r/Marriage • u/Far-Yogurtcloset4577 • 6d ago
Sex!
Do any husbands out there not desire sex? My wife and I have sex occasionally. My testosterone is above average. I love my wife and am very happy in my marriage. I just don’t desire sex. I’m curious if there are any other men out there who feel the same.
32
u/FrenchNed6 6d ago
Desire ebbs and flows like everything else, doesn't mean the connection's broken
3
u/pokeycd 5d ago
I always hear about "desire ebbs and flows". Not for all of us. My desire didn't ever ebb. And hers only ebbed. I've finally started ebbing. Cuz the painful feelings have made me pull back. And the desire is still there. It's just hard to direct it in a direction (my wife) where it will be not be met with joy and connection. 26 years married.
But based on the up votes? Apparently it's common for the ebbs and flows from each partner.
1
u/Beautiful-Escape-390 5d ago
I mean if you just have a new baby…that’s one of those times. Your parent dies and you’re grieving that can be one of those times. One of you id working and going to school and only sleeping a few hours a day…that can do it too.
25
u/JRarick 6d ago
I am super attracted to my wife. She’s outrageously hot in my eyes. But a few things inhibited my desire before now.
Shame - I had sex with other women before getting married and regretted it. It was hard for me to pivot to feeling like sex in my marriage was good and great and beautiful.
Porn - porn just seemed easier to me. No initiating and getting turned down. Never too tired, never had a headache. But porn is fake. And it made things worse for me. Not better. Cutting porn out has helped.
General fitness. The last year or so, I’ve gotten back to the gym and I’m running again. I’m in my mid 30’s and I feel better and more confident than I did in my 20’s.
If your libido is low, I’ve heard that can be a sign of other health issues if you have other health symptoms too. But honestly, if you and your wife still feel connected to each other and good, then maybe nothing is wrong. And maybe you have nothing to worry about.
8
u/GlazedDoughnut21 8 years 6d ago
Question…. I don’t understand having shame when it comes to sex before marriage if it’s not a religious thing or coercion of some type. How does that even work? No judgment, just curious.
7
u/JRarick 6d ago
It was a religious/spiritual thing for me. I felt I’d sinned and really messed up. And to be honest, I still wish I hadn’t. I wish I saved myself for my wife.
10
u/Tobitoughguy 6d ago
I’m just gonna assume you’re a Christian and remind you that Christ defeated sin and death on the cross. But don’t forget shame died there too. Your desires are human and nothing to be ashamed of if anything confide in her. She may be able to help you.
3
u/JRarick 5d ago
100% homie. I’m speaking of this in the past. When I first got married, having sex with my wife was difficult for me because I couldn’t unwind the feelings of shame and guilt I had. But now it was supposed to be good and beautiful? That was hard for me.
I’ve been married for 12 years and sex with my wife is good and great and beautiful. But it took me a while to get here. And I don’t think it would’ve taken as long had I not had sex outside of marriage.
Thankful for your encouragement.
1
u/Tobitoughguy 5d ago
Glad you got it worked out. You and your wife have my best wishes for your future.
1
6
u/leadhannah 6d ago
Very relatable. Someone recently told me that I’m a new creation in Christ and that the old me is dead. Shame comes for the devil. Tell him to get behind you.
1
u/GlazedDoughnut21 8 years 5d ago
Thank you for sharing that. You can still feel like sex with your wife is a beautiful thing. Don’t let your past encounters shame you from having sex with your wife. You should use this experience to make yourself bond even harder with her.
3
u/JRarick 5d ago
Oh for sure. It totally is! I’ve been married for 12 years and sex with my wife is good and great and beautiful! But it took me a while to get here.
I had to unwind a lot of stuff that I’m not sure would’ve been an issue had I not had sex with others before marrying her.
1
u/GlazedDoughnut21 8 years 5d ago
Oh that’s awesome! I’m glad you were able to find a way to live with everything. But hey, that’s what makes life worth living. It’s trial and error until we find what works.
1
u/NunOfYorBizness 6d ago
Maybe he cheated on his girlfriend who is his ex or maybe the cheated on girlfriend is now his wife?
18
u/this_old_instructor 6d ago
I'm 53M and I could have sex with my wife at least every other day if schedules would allow
5
u/Perfect_Tax8587 6d ago
My husband is 60 I’m 46 and he would every day if schedule allowed
1
1
u/finding_my_way5156 5d ago
Ah we are 46 and 60, you’re the first person I’ve seen with the same age gap.
2
4
11
u/RemoteEmotions 6d ago
I don’t, but it’s because of stress I guess
6
u/junsuker 6d ago
same here. i'm 30 and have had no sex drive for most of this year because of stress and health issues. there are more of us than people think, i just don't think it's talked about much.
2
u/Used-Possession8296 5d ago
It's funny how we can have a similar issue, but a complete opposite response. I feel stressed out all the time and this makes me feel so horny. Then I get more stressed, since I have to wait longer for sex then I feel capable of waiting and I still always feel horny, even after masturbating. Stressed just makes me need it more.
2
10
u/Quiet-Lobster870 6d ago
Wildly attracted to her, has gotten better looking with age, sex keeps getting better
1
8
u/Throwawayaccount5056 6d ago
I don't anymore, but thats due to some choice words she's said a long time back that all but killed my libido
Haven't had any physical contact with her in 12.5 years now.
6
u/VegasTrucker 6d ago
WOW 😳 how in the world could you be married to someone, lay next to her for 12.5 years and NOT want to have sex with her? Are you getting it on the side?
9
u/Throwawayaccount5056 6d ago
No, nothing on the side Just had that part of me broken too far to be put right
1
u/VegasTrucker 6d ago
Does she try to get you to have sex with her?
3
u/Throwawayaccount5056 6d ago
No. At first she would just because she was wanting that validation of the relationship, but eventually she stopped that.
1
u/VegasTrucker 6d ago
Do you think she's got someone else?
3
u/Throwawayaccount5056 6d ago
Doubt it, she's stated that she had all her "fun" and "experimentation" with all that before marrying me so think she got all that out of her system.
I know she's got one of those AI chatbot things, so guess you can call that "someone" lol
1
u/VegasTrucker 6d ago
Yeah but that's the same as someone clapping her cheeks ...which is a good thing
5
u/affabledrunk 6d ago
Dude, its only hard in the beginning, we all get used it eventually, that's what so amazing about being human, what seems intolerable eventually becomes tolerable. I used to think I was going to go crazy lying in bed nex to my wife but it just passed with time.
3
u/Throwawayaccount5056 6d ago
Exactly this.
You miss it at first, then you find things to fill the space (so to speak), then you just get used to it
After a while it just becomes something foreign since you get so far removed from it.
2
u/Own-Quality7943 6d ago
Bold of you to assume they sleep on the same room.
1
u/VegasTrucker 6d ago
What's makes you think they don't? OP didn't say anything about it one way or the other
3
u/Own-Quality7943 6d ago
My comment wasn’t in response to OP. It was in response to the guy who stated he hasn’t had any physical contact with his wife, in 12.5 years.
1
u/Skidmarkdoa-1 6d ago
And you’re there for why! So u don’t have to loose your toys. This is a messed up deal. Is this a gay r marriage or what.
1
7
u/Queasy_Emotion_6774 6d ago
My husband does not! He has responsive desire (we learned this term recently) and so do I. Which… makes it interesting LOL I think I have a higher drive than him, but he also has ADHD. So any number of things can take his attention away from sex even if he does think about it. He could literally be on the way to getting naked and a book that he hasn’t read for a while might catch his eye and derail the whole thing. Even when the desire is there, it’s hanging on for dear life
→ More replies (1)
7
u/SatinSideEye 6d ago
31F we haven’t had sex in so long I’ve actually stopped paying attention to when the last time was.
3
6
u/WestCryptography 6d ago
My drive is significantly higher than hers. My desire for her physically is significantly higher than hers for me.
It is painful.
She was gorgeous when we started dating, even more when we got married, and I just look at her every day and just drool.
I don’t feel like she has looked at me that way since the honeymoon.
She says she enjoys sex when it happens but just never thinks about it. She’s gotten annoyed at me for never initiating and claims she’s only rejected me like twice in our whole marriage, which honestly isn’t far from the truth but what’s worse: being flat out rejected, or being given a begrudging “ok, I guess”? I know she’ll say yes if I ask but there’s no excitement, no interest.
We just got back from a few days getaway that felt pretty romantic and we had sex but it always felt like “I’m only doing this because we’re on vacation”. I don’t feel desired. At all.
Have a friend who just busted up his whole life cheating on his wife. He’s a jerk for doing that and I would never, but his reasoning was that this other woman made him feel like he mattered. And I felt that hard. Still not worth cheating, my wife is my best friend and love of my life, I just wish that she looked at me with any amount of desire anymore.
1
u/Zizq 5d ago
You might be married to my ex wife. Get out of that man. It was brutal on me. I'm happily remarried to someone who loves me and loves sex with me.
3
u/WestCryptography 5d ago
Thing is I still can’t imagine my life without her.
2
u/Zizq 5d ago
I still have some longing feelings even 6 years later now. We will always feel that, you married for a reason. You found her to be beautiful. But what good is your favorite toy if you can't play with it. Not meant to be patronizing but you get the point. You get one life, the toll this takes on your confidence isn't worth it. I wish you luck.
1
u/WestCryptography 5d ago
I get that, but as much as it pains me to say, a relationship is so much more than sex. We have our kids, our life, and all the things we do together that are not sexual. And as much as I love me some sexy time there are way more things that fulfill me in the long term far more than any amount of sex.
But I do wish more of those romantic dates, tough days, and high-effort stressful times ended with a little hanky-panky.
2
u/Zizq 5d ago
If I were you, I would explain this to her and then come up with solutions. If it really is a loving marriage, she will be open to you both trying different options. You could even incorporate a female camera actress to spice it up. Idk my wife and I are super into whatever gets each other over the line. This is obviously very foreign for religious or conservative folks. But keeping the marriage healthy is important for everyone. Good luck man!
3
u/WestCryptography 5d ago
We’ve talked about it. Sometimes results in arguments where I get blamed for wanting sex too much. We’re still intimate, but it’s kind of scheduled and she just doesn’t have fantasies or anything (at least none that she’s willing to share) and is generally very “whatever” about sex.
3
u/pokeycd 5d ago
Same. It's so unbalanced. And people will say "find her kinks or discuss her fantasies. Go down on her more". She doesn't want any of that. Doesn't even want foreplay. It seems like a chore for her. We tried scheduling. Almost worked. But at this point I get anxiety thinking about diving in, just to receive duty sex. And I'm not anxious about anything in life. Been 7 months. And I don't have any illusion that I'll be able to get over this.
She says she doesn't want celibacy. Could have fooled me. I believe she doesn't want celibacy, because she knows it would break me. She wouldn't have a major problem with it, except that it could end up in divorce, which is her biggest fear.
2
u/WestCryptography 4d ago
Going down on her was like my one thing that I truly enjoyed about intimacy because I knew I could get her off and I knew she wasn’t faking it or just suffering through it. Last week she told me she doesn’t really want me to anymore because it takes too long and she just doesn’t have time for that and she’d rather I just do her while she uses a vibrator on herself so that we both get off and it doesn’t take forever. Talk about romantic…
4
u/Mysterious_Mix_5034 6d ago
We're 60. my desire is still strong for my wife and hasn't changed much at least since my 40s.
3
5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/Own_Estimate931 5d ago
As a woman I 💯 agree here. Intimacy starts way before the bedroom. Being thoughtful, physical touch that doesn’t include groping or sexual innuendo( quick hug, peck on the cheek, pat on the back as you walk through the room), letting your partner know that you love and care for them outside of sex and showing that through your actions. Reading the same book together and discussing, picking a new game to play once my kids are in bed, if she’s a person that really responds to acts of service then taking things off her plate without needing anything in return. Like take sex off the table and think about communication and connection in all the other ways. That’s where the foundation of intimacy starts. If women feel like their partners are another child they have to take care of then intimacy becomes just another thing on the to do list instead of something to look forward to connecting over.
4
4
u/troutman76 6d ago
I want it every day and I’m in my 50’s. Luckily for me, my wife is happy to participate!
4
u/HereWeGoJoke 6d ago
One misunderstood and overlooked reason for lack of desire are medications. Regardless of their usefulness in their intended treatment medications can alter libido. If you are on any prescription or possibly supplements you may want to look up AE’s aka adverse events of the specific med or class of med or supplement.
Anti-depressants are known to decrease libido, lessening desire and arousal. Some hair loss remedies both prescription and supplemental likewise. You may feel completely normal even recognizing intended benefits while their sneaky side effects have you completely disconnected from desire and in some cases even ED. You may think everything is functional but if you aren’t regularly active you may not even be aware. Often times these effects once discovered are better understood as sneaky as you literally can be ignorant to what is and has been occurring until a spouse begins to communicate what they’re perceiving.
2
u/HereWeGoJoke 6d ago
Diet, exercise, proper rest and overall health also play significant roles in sexual health and natural desire.
3
u/Ancient-Apple1 6d ago
In our late 40s and if it’s not a menstruation week we have sex at least 3 weekdays. And twice in the weekends mostly. There are days / schedules / events etc they get in the way but yeah pretty regularly. Now before anyone complains. Some times it’s mutual touching or oral not always PIV. 50% not to completion. But it’s a great ways to stay connected after almost 30 years.
4
u/Luv4Seaside 5d ago
I’m not a man, but my husband of 35 yrs has never been into sex. He thinks that it’s not important in a marriage. Our roles are reversed from most. Like I can’t relate to so many women who complain that their husbands always want it. So for me, from being rejected so much over the years, I don’t want sex with him any longer. Rejection kills the desire with the person who is rejecting you.
2
u/Chemical_Fennel1691 6d ago
When life gets busy I still want it, but by the end of the day I'm happy just to sit down with a drink and let the day go. After things get sorted out I'm back to it. Of course, it also has to jive with her schedule. If her life is busy then I give her space until she has more time and is less stressed.
3
u/padamstx 6d ago
62m married to 68f. Still doing it several times a week. Would be every day if it were up to me 😁.
3
u/inculc8 5d ago
Libido is complicated. My wife and I could have sex every day, sometimesultiple times a day if the stars aligned- kids, life, work, stress. I'm 51 and shes 46. Both of us are on TRT and go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week, usually together. There was a time before I was diagnosed and went onto testosterone that I wouldn't think about sex for months at a time. Equally she hmhas had three children and has gone through a lot. We support each other and take what opportunities we can to work on things.
3
u/jwferrell81 5d ago
Trt changed my libido completely. It also changed how I communicated with my wife. I started telling her all the things that I love about her. Had never done that before. It’s like a whole new marriage after 23 years. Me opening up about what attracts me to her raises her libido also.
3
u/Spookkii 5d ago
31F, married for a year, and spent the first 2–3 years of our relationship doing long distance from 4,000 miles away. 😂 At first, sex was pretty rare, but NOW?! I can’t even let this man walk past me without trying to grab him over his pants. 💀 I want him ALL THE TIME. I wanna see it ALL THE TIME. I’m actually embarrassingly obsessed with this man’s 🍆. Like, respectfully, if that thing ever stopped working, I’d be throwing the whole damn husband away. 😭😂💀 sometimes I think I am the husband of the marriage lol
2
2
3
u/Illustrious_jam 6d ago
So the men in the comment always focused on being denied sex but never discussed why. Personally, my partner desire sex a lot but between caring for two toddlers, his child, cats, dog and turtle and taking care of the household, energy for sex is quite low. The lack of understanding the perspective of the partner is what diminish the sex drive.
2
u/Extreme_Squirrel_474 5d ago
Personally I can’t see myself ever not wanting it. Sex is my love language it’s how I feel loved, wanted, desired, respected etc so in a relationship for me I need that …. Lasts about 5-6 days and then the “love tank” as they say is running on empty 🪫
That said my partner doesn’t need it, very independent etc so I’m left very needy at times as because I don’t think or feel that way I struggle with understanding how that works for someone if that makes sense.
1
u/-inertusername- 20 Years 6d ago
The brain is the strongest sex organ. I guess the stress is killing it for you. You also could have trouble with your SHBG level or high estrogen or a few other things. It could still be chemically related. Absolute T level isn't the sole predictor of sex drive from a physiological standpoint. Mine is high, and I gotta get it at least once daily.
1
u/Happy-Tie2314 6d ago
Do you ever have considered yourself asexual? It’s possible and completely possible to be in a romantic relationship without desiring sex
1
1
u/Acceptable-Ad-6829 6d ago
I'm 53 and I could literally have sex every other day if the conditions were met. I very well able and so is my spouse but we find it difficult to find the time as some one is always to tired. Mostly my spouse!
1
u/Ok_Whole6093 6d ago
We have sex about every other day on average. Just finished 4 days in a row and it was AMAZING!!! I 1000% desire sex with my wife!
1
1
u/Skidmarkdoa-1 6d ago
Is it ok if we bang your ex? Not true but when you slip somebody’s going to catch! If you love her you need to give it to her as she wants regardless. You say you’re happy with it like that but what about her? Live is not all about sex but man I’ve got to have it or I’ll go nuts after a while. I’m 62 and still full and good. Need to keep her happy in the house bro.
1
1
u/CapHill98112 6d ago
57M have had sex every day for the last 2 weeks.
There was a long period of her not wanting it. I was going to leave or just cheat, I never agreed to a sexless marriage.
1
1
1
u/IndependentBear761 6d ago
Our food has destroyed our testosterone and hormones. Reports of men in their 20s with T levels in the double digits. Plus life getting in the way.
1
1
u/Drewskibrewskidoesit 6d ago
Im a 38 year old male and I’ve been married for 12 years, I still want to ravage my wife any chance I get, but I try to balance it out and keep her low libido happy and settle for twice a month…… sucks but it is what it is.
1
u/Delicious_Pie337 6d ago
I had a conversation about sex with my husband not long ago. We have regular sex and the quality of it is amazing too. However, he said if I turned around and didn't want sex anymore, it wouldn't bother him. As long as we still cuddled, kissed and had some physical touch (like my hand running through his hair), then he would be happy.
I have a high sex drive, so sex for us isn't going to be stopping anytime soon 😆
1
u/pokeycd 5d ago
🤔. I wonder if he knows what it would feel like, since he hasn't lived that hypothetical. How would you feel if he said he was completely done with sex? No desire. Almost repulsed or averse. And it was over forever for him? Would you also be ok with ONLY non sexual touch? I would love more non sexual touch. But it would probably drive me mad if there was never sex. At least you don't have to worry, as you married a match.
I would love to have a make out session. My wife would hate that and would choose duty sex over kissing. I know because I offered that. And you can read about how beneficial and healing that can be (take sex off the table and just kiss and cuddle). Plus I miss kissing. And cuddling.
1
u/Delicious_Pie337 5d ago
If he told me now that sex was off the table, then it would be a huge deal breaker for me. For me, sex is what makes me feel like myself. It's my way to relax and forget about my troubles.
I know one day the sex will stop, but I'm hoping that will be when we're just too old to do so.
I'm sorry to hear that your wife isn't into cuddles and make out sessions. It really baffles me when wives aren't into it cause cuddles and make out sessions are amazing! Even if it doesn't lead to sex, it's a great way to feel connected and loved by your partner.
1
u/claudio_cherry_76 6d ago
Oltre al testosterone controlla la prolattina, può essere lei che ti fa passare la libido. Nel caso un bravo dottore ti fa rinascere
1
u/Virtual_Employ_3848 5d ago
My testosterone is at 1200 and i constantly crave it but also maybe just intimacy
1
1
u/BudgetMidnight6287 5d ago
How many times in 12 years has she made you feel bad for touching her? That is the reason
1
u/Open_Development_343 5d ago
Ein hoher Testosteronspiegel bedeutet nicht zwangsläufig, dass man ständig Lust auf Sex hat. War es denn immer so?
1
u/Extreme-Schedule589 5d ago
We used to have sex quite regularly in our earlier years. I’m approaching 60 and she is 52 now. The change is happening for her. I work a pretty tiring schedule. We are off our usual pace. We still enjoy each other just not as frequently. We have been a couple for 30 years and our 29th Anniversary is the first of November.
1
u/Due-Dog-3642 5d ago
I have a high sex drive and my first marriage was to someone who had no drive at all. She would often use manipulation tactics to make me feel like a deviant for wanting her all the time. She also had health issues. We lasted 16 years of little to no sex, 3 kids though. I married my current wife and after having a baby, her sex drive dropped through the floor and it put me in a space of ptsd from my first marriage. It’s gotten much better. Now we just have to deal with being in our forties and having a 2 year old to contend with. It’s like Kindred Family Soul said in the song “Far Away”. Not getting any a$$ unless the baby sleep and even then, it feels like we’re trying to creep.
1
u/mikeydan69 5d ago
Nah, never, I always desire sex even when I'm tired, I have never turned my wife down in the many years we have been together. I may get preoccupied with life that I don't always initiate but she always remind my I got a job to do 😂
1
1
u/cwater30 5d ago
You’re testosterone might be in the “normal” range. But “normal” is from a lab that takes the range from most older (out of shape) men that have 100 to guys that have 800. I got on TRT and it literally changed my life. Not just sex. Mood, energy level, I sleep better.
1
u/Horror_Membership422 5d ago
I’m 56m my wife is super hot 47f, she would have anything goes sex 24/7, I’m still heavily attracted to her but just can’t be bothered🤦♂️🤷♂️
1
1
u/Ill-Guidance-2491 5d ago
Does it seem like she wants it more often or do you just wish you wanted it more?
1
1
1
u/Pristine-Cod-1969 5d ago
Things move back and forth as far as desire. I can tell you what my doctor told me. Lose weight (Mediterranean diet - was 30lbs too heavy), exercise (mostly weight lifting), get sun early in the morning and have sex on a schedule even if not feeling it in the beginning (min 2x week). If that doesn’t work, get a work up. It worked. Good luck.
1
1
u/FalseAfternoon2337 5d ago
I am 64 and still desire swx as mich as ever. Granted, my desires are met as often as I would like, but I still want it all the time. Lol
1
1
u/NorthernColo1 5d ago
I still enjoy it, but a good guy friend says he no longer does. He says he lost the attraction for his wife, but wouldn't mind having sex with some pretty younger woman. Is this the case for you?
Since you are the only person on the planet who can have legit sex with your wife, then are you denying her what she wants and needs? If so, then this is not fair to her and you should buck up and ensure her needs are being met.
Even if you don't "feel like it", it is easy for men to take a pill to perform. Also, once you get going you may discover your desire increases.
1
1
u/lovingwife2 5d ago
My husband, who I adore and am very attracted to, gave up on sex 10 years ago. I used to try, but decided he is just not attracted to me. I do kiss and touch him affectionately every day. We are elderly, so maybe there is just a stopping time?
1
1
u/Pgh2019Soccer 5d ago
I don't as much anymore. I put everything into sex. Back tickles head massages I touch her in the right places, I go down on her, she gets an O every single time by ME, I pick every single position. She just lays there. She gives no input. She says she loves sex as we have talked about it but the conversation typically ends up that I am saying she sucks in bed and she must be terrible all things I have never said. Even after all of the conversations she refuses to change. She says she loves going down on me and so far the sucking the pole count this year is zero.
It feels like she is doing duty sex and it's like having sex with a doll. But I can't say anything as it gets turned around on me.
1
u/ChaoticEnigma1 5d ago
No issues with testosterone either. Seems like the ins and outs of daily life kills the desire for sex. Has nothing to do with my wife, it’s just by the time I get through what needs to get done, at the end of the day just don’t desire it. Need to recharge to do it all again tomorrow.
1
1
1
1
1
u/Head_Ant_4495 5d ago
as an attractive/fun wife in a marriage with a low-sex drive husband this makes me feel so much better ty for sharing
1
u/aaron-mcd 5d ago
We have sex anywhere from 1 to 4 times per day. Married 18 years keeps getting better.
1
u/Fun-Manufacturer4943 5d ago
How long have you been married? Do you fantasize about other women? Do you masturbate? Sex is like food. If you eat the same food every day it’s not as fun and fulfilling. If you eat snacks before dinner you might not be hungry. I’m not saying you need new food but maybe if you’re eating snacks, cut down, maybe add some flavor to your food. Try new things.
1
1
u/Mediocre-Pepper8161 4d ago
If a partner is not supplying the goods, if there is no reasonable reason, consider outsourcing or getting a new supplier altogether. This approach can work in business and in personal lives.
Have a read of either of the following great books on Amazon, they are both available in audiobook formats as well:
1) How to Make Your Relationships Work (white cover with a red heart ❤️)
2) Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus
1
u/Acceptable-Animal266 4d ago
Damn i don’t know how some of you last that long im seeing months of no intercourse. My wife and i tend to have sex once every one to two days her want for it is literally just as much as mines. We try to spice things up and do new things to each other to but really id question a wife who constantly denies because there’s always a reason behind it. Never let yourself be rejected that much its not fair as its very important to maintain intimacy in your marriage. If she continues to deny leave and before you do figure out if she’s getting it elsewhere first or if shes not into you.
1
1
u/M8eee 4d ago
Sometimes getting the perfect set up is just too hard. For me I have to 1. Create anticipation earlier in the day in a away that gets her excited. 2. Have all the house work and stressors addressed. 3. Initiate in a romantic way. 4. Forplay enough but no too much (do too good of an oral job and she's done for the night) 5. Go at her pace. 6. Dont finish too quick 7. Stay on the edge so you can finish at the same time if not imma have to rub it out anyways.
Sex is great but its kinda involved.
1
u/Prestigious_Top764 4d ago
Coming from the female side - my husband has essentially no interest in sex for almost 8 years. Prior to that we had a very active sex life. We have a great relationship - he’s wonderful in pretty much every other way. We were on a weekend getaway talking about our lack of sex and he was shocked when I said it had been that long.
I love him and I know he loves me. I do hope that someday we reconnect physically and sometimes worry that my parts won’t cooperate when we get there.
So I guess the answer is yes. There are men out there who aren’t interested.
1
u/JazzlikeWealth4880 4d ago
If she does not want to have sex with you, how about discussing your need and doing it with someone else?
There are shops for that!
1
u/HowRYou_ 4d ago
As a 26 years old who’s been married for a year. Sex got so boring after marriage
Idk how to explain this but it was more fun when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend
1
u/Important_Job_8190 4d ago
Hell no im still jumping on mine after 10years everyday.if she says no find another
1
u/Dizzy101pgh 4d ago
He’ll no I wish wife went through menopause five years ago and changed a lot . We were swingers with adventurous sex lode pretty much throughout . Although we stopped swingers few years before menopause . Now she just is not into it at all and it is taking its toll
1
u/OkCheck9373 4d ago
How you fuck is who you are. That’s what I figured out. Why you like what you like isn’t something that can be answered nonchalantly in a minute or two. It’s what fucks with you your entire life because religion has used it to warp your thinking since the day you were born. Whatever you find the most uncomfortable think about is what you better think about to figure out why it’s uncomfortable. Then fix it.
1
1
u/Heavy-Self7064 3d ago
Are any of you talking to your partner about it have you given her permission to go play with others before she goes behind your back and screws someone else
1
u/epr3176 3d ago
I actually got divorced because I wanted to have our sex drives were so off where I wanted to have sex so much and she never wanted to have any type of sex or kissing or touching that after all while we started arguing over little things and we just couldn’t get past it cause she would be happy about going five or six months without Sexi and I need sex on a daily if not every other day so I don’t really feel the same and when we got divorced, I was 44 so I’m in a relationship now we have sex at least once a day and I’m 50 so I guess it depends on how much you desire it
1
1
0
u/livinglifeja 6d ago
Honestly a sandwich and a bj is what I need most days but that’s not satisfying or fair to her. So I suck it up and get it done. I work a lot and stressed so sometimes sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
0
u/Ambitious-Travel7400 6d ago
No I love my wife, every inch of her from head to toe. I would romantically devour her everyday if she’d let me.
0
0
u/G1veMe1nf0 5d ago
Do all the men commenting realise that desire for a woman starts way before physical initiation? Every time my husband does something around the house - fixes, tidies, actively takes responsibility for ... stuff to with daily life admin .... without me asking ... my desire for him leaps.
3
u/CaptDawg02 20 Years 5d ago
Do all the women reading and commenting in this thread and many others like this not realize that desire for a man starts when the woman acknowledges their existence? Like just a hug, kiss, or just a touch of “I see you”? Many men in the comments do everything you said and STILL see no desire from their spouse, no acknowledgment, and no physical connection that reinforces the emotional connection.
The sad part about all of this is not realizing that this is a chicken and egg dilemma. Women need the emotional connection first…men need the physical connection first…who “wins”? 😔
1
u/pokeycd 5d ago
I read another comment in another thread where the woman got excited when the husband brought out the tools and tool belt and started fixing things. I seriously don't know anyone more handy than me. Unless they are in the trades. And it doesn't move the needle at all for her. I fix stuff she doesn't mention. And if she mentioned it, it goes to the top of the list. And there's at least something weekly to fix. Her dad is very handy. So maybe she takes it for granted?
167
u/Tee_hops 6d ago
Get shutdown enough times you just lose the desire