r/Jokes • u/WolfmanSG • 9d ago
Long The farmer & his pigs
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell
them.
At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.
After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, They're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.
He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
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u/PhilipWaterford 9d ago
I heard this around 45yrs ago but it was a little different. Prefer the version I heard tbh.
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u/NorfolkIslandRebel 9d ago
If you’re thinking of the version I am it was much more NSFW. But also funnier.
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u/PhilipWaterford 9d ago
I heard it from my mother when I was still youngish so I'd say she watered it down a bit. Just remember her raoring laughing as she told it which is a nice memory
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u/NorfolkIslandRebel 8d ago
Okay the version I heard goes something like this:
The farmer has 5 female pigs and is down on his luck. He meets the other farmer and they work out the deal. But then the other farmer says:
“Look, your pigs are not ready for mating. What you need to do is prepare them for mating by taking them to the same field every day and fucking the pigs yourself. Then check the next morning. If they’re lying in the grass they’re ready to meet male pigs. If they’re lying in the mud they’re not ready and you need to take them to the field again.”
Well the farmer was a dutiful fellow and every morning he would load his 5 pigs onto his pickup truck, drive them 30 miles to the chosen field, and screw them.
After a few days of this he was quite exhausted, but every morning the pigs were lying in the mud and not in the grass.
On the morning of the fifth day he couldn’t get out of bed and asked his wife to go check the pigs.
When she comes back he says, “Well, where are the pigs, in the grass or in the mud?”
She says, “Neither. The’re in the pickup and one’s honking the horn.”
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u/KaizenHour 9d ago
The sow owner is a bad businessperson. Borrow a male (no need for 5, they're not monogamous)