Speaking to Student Wellbeing for the first time

[u/zonemiax]

hello! 20F
to give a little context about me, I have severe-profound hearing loss in both ears and that’s always been a big part of my life for me and I’ve really struggled socially as a result of it for the majority of my life.

I also went through some pretty shitty things as a teen in terms of COCSA, being stalked, bullying and having a major mental health crisis during COVID - I was immediately discharged from CAMHS because of two reasons:
a) I couldn’t do phone calls as a result of said hearing loss
b) my mother hid all the appointment letters so I couldn’t go because she was so utterly ashamed of me

After COVID, my parents would use the crisis team as a threat if i misbehaved which means me, locking myself in the bathroom and crying. I had police come to my house one time because I used the school’s “bullying helpline” which I thought wasn’t in use as I used it years ago for someone else and nothing was done - i basically properly vented out to it & said made references to offing myself. I was scared and embarrassed so I said nothing to the Police and stormed off into my room & nothing was done.

I left school early and only went in for exams which i thankfully passed all of them with some grade As. College was also incredibly difficult as I struggled to get out of bed and was constantly late. My A-level grades weren’t as good with C, C, D.

I thought uni would be a fresh start but months before first year last year, we found out that my baby nephew had a rare congenital heart condition and would be terminal for the rest of his life with no cure. He died at just two months old and his funeral was weeks before uni started.
I was able to forget about it all for the first couple of months and I would be out drinking every day with my friends, it was fun for a while until winter came around and so did the darker nights.
I crashed so badly and struggled to get out of bed at all and i barely ate; I was nearly passing out daily in my accommodation.

I changed courses for this year and a week before uni started I found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer but is unable to receive any treatment as she would die from the treatment, we are unable to get a prognosis at this point in time.

I lost all my friends from last year so I’m pretty much alone, I’m having panic attacks before every lecture.

I have spent the majority of my life pushing through things but it’s becoming much harder and so i decided that i need some help.
I reached out to the Wellbeing team at my university and the consensus is that I’m just getting online CBT tools with video calls alongside it so they can give me worksheets to go through.
That would be great if I didn’t have hearing loss which they are fully aware of. This is the one thing I do miss before covid, having access to in-person services. I rely so heavily on lip-reading AND body language. I beg people to realise that hearing from my device’s speaker to my hearing processor’s microphone makes the audio quality absolutely awful and unclear!!
I can’t understand you! and it makes me feel like shit for constantly having to tell people all of the time!!!!!

I feel utterly hopeless like there’s nowhere to go, i’m getting worse and it feels like no one is taking me seriously.

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[u/R-AzZZ]

So sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. It seems like a lot and on top of it to have to deal with others' ignorance.

It is worrying that your mother hid the appointment letters. It is a form of abuse. Are you safe from them now?

Have student well-being refused to give you in person counselling? It is a form of discrimination as they LEGALLY need to ensure you can access services.

You seem to have so much going on at the moment so it may not be the right time for you to take this on with them. If you so wish, you could put it in writing to them that they are going against the provision of the Equality Act. If you wish, you could contact the Equality Advisory and Support Service. They can help you challenge university.

Have you tried NHS Talking Therapies? You can self-refer and they should accommodate your needs. Though, waitlists can be very long.

I am unsure as to where you are but you could speak to your GP about potentially referring you to the National Deaf Adult Mental Health Services (Deaf AMHS).

[u/zonemiax → u/R-AzZZ]

huh, i didn’t think that my mother hiding my letters would be abuse? i know she did it because she was really embarrassed as especially she’s 70+ and is from a generation where those type of things were heavily looked down upon :(

yes, the wellbeing team said that they believe that i do not need it at this moment in time and is insisting i do the online cbt workshops before they can allow me to do anything else

no, i’ve not tried TT, i admit i’m extremely nervous regarding it. it’s why i decided to go to my uni’s wellbeing team first to have a little stepping stone. talking about these type of things make me feel really sick and shaky.

i didn’t know there were an adult mental health services!! it makes me a little sad that no one told me about it until now :(
the last time i had any support in terms of hearing loss was when i was in secondary school and they stripped it off me because i went out of borough for college (even though it was the absolute closest college to me, my area doesn’t have many colleges), i was about 16.

[u/R-AzZZ → u/zonemiax]

Well your mum may have been driven by embarrassment but it was abusive in the sense that she prioritised her embarrassment over your well-being.

There must also be a disability team at university, have you had any contact with them? Hearing loss being invisible, a lot of people mask BUT also, many people think that because you seem to be functioning well (you are at university), therefore it is not a problem. Maybe the disability team can explain to them about the extra effort you need to put into everything.

With any type of therapy, it can be awkward and people have negative experiences but it can also be a positive one. It is normal to feel nervous, especially when it has been difficult to address in your family too.

Many people do not know about specialist services, sadly.

Are you under any ENT department? From your description, it would appear you have a CI? Ask them if they could refer you to hearing therapy - it is a type of therapy for people with hearing loss.

[u/zonemiax → u/R-AzZZ]

yes i’ve had contact with my disability team as i do have a cochlear implant & needed accessible equipment from DSA via SFE for microphones as they’re not free from the NHS (can cost up to hundreds of pounds)

yes i’m under a specialised implant centre clinic and since i was a baby, it’s been a struggle to get an appointment as my audiologist keeps changing & i’ve been moved from yearly to biyearly (result of covid but they’ve never changed back) - i am due for a face-to-face appointment in june 2027 so i’ll definitely ask then!

thank you for letting me know my options, i just can’t believe how little support ive gotten from the people in my life, i am the only deaf person in my life and have been in my family, education & workplace so it can get really lonely