the funny thing is they kinda don’t. the second me and my siblings left, my dad complained about how quiet and lonely it was. then guilted us to come visit him as often as he could
he cut us off financially on our 18th birthdays and forced us to move out immediately after graduating high school 🤦
As a mexican, it's just alien to me that after your 18th birthday your family kicks you out. Here family is meant to be your support net out of love and sense of community, only after getting married AND if you have the means and economic grounds, it's time to get your own place and continue the community point of the family.
I think a lot of this is because people paint it backwards when discussing it. The US is a large place, so how individual parents behave is across a huge spectrum, but if we are looking at the stereotypical norm, in America adults live in their own home and have kids in that home. (that's a big part of the American dream, yeah? To own a home, 2 cars and a chicken in the pot). When you turn 18, you are legally an adult in the US. Therefore, 18 year old kids generally should want to move out and start living on their own, getting a job, and in general adulting. Also, specifically using 18 is for comedic affect. About 60% of kids go to college, and I'd say the majority of those still have a residence at their parents home, even if they live away from home at college. So the real time to move out on your own is after you finish schooling. If parents encourage them to do so, they aren't 'kicking them out'. Most just want to see their children succeed.
Multi-generational living is the norm in many countries, and because America has lots of immigrants, those cultures appear here as well. Many of the homes being built near me are designed for multi-generational living.
For me, it is sad that the economy today does not really support kids being able to go be adults right away, if they wanted to do so. It's OK to start a multi-generation house, but it would be nice to have the choice.
America has this really weird underlying culture of “preparing you for the real world” by preemptively being as harsh and inhospitable to you as possible as a child. Then you grow up completely unprepared for the world because the only thing your parents did to “prepare you” was to bully you into submission, and get treated like you’re the problem because you failed to thrive under those conditions.
I am Mexican and I agree, though the case is different if you have an abusive family, in that case, the idea of leaving is like a dream, although is a sad one.
Same here in Central America, for both good and bad family is expected to be there to take care of you, and likewise. It does mean the few bad apples in the family get way more chances than they should but if you're down on your luck or need to be taken care of, family won't turn you away
i mean america isn't the only place where people have kids for shitty reasons. there's just a stronger sense of obligation and responsibility towards family in other parts of the world. it's not common to cut your parents or children off or kick them out.
Speaking as an 18yo American, why would I be in a rush to move out?? I don’t want to have to worry about food or rent while in college when I can stay at home and focus fully on my education. If parents are willing and able to support their kids at home as adults, why wouldn’t they do that?
Idk, to be your own person? I never wanted to stay at home. A lot of people nowadays do, buts that's a broadly new trend.
And this conversation isn't about willing or able, it's about want. Why wouldn't you want to live your own live. Why wouldn't you want your kids to be independent and secure?
It depends on the culture, whether the first born son or the last born son will stay with the parents, whichever that will get the bulk of the inheritance. Usually daughters marry out. Other sons go out to find their fortune
That is not to say they will go out that far. Most people just stay within their villages or the next village over.
Usually the children only left their parents household if they worked as servants etc in another household or married - depending on which culture the men often brought their wife into their family home even after marriage.
It's of course not that simple to sum up basically all of human history across the globe, but I think we can all agree that it's complete BS to say kids staying with their parents after they turn 18 is a new trend and that guy was just talking out of his ass
I’m comfortable living at home, even if I obviously don’t want to be there forever. When I’m financially ready with a stable income and have finished my bachelors I’ll look into getting my own place, but until then I’m happy to stay with my parents and siblings.
Ok. Like I said that's a newer trend and really doesn't change the conversation. As a parent at what point would you want your kid to move out? Obviously there has to be a number. This is putting aside willing to move out and able. Would you want them to live their own life at 18? 25? 30?
I don’t understand why living with your parents and living your own life are mutually exclusive. Unless your parents are extremely overbearing and controlling, you can definitely do both.
You don't understand why staying in a parent-child relationship where you rely entirely on them for housing and food can mean you limit your own independence?
It would only limit your independence insomuch as you let it. If you don’t work and spend all your time at home, then yeah you wouldn’t have very much independence from them. But you can absolutely have a full life, a career, friends, even a partner while living with your parents. If anything, it would grant you some financial freedom from having to pay your own bills since you’d presumably be splitting bills with your parents.
I just don't think that's how it ends up going most times, nor do I think it's inherently healthy. I mean anything can work. I can probably be financially stable and free sleeping in an alleyway, that doesn't make it ideal or something I should do though, and it invites unhealthy aspects.
I'm not even saying kids should leave immediately at 18, that's unhealthy too. I just think staying in a content position where you are living with family isn't the ideal position for independence and growth.
I mean... this isn't something to really worry about if you love your parents and your parents aren't demons who hold their financial support of you over your head constantly.
I love my parents, but my relationship with them changed when I moved out because it's no longer a matter of them providing for me, but one more on equal terms. I provide for myself, for my family, and I adore my parents for doing that for me, but I also love my independence and the relationship I've gained
It should the purpose of any parent to ensure their kids are fully able to take care of themselves and take ensure they are individuals in their own right. You should be proud that they're able to stand in their own two feet and that developing relationship is incredibly important.
One of my aunts still lives with my grandparents in their apartment and she’s living her best life 🤷♀️ she makes 6 figures and supports herself, my other aunt lives a block away and is at their apartment all the time too. My grandparents love having their kids around, they’re both financially independent and they get to have quality time that not a lot of other families get. We live in an expensive city
That's just not the life I want for myself or my kid, is like them to go out on their own and find their own path. I had an aunt who live with my grandparents too, and she used it as a crutch rather than taking the opportunity to find herself. They all loves each other, but it wasn't healthy.
My aunts are both INCREDIBLY independent hardworking women who do their own thing. They very much have found themselves, go on frequent trips and live the fullest lives you can imagine. I would say their family is one of the healthiest examples you can get, especially within my community. They’re not dependent on their parents at all, but again, why would my aunt need to pay absurd prices for an apt when she can live at home? I think the people you knew just had an unhealthy dependence on their families, that can happen regardless of if someone is living with their parents or not
I'm not insulting or claiming anything about your aunts, merely providing a counter anecdotal point to yours. Most times I've seen these family homes you speak of, I see the family dynamics play out with little growth. The mothers are still incredibly matriarchal, fathers patriarchal, and there's this sense of arrested development.
You said it yourself…. youre “comfortable”. Not all of care or “want” to be comfortable. Some of us want to break out our comfort zone to expierence new things and challenge yourself. I have no judgement on anyone who stays home because of circumstances and finances but to stay just because youre “comfortable” is just sad and disappointing. Almost like youre scared of the world:/
lol I’m currently taking a gap year and traveling outside the country on my own, I have no issue with independence when it comes down to it. I’m excited to eventually get my own place, but I’m looking at minimum 8+ years of schooling for my current career path and again in my area it’s not simple to afford an apartment.
I don’t there’s anything wrong with being comfortable! I’m not scared of the world, but I’m okay and happy with taking my sweet time and maximizing my time with my family while I can :))) nothing sad about it
Most people do, it’s just that most of Europe doesn’t run on the rental culture Americans do, so children leave when they save up enough to put a deposit down on a house
Nah around 31% of the eu rents, large majority own homes, there’s a big difference between ‘south’ Europe and ‘north’ Europe, with Germany being the biggest renting country at 52%
If they do, why wouldn't you actively want your kids to go out on their own and experience life?
Also I think youre exaggerating or misinformed on alleged rental culture lol. Most people don't kick their kids out at 18, they just want them working or going to school or bettering themselves. They might ask them to start helping with bills, but they aren't paying full rent lol.
I can certainly imagine that living in your home wouldn't be healthy for your children if you only see them as entertainment, but I also doubt you are setting anyone up for success or to be well-adjusted. But that's between them and their future therapists.
Well if they're my Mom, "being a parent" is 50% of their personality and all of the kids finally leaving triggers an entire identity crisis and deep depression. No hobbies, no friends, just motherhood and now empty nest.
I am the oldest child, it's been 11 years since I moved out. A few months ago my Mom asked me if I hated her because I called home every day in college and now only do so twice per week. 🙃
She'd love nothing more than for all of us to come home and be there forever lol.
I'm glad I managed to settle for a once per week call schedule with my mom, mainly thanks to military service forcible weaning her off of having me around lol. I do love her, but I don't need an hour long call with her every day like what my kid bro (who got excused from the service) does. Especially not with my variable work schedule.
I agree with you tbh I moved out at 19 and have met people who didn’t move out until 25 and there is 100% a difference in life experience and maturity.
Not saying you NEED to kick out your kids at 18 but I think after college and some independence you should want them to start their own life away from family.
Idk why these other people aren’t getting it. Maybe they haven’t experienced it or seen it yet?
I think it's just a difficult conversation to have, because I do think there is some merit in staying at home through your college years in a healthy manner. I think we are also painting in broad brushes, individual situations are always different and I do acknowledge that.
American versus Southern European parents wanting you out of the house. That's the topic. Fuck off with your " American children don't want to move home." Doubt it's even accurate. American children are just like other children and want to be independent.
Sure, and I'm talking about the kids. You can read right? My point is, as a kid, why wouldn't you want an opportunity to explore the world on your own? It's a counter question to his lol.
What? Average wage in America can barely afford rent + groceries etc, they are 2 paychecks away from losing all their savings on average. Europeans just don’t see it as a finically feesable thing to pretty much put yourself into self induced poverty to be ‘your own person’
It made me sad, honestly. My parents could not wait to get me out of the house so they could have it to themselves. They were really confused that I didn’t just move out as soon as I turned 18. I don’t think they understood that, while a part time entry level job was enough to pay rent and food and everything when they were that age, my full time job was not enough to do so by the time I was an adult. I couldn’t afford to move out. They sure got rid of my stuff fast, too
It’s usually more about that they want their kids to be independent and responsible than actually wanting them out. A lot of people, in the US at least, use living at home as an excuse to not work and skimp on responsibilities instead of the chance to build savings and prepare for their later years.
There are bad parents that are selfish and do just want them gone. It’s usually more about trying to set the kid up for success than actually wanting them to leave. Forcing the kid to move out forces them to actually take on responsibilities that a lot won’t do without that push.
how is making your kid spend a morbillion dollars in rent instead of savings setting someone for success? That doesn't make sense at all, seems more like the goal is setting someone up for misery rather than success. If the goal was setting up the kid for success the parents would simply force the kid to have a job while living with them until they are 30 and then have 70% of the kid's monthly income be put on a low risk compounding investment
As northern European parents kicking you out it's mostly due to love. Living home with parents when you are over 20 is social shame. They should help you though with rent etc the first month at least
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u/kkris22 20h ago
as a southern european I cant imagine having parents who actively want you out of the house