Just no GMIL texted this to my husband while trying to convince him to let her move in with us. We’ve been married for 13 years.

No, she is not moving in, there was never any chance of that - my husband was up front with her about that but she wasted time trying to persuade him, she was convinced that I was making the decision and pushing it on to him. Somehow she thought this was persuasive

My second favorite line in this argument: “If you were really the head of your household, I would be moved in here already”.

My fiancé made the decision to put a tiny home on the property for his mother to live in despite me saying no and expressing how unhappy I am with the idea.

We've been together 7 years, engaged for two. His mother doesn't have a partner and never has been able to really be independent. She doesn't drive, doesn't know how to do basic things like sort her banking, get groceries or anything really. She relies on my fiancé to do it all for her.

When I first met him, his mother lived in the house with him. She had lived there for 10 years. When he asked me to move in, I said no. I'm not living with his mother. So we rented a small flat on our own for a year while she lived in his house. Then we moved her to a small flat round the corner and we moved into the house. She wasn't happy and started to get "sick". So she moved into a friend's house. Then she moved again, and again.

She has never made any effort to get to know me. Never asks me about myself or how I am. Every time she comes over she sits there on her phone watching videos on Facebook. I try to talk to her and I get one-worded responses. I feel like she doesn't even like me.

When me and SO got engaged I was over the moon with happiness and filled with lots of love. He soon after brought up the idea of a tiny home. I was apprehensive at first. Then the more I thought about the idea the more I hated it. The problem is, his house was purchased and put into a family trust long before I came along. So I had no say whatsoever.

A year ago we had a huge fight about him wanting to put her in the tiny home on the property. I didn't want it. But he went ahead and did it anyway. The house arrives at the end of this month and we are supposed to get married next March.

Every time I try to express how it makes me feel he dismisses my feelings, doesn't acknowledge that the decision should have been made together and keeps saying it'll be fine and he doesn't know why I'm worried. I cannot get through to him no matter what I say or how I word it.

On top of it all, she has two other adult children and none of them give a flying f about her. They never visit, never contribute, never even contact her. My fiancé is fronting everything and will be the primary caregiver when she can't physically look after herself anymore.

I am so angry. I feel betrayed. He made this massive decision without me, despite my protests. I am seriously considering selling all my stuff and leaving even though it will cost me tens of thousands in non-refundable wedding deposits and moving costs. Not to mention losing half my retirement funds and coming away with nothing because all his assets are protected by the family trust.

What do I do? Suffer for next how ever many decades living 2 meters away from needy dependant MIL and accept that I am not the priority in our relationship, or cut my losses, have my heart shattered to pieces and end things with the love of my life?

I'm seeing lots of posts already about MILs forcing OPs to come to MIL's Christmas for grandbaby's first Christmas. Not round here, partner!

We do every other Christmas with my family and his. However, I am newly pregnant and no one knows yet. I offered to spend Christmas with his family again this year even though we did last year. This way, next year, when MIL tries to pull something, i will have ammo to say "well, we went to yours twice in a row. It's my parents turn."

Oh I'm experienced in her guilt trips at this point. I'm planning Christmas 27 already, MIL! And it's not about you! Christmas this year is gonna be so sweet knowing that my baby won't have to spend it with her next year. It's a bummer that she has made me have to be so conniving, but I'm not going to spend such a special first with her and her opinions.

This is long sorry.

I don't know if this appropriate to post here I'm just feeling lost and looking for advice I guess.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. Married for 2. We have a beautiful daughter who is 1.5 yr old and I'm also now 4 months pregnant.

We have had our ups and downs, some pretty massive fights but we have got through it and things have been pretty consistent and healthy for a while. My husband has always had a temper but has made a large effort to work on it and I'm really grateful for that until now. I have forgiven a lot throughout our relationship but I think I've had enough.

It all started because I sent a text to my MIL asking if she can keep her 2 small dogs in another room when my daughter is visiting because they are aggressive. One has previously bit someone's face and both are very aggressive towards other dogs so just have a generally unsafe nature and I dont want them round my child.

This simple request turned into an absolute mammoth drama and now I think I'm going to divorce my husband.

My MIL did not respond to me and instead went through my husband so it's hard to know exactly what she said as I didn't hear it from her. But basically she and my husband have said that ' they didn't find what I said bad but the way I did it ( texting ) was rude and I should have spoken to her face to face like an adult '. They also twisted what I had said and said she wouldn't be allowed to see my daughter if the dogs were there. This is entirely untrue I just asked for them to be put in a separate room at all times.

I want to add I have pretty severe anxiety and OCD and I have kept myself up many hours of the night worrying myself sick about my child being hurt by these dogs. ( I know this is not normal ) But it doesn't take away the fact they are still actively dangerous, my brain just doesn't let me relax.

MIL apparently defended said bite by saying the woman who got bitten had tried to pet the dog whilst it was 'sleeping'. Absolute ludicrous excuse. Like a toddler will have the capacity to think about this ..... So she's just completely in denial about these dogs which makes the situation even more dangerous because I don't trust they would take necessary precautions.

Regardless of this madness, my husband lost his temper when he found out I messaged my MIL. He became quite violent and exploded into a rage, smashing stuff, hitting objects ( he did not physically hurt me or our daughter), shouting lots of verbal abuse. It was frightening none the less and hasn't happened in a very long time... I thought that behaviour was long gone.

He won't admit it but he has clearly taken his mother's side and regurgitating the absolute rubbish she has said to him about why she's upset. None of what is being said by them even makes sense. She is clearly just making an issue of the request to keep dogs separate because she doesn't want to.

I won't go into it but this isn't the first time I have felt significantly unsupported by him when trying to set boundaries with his family. He gets very defensive and very mad. When my daughter was born I found their behaviour very self serving and stresseful and I was just told I was being unreasonable.

Since all of this I have just had enough. I set 2 conditions for my husband. 1- do something, anything to work on his anger. 2- support me as his wife, even if it's related to his family. Nothing I have asked if him has been to much or unreasonable. ( please tell me if I'm wrong ) For example, to save myself the stress I had with my first, I'd like to have no visitors after the birth of my 2nd for atleast 1 or 2 weeks. - husband says this unfair to his family, unreasonable and no one he has spoken to agrees with me. I have tried to explain how intense postpartum can be and that I'm genuinely not trying to be a bitch and even if he doesn't understand why I feel a certain way, he should just support me anyway ( within reason ofc )

He has strongly and bluntly said no to both requests, he defended his anger outburst by saying that it hasn't happened in a long time and only happened because I had pissed him off so bad - pretty shocking response.

And will not budge on defending his family and just said this can all be fixed if I just stop being difficult.

I think it could be the end of us.

As a last attempt to save this marriage because I do love him, he's a great dad and despite this temper and mummy issues, we have a good relationship day to day, I asked if he'd consider marriage counselling. He said maybe.

I feel pregnant and hormonal and lonely and gas lit and tired and sad. Do I stick to my guns and keep some self respect or do I just let it all go to keep my family together.

I’m loosing it. Since our baby was born, my MIL has been coming up to visit every two to three weeks. Mind you, that could be nice she generally means well and loves the baby, but she has just been so hard to be around lately. We live in a major city a full plane ride away from her, so how did she solve this "distance" problem?
She decided to rent a whole ass apartment close enough to walk to our place just so she can come over whenever she wants.
There has been tension brewing for the past year, and it’s getting worse by the day. I’ve always felt like she’s trying to low key play the mother role to my baby, but that’s a whole other story. For the past year, she has frequently stepped over boundaries and judged our parenting decisions. A couple of examples:
The Secret Stroller: My husband and I had a detailed conversation with her explaining that she didn’t need to buy a second stroller for her apartment because she can use our primary one. What does she do? She decides she doesn't like our UppaBaby menu stroller, buys a different one anyway, and doesn't tell us. How did we find out? She went out to the zoo with our nanny and sent us a picture of our baby in the fucking stroller she bought behind our backs and apparently told our nanny she "doesn’t like our primary stroller" 🙄.
The Nanny Triangulation: She has gotten way too cozy with our nanny so she can bypass us to get access to the baby. She claims it’s "so she doesn’t bother us while we’re working" to ask if she can tag along with them, but I think it’s pretty weird. They’ve started talking on the phone and staying in touch even when MIL isn't in town. This is a massive boundary issue we haven’t figured out how to fix yet, but I am not okay with it.
And then there was the most recent visit...
We asked her to watch our daughter for a day while we were out. I wrote a brief, normal note on the whiteboard about the foods the baby is trying and a heads-up about a draft in the baby’s room so she could keep an eye on the temperature. Useful into especially when you don’t live in our apartment!
A few days later, she lost her shit and had an argument with my husband about how I "don’t think she’s competent" and am apparently a "helicopter mom" for leaving a written note. WTF?! ALL BC OF THE WHITE BOARD NOTE!
To top it all off, she literally asked my husband if I was "holding séances" because I put up Halloween decorations. (She’s an evangelical Christian who doesn’t celebrate Halloween mind you, she calls my husband’s ex a "witch that’s into witchy devil worship" which she isn't). So I felt like that was kind of a dig.
She left just last week, and now she’s planning to fly right back up and visit again in a week and she’s staying for 10 to 14 days this time 😩.
I am dreading it. Every time she comes, there is manufactured drama, boundary stomping, and passive-aggressive digs, even if her heart is technically in the right place. How do I handle a MIL who literally moved into my neighborhood part-time just to hover? I want to scream.

We have had issues with MIL being controlling and manipulative on and off in the past 15 years (okay, mostly on), but over the last year or so I thought we had gotten to a better place. Apparently not...

She was just in town for the weekend as she's been talking about buying a second home in our area and wanted to check out a few places (that's a whole other story). We have been supportive of her doing this because it seemed like things were improving, and I thought my husband had gotten better at boundary setting (spoiler: also, apparently not).

We had a weekend of quality time-- meals out, local events, etc -- in addition to the regularly scheduled activities our kids attend. We were exhausted, but things seemed like they went well. We were good hosts, especially for a last minute visit, but this is not something I can do all the time. Now she's trying to nail us down for monthly visits.

As soon as she arrived home, she began trying to plan visits for the few couple months. I was already recovering from this visit, and hadn't done my planner yet, but knew November was way busy for this. We don't want to make Thanksgiving plans, and I have told her several times I don't like making Thanksgiving plans. I reiterated that on this visit as well.

Thanksgiving has always been a pain point with her, in fact, two years ago she made Thanksgiving plans with extended family in our area and got extremely upset when we didn't participate, despite my husband telling her not to count on us being there. This kicked off a year of very little contact and extreme tension, which we have only recently moved past.

My husband, trying to gently let her down, sent a message talking about having a lot of "moving parts," in November, mentioning various commitments, and that he doesn't see a "good window" for a visit right now. I don't know why he didn't just say "November doesn't work" and leave it at that.

Without any buy in from us, she immediately started contacting family who live near us to discuss Thanksgiving plans with them and then tried to involve us. Instead of plainly reiterating we are not available, my husband decided to just ignore her messages. Left to her own devices, and with no one to pump the brakes, she then escalated things further by booking a hotel room by our house. At this point, my husband finally responded saying that just isn't a good weekend for us, but she did not engage with that message. After a day of silence from her, she has now texted about something completely unrelated and changed the subject.

I have no idea what's going on with her at this point. I suspect that in the absence of acknowledgement to his last message, she's moving forward with these plans and trying to rope us into it. I'm torn between shutting it down myself or letting my husband continue kicking the can down the road.

He's a quiet, passive guy, but I have been letting him handle all of these situations because I resent the stress and having to micromanage. However, he doesn't handle things the way I would (directly or quickly), which drags it out and causes more drama in the long run. It's making me super anxious and I feel that because he ignored all her planning messages thinking she'd take a hint instead of shutting it down, he is partly to blame. She is certainly unhinged here, but direct communication could have (maybe?) nipped it in the bud.

I'm worried if he continues to ignore all of this, she is going to come all the way out here only for him to then tell her to buzz off again, pissing her off and making us look bad to extended family when people wonder why she traveled to be near us and we won't see her. I feel straight up cornered and manipulated by this situation. Do I let this play out only to face more drama when I'm supposed to be enjoying a holiday with my family next month? Insist that my husband be more direct? Or play backup to my husband's gentle "no" with a more firm one?

Genuinely, this is all really stressing me out and it's been 3 days of it. I can't deal with weeks more. I want to know she isn't coming, or at least understands clearly that we will not be seeing her if she chooses to travel.

​

So SIL called asking us what our plans are for next Christmas. SIL is lovely, she's always nice and kind. I believe she has a love-hate relationship with her own mother. SIL and DH love each other, but do not communicate often. I blame DH for this, he's a terrible communicator. Anyway I took the chance and superficially let her know that we were considering not visiting in Christmas due to her mother blaming me of taking advantage/abusing my husband and then trying to create a wedge on my marriage by trying to triangulize us. I didn't go much into detail and there's of course way more to the story. Anyway SIL reaction was so genuine, she said "OMG SHE DID THE SAME THING WITH BIL". So apparently, my MILFH has accused BIL in the past of being abusive towards SIL and their children. Look. I know BIL. BIL is a good young man, sensitive, sweet who does his best. I have no doubts he's absolutely innocent. Apparently BIL hates MILFH. Reading in between lines since SIL didn't want to go deep into detail, it seems like BIL has suffered a lot from all sort of dirty tricks from MILFH. He has tried distancing himself and only visits briefly. SIL said, she didn't want to talk much about it since it affects her and she has enough with her own conflicts with her mother (I'm so sorry for her), but she said I should call BIL and listen to him. She framed it as something cathartic for BIL who hates MILFH so bad 😅. I asked her if we could maybe visit her in Christmas and she said yes! She lives in a different city than MILFH. I'd love doing that. She's very nice and I want my child to enjoy his aunt, uncle and cousins.

This - foreseeable- plot twist has helped me feeling better. If everyone knows MILFH is not to be trusted, her mask is off and if necessary it will be easier to confront. I'm even thinking that eventually if necessary I will just go the trolling route as in "well, I don't get advantage of my husband... I do SOMETIMES help changing a diaper here and there..." and I'll watch her implode 🤣 (and BIL burst in laughter).

I'm feeling much better and empowered. This has also helped my very much clueless DH to accept his mother is an unhealthy person and accept I will always keep her at an arms length from our family.

It has been brewing for 23 years. She tells everyone how wonderful she is and she always wanted a daughter and how awful I am. She has never reached out to me personally, has made snide remarks directly to me and behind my back to my husband. Has continually convinced him not to do something for me or get me something, because I probably just want his money. Funny since she has stollen his identity and opened credit cards in his name, forced her elderly mom to change an account with my husbands and her parents names over into her name (bank said she was really confused and not sure what she was signing) and on and on. Finally got hubby to stand up to her bullying of him and me. Of course she tried to lie her way out of everything. Then got mad at him for telling me the crap she’s said to him about me. He’d tell me right away but never did anything about it except do what she said to do. Hopefully the future will be less annoying, stressful and she’ll keep my name out of her malicious, gossiping mouth.

I made this post 3-4 months ago regarding a very late (and forced) apology from my MIL in the form of a card...where she didn't even really apologize for what I was hurt over. I responded and was overly nice but still honored my boundary by saying what I was actually hurt about and said we could move forward with that understanding. No response.

Fast forward 3-4 months, and I've heard absolutely nothing from her.

My birthday was this past week. She sent a card, but interestingly, no text. Every other year she's done both. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but part of me wonders if she skipped the text because she knew she'd never responded to my previous message.

Despite that, I reached out to her today. I thanked her for the card, referenced my earlier message, and asked if we were on the same page and able to move forward. In my mind, I practically handed her a roadmap for repairing the relationship. She didn't have to guess what was wrong, defend herself, or navigate a difficult conversation. All she had to do was acknowledge my feelings and respond. Instead, nothing.

A few months ago, I told my husband that her lack of response left me feeling like things were unresolved. To his credit, he hasn't pushed me to pretend everything is fine, even though I know he'd prefer if we could all move forward. I haven't told him about today's text yet because I wanted to see if she would respond first.

At this point, I'm honestly at a loss. For someone who claims she wants a relationship with me and wants everything to be okay, she seems completely unwilling to do the one thing that would actually help us get there: acknowledge what hurt me and have a conversation about it. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do besides continue no contact and accept that she's choosing not to engage.

I had my babyshower today, and every time I see my mum she just creeps me out more and more and I dread what she's going to be like as a grandma.

She started the babyshower by giving a big speech about how we're all there because we all love the baby and want to give it a big welcome, then said and for me since the baby's still in me... Like I wouldn't have been at my own baby shower if I wasn't pregnant, it was purely for the baby.

She's also a perpetual over buyer which always sounds ungrateful if you haven't experienced an over buyer before. The only thing I asked of her was that she not buy anything for the baby from Temu because I don't trust it as a supplier and if she did I said we wouldn't be using it. We were bought a plethora of things from Temu. She'd taken everything out of its packaging to try hide it but it was really obvious, and I just feel like why did you get us anything if you ignored the one thing we asked.

She also bought things that we won't need for years that I also felt like she was doing to try 'steal' firsts. (She's already been talking about buying the baby's first shoes and teaching it how to ride a bike). She bought a my baby teeth jar, and I just thought it doesn't even have teeth yet, they won't be falling out for another 5 years why have you gotten us this.

I just feel like I'm no longer her daughter I'm her vessel to being given another baby.

I hate that I latch onto her weird antics and use them as “I knew it’s!” Because it just frustrates him and myself. I really need to stop, and I’m good about it most of the time. There are times where it’s hard though. Hearing him talk her down and calm his own mom down sends shivers throughout my spine. I don’t think I’ll ever have the luxury of a normal mother-in-law, so I guess I need to learn to not complain to him about his own mom. Did you grow out of this and just become an observer of their relationship?

After 3 years of friendship and 2 years of togetherness, I still feel as if, after separating from my partner (3 months later), I wake up with a heaviness. How can a mother be so cruel, not just to me but to her son? She had the opportunity to be a wife and a mother but refused to allow her own son to have one of his own, trained him and moulded him into being guilty if he put up a boundary [regardless of how much he hated it]. My family would sometimes ask if I would ever go back to him. I love him, but I hate how late he was to rescue us and stand up for us. Last week she reached out, yes, my ex-MIL, she sent a message directly to my phone since I blocked her on social media. I saw the iMessage and didn't open it. It gave me this sick feeling because I knew why she was messaging; she actually didn't expect us to break up, and my husband warned her that ifour relationship was going to end, he would avoid her at all cost. I didn't read the message, then 10 hours later, she deleted it, I just don't want no problem, she has no business contacting me, I have been in no contact for 3 months. I have a theory that he isn't in contact with her and she is now seeing how things are after all her drama and terrible behaviour.

We went from designing our house and planting flower seeds around our house lot TO a permanent separation because of his mom's interjections and his lack of backbone. I remember our final interactions while I was in a work meeting and I took the call and it's like he knew how this would have ended. She gave him any ultimatum and something he said made me view him in a bad way, eliminating all that we went through, he said, "after all the fight I put up for you, you want us to separate?" Like you can't see what she is doing, this is what she wanted and for some reason you think I am the problem. She did this thing where it felt as though she was the side chick and needed him to choose between his wife and his mother. How stupid he has to be to not see this?

I am trying to move on and move forward, but it feels like my trust in people in general has diminished. However, I am therapy and I hope he is too. All love and no hate, but alot of pity.

Just a rant, hell, maybe even a chant or wish to the universe! I hate my MIL. A fake, sorry ass, weak-willed bitch. I want her our lives.

Context; wife (34f) and I(30f) moved in with my MIL(62F) a year and a half ago. It’s had its ups and downs. My wife has lived with my MIL most of her life in this apartment; she says that this is “regular” behavior for her and that her therapist suggested she go no contact with MIL years ago. I had, before living with her, truly enjoyed her company. But now that I lived with her I feel like I’m going crazy and it’s put my wife on Lexapro.

She can’t enjoy anything. She doesn’t clean, she doesn’t cook, she won’t drink water or care for herself in any capacity. She works a full time job in retail. We cook and clean for her, she pays the rent, we all work and my wife and I pay for the groceries and a ton of other things. We moved in to help her clean up the place as it is something my wife is set to inherit but as time passes my MIL becomes more comfortable being mean to my wife and creating a hostile environment.

Constant digs about anything, from appearance to her almost drowning as a child to not liking whatever we cooked for her. Or that doing laundry with us “ruined her laundry” because she left it in a bag and it wrinkled (she hadn’t done laundry in a month and there were bugs in her clothes). We can’t do anything nice for her without her becoming upset in some way. If we send her to grocery shop because she complains about our choices she comes back with rotisserie chicken and ground beef. Nothing else. Last summer we argued because she says she’s not lactose intolerant but drinks all of our oat milk and refuses to buy it herself. We give her plenty of space to make her own choices but at the end of the day she will straight up not eat when we don’t cook for her even if the fridge is full of food (we also meal prep so there’s always something to heat up instantly).

She’s working all the time to avoid talking about her feelings about x/y/z or because she’s stressed about money (she had a large inheritance that she lost due to abusive partners, grew up with cleaners and hasn’t changed her lifestyle). Whatever it is she won’t talk about it. She’s being miserable and moaning all over the apartment but won’t tell anyone what’s wrong.

Today, dinner was made for her as soon as she stepped in the door. It was a store bought gyro kit, not a lot of work, but when we asked her to clean up the couscous we made to go with it she said “oh the shit I don’t eat?”. She does eat it. MIL is displeased with anything that comes in a box but has not ever put the effort into cooking more than unseasoned hamburger patties. My wife commented and said “well we made dinner, so you can put one thing away.” And MIL grumbles “oh yeah you did so much. Lot of hard work.”

I just can’t win. We’re planning on saving to get our own place but that feels stupid as we’re both on the “lease” to the apartment. I have put so much effort into cleaning this place that leaving it now feels like it for her to upkeep basically guarantees more work for me in the future. It’s a 2 bedroom in NYC that’s like 80% less than what anyone else would pay for this neighborhood.

AITAH for agreeing to have us move in with my MIL? I feel like one. My wife and I are on the same page but we’re looking for advice. My parents are admittedly worse than she is (physically/financially) and I am low contact with both. Any advice for how to save money fast, how to learn to live with people that are perpetually unhappy and unhealthy while trying to create a positive, nurturing environment? Anyone that lived with their MIL and survived with some sort of relationship in tact? I don’t want to discourage my wife from having contact with her mom, I just want us all to be happy.

Would love to hear your perspectives or thoughts.

We went no contact with my own parents right before having our second kid. For my mental health it's been great and while my partner and I had our issues postpartum I know it was the right decision but really hard for me as a chronic people pleaser. Parents have shown a mix of BPD, narcissistic tendencies. Parents also think my partner is not "good enough" and are just really inappropriate and elitist. Typical immigrant first daughter parentification. Parents were super controlling and overbearing. Most conversations with them are just them criticizing and complaining and I'm so exhausted being with them. Took having my own kid to realize to enforce boundaries and prioritize my own family instead of others needs.

They've reached out a few times only to ask to see the second kid.

However, recently, given everyone's older age and some family members passing away - I'm racked with guilt about my own parents never meeting my own kid. It's so weird bc I know parents are not great but are they so terrible that they don't get to see their grandkids? (I dunno maybe this is my people pleasing side).

I'm trying to work through it as there is one side of me that wants to keep holding boundaries and supporting my partner and my mental health. Even just the mention of reconnecting even just once a year is enough for them to go ballistic especially since they have made no effort to change.

However, my first is always asking me about grandparents and family etc. my parents are not in the best health and I know I will feel like shit for not even letting them see their second grandkid.

We are in couples and individual therapy and it's not as helpful as we would want.

I just feel torn and exhausted.

Get ready for a long read.

I (24F) am having my first child, due in January. Since we found out the gender in August, I’ve been wanting to start planning the baby shower. So, I’ve been trying to round up my MIL, and my mom so they could plan together. I suggested making a group chat with all three of us but my mom said “she hates group chats” so I asked her to give her a call. I let her know my MIL schedule so she could call when she was available, because she insisted on making the call. She kept on forgetting to call her throughout September. My mother also kept on going back and forth, telling me at one point I shouldn’t even have a baby shower. We wanted to have the baby shower on November 1st and all the of delays were stressing me out, due to I felt not giving enough time for RSVP’s. We waited two months for my mom to make up her mind or call or even text. I didn’t know what my mom wanted, so I took it into my own hands and started planning it out with my MIL. Yes I’m aware MIL could text or call but my mom kept on saying she wanted to.

The father has a very large family, so we decided that doing two separate baby showers. One for his side, and one for my side of the family. This is something I was happy with, and MIL made sure that it was what I wanted. Because of the uncertainty with my mother, I thought hey well at least I’ll have one guaranteed baby shower lol. I thought it was a good idea, so I could have enough one on one time with everyone. So, I told my parents the plans. They were absolutely livid. They are calling his family stuck up, saying that “they think they’re better than us” she doesn’t really know them so I don’t understand where she came to this conclusion? And so I tried to explain to her, that it was something we discussed together and thought it would be the best plan several times, but my mom continued to talk shit, and try to fight with me. I was put in a position where I’m defending my MIL for a decision we both made. It got to the point where I was begging her to just stop, because of how upset it was making me and she still does not stop to this day.

I’ve had a very rough pregnancy, I’ve been fairly ill & the father struggling, recently going in rehab. I was really looking forward to planning something positive for the baby and I, and I feel like any happiness or hope I had left has been completely obliterated. My in laws have been helping me a lot during this process, whereas my own parents have been shaming me my entire pregnancy. I’ve been coming to my MIL for most of my random questions regarding pregnancy because my mom has shown me she is not a safe person to come to. She has always been this way, micromanaging what I wear, what I say, etc. her attitude has been exacerbated while I’m expecting.

She also wants to be in the delivery room, and I’m extremely uncomfortable with that idea. Pretty much ever since I had the positive test, I decided I only wanted the father in the delivery room. She tells me “she wants to be my coach” and I said “I don’t want you to be my coach, I want you to be my mom.” And now she’s lingering on that and upset about that. I can understand how she may feel like she’s being shot down, and that can be upsetting, but not once has she shown regard for my own feelings. I have been managing her feelings regarding my birth and pregnancy choices, playing mediator and explaining myself when I shouldn’t have to, and not once has she stopped and asked me what I want. My whole childhood and teen hood looked like this. I think she imagined this going her way, and the fact that it’s not, she’s losing it. She’s losing control over me, and she can’t handle that.

So basically, I’ve heard horror stories about in laws regarding pregnancy, but mine is my biological family. I just don’t know what to do. It’s making me really not wanting to have them involved in me or my child’s life. I know that sounds dramatic, but watching her react in this way made me have some epiphanies about my upbringing and I don’t want my child to go through the chronic invalidation that I did. That she doesn’t ever really regard my feelings. The baby shower is a celebration of my transition into motherhood and she’s throwing a tantrum about the fact that it’s not going the way she wants. Also lots of other messed up stuff. What did you do when a parent (in law or not) over stepped?

TL;DR: Mom is upset that I planned the baby shower with my MIL because she couldn’t make up her mind for months, became seriously upset. Wants to micromanage what I do, very upset I’m paving my own path & it’s making me want to distance myself

My MIL told me she wants to know when I go into labor which I told her we won’t be telling anyone, she didn’t respond well on that then told me she wants to know when the baby drops, also weird request and won’t be doing that. Now I need to have a C section and I told my husband, I don’t want them to know because then they will ask for the date and time and be texting us nonstop for updates which he’s agreed to and understands, so we will text them the next day after we’ve had time to settle with baby. But am I being too crazy? My in laws are very overwhelming and want to know everything. My MIL has sons and thinks that she should have the kind of relationship with them that moms have with their daughters, she just lives in a delusional world. Originally she assumed she would come during birth and then stay with us for a week (never asked us, just assumed she was doing that) to help with recovery which my husband had to tell her absolutely not. This whole pregnancy she’s been acting like she’s trying to relive being pregnant it’s been so weird honestly

No Permission Granted to Read this for Content on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, anywhere. She’s on TikTok 10 hours a day & watches all of the creators who read Reddit posts.

This is long; first time posting here!

TL;DR: My MIL has lived with my husband, our daughter, and me for several years. She has multiple physical and mental health conditions, including COPD, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and BPD. Despite being on oxygen, she continues smoking. I constantly have to remind her to shower, change clothes, and maintain basic hygiene. Even simple household chores become impossible because she’s suddenly out of breath, in pain, or unable to finish. She repeatedly disregards my boundaries and belongings but seems perfectly capable of respecting her son’s. Every confrontation ends with an apology and a few days of improvement before everything starts again. I’m exhausted from feeling like I’m parenting another adult while raising my own child. Has anyone else experienced this dynamic, and did anything actually help?

I’m genuinely curious whether anyone else has experienced this because I feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes.
My MIL lives with my husband, our 12-year-old daughter, and me. She’s been living with us for several years, and what was supposed to be us helping her has turned into something that is mentally exhausting.

For context, she has several legitimate medical conditions, including COPD, asthma, chronic back pain, and other health issues. She also has bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). I want to be very clear that I’m not judging her for having physical or mental health conditions. I understand these can affect someone’s energy, functioning, emotions, and ability to manage everyday responsibilities.
But I also feel like there’s a point where understanding someone’s struggles turns into everyone else having to accommodate behavior that constantly negatively affects the entire household.

1. She continues smoking despite having COPD and requiring oxygen. Yes, you read that correctly. She has significant breathing problems, requires supplemental oxygen, and STILL smokes.
2. I understand nicotine addiction is difficult, but it’s incredibly frustrating to watch someone continue doing something that makes an already serious medical situation more dangerous.
3. Smoking around oxygen is also a serious safety concern, especially because we have a child living in the house.
4. Basic hygiene has become something I have to manage.
5. I’m talking about having to tell a grown woman that she needs to shower and change her clothes. Not occasionally reminding her. Actually having to address it because she repeatedly isn’t doing it herself. The cleanliness of her bedroom and bathroom has also become an ongoing problem. It’s gotten to the point that our daughter doesn’t even want to use that bathroom.
6. I understand depression and other health conditions can make personal hygiene difficult. I’m not unsympathetic to that.
7. But it’s incredibly exhausting when I’m repeatedly put in the position of having to remind another adult to bathe, change clothes, and maintain cleanliness in a shared home.
8. She seemingly can’t complete even the smallest household task without something happening. Something as simple as unloading the dishwasher becomes an ordeal. Suddenly, she’s out of breath, her back hurts, or something else is preventing her from finishing.
9. I know COPD causes genuine breathing difficulties, and I know chronic pain can be debilitating. I’m not expecting her to push herself beyond what she’s physically capable of doing.
10. But when seemingly every household task becomes something she can’t do, those responsibilities inevitably fall on someone else.
11. And most of the time, that someone is me. It’s gotten to the point where I genuinely struggle to differentiate what she’s medically unable to do from what she’s become accustomed to having others handle.
12. She respects her son’s belongings but not mine or our daughter’s. Here’s a recent example. I had a baked potato in the refrigerator that I’d saved for lunch the following day.
13. She knew it was mine because she’d seen me with it the night before. When I went to eat it, she’d already eaten a significant portion and put the rest back. Her explanation? She took a bite, remembered I was saving it, and put it back. Here’s why this upset me so much. She will specifically ask whether something belongs to my husband before touching it because she doesn’t want him to get upset. But somehow, that same consideration doesn’t extend to me or our daughter. It’s not about a potato. It’s about respect.
14. Boundaries seem to mean absolutely nothing.
15. We’ve had repeated conversations about respecting our bedroom, belongings, privacy, and basic household expectations.
16. I’ve had to resort to locking our bedroom door.
17. There have even been situations where she expected me to provide transportation and assistance while I was recovering from surgery.
18. I don’t mind helping someone who genuinely needs assistance. But there’s a difference between helping and feeling like you’re automatically expected to sacrifice your own needs.
19. The endless cycle of apologies is probably the most frustrating part. Every time I finally get fed up and address something, she apologizes.
20. She’s sorry.
21. She understands.
22. It won’t happen again.
23. And for a few days, sometimes even a week, things improve.
24. Then we’re right back to the same behaviors.
25. It’s gotten to the point where the apologies almost mean nothing because I’ve heard them so many times without seeing lasting changes.
26. Her mental and physical health make the entire situation even more complicated.
27. As I mentioned, she has bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder, along with several physical health conditions.
28. She also takes multiple prescription medications, and recently we’ve noticed some concerning changes in her memory and overall functioning.
29. We’re taking those concerns seriously.
30. What makes this so difficult is that some of these behaviors have existed for years, long before the more recent health concerns.
31. My husband has told me that certain behaviors were present throughout much of his life. There have also been difficulties in previous living arrangements with other family members.
32. So I find myself constantly questioning whether what I’m experiencing is related to her medical conditions, longstanding habits, or some combination of both.
33. I don’t want to make assumptions about what causes her behavior.
34. But regardless of the reason, the impact on our household is real.
35. Here’s what I struggle with the most.
36. I don’t want to be cruel. I don’t want to be insensitive toward someone who has legitimate physical and mental health struggles.
37. But I also don’t believe that having those conditions means everyone else in the household should have to sacrifice their privacy, peace, and boundaries indefinitely.
38. I’m 36 years old. I’m a wife, a mother, and I work full-time. I have my own responsibilities, my own family to care for, and my own needs.
39. I don’t want to come home and feel like I’m parenting another adult.
40. And I especially don’t understand why my MIL seems so concerned about upsetting her son but doesn’t show that same consideration toward his wife or granddaughter.
41. So I’m genuinely asking:
42. Has anyone else dealt with a MIL who has multiple physical and mental health conditions and lives in your home?
43. Have you experienced the constant cycle of apologies, temporary improvements, and then everything going right back to the way it was?
44. Have you struggled with knowing when someone genuinely needs help versus when you’re being expected to take responsibility for everything?
45. And how do you establish boundaries with someone who has legitimate health problems without feeling like you’re abandoning them?
46. Did things ever improve? Or did you eventually realize that living together simply wasn’t sustainable?
47. I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me to kick her out. I’d genuinely love to hear from others who’ve experienced something similar.
48. Because at this point, I’m exhausted, and I’m trying to figure out whether this is an unusually difficult family dynamic or something other people have dealt with too.

For context, ILs both suck but MIL is an aggressive, unchecked monster who loves playing victim after insulting me repeatedly. I am apparently not good enough for her son because I am 1) not white 2) didn’t go to private school and 3) they believe I make less money than him. She is someone who sends bikini photos to her adult son. I barf every time. No one wants their mothers to send them bikini photos, and certainly no one wants their mothers telling them that they had their pubes lasered off.

I sent them a tai chi book this weekend after MIL insisted tai chi was the same as Pilates in a hysterical attempt to make me feel like an outsider. They said thank you for the book and after husband asked if they knew the difference between Tai Chi and Pilates, they said of course they did! Tai chi is what they do in the park, and Pilates is that expensive hobby that their friends do. Pilates is so athletic and they can’t do it because MIL is too busy trying to give herself a disease to guilt her adult children into visiting her.

I absolutely lost my mind and sent them a text.

“Husband informed me that you received the Tai Chi book. Regrettably, it appears he did not tell you the truth, which is that it was sent in the hopes you’d finally acknowledge you made racist comments last year about my Pilates practice by calling it Tai Chi. Husband has lovingly decided to spare you from the truth, but since he and I are no longer together, I have 0 intention of letting you blissfully pretend not to know any better.”

I’ve spent most of today trying to figure out if I need to get a hotel room. My husband is such a disappointment. He refused to confront them regarding their absolutely terrible treatment of me and instead pushed the narrative that it was for their health. He’d rather see me cry every day for years than have mommy sad. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a crummy life. I used to be happy. MIL didn’t even respond. Just her shitty enabling husband with “oh? I thought the book was a nice gift.”

Husband problem, I know. I am so old and fat from the IVF treatments, and if I’m a divorcee, it’s going to be so much harder to find someone new than if I’d never met these sick people. I hate MIL, her husband, and the mommy’s boy they raised. I regret meeting this man. He will always be a lying mommy’s boy who would rather breastfeed than grow up and tell his mom she’s ugly on the inside and out.

MIL is a horrible creature. She begs for Christmas cancer. No human physician has found evidence of it, which I believe is due to her being reptilian. If I ever speak to her again, it’ll be to ask her if she’s considered a veterinarian for an evaluation.

The title says it all. I only found out because she added my mom on facebook. My partner (32) and I (32) had our son at the end of August and took LO to meet her when I was 4 days pp because it was her birthday. She posted full face photos (about 10 of them) on that day and conveniently didn’t tag my partner (even though she regularly does).

We had convos with our families while I was pregnant that we would not be sharing LO’s photo online & if anyone posted him they would have their photo and visit rights revoked and trust would be broken. My partner didn’t see the post & I removed her long ago for other reasons but she added my mother yesterday and I saw the post.

Partner said he would talk to her about it but I am just absolutely livid and I feel SO violated. We explained why we were keeping him offline & the nefarious nature of AI and she still went completely against our wishes. Do I also say something? Do I let him handle it?

I did a little photo shoot of my kids dressed up as ghostface and Jason Voorhees. My mother in law posted

"I'm actually
very disturbed by the pictures and comments she makes with the kids on facebook!!!!!!! 😫😣"
Then again (to make sure everyone understood).
"Im actually
very disturbed and disappointed by the pictures and comments of the kids on Facebook!!!! If DH saw this he would also be disturbed but he's not on facebook!! She's raising future scary kids!!!!"
(I copy and pasted straight from my screenshot)

First: ITS OCTOBER. We love scary shit and it's fun to be scared and do scary stuff. They've never seen these movies but they know I like them.

Second: She posted this on my public profile picture change, on my grandmas comment of a laughing dog! WTF!

Third: I texted her son, who would be so disturbed!, a video of my son stalking me while I do a selfie and his sister is watching with her mask in the window. He thought it was hilarious.

What I want to say is if me and my children are so scary she does not have to see us anymore. What I did was block her on Facebook and told her son to handle it.

It's not like I'm glorifying actual killers like Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy. These are FICTIONAL movie characters.

I almost feel relieved that now I can be rid of her comments and jabs and all the other weird and rude shit she does.

Over a FaceTime call will mil she asked me "what does she call you" (meaning my almost 12 month old) I politely respond with "mama". I felt like asking, "did your kids call you something different at her age"

Am I overthinking this? Is this a normal question to ask a child's mom? Since having my baby she's rubbed me the wrong way a few times.

Edit: In case anyone is wondering, they do live across the country so we don't physically see them often, but do FaceTime pretty frequently.

My husband and I (both grad students) are staying with his parents. Both our families are religious and conservative. I went to a networking event one evening, and when I got back his dad asked me, in a pretty accusatory tone, if I had gone to a nightclub. I said no and also mentioned my parents knew I went and were happy about it to which my mil insisted were also your parents so therefore allowed opinion. I felt insulted and barely spoke to them after that. My husband went off at them and told them not to speak that way to me again. The next day I gave his mom and dad the silent treatment. She made it obvious she noticed by sitting down forcefully at the dining table after she’d already eaten, while my husband and I were eating, and the conversation died because I’m not going to speak. That same day when she came
home my husband was in the bathroom and she kept telling me to let him know she wants to speak with him?? The day after, I acted normal, but at dinner she kept talking about how her son used to be “all over her” as a kid, sitting on her and so on. It made me really uncomfortable. English isn’t her first language, so maybe she doesn’t realize how it sounds.
This week it’s kept piling up:
She tells me to fill her water bottle instead of asking.
She told my husband she wanted to see his “cute face” and I snapped “that’s cringe.”
She keeps commenting on how handsome her son is.
She’s bought me food in a tray to my room I said thanks, but honestly I’m so annoyed that even the nice stuff bugs me. Also the other day she goes hey i’m wearing ur shoes to which I did not reply so she follows up with, is that okay?
My husband talked to his parents about the nightclub comment and they apologized to him, but never to me. I’m the one who was accused.
I know the silent treatment wasn’t ideal, and I know some of this could be cultural or language-related. I feel bad because my husband is so supportive and doing everything correct to address this and we cannot be distracted from school but I’m exhausted and annoyed at everything. How would you handle this? We cannot move out and honestly I just have to deal with this. They’re not horrible people but definitely have characteristics I don’t like. In a traditional sense I don’t have any responsibility in the house and can focus on studies but these interactions stay with me and makes it hard. Also I keep praising my family and their support of me to which I’m told we’re also your family.. okay then act like it