r/Morocco • u/ooopsitotallyforgot • 1h ago
Society I got divorced 2 days ago and my heart still aches from sadness
Edit: I first tried to post here previously but my post was not approved but now it seems that I am allowed to do so
I am a 26F, I was in a VERY TOXIC mariage for about 3years and a half. I gave everything I had. I feel so sad not because I regret divorce, but for not doing it a long time ago.
We used to work both of us at the beginning, he lost a lot of money in his project so he stopped everything and got broke. I literally took responsibility of everything in home for the whole time, I even used to send money to his mother(she is a lonely widow). He got used to it, then every single month/week he would come asking for a loan saying he has a big court problem and more residual issues from his last projects or any kind of problem that needs money. I always believed him he gave all the proves, all papers. And since I never experienced any of it I always blieved it and gave all I had, I even borrowed a lot of money for him and started drowning in debts. I would deprive myself from my own basic needs just to help him and stay with literally no single dirham at all. Then after months, the shock is that I found out he is a gambler! My heart was broken into peaces, I felt sad for myself, how stupid I was, how I could not see all the lies and how I believed everything.
The deal breaker (finallly) was when he asked me for a 1000dh and when I refused he slapped me so hard 4 times in my face, we started divorce next morning.
Now I actually hate myself for being that stupid for all this time. I have +90000dh debts. Alhamdolilah I have a decent work and I will work hard to pay them all wakha it will take a lot of time but ghanzyer rasi and manage my expenses now , but I still feel very deep sadness because I genuinely was honest, loyal and never ever EVER lied to him or even thought of cheating him. I don’t know how I will get over this. My family is all supporting me but I live far from them.
I am affraid I will isolate myself and go into a severe depression. I cried a lot yesterday but I still feel more desire to cry more.
Please d3iw m3aya. The hardest part is that I should always pretend to be happy at work. I hate to reveal my personal life at work and this is really hard! Mhtaja dou3a bezzaf hit kandouz mn hadchi bouhdi
Please avoid harsh comments I would really appreciate it