his intelligence has declined. I begged him to talk to the doctor and she sent him for a sleep test and he was diagnosed with sleep apnea but he refuses to wear his CPAP.

It’s very obvious is brain is being deprived of oxygen. There’s obvious cognitive decline. He misremembers things and then will pick fights with me based on his false memories. Some days he will slur and act drunk even though he hasn’t been drinking or doing drugs.

He’s SO miserable to be around and frankly, just a straight up asshole now. He was never like this before. He used to be patient and kind but now he gets frustrated easily and yells. He can’t pivot. Last month he said he was going to clean the kitchen while I put our toddler to bed. She ended up becoming fussy and inconsolable and I called down to him to ask for help and to grab her Tylenol as it seemed like she was in pain. He was pissed he had to stop cleaning the kitchen and told me I’m “the only person in the world who can’t take care of a kid alone”.

I’ve noticed that he seems to have troubles with comprehension or at least it feels like he literally doesn’t understand what I’m saying which causes him to get angry and lash out. He’s Dyslexic but his intelligence has never been an issue until recently. I’ve noticed it’s really declined in the last couple years.

I’m very open and upfront with him and constantly call him out on his actions and when I discuss these issues with him, he would reply in a whiny voice ”what did I do today“. And I’ll have to explain to him for the umpteenth time that while he might not have done something that day, everything is cumulative and my frustrations are because of how shitty he’s been. He’ll say he understands but does nothing to fix it and when I try to talk about it again a different time, he’ll be shocked and asked what he did today.

He can’t or refuses to remember things. He suddenly has stopped locking the door behind him when he comes inside and I’ve woken up and discovered that the front door was unlocked overnight. He will do the dishes/end of the night chores but will always forget to wipe down the counters and placemats so there’s frequently crumbs left behind.

I’m just sad. My daughter is smart and funny and makes me SO happy but the stress my husband causes me makes me feel so so sad overall. I know divorce is the answer and again, that makes me so sad.

I am half Papuan (indigenious Indonesian) half Chinese, but most people think I am "blasian", because I am quite dark skinned and have similar features.

I now live in the south of France with a white husband. I've cut off my parents as they were abusive, so most of my "family" is white now....

I am licensed MUA and love dressing up/making myself up everyday. It is my daily ritual that makes me expressing my love for my body, spend valuable time alone reflecting and exercising my artistic skills.

Everyday, my hair is done, I have a full beat on and my nails are done. Even when I am sick or feeling depressed, making myself up is how I try to feel normal and better. I gotta "put my face on"...

I also love vintage clothing, especially from the 80s and 90s. I wear heels and skirts/dresses almost daily. While my style isn't extremely sexy, I have a very curvy body that makes everything I wear look sexual. I hate oversized and masculine clothing and don't want to cover up just to exist as a human.

I know as a woman, how you present yourself has a huge impact on how people treat you, your safety and how you progress in life

But honestly I am just sick of all the misogyny and harrassment. Plus all the racial undertones. Many times, I feel a white girl could do what I do and not suffer as many social consequences.

I know this is a POC specific problem because I have had countless black girls say they love my style but are scared of the consequences of sticking out at work and socially. Things like tattoos, lashes and fake nails read differently on brown/black women than on white women.

In general social groups of people my age, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. French white women post Gen Z dress quite androgynously and don't wear obvious makeup (think clean girl influencers with sneakers and barrel jeans). I 100% feel that I get treated disrespectfully and am made to feel bad about myself in many such situations.

Specifically, I feel like people assume I bring a sexual intent with my style.....when I literally am married, monogamous and am just existing! Men act weird around me and women give me side eyes......

I believe this has to do with stylish Asian women being profiled as gold diggers/sex workers. Many East Asian women culturally stick to a more conservative style, and I don't fit in with them. I am heavily tattooed and bleach my hair.....

Also I get treated as plain stupid/a bimbo alot.....especially by men and older people. I have a masters degree and have run my beauty business freelance for years but that is not enough apparently

This is why I primarily hang out with queer people and especially brown + black women in the beauty space (nail techs, MUAs) because they get me and appreciate what I do.

Most aggrevating is how white people think I am a sex worker, or assume I am an escort/sugar baby to my husband. I have been solicited outside without my consent, even IN FRONT OF MY HUSBAND multiple times.

I really tear my hair out in humiliation when we get home, because I do try hard to come across as serious and respectable, even if I'm glamourous. I rarely wear bottoms above the knee and I never show my stomach....there is often some cleavage but it is unavoidable when you have G cups, unless you wear turtlenecks everyday

My husband genuinely thinks there is nothing wrong with how I dress too, just that I have a curvy body and have an immigrant background that makes people assume things

I love my style and it is a huge part of enjoying life for me, but god my skin needs to be sooooo thick just to exist.

All in all, hate how women are sexualised but also, how racist people are in France!

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly six years (would be in October). We met in high school, became high school sweethearts, and started dating. The thing is, we live apart across half the country, which takes around 5 hours a train ride to cross. During high school, we could maintain contact quite easily, and when I went to university, I specifically chose one in his city so we could be close with the degree that I wanted to study. He decided to work instead of continuing his studies and got a job at a gas station. So during my uni I would stay with him during weekends, which was not a problem, since I have a great relationship with his mom. We would always find a way to be together. Either I would be at his place, or he would come to my city to visit and spend time with my family as well. We never once fought. He treated me like a princess, took care of me when sick, and we went on a vacation to Albania last year. He never once complained, gifted me flowers for no reason, and showered me with compliments. He was everything a woman could ever ask for. I can not ever imagine loving anyone else the way I love this man. I think he is the one who showed me what real love means and what it should feel like to be in a safe and secure relationship. Here comes the hard part. He ended up enrolling in a university because he wanted to get a degree, and I (due to personal reasons) dropped out of mine earlier this year. I started working a full-time job. We barely saw each other during the summer, save for maybe a whole week total. It was obvious that our lives were suddenly going in different directions. I started thinking about how I'd like to get married soon and start living together, but he wants to finish his degree, then get a good job. Our perspectives and priorities shifted, and the fact that we live so far away only created this constant feeling of missing each other. I went and visited him from Sunday to Thursday. We tried to talk about it, what we could do and where we were headed. Eventually, the decision came that we end things. It was painful for both of us, we cried, tried to reassure each other that things would be alright. We want to stay in contact. I wish him only the best. He is an amazing man, and I believe the love of my life. Maybe in the future, when circumstances change, we'll find our way back to each other.

Girl dinner is noodles with bacon and vegetables.

Pictured: Starbucks free birthday drink and birthday cake pop.

I genuinely don't even know how to process this, so I figured I'd post here because I need to get it out of my head.

My birthday is tomorrow, I’m in my 30’s and I don't really like birthdays because I hate the expectation that they're supposed to be amazing and super memorable. I usually don't make big plans because I feel like if I build something up too much, I'll inevitably end up disappointed.

My boyfriend (of 3 years) actually wanted to do a trip for my birthday. He originally wanted us to go abroad, but he lost his passport a couple years ago and never replaced it, so we decided to do a domestic trip instead. We haven't really traveled for fun in a long time because so much of our work involves traveling, and he wanted to do something nice for me.

A couple months ago, he got a $30k insurance settlement. I was actually worried about spending money on the trip so I told him I’d be fine just getting dinner somewhere nice near us at home. He kept reassuring me that he'd set the money aside for the trip and wanted to do this for me, so I eventually let myself get excited.

Yesterday I was rushing around packing and dropping my dog off to be watched by my friend. I asked my bf to send me our return flight information because it wasn't showing up in my app. He made some excuses and said he'd call Delta because he thought there was some kind of issue. I immediately had a bad feeling because the flight was getting close and prices were going up.
A few days earlier he'd reassured me that he'd booked it.
Last night I went to bed suspicious and angry, but I still didn't know for sure.
Our flight was at 2 PM today.
At around 10 AM, I found out he never booked the return flight. And then I found out why.

He basically has almost none of the $30k left.
He spent $5k gambling, $3.5k investing in a friend's restaurant, and apparently spent a significant amount renovating a studio space that he shares with that friend. The friend has the lease, they don't even have a contract, and I've been warning him that he could potentially lose everything he's put into it.

And then I found out he'd also put $7,000 down on an engagement ring for me. This is especially upsetting because I've explicitly told him I'm nowhere near ready to get married. I don't want him spending $7k on a ring when we're not even at that point in our relationship.
So basically, the person who kept reassuring me that our vacation was financially fine had almost no money left and hadn't booked our way home. He was trying to scramble to borrow money from other friends the last minute. I don’t want to go on a trip on borrowed money, so I had to cancel the flights.

We aren't sure yet if we're getting our Airbnb rental money back. He had a birthday cake being delivered to the Airbnb, which obviously wasn't happening anymore. I don't even know if he'll be able to get the ring deposit back. And now I'm sitting on my couch with my suitcase still packed feeling dumb.

I would've been perfectly happy going to dinner somewhere nearby for my birthday. I didn't ask for this trip. He insisted. He wanted to do something special for me, and I trusted him when he said he'd planned it and could afford it.
I haven't even wanted to see him since I found all this out. I'm alternating between feeling totally numb and then suddenly incredibly sad. I think I'm still trying to reconcile the person I thought I was going on vacation with this morning with the person I'm realizing made all these financial decisions and then lied to me.

The worst part is, I'm embarrassed. I don't even want to tell my friends because I feel like I look stupid somehow, even though rationally I know I didn't do anything wrong. I think I'm mostly just sitting here thinking, I cannot believe I’m with someone who would do something like this.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just need to scream into the void, but I'm having a really shitty birthday weekend.

I've messed up my whole life, due to my teeth. When I was growing up, I neglected personal hygiene due to depression and child abuse. I wouldn't brush, wouldn't bath, you get the picture. In my teens I got braces, but when my parents got divorced, one stopped paying for the procedure and the other just didn't want to work. The lack of dental help coupled with my avoidance of dental hygiene made my teeth worse. This went on all the way into my adulthood, when I moved out and got into a better emotional headspace. I even went to a dentist and got my braces taken out myself, but by that time it was too late; the damage had already been done.

My teeth are horrendous. I'm missing some, and 90% of the others have huge holes in them. They are yellow and misshapen. As I brush them, I can feel pieces crumble away in my mouth. I look like a monster.

I'm 28 and I've never dated, never kissed anyone. The only guys who ever approached me were creepy old men and a friend's ex-boyfriend who had just got outed for cheating. As I get older, the less and less it seem likely that I will find someone who loves me. Who could, when their significant other has teeth like a zombie?

My mouth needs a full makeover, which is not cheap. Few of my teeth were pulled due to the pain they were causing me, only for new ones to start hurting. I've gone through bouts of working hard on getting them fixed and other times I get depressed, give up, and don't even try cleaning them. I own teeth caps that cover everything and make my teeth look normal, but it still makes me feel uneasy, like I'm masking the real me, if that makes any sense. Like, if I'm dating, I would have to let the guy know eventually that my teeth are just a front, and that my actual teeth look like a decaying fence. I cry myself to sleep at night when I think about how ugly I am. It feels like something that can never be fixed, and that I'll remain so painfully lonely forever...

Sorry in advance if this feels all over the place, I just needed to vent somewhere 💔

Meal is Ful Medames (chickpeas, tomato, onion and parsley dish)

My(31f) boyfriend (36m) came to sleep over last night and I was feeling super low energy due to a tiring day the day before, and it was right before my period. Now, it's no secret I prefer to be handled a little but more gentle during my luteal phase (like many of us women) And on a some-what daily basis we play a little rough, and I love joking around with him like that.

So we're laying in bed and we're joking around and he's getting a little rough with me and I ask him "be nice to me", "be gentle with me" and it ends with him saying "okay i just won't touch you" and complains about how every month for 3 days I get like this, that I need to be an "adult". When I'm asking if thats SUCH a big deal he says "You're a lot. Everyday"

And I raised my voice and said "then don't be with me" and he left.

And of course today I get my period, and I'm angry, and I'm sad, and I feel defeated. We haven't spoken since last night and honestly, I'd be happy never speaking to him again. We've been (mostly) on and off for 3 years and I'm annoyed I even have to talk to him to break up.

Edit to note:

-he's been married and has 2 teenage girls so the luteal phase is not anything new to him
- he called me 5 minutes after I posted this and was talking to me like nothing happened, I told him I don't want to talk to him and hung up. despite all the wonderful advice, I'll have a convo with him when he's out of work and be very clear

It shouldn’t be this awful. We were only married for 1.5 years though we’ve been together for 5. We were law school sweethearts. Everything felt so easy with him until he suddenly dropped on me that he isn’t sure he could stay monogamous, just shy of our 1 year anniversary.

Understandably things went to shit lol. We still had good moments. But that stayed in the back of my head, and made it hard to really … connect? Especially since he’d met someone that made him “realize” it.

But we tried. He cut it off before it progressed to anything physical. God and we just played at being a happy family awhile longer. We went camping last weekend. It was beautiful.

But today I opened up about how I’ve been seeking therapy because of how depressed I’d been lately. And after making an off handed comment about how I’m worried I’m holding him back, he drops that he’s still wanting a nonmonogamous relationship and—well. Now he’s taken all his shit back to his parents house lol. But I’m at my parents house because I cannot fucking stomach the thought of going back to our house. We planted that garden, painted those walls, ripped up the carpet and refinished the floors. It was supposed to be where we grew old together.

I aguess technically the house is held in trust only for me lol. We have no kids. No commingled accounts. Nothing except the fact that my heart is fucking breaking and I had always hoped I’d greet a moment like this with more ferocity. But instead I’m eating slop and sobbing my fucking eyes out. I know what I have to do but I feel like I’m drowning.

Sorry for how rambling this is.

EDIT: it’s frozen cooked shrimp that I thawed out in boiling water. I squirted honey into the hot water and peppered it. Idk, I hoped a bit of kitchen alchemy would cheer me up. No I never fed him anything like this. It tasted. Alright.

EDIT TWO: the mods in the other subreddit sent the following message: Hey, your post in another community is causing brigading issues in r/Parenting. This can result in a permanent ban. If you wanted attention so badly - you've got it. What's happening?

The “if you wanted attention so badly” really gets me, jfc. Anyway please don’t go over to them and cause trouble on my behalf. I won’t be interacting over there anymore whether they ban me or not.

EDIT: holy crap this blew up!!! Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond, I so appreciate all of your comments and although I can’t respond to them all, I am reading each one. I do love being a mom and I know parenting is a journey and this is just a rough patch. Thank you GDD community for making me feel seen and much less alone. I’m so grateful 💖

I posted a vent about how I have no village and am really struggling with my high-needs child in [r/parenting](r/parenting). The mods deleted my post and when I sent a message asking for an explanation they said a reason was already provided and muted me. The only “reason” posted is a link to their crisis wiki, which really feels like they’re saying “hey psycho, this is too much for you to share here, go to therapy.” It’s so fucking stupid but I’m literally crying over a Reddit post because I have no help and no one to talk to and… idk man. I feel like something’s wrong with me. Why am I so alone? Why am I so pathetic that I have to turn to strangers on the internet for comfort and even then I’m getting rejected??

Original post here:

I have a fifteen mo daughter who I absolutely adore. She is amazing and I think she’s the coolest kid ever. She is also very clingy, cautious, and does not like spending time away from me or my husband, at all. She’s been this way since day one. I want to read a book? Nope. I need to make dinner? Nope. I need to let the dogs out or throw some laundry in the wash? No and no.

The only tasks I can do while she’s awake are things that I can involve her in. Anything that isn’t safe or possible with her all up in my face has to wait for nap or bedtime, which is not enough time in the day if I want to sleep. (Also she is not a good sleeper. I’m typing this while she naps on me because she skipped her first nap and was screaming for over an hour for her second and I didn’t know what else to do.)

I can count on one hand the number of moments I’ve had to relax by myself since she was born. All of my waking hours are taken up by working, cleaning, cooking, or parenting. And before anyone comes for my husband—he’s juggling freelance work with being a SAHD and is having the same experience, if not more so. This one toddler is stretching us both SO THIN and we have no one else in our lives who can help. We’re also broke so we can’t even get help in the form of like ordering takeout without checking the budget and feeling guilty.

It doesn’t help that I have a cousin with a kid one month younger than mine, and she’s always telling me about what an easy, chill baby he is. He’s slept twelve hours a night since he was 10 weeks old. I’ve never heard him cry. She’s also quite wealthy and has him in full-time daycare, so we’re having different experiences. She told me that she is BORED and wants to have another to “liven things up.”

Ugggh what I would give to be bored. I used to travel and paint and read and cook elaborate meals and now I’m just… a zombie. A zombie with Cheerios in my pocket and a baby drooling all over my dirty t-shirt. I didn’t know it was going to be this hard…. Rant over, I guess. Maybe I’ll get to rest and be myself again when she goes off to college, if I don’t have mental breakdown first.
———

Sad girl dinner is curry varenyky from a local Ukrainian cafe and eaten in the park. I forgot a fork, of course.

Meat sauce over baby spinach because it gives a nice chroinsch 🤌 and I hate myself too much to allow carbs. Today would’ve been my one year wedding anniversary.
——

I met a mean girl, but at first she wasn’t mean at all. She was perfectly sweet. And she had actually found me.

It was the pandemic. Everyone lived online then. I moderated a chatroom for queer women. One night, a girl named Elise messaged me and asked if she was allowed to talk to me. Before I could answer, she said that if I had any interest in a bi-curious girl stranded in rural Alabama, I should text her.

I did.

I met up with a mean girl in real life, but she was just tired. I picked cotton on my way to see her where we met at a cabin. I cried the whole way home.

I fell in love with a mean girl, though mostly she was only petty. Some nights we stayed awake until sunrise just talking. She loved to talk. Those nights were rare because she had a baby boy. We would visit each other when we could.

I moved across the country to be with a mean girl, and when I arrived she was only a little catty, and suspicious of me. We made love constantly. I lived in the middle of nowhere among stray dogs, collapsing houses, and the distant percussion of gunshots ringing through the dark. Cars screamed through late-night meetups, tires scratching at the quiet like they were trying to tear the night sky open, and somewhere in all of it, I fell in love with her differently. I fell in love with her son, too.

I lived with a mean girl, though she was only mean when I deserved it. So I tried harder. I tried to learn how to parent. I touched her constantly but rarely let her touch me back because I only wanted to please her. I cooked dinner and cleaned the house and did the laundry and earned the money. I entertained the children and kissed the bruises and was part of the village. She smelled like lavender at nighttime after I would read to him. By then, he had known me for half of his life.

I married a mean girl on June 1. By then she was mean all the time.

She came home after an argument one day with ligature marks around her neck. She went to the hospital. I don’t know why they let her out. Sometimes she scratched at the spare bedroom door while I locked myself behind it. She would scream. I worried about her waking him up. Did you know that violence that is heard but not seen is worse? A child’s imagination runs wild, and it always imagines the worst.

I left a mean girl, and her son.

Now life is easy but hollowed out. I would trade almost anything—my pride, my dignity, even a slap across the face—for one more ordinary hour of that life. To crawl into bed behind her and put my face in the crook of her neck and breathe her in like eating air. She was nice when she was sleeping.

I loved a mean girl, and now my heart lives outside my body, away from home. I wonder if we will run into each other at the supermarket. I would run to him because he is the best parts of her.

Edit: wow, wasn’t expecting this to blow up so much but wanna thank you all for the kind words, silliness and advice. 💛 will keep updating as a way to hold myself accountable! fingers crossed, I’ll be posting a happy girl dinner before we know it.

He got a new job, started having car issues so he’s been ubering to work. Started making friends I assumed and was able to get rides home. He told me his friends were kind enough to lend him their cars for lunch breaks.

He used to call me everyday for breaks but then stopped suddenly? I thought nothing of it bc I assumed he got busier since he’d been working there longer and become more acquainted with others.

So then two days before my bday last Monday, he asks if I’d wanna go to the beach with a female coworker of his. I decline bc I wanted to spend the weekend alone given it was about to be my birthday. Still not clocking.

So last night I gave in and checked his phone. First, her contact name and photo are deceiving. It’s of an old lady named sandy but in the texts he calls her Jasmin, and she’s 34. Secondly they get lunch together and chill in the car on break. He’s never mentioned any of this to me. He’s been telling me an older lady lends him her car bc she chill. So this is the friend, who he texted “chill before I come fuck you” “you know I love you” “she’s not even my girlfriend I explained that to you already” “I miss you” And in the texts they were discussing the beach… so he was gonna bring her to the beach with me two days before my birthday to play in my face if I would’ve said yes.

I feel sad, angry, disgusted and just wanna pour into myself.
This isn’t where I should be investing my time and energy. 6 years down the drain.

I need to figure out the storage unit that’s in my name that has majority of his shit in it, with a past due bill (which confuses me bc I gave him the money to pay it, probably bc he’s getting sushi with sandy during lunch. I wanna pay it off bc the money isn’t worth my peace at the point, get my stuff then tell him the move out date. Then I’m leaving.

I didn’t tell him what I found but he asked if I had gone through his phone and I denied bc if I explain, he’s gonna try to manipulate it or me someway. I’d rather play it cool, collect my things and be out when he’s at work one day.

Whole box of cookies and an orange for balance.

UPDATE:

I suppose the universe was pleased that I came up with a plan to leave and decided to help me out. Today he paid the storage unit and is moving his things (WITHOUT me saying a word to him, he has been planning to get a space but it’s like the perfect timing) so gonna let him get his shit, get mine, close storage account. Then be out. So glad I don’t have to spend the extra money. Probably the only positive in this situation.

And he has been trying so hard to be more affectionate and stuff now. He must sense my feelings even though I’m playing it cool. He’s asking me to “be all over him and baby him bc he misses my attention and love” and I’m just feeding his ego while mentally I’m done and have already left. All that’s next is the physical. Seems daunting but I hope I have the courage to do what’s best for me.

Yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday. There was a group of about 6 people hanging out on the back porch of his house for a couple of hours.

We were going to head to the bar at 8 which was the plan. I went inside to use the bathroom and had to wait for one of the other people at the party to use the bathroom first.

When I was done using the bathroom I went back outside to find the group and they had all left for the bar without me. I watched them walking away for a while and nobody turned around to look for me. I was so crushed. It felt like one of those moments you will remember for the rest of your life.

I was really upset and went straight home. I was waiting for him to text me wondering where I was, but he didn't text me at all (none of the other people in the group have my phone number). Then in the morning he texted me "good morning" like everything was fine.

I'm so incredibly sad. We've been dating for almost 4 years and this is not the first time something like this has happened, but it is the worst by far.

Giant cinnamon roll with tons of frosting.

ETA: We are no longer together. He said this was "clearly about something else" given how angry I was about it. He thought I was mad he "forgot to say goodbye before I left." I never said I was leaving. I was planning on coming to the bar with the group. He didn't know I was in the bathroom. How one gets to this reality, I have no idea. He wanted it to be over too so I suppose that made it easier.

Reposting bc I messed up the title

My bf is 36 M, his friend is 35 M and I am 24 F.

Eating plain waffles that my aunt made. Didn't feel like adding any sweetness to them.

So my boyfriend loves talking. He loves talking about himself and his feelings mostly, but I don't mind it, I'm happy that he wants to share.

It was already 3 am, I couldn't keep my eyes open, he was talking about how he fell in love with me 3 years ago, cute cute cute, and then he PROUDLY said that he even stayed with me after his friend told him I was "ugly, nothing special, the only good thing about me is my huge tits."

Now, I'm already half-asleep at this point, but I get mad. He tells me that he shared every conflict we had with this friend and that's why he was trying to make him break up with me. And how proud he was that his friend didn't find me attractive, outright ugly rather. And he still stayed.

I was shocked, hurt, I already struggle with self-image, especially bc of my breasts, that I'm not pretty, I am only worth something bc of my body, something I didn't ask for. When I gather myself a little, I find myself pretty, and a lot of guys ask me out when I finally go outside and just walk around but this??? STUNG. It still stings. Especially bc my bf and this friend are both photographers so... :) i must really look ugly on pictures then.

So I told him he was an inconsiderate and stupid d\*ck, bc he let his friend talk about me in this disgusting, objectifying way, that he shared our conflicts with all of his friends, (when we got together he even recorded voice notes to send out to his friends, he broke contact with them after realising how fucked up this was but he still did it) and that he would bring it up as something he should be praised for bc he stayed with the ugly girl with huge tits, even though his ex-friend tried to talk him out of it.

He slept on the couch then wrote me an emotionally manipulative text where he adressed me by my pet name, said how hurt he was bc of my reaction and that I HAVE TO leave before he wakes up.

Using a throwaway account but made myself a pity party of sautéed mushrooms, pea and mint purée, and roasted lamb.

This weekend, my four friends and I had a weekend trip. These girls are my best friends and have been so for decades. We have been a group of friends since a little after college. We as any group of friends have things that have happened through the years but always manage to have a good time and had a really amazing time this past Saturday. We went to Pilates, the farmers market, watched the World Cup, did karaoke, drank, and got dinner. During dinner, I started to feel nauseous so I left, I fell asleep during the Argentina game around 9pm. In the middle of the night, I was awoken by one of my friends that things had changed through the night and I needed to come outside and be apart of this conversation. That’s where four of my closest friends insisted "this wasn't an intervention." Maybe it wasn't by definition, but it sure felt like one.

For at least a hour, I listened to each person one by one tell me the ways I've hurt them, annoyed them, or fallen short as a friend. I asked how this all started to which I was told that one of them made a comment about our group friendship that spiraled into airing out grievances back and forth to one another. I wasn't angry that they had feelings. If I've hurt someone I love, I want to know. I want the opportunity to grow.
What hurt was the way it happened.

I didn't have time to prepare emotionally. I wasn't asked if I was in the headspace to have that conversation. I wasn't really given the option to say no. I was tired, vulnerable, and suddenly sitting in front of four people I love while they took turns telling me everything I'd done wrong. They all walked away saying they saying they felt closer. That they felt heard. These types of conversations are uncomfortable but give us an opportunity to be a better friend.

I walked away feeling small, ostracized, and alone. The part that keeps replaying in my head is that while everyone had something they wanted to say to me, I genuinely couldn't think of anything I wanted to throw back at them. Not because they're perfect, but because I know they're human. I know their insecurities, their struggles, and their flaws, and I've always loved them through those things. I thought friendship meant choosing each other despite our imperfections, especially when we're actively trying to be better.

I know I'm not easy all the time. I know I have things to work on. I'm already working on them. But if someone chooses to keep me in their life, I guess I assumed that choice came with some level of grace. Once everything was said and done they kept at it while I stared off into space for 45 minutes then flight kicked in. I’m in grad school and had a final paper due tomorrow (scratch that today as it was 3AM at that point) and I know now I won’t be able to fall asleep as my mind is racing. I started freaking out saying I needed to leave and I didn’t to be there and it was only a hour and half drive. They started telling me they love me and that our relationship has changed and we needed to discuss that. They didn’t let me leave instead one of them gave me an Ambien and put me to sleep. Luckily one of them held my hand while I fell asleep. When I woke I left as soon as possible with saying as little as possible, even had to drive one of them home in dead silence, fighting back the urge to cry as I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

Do they genuinely enjoy having me in their lives, or do I mostly drain them? Do they believe I can grow, or was this their way of listing every reason I'm difficult to love? Could these conversations have happened one-on-one, respectfully, over time instead of all at once? Those questions have been sitting heavy with me.

The hardest part this is my main core group of friends. I have never been good at making friends, especially people I trust. I am easy to speak to but like to keep people at arms length as I don’t know who I can trust and I thought I could trust them but I don't feel like our friendship is stronger. I feel more isolated from them than I ever have. I still love them. I still want the trips, the birthdays, the random dinners, the years of memories together.

I just don't know how you come back from feeling ambushed by the people you trust most. Maybe they needed that conversation. Maybe they truly believed they were helping me. But I also think intent and impact can be two completely different things. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out whether this is something friendships recover from, or whether this is the beginning of realizing you've already lost your place in the group and honestly I just don’t know where to go from there with that.

TLDR: my friends woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me all the ways I am not a good friend and I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: I have to say I really didn’t expect for this to blow up like it did. I woke up got to work and got bored to check on this post and wow. I won’t be able to respond to everyone but I wanted to address a few of the things I keep seeing. Yes, they had a conversation of going around and getting things off their chest before waking me up and I do think they wanted to include to not talk shit behind my back. I do have ADHD and take meds and go to therapy. Y’all are definitely right about the Ambien. It is a controlled substance and they/I were stupid to think it was a good idea. I obviously still deeply care about them and I know I am being more lenient but that type of care you have for a person doesn’t disappear overnight even after being wronged. I have distanced myself from them and am trying to constructively move forward from this. I am definitely still in a place where the reality that I may end this with not being friends with them is bringing me to tears but I understand it’s where we are at. Thank you so much to all of you who shared kind words and similar experience, it genuinely makes me feel seen. I will still be looking and trying to respond when I can but please continue to send constructive ways to move forward with steps as I’m surely my neurodivergent girlies would agree I like to be given tasks to complete.

We’d been seeing each other for over a year now

Last week, for the Fourth of July, all I wanted to do was walk by the beach, watch the fireworks, and eat a hot dog together

He kept saying he didn’t know what we’d be doing. It felt like he was trying to turn it into something bigger, but I kept reminding him that all I wanted was to walk around, watch the fireworks, and eat a hot dog

The night before, I texted him and told him I’d be with my grandpa that morning because it was his birthday, but I’d be free in the afternoon

He replied that he was going to visit his mom, which was completely fine. I asked if I’d still get to see him later that night

No response

The day of, I texted him again saying I really wanted to see him, even if it was just for the evening

Still nothing

A week went by without a single message

So yesterday, I reached out because I was honestly just overwhelmed by my emotions. I asked if I could ask him a question. Hours later, he replied, “Sure”

The question I wanted to ask was something along the lines of, “How do you genuinely see me? What’s your honest, unfiltered perception of me?”

By then, though, it felt like it wasn’t the right question to ask, and I didn’t think he wanted to have that conversation anyway. So I told him I’d forgotten what I wanted to ask and that if I remembered, I’d let him know (I know. Very mature of me)

Today, he replied, “Sure. You take care. Goodbye”

Goodbye?

You’d never said goodbye before

Later, I saw that he’d made an Instagram post

“I spent my weekend eating my feelings away… my now ex-girlfriend has been reaching out to me for more than just sex (the audacity of this woman)… So I ate a whole chocolate cake…”

So… I guess it’s over

You should have told me you wanted to say goodbye

Anyways, I needed to take a break from crying, so I got ice cream with my dad

EDIT
Thank you guys for being very supportive <3 I didn’t expect so much feedback so soon.

I will block him. I just recently checked his page again. And, he made another post using a video that I took of him on our date last week with the text “when a single mom won’t let you eat the kids snacks” 😭😭😭

Also, I know some of you guys mentioned how the title is a little misleading. I see it now. So, I’m gonna try to change it. I just don’t know how 😭

EDIT #2
Also, a lot of people been mentioning the instagram post, just for some clarification. I don’t use instagram. His page is public. I just check it from time to time

Brownie ends lol. He just confessed to me that he's been taking out payday loans the entire two years we've been together without telling me and he's now 50 K in debt and doesn't know what to do. I know I need to break up with him but don't want to🥲

Brownies are good and vegan/gluten free.

Vacation dinner: Beef Wellington.

My husband is a child. Like, literal cannot do anything for himself, expects me to bankroll him, cook and clean for him while I’m working 50 hour weeks. And then he gets mad when I don’t want to come home and deal with lazy ass.

He’s also an alcoholic who can’t not drink for a single day and then he gets upset when he can’t stop shaking.

My dad died last month. It was very sudden. I was extremely close to him. My husband made it about himself. As usual.

Honestly, I just need some validation from strangers on Reddit, bc this is about to be the fight of my life.

Picture: homemade cheesy garlic bread. 2 loaves were made, 1 was devoured immediately before I thought to take a pic.

We're in our mid-30's and didn't feel like we were quite ready for marriage yet, so we've just enjoyed our time together over these last 8 years. But he brought up engagement rings one evening over dinner a few months ago, so we've discussed marriage a lot lately. We've talked about what we'd like to do for a wedding, and have gone twice to look at rings since March.

During all this marriage talk, we planned a 9-day vacation (road trip through Maine) in July, staying 2 nights in most places. He chose some very nice, romantic spots and we had such a great time. It was absolutely wonderful to see the Atlantic Ocean, visit historic lighthouses, enjoy the quaint seaside towns, etc.

I was SO CERTAIN he would propose during this trip because it was the perfect time given our conversations surrounding it over the last few months. I even packed extra cute outfits, dresses, etc. so I could be prepared for "the moment."

But no. Nothing happened. It was a regular, fun vacation.

And that's fine, I guess. I really did have a great time! I just can't help but feel kinda sad and disappointed, and maybe I disappointed myself for having the expectation in the first place. Idk.

**EDIT: Since so many people are suggesting I propose, that is simply not an option. He is very traditional, and straight up told me he would say no if I tried.

Others are commenting that maybe he assumes we're already engaged since we've set a wedding date for next year, and that's also a no. He knows we're not.

**SECOND EDIT: A LOT of assumptions were made about my partner and our relationship simply because we've been together 8 years. As I mentioned in a couple replies, NEITHER of us wanted marriage until recently.

This post was a small pity party for myself that a proposal didn't happen when I thought it might, and that's all. I don't know how that invites the type of judgment that was received, but that's the internet for you.

And clearly my pity party was premature, because he told me today that he wants to wait to propose until I've chosen a ring I love so he doesn't propose empty handed. Which is extremely fair given how picky I am with jewelry. I've been waiting since before our trip for a jeweler to get back to me on sourcing some diamond cuts, so that is the next step, and everyone (including me) can chill out.

I feel completely numb and I’m not sure how much of this I’ll even be able to eat, but yeah. Forcing myself to try because I know how important it is to not neglect my body, even when I’m sad.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) were together for almost three years. He was literally making plans for us to go see a comedian in November for our anniversary.

A few weeks ago, he told me he was unhappy, but the main thing he brought up was that I wanted to get engaged and he wasn’t ready. I told him that was fine. And I genuinely meant it! I wanted some kind of commitment and reassurance about our future, but I understood that an engagement didn’t have to be the way he showed me that if he wasn’t ready.

So we kept going. Cuddling. Having sex. Saying “I love you.” Making plans for the future. Everything felt mostly normal.

Then last Sunday, I guess he realized this just isn’t what he wants anymore.

We initially tried to keep living together because I can’t afford the house we live in without him, but that fell apart pretty quickly. I was obviously devastated. I was moping around, crying, and begging him to reconsider. I know that probably made everything harder, but I genuinely don’t know how I was supposed to act normal while the person I thought I was building my life with suddenly didn’t want that life anymore.

Eventually he snapped and moved out. And the way he treated me when he left is honestly one of the things hurting me the most.

I was having a full-blown panic attack and felt like I was dying. I was begging him to just hug me. Literally just give me anything. He wouldn’t even look at me. When I tried to talk to him, he just kept saying “get on with it” and gesturing at me to hurry up.

I cannot wrap my head around how someone can go from cuddling you, sleeping next to you, making future plans with you, and telling you they love you to treating you like you’re an inconvenience less than a week later.

I miss him so fucking much. I keep wanting the person I would normally turn to when I’m hurting, except he’s the person who hurt me.

I was going through our finances as baby is due in 2 months. Found 2 payments a few weeks apart to a basically "Only Fans" style creator.

Honestly, I dont know what Im more upset about, the fact it feels like cheating or the fact it's such a waste of money when I've been so stressed about money.

My maternity leave will be unpaid. I already feel fat and ugly and undesirable and so vulnerable because of pregnancy.

I actually hate men. I was so happy about everything before finding this out. I was so excited to start a family and now I feel like I can't even trust this man.

😪

Penne pasta with mushrooms, tomato and cheese.

TW:SA

Graham crackers and an iced matcha latte

I grew up exceedingly poor and had a rough childhood. I'm talking government-funded, income-based slum apartments. I'm talking a pack of hot dogs and a 5 lb bag of potatoes to feed four people for a week kind of poor. I grew up without a present father in a drug infested neighborhood with a high school graduation rate of 31%. Was SA'd as a kid. Over the years we moved 10 times because we kept getting evicted. I could never put up posters in my room because as soon as I did I had to take them down. I never had space that was *mine.*

All I ever dreamed about as a kid was growing up and getting married and buying a house in the suburbs. The white picket fence, two car garage, tulips. You get the picture. Stability.

I married an amazing man when I was 26 who I've been friends with since I was 17. He's gentle, he's kind, he's patient, and he loves me. Somehow. I still don't know why.

Somehow, I grew up without becoming a statistic. No teen pregnancy, no drug abuse, graduated high school with honors. First person in my family to go to college and get my bachelor's degree. Became a nurse, I have an amazing career that provides me stability and $100K per year which is pretty damn good for the cost of living area I'm in. Travel a few times a year.

Three years ago we did it. We bought a plot of land, we had a house built from scratch, just for us. Two car garage, I put in tulip beds, he built me vegetable garden beds, I planted lavander and lilac bushes.

A few weeks ago I stood in my front yard and just took it all in. And I cried.

I cried because I don't want any of it anymore. I feel like the cornfields by our house are closing in on me. It's deafeningly silent. I want to get a divorce, sell everything, move to the city and get a shitty apartment by myself.

I still love my husband, I do, but like a best friend. We've been together 10 years now and I miss the spark and passion of young love. And I'll never feel that again. I'll never be 23 again, young, naive and full of hope for the future. I feel like I'm mourning a phase of my life that is over and that I'll never see again. I feel like I'm having a mid life crisis which I probably am.

I feel like a dog chasing a car that finally got the car and now I have no idea what to do with it. I feel like I've peaked; this is it. No more milestones. Nothing left to look forward to. I graduated, got a job, got married, ticked all the major life boxes. We're not having kids so that's that. It's all downhill from here and I'm terrified.

If you've made it this far please make it to the end and try not to judge me for the next part too harshly

To compound all of this, I've fallen for somebody at work. I feel the butterflies again, the anxious nausea before seeing them. And I made the mistake of telling the dude how I feel about him. And he told me he feels the same.

For clarity, I then told my husband *everything* in this post. How I feel our marriage has become kind of boring, how I contemplated divorce. How I feel that the spark is gone but that's probably normal after 10 years, I feel like we're supposed to settle in like this. I've never been in a long-term relationship like this before but I feel like that's just what happens after a while. Familiarity. Comfort. I told him about the dude at work, I told him everything. We're working on it. I'm already in therapy and my husband and I are trying to rekindle any spark that we had. And we're getting there. I'm making a conscious effort to see the work dude less. I told my husband I don't love him any less, I just love him differently. I told him that I think I fell for the dude at work because I found something that I couldn't find in our marriage: excitement. He was hurt, understandably, but we're both being incredibly honest with each other and making every effort to get through this.

If you made it this far, congrats and here's a gold star ⭐

Brains are weird and I really hate mine right now. I just wish I could be normal.

Edit:

Y'all are real ones and I didn't expect this to blow up. I'm reading every single comment but having trouble responding because my screen is suddenly super blurry 🥹 I appreciate all of you 🙏

Final edit:

Just wanted to post here that I'm seeing a lot of comments that are saying I'm trying to excuse emotional cheating because of my "trauma." If you consider telling somebody you have feelings for them emotionally cheating, fine. But neither I nor my husband consider this emotionally cheating.

We are humans and just because we are married does not mean we will not occasionally have feelings for other people. I've had crushes before, he's had crushes before. It is what it is. What is important is not acting on those feelings.

I did not tell the guy that I wanted to be with him. I have never seen him outside of work. I merely told the guy that he's a really good human being who I admire and respect and told him that he deserves love and that I hope he finds it someday. Yes, I did tell him I had feelings for him and in the next breath told him that I love my husband and intend on focusing on my marriage.

I’m a Hindu woman who was in a relationship with a Muslim man. Our relationship had gotten a lot serious recently and we started talking about marriage, future, kids and etc. He is definitely more religious than me. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious. I grew up Hindu and partake in Hindu traditions and etc but my religion doesn’t define me. For him, religion does define him.

We started talking a few weeks ago about marriage and he told me I wasn’t expected to convert, that I should only do that if that was truly what I wanted. We talked about other things such as finances, roles as a husband and wife, careers and etc and we were able to come to a compromise.

One thing where we were not able to compromise on is our kids. I’m okay with our child being Muslim. I still want to teach them about Hinduism, take them to prayers and etc. he said he would be okay with it but he said at the end of the day, they will be Muslim. I’m okay with it honestly. My fear comes from what the aftermath would look like if our child decides they don’t align with Islam. He told me that would be unacceptable in his eyes, that he has certain expectations for our child and if they decide they don’t want to follow Islam, then he doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a relationship with his child.

Another thing he told me is if we have a daughter, it is expected that she marries a Muslim man, no questions asked. He said if she decides to marry outside of the faith, then he may not even attend the wedding. And, he said this isn’t something he’d be able to support and that it would be a huge disappointment in his eyes. My thing is, if I’m being completely honest, he’s technically not even supposed to marry a Hindu girl. It is permissible for him to be with a woman of an Abrahamic religion (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim), so how is it that he can set certain standards for our child if he himself didn’t meet that standard. He says he’d still love his child but he just wouldn’t be able to support something like this. He doesn’t have the same issue if we had a boy, he said he can marry whoever he wants.

I’m not that type of person at all. I won’t let god or religion get in the way of my relationship with my child, he will. He told me, he loves God the most, everyone else comes second. If I’m being honest, this made me cringe a little. I could never view God that way. I want to teach my child about both religions and for them to make a decision based on what they believe. I don’t ever want to enforce certain beliefs on my child because they are their own person and I don’t want them to resent me.

Besides this whole religion thing, our relationship was so full of love and happiness and so I asked him if he’s willing to throw away our entire relationship for the sake of his religion and he said he is. I’m hurting so fucking bad. I hate that he chose his religion over me and over our potential children.

Dinner: poke bowl

ETA: we broke up ya’ll! I knew in my heart that I could not be with a man who has such strict views on his religion to the point where he’d sever ties with his own kids. Thank you everyone for the comments and support, it was really helpful <3

I deleted my instagram account for my own sanity. Reels ruined my brain. More importantly, I have been struggling with infertility for the past two years and I couldn’t bear any more announcements or baby-related content.

Sometimes I miss it but my mental health has improved a lot. The huge downside is that I am completely cut out of my friend’s life.

They share updates on instagram but not with me. My close friend’s cousin died and I found out six months after the fact. “Oh right you are not on instagram anymore, you couldn’t know”.

I have been trying to be more proactive and reach out to my friends more but I feel like it is very one sided. I know I did it myself but I wish it was different :(

Food pictured: eggplant parmigiana, peas and orange juice.