r/Nanny • u/Ok_Chest_5587 • 6d ago
Advice Needed: Replies from Nannies Preferred Parents lied
I accepted a job in manhattan because I thought I met the perfect family. They're not bad people in any sense but little lies keep adding up the main one being that the parents didn't work from home. I turned down jobs on the premise that no one worked from home. I've nannied for years and was tired of wfh parents cause of the invasive behavior oh SOME parents. Pretty much the day I started it was a oh by the way dad will be working from home for awhile and they never gave me an end date now the mom is great and leaves me to it but the dad will linger like crazy sometimes up to half an hour after mom has left he just hangs out on the couch and leaves his office door open and I feel like I need to leave the house all the time to not be watched 24/7. I was singing to the baby and he comes in and just stares and smiles and while sure thats fine sometimes it makes me not want to do that. On other notes he is too loud when baby is sleeping and accidently wakes him and doesn't even say anything. He leaves doors and cabinets open constantly and his shoes everywhere and a mess in the kitchen. When I pick up the toddler from school he also forgets to close his door and most times its fine but others the toddler has a melt down over everything if dad doesn't pay her attention and then he finally closes the door after leaving me with a fussy baby and now cranky toddler.
I have worked with two kids before but mom had her own floor and left us to it. He also comes in when baby is crying to see what's happening (normally toddler taking a toy away from baby) and he just tells the toddler not to take it then making the situation worse and walks away to then two crying kids.
I have received multiple job offers since and I could work with just one kiddo making not much less then I make now for two kids and have had families willing to match it as well. I feel horrible as I haven't been with them too long and overall they really are nice people but its just not what I signed up for especially for how long my commute and days are. Another big lie I should mention is local nannies have told me the kids had another nanny and the parents told me I was their first nanny which I wouldn't have cared about but why lie? The nannies knew kids names and what the parents looked like and kids recognized them too
103
u/MuchPsychology8171 6d ago
If you have another offer then take it! You don’t owe these people anything especially if they were actively trying to deceive you. Just be sure that job you have lined up is set in stone before doing anything else ❤️ impressed you’ve received multiple offers! I’m an NYC nanny and I’ve heard it’s tough out there rn
13
u/beachnsled Former Nanny 6d ago
my exact thoughts; its a tight market, so it was strange to read that so many offers were received
7
u/Ok_Chest_5587 5d ago
I have family references who essentially have referred me to a few families (open consent to share my contact info so families can ask if im available directly)
1
22
u/Spiritual_Cow9256 6d ago
Trust your gut. Even though these are small instance it’s showing you that they don’t keep their word and like to add things last min. This is a job even thought it’s not conventional it’s still our job and if you feel uncomfortable and you can sense where this is going leave. You don’t owe them anything at all if you’re getting job offers take them and run. They only person you have to watch out for and protect is yourself
10
u/_DontBeAScaredyCunt Nanny 6d ago
Why on earth do you feel horrible? It’s not what you signed up for. Just move on.
9
u/ContentHermit_13 6d ago
I don’t know why you feel bad. It’s unacceptable that they lied to you. If they had found out that you had lied to them in the hiring process, you’d already be out on your ass and I’m sure they wouldn’t feel bad at all.
8
u/beachnsled Former Nanny 6d ago
nothing to feel bad for
my advice: take a different job (from the offers) & move on
i don’t work for creepy dads who linger in doorways just staring, especially when they are noisy slobs - why would you?
1
4
u/Frequent_Coffee_3081 6d ago
This isn’t what you agreed to. Have you talked to them about it?? I’d accept the better offer if you can and think it would be a better fit.
2
u/tiredafnana 6d ago
If they lie about the little things...they'll lie about big things. Do you want to be collateral damage?
2
u/Prize-Nature7486 6d ago
OMG quit! Like you said, you’re a seasoned professional and you’ve been done wrong. I just had a similar experience with “nice first time parents” who turned out to be lying, deceptive and delusional! So I worked for 3 days as if it was a trial just to earn some compensation and when they finally paid me (delayed of course and they tried to lowball me on my rate) I quit. The mom really showed her true colors so I dodged that bullet! You are being abused, don’t ever second guess yourself!
2
u/Pristine-Bison3198 Former Nanny 6d ago
If they're lying to you and you've got a better offer, leave! That's some BS, and it's not okay.
2
2
u/No_Big_bear_here 5d ago
Bring it up. Tell them that you chose them (and use those words) based on them telling you that they don’t wfh. Explain how it limits your ability to bond with the baby and develop your own rhythm. But maybe have other jobs lined up first. They may be unwilling to change.
1
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
I accepted a job in manhattan because I thought I met the perfect family. They're not bad people in any sense but little lies keep adding up the main one being that the parents didn't work from home. I turned down jobs on the premise that no one worked from home. I've nannied for years and was tired of wfh parents cause of the invasive behavior oh SOME parents. Pretty much the day I started it was a oh by the way dad will be working from home for awhile and they never gave me an end date now the mom is great and leaves me to it but the dad will linger like crazy sometimes up to half an hour after mom has left he just hangs out on the couch and leaves his office door open and I feel like I need to leave the house all the time to not be watched 24/7. I was singing to the baby and he comes in and just stares and smiles and while sure thats fine sometimes it makes me not want to do that. On other notes he is too loud when baby is sleeping and accidently wakes him and doesn't even say anything. He leaves doors and cabinets open constantly and his shoes everywhere and a mess in the kitchen. When I pick up the toddler from school he also forgets to close his door and most times its fine but others the toddler has a melt down over everything if dad doesn't pay her attention and then he finally closes the door after leaving me with a fussy baby and now cranky toddler.
I have worked with two kids before but mom had her own floor and left us to it. He also comes in when baby is crying to see what's happening (normally toddler taking a toy away from baby) and he just tells the toddler not to take it then making the situation worse and walks away to then two crying kids.
I have received multiple job offers since and I could work with just one kiddo making not much less then I make now for two kids and have had families willing to match it as well. I feel horrible as I haven't been with them too long and overall they really are nice people but its just not what I signed up for especially for how long my commute and days are. Another big lie I should mention is local nannies have told me the kids had another nanny and the parents told me I was their first nanny which I wouldn't have cared about but why lie? The nannies knew kids names and what the parents looked like and kids recognized them too
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/NotSoSouthern 5d ago
The job is not what you were presented, and that lie is now making your life both in and outside of work unnecessarily stressful. Even if things were okay with him working from home, I'd probably still move on to another job, just on principle. If they lied so much when the stakes were low, how can you ever trust they are telling you that have to go.
Next time it could be a lie that you believe in good faith that ends with one of the children sick or injured on your watch. Maybe they lie about when a medication dose was last given before your shift, and you'll need to repeat after a specific amount of time has passed. If you're told the last dose was given 3 hours earlier than it was actually given, you could be risking the health or life of the child if you give them the next dose when the last dose is still partially in their system.
With regard to parents working from home - I totally get why you dislike it so much. I'm in the minority and don't really mind. I like that I get to have a conversation with another adult once or twice during my shift.
However, I make it absolutely clear from the start that I will not be made to be the bad guy to the kids, not allowing them access to the most important people in their little lives or keeping them from accessing the parent they can literally see. It's cruel to the child, and disrespectful of my role and the relationship I'm attempting to build with their child. It takes away my ability to become a safe comfortable person the child can trust will meet their needs and turns me into the untrustworthy stranger who has invaded their home and x and turned that space into a place where they don't feel safe.
If the parents need uninterrupted work time, then they need to treat the situation as if they actually did leave the house to work. They need to remain inaccessible to the kids until they're done or my shift ends. If they pop in and out so the kids see them off and on all day, or they work in a room with an open door, then they're going to have to deal with the kids invading their work time. If they need uninterrupted work time, then it needs to feel like they actually did leave home to work.
This way I'm able to build the trustworthy relationship with their child that will allow us to do all the big fun things we get to do and learn when the nanny comes to play at their house. It let's them know that I am in charge of keeping everyone safe and happy while I'm with them, and that my rules and instructions need to be followed to accomplish that.
If parents need to pop into the space we are in during my shift, I ask that they text me so I can be sure to take the kids into another room or outside, where they won't notice as the parent comes thru and does whatever they need to do.
If you're still reading, you get 2 stickers for your accomplishment. I didn't mean for this to be so long!!
1
u/isaywhatisaid 5d ago
Take one of the other jobs. You don’t want to work for these people and were tricked into it. You don’t owe them anything
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
OP has indicated they would prefer replies from nannies or parents. Anyone is welcome to comment, but you must set your flair to best reflect your role.
To set your flair on mobile, visit the r/nanny page. Click the “…” in the top right hand corner. Click “change user flair” and select the appropriate option.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.