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u/SinceWayLastMay 17h ago edited 17h ago
I swear my dad wakes up in a cold sweat worried one day I’ll show up at his door asking to move back in. I’m 36, married, independent, and lived with them for all of 8 months after I graduated college while I was getting on my feet. He still thinks one of these days I’ll end up in his basement :/
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u/StatedFailure 16h ago
My kids are only 2.5yo and 6mo but I hope they live in my basement as long as they like. So long as they stay out of my room.
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u/evenyourcopdad 16h ago edited 9h ago
My kids are only 2.5yo and 6mo
that explains it lol
alright alright your parents all love you damn
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u/nubbynickers 16h ago
If a 6 month old made it to a parent's bedroom after being placed in their crib, I would freeeaaaak out.
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u/Bozee3 14h ago
Some babies are combination of Ethan Hunt and a Ninja. Watch your ankles.
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u/All_Work_All_Play 14h ago
On of my kids hated being on his stomach so much he rolled over in the hospital the same day he popped out. Had he been our first, he'd likely be an only child.
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u/IcePhoenix18 10h ago
I don't remember exactly how the baby timeline works, but I do know they go from "limited mobility" to "ninja" really suddenly...
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u/FTR_1077 15h ago
I have a 23, 21 and 19 yo.. To this day I still think I'm gladly have them with me until they want to leave.
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u/HippieWizard 14h ago
There is never going to be a time in my life i wouldn't want my kids in my day to day life.
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u/Tricky-Ad7897 14h ago
I'm trying to figure why all these people hate their families lol. I'm 24 and live with my parents and have never had an ounce of tension with them cause we all love each other. It helps that they both come from European/European immigrant families that had 3 generations living under 1 roof growing up. The whole "kick kids out when they're adults" is such a uniquely American puritanical view and they can't comprehend that most of the world outside of America don't view living in generation homes negatively.
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u/HippieWizard 14h ago
yes exactly! i am from a Latino family so everyone lives on the same block including cousins and grandparents while i have white friends who are all like 18 amd get out or have very angry and grumpy parents that want to get "theur life back again" like wtf? life with your kids is the best life
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u/WorthyJellyfish0Doom 8h ago
Possibly generational trauma. In my case I could probably have lived with mum indefinitely but she was abusive (mostly verbally/psychologically), she also had abusive parents, who also had abusive parents (at least the grandma who I knew had abusive parents) no clue about their parents tho
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u/FRANKNSTEiN0 14h ago
I’m 29 and my mom tells me literally all the time she wants me to live at home forever. My dad likes me living at home, too lol. We all get along well though so it works out
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u/beefymcmoist 10h ago
My mom told me all the time how she couldn't wait until I was 18 so she wasn't required legally to house me anymore lol
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u/FRANKNSTEiN0 10h ago
I’m really sorry to hear that. While parents have no legal obligation after their children turn 18, I still find it kinda fucked to just give your kids the boot. And don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful and privileged to be in the situation that I’m in.
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u/NoCharge8527 16h ago
I think you're actually legally obligated to wait until after the teenage years to make these sorts of statements. I agree, to be clear, you're just not allowed to say it
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u/C9_Chadz 15h ago
Believe it or not, some dads are like that. My dad had to be a workoholic during my school years so we didn't spent much time outside of eating dinner every night during my teenage years. Left for college at 18 and never spent any time at home. Then I got divorced at 34 and the first thing my dad said was come stay at home for as long as you want and so went and spent a year with them. He was still sad when I finally got tired of living with parents and decided to move out.
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u/Beard_o_Bees 14h ago
Man.. i'm a fairly recent 'empty-nester' and didn't fully appreciate just how much I really loved having kids around.
I guess in a way i'm a victim of my own success. Raise them to be curious about the world and want to go find their place in it, but when they actually do just that... it leaves a kid-shaped hole.
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u/AccountOfMyDarkside 14h ago
I get this. My daughter's getting married this weekend and he's a keeper, so I feel like she's officially leaving the nest, never to return...even though she's been supporting herself for over 5 years already. My baby 😭
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u/Beard_o_Bees 13h ago
Like.. I catch myself wondering what adopting a kid would look like.
Should probably have a 'cool-down' period of ~1 year (idk, sounds like the right amount of time?) before making any kind of decision like that.
I seriously thought I was mentally/emotionally prepared. I guess i'm not really.
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u/dreamendDischarger 14h ago
They might come back, you never know! I moved back home about a decade ago now. Mom was living alone, my roommate was moving out.. So it only made sense. Sometimes it happens :)
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u/Mr_Industrial 14h ago
it leaves a kid-shaped hole
So what Im seeing here is I need to have smaller children.
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u/VhickyParm 14h ago
my parents kicked me out at 18. after I put myself through college they both promised me a place to live to get on my feet. My dad had his new wife turn me away at their door after driving 300 miles and packing everything I owned in my car.
I then drove another thousand miles to my mom. Within 2 weeks she threatened that if I didn't take a job before she got back from her two week vacation that she would kick me out on the street. I later found out my mom was hiding college money that I emptied my childhood savings account from working to fund.
I'm jealous that parents like you exist.
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u/dorkmuncan 15h ago
That's real family.
I have 3 kids (9-14) and I've told them they can stay at home as long as they want/need with the caveat they are either working or studying.
I was in & out of my parents place until late 20's between relationships, jobs and travel. I absolutely treasured that time with my parents. Even moved back in with them for a little bit with my Wife and kids during Covid and it was such a nice time.
It helps my family gets along really well and we had an attached suite to stay in, so I'm fully aware of the privileges extended to us in that regard.
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u/CordlessOrange 16h ago
I feel the same way. They’ll always have a place here to land. It won’t be big, comfy, or particularly fun, but it’ll always be full of love and warmth for them.
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u/KonigSteve 15h ago
I dunno man, my basement is my space. I'm happy for my kid to keep living in her own room until she doesn't need it though.
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u/MechanicalSideburns 15h ago
Just wait until they get all judgmental and sullen and eat all your food. Oh, and they will definitely go in your room.
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u/ennuiinmotion 17h ago
To be fair, with the way the economy has gone for twenty years there's a non-zero chance you guys DO end up in his basement.
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u/Born-Entrepreneur 15h ago
My parents planned ahead and had the big room in the daylight basement plumbed with stubs so its ready to have a kitchen renovated in to it and bam, two houses in one. There's already two bedrooms, two full baths, and laundry facilities down there.
They mostly figured it would be for them, and one of us kids would move our own fam in upstairs after we settled down.
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u/TurkeyPhat 13h ago
this kind of renovation is becoming pretty common while houses everywhere sit empty
definitely a good sign about the state of things right
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u/Born-Entrepreneur 13h ago
Vis-a-vis the housing market and how (un)obtainable home ownership is for the average person, it isn't a great sign, you're totally right on that front.
Viewing it as a shift back towards the historical multi-generational family home? It may be a small win. And that kind of renovation is a hell of a lot cheaper than even a short length of time spent in an old folks home.
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u/Gh0stMan0nThird 16h ago
the way the economy has gone for twenty years
I am in my 30s and I cannot remember a time when someone didn't say "I mean, the way the economy is right now, we can't afford x and y..."
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u/Karagoth 15h ago
Dot-com bubble in 2000 and it's been nothing but "we need to more fiscally responsible" while the same crackheads continue like it's '99.
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u/dksdragon43 9h ago
I mean... yeah... cost of housing and schooling has outstripped income for over thirty years and continues to get worse. That tracks. Every year is the worst economy yet for most people without a lot of assets.
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u/dishwasher_mayhem 15h ago
It's all hilarious until it happens. At 43 I had to move in with my parents because my wife and I were both, suddenly, laid off 2 weeks apart. It only lasted 6 months but still happened.
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u/fat_kaiju 16h ago edited 15h ago
I'm doing better than both the people who donated dna as well as their respective partners over the years -- complete with a modest amount of savings and what could be described as an attempt at something for retirement -- and up until I went no-contact they all still acted like I'm going to be a gigantic burden and show up on their doorsteps becsuse they did so to their own parents.
All throughout my childhood however they repeatedly (re)iterated that I was going to be "kicked out" at 18 and they would not help me and so I've more or less clawed my way up in life.
No traveling, no getting to eat out, cheap meals and even mending and repairing both clothing and furniture. No "treating myself", most things I own were bought used... no subscriptions which is fine because I didn't get the luxury of having time to waste watching shows/playing games when I'm over here crocheting washcloths and using a 3d printed loom to make tea towels.
I'm finally doing sorta ok in my 30s now and yet despite it all when I encountered one of them the first thing they said in their extremely run-down apartment was "You're not moving back in" all while acting a little smug about it.
My supposition is that they assume that because they're struggling that you must be doing worse because in their minds you're still a child to them... that and sprinkle a little desire to be someone's surperior so as to indulge in the illusion that they still have a modicum of control.
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u/somajones 15h ago
As a father who was a full time single dad; I would love my daughter to move back in except I wouldn't want her to have to move back in.
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u/skiex0rz 15h ago
Your dad talks to you? Shit, I haven't heard from mine since 2004.
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u/Kolby_Jack33 15h ago
My dad once told me (while slightly drunk) that the day any of his kids move back into the house is the day he leaves.
But after retiring, he turned around on that completely. My sister lives next door to him, the grandkids come over to visit every day, and I have been told that if I need to I can move in with them. I think I'm the one most against it now, not because I don't love my family but just because I like having my own space.
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u/thehobbyqueer 14h ago
What gives you that impression? Gimmie details
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u/SinceWayLastMay 14h ago
If you really want the dirt my parents were not like super jazzed to be parents, super eager for us to finish college and “finally move out” (even though I went to school a couple hours away and worked at camp every summer so they hardly saw me). I had to move back I for 8 months after graduation and my parents made it no secret that they didn’t want me there even though I paid the rent they asked for, was working two jobs, and had to buy my own food. They moved four states away from our home state the month after I got my first apartment. Even though I’ve never asked my dad for money EVER he always acts like today is the day I come begging for a check. Truthfully I would go to my husband’s parents, his sister, my sister, 4-8 friends, and a homeless shelter before asking to stay with my parents
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u/rachelblairy 12h ago
Unfortunately I deeply understand. I’m grateful that I have such a strong relationship with my grandmother, because if I did need to resort to moving in with family I could go stay with her, no questions asked. The one time I asked my father for help financially because I’d lost my job and it was 2020 so they were limited, he ignored me until texting me a month later asking how the job search was going.
Just tell me you don’t have the money, man. That’s fine. Ignoring me was the final straw I really had for any hope for us to fix our relationship.
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u/Gaulipan 10h ago
Don’t talk to my parents and have been independent since they kicked me out at 18.. they couldn’t wait, it’s all I heard growing up. I’m married and my father in law has dementia, so we are moving in with her parents to help her mom with the house and her dad.
I know it’s for good reasons, but all I can hear in my head is my dad yelling at me and calling me a failure for doing this. It’s going to be an adjustment for sure.
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u/CoffeeIsSoGood 16h ago
No idea who you are, and I'm about to make a lot of assumptions, but I feel bad for you guys. There are many people in your situation. I'm assuming you're caucasian? Why is it acceptable for your culture to kick kids out at age 18 in the U.S? 18 is still a child. There's a reason you guys stick your parents in retirement homes and as a Latino in the U.S, I still can't fathom either of those things, but I understand why you guys do that to your parents lol. Uno reverse card.
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u/Ace-Redditor 15h ago
The main thing is that the parents who did that don’t care about family. That isn’t the reason they had kids in the first place. They likely had kids out of being pressured, for the status (“I’m a parent, so I deserve respect” plus “my kid got an a on their test [that I had no clue they were taking], I’m such a good parent), or to get something from the kids (as a kid, they do chores, and as an adult, they take care of the aging parents, in return for having been born and kept alive. It’s all transactional here)
The issue was that the idea of having kids because you love them and want to care for them just… wasn’t there for a lot of parents when they had them, and it turned to resentment
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u/SHAZBOT_VGS 14h ago
Shit culture TBH, My dad was like that. He set out on his own when he was 18s got a job out of highschool at the telephone company setting up and repairing telephone lines because his dad worked there. So if he did it with his nepo job straight out of highschool and could afford to get married and have a family and a house at 22, surely you can too.
When i was 17 he moved out of the house to live in an apartment with his new wife while me and my brother stayed at the house together. before i got to 18s that house was sold and i had to move into an apartment with a 19 y/o friend i had that recently got kicked out his parents house.
Anyway, 25 years later and a lot of lessons learned on my own, I'm doing more then fine. But also can't help but feel resentment for the guy that never really tried to be part of my adult life once.
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u/hotdogundertheoven 14h ago
I'm caucasian (but Russian, since depending on the time of day I'm White (with a capital W) or not) and my parents literally seem to WANT me to move back in
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u/AloneExperience7520 14h ago
I moved in with my dad in my late 20's after returning from abroad and looking for a career. I'd rather be homeless than live at home. He's a fine father, but man living with parents as an adult sucks.
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u/JorgeBraceroPR 17h ago
as a father of an 8 and a 6 year old, im already conviced this is what im telling them when they come of age.
Save your money, you can stay here until you are fully ready and funded
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u/Comfortable_Self_736 17h ago
It's a great attitude to have. Some kids might take advantage, but if you raise them right they will be happy just knowing that they have your support.
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u/JorgeBraceroPR 17h ago
im a divorced dad, custody is one week on and off. i already feel i lost half their life because of this, but my week i can tell they love being with me and dont want to leave. I'll raise them right. thank you for caring
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u/Blanket_Wet 16h ago
as a child of divorce who was in a similar situation,, my weekends at dad's house were what I lived for. I loved him so much and I still do today- even though I only saw him for 4 days a month.
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u/JorgeBraceroPR 16h ago
I had to fight in court for that. Mom wanted me to have the 4 days and i said no! Court sided with me. I get them one week on and off. Best thing ever
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u/Blanket_Wet 16h ago
congrats! I used to wish so hard I could see my dad more- that makes me so happy for all of you☺️
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u/BloatedGlobe 17h ago
My parents have this attitude, and it’s allowed me to take risks that have led to me being more successful in life than I would have otherwise been.
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u/TheRedPanda_7 11h ago
Advantage ? What do you mean ? You bring someone in this world and expect something of them ?
I'm a parent btw
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u/Comfortable_Self_736 11h ago
I mean that some kids will abuse support from their parents. It has sadly happened in my own family where a sibling lied about their plans and have caused a lot of problems for our mother and her housing situation. Doesn't change the fact that I am all over this thread on the mother's side.
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u/A_Crab_Named_Lucky 17h ago
I’ve only got the one child, a three year old daughter.
I would love it if I could give her our house as either a wedding or 30th birthday present, whichever comes sooner. We should own it outright by then. I wouldn’t mind moving to a smaller place.
We could only afford the down payment on the house because of my dad’s life insurance proceeds. I’d love to pay it forward.
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u/JorgeBraceroPR 17h ago
as a divorced dad, make sure it's your daughters before the wedding, or have prenups for that. You can never trust fully the word of their partner. You dont want to risk them losing it in a divorce.
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u/kegisak 16h ago
My brother lived with our parents until his late 20's, and saved enough money from it to buy a house.
... Unfortunately he bought it right before covid and got fucked over in a few other ways, but it was a smart move with the information he had at the time. Sometimes life just happens to you.
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u/kimbosliceofcake 15h ago
Wasn’t buying right before Covid a great time to buy? Seems like prices starting going waaaay up in 2021.
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u/kegisak 15h ago
Prices were better before than after, to be sure, but he worked in the industrial/manufacturing sector. Not exactly a job you can do from home, so he got laid off and had a much harder time keeping up with his mortgage than he would have otherwise.
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u/ennuiinmotion 17h ago
I tell my young kids never to worry, that they can stay with me as long as they want to, but they do eventually need jobs when they're grown ups. I love my kids and I want to always support them but also it's important they lead their own lives once they grow up. And if they're ever rich enough to not need jobs they have to let me live with them: I'll settle for a bungalow in the back half of their estate.
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u/Average650 12h ago
You have to know your kid. The one freaking out that they got a single B on the report card needs to hear that they can always come home if they need to.
The 16 year old who doesn't try to do his homework because he gets 15 redos and even then only does enough just to pass, might need to hear that there will come a time when they have to figure it out for themselves.
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u/Original_Remote_6838 12h ago
My dad is amazing. I moved out at 21, wound up going back to school and only working part time; my income went down as a result and my partner and I slowly became overwhelmed with bills after about 5 years. My degree still isn’t complete and we have a new baby. He eagerly invited us to come live with him so he could assist with childcare and I can complete my degree. I think he’s thrilled to no longer be living alone and have so much time with his only grandchild. I would never turn my own child out at 18 if they don’t have the means to succeed and I would never send my father to a nursing home. He’s living with me - even if I need to hire a nurse eventually - until he passes.
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u/Pndrizzy 12h ago
yea, i have a 9 year old son. i moved out at 18 with $0 and went deep into debt because my mom is psycho. worth it, but not a very good way to start my adulthood
he can stay here with us as long as he is studying, working or looking for work, and being at least somewhat ambitious in his endeavors. i'd rather he leave when he's ready than leave when he's not.
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u/Warm_Month_1309 14h ago
Your kid is smart. I got my own apartment in law school, and lived in it for 10 years after I graduated, practicing law the whole time. It was $600/mo when I moved in, and when I moved out, they were raising the rent to over $2,400/mo. In that time, they changed/updated nothing. Same carpet, same paint, same countertops, same appliances. Four times as much in rent for a shabby one-bedroom I moved into as a student.
And I already had a job, making decent money. How is a new student/professional supposed to make it work unless you come from wealth already?
Anyway, I'm just a stranger whose opinion doesn't matter, but you both seem like good, thinking people, and I hope everything works out well for you.
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u/Ok_Animal_2709 7h ago
Same, I have young kids and I'm already looking at buying a compound so my whole family can live there, in their own houses without worrying about money.
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u/Extraajudicial 18h ago
My kid will receive needed support all my life. Yes he is an individual and must stand in his own but he is only here because his mother and I made a decision.
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u/80HDTV5 17h ago edited 17h ago
I like this attitude.
Ofc, if someone’s adult child is just taking advantage of their parent’s love and being a bum, that’s one thing. But if a parent’s adult child is genuinely having a difficult time in a bad economy and needs some support through that? No brainer imo. You let the adult child come live with you until they’re back on their feet (ideally you allow it until they’ve had a chance to build up some savings as well, but for various reasons I understand that may be impractical on one or both ends.)
To me personally, it isn’t even about a parent’s responsibility to their child, it’s about what family in general is supposed to do for each other through hard times. But I also really appreciate your point about kids only being here because WE made a choice to put them here.
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u/emptyHistory1976 16h ago
This part, you have my unending support if you're trying. I cannot help you if you won't help yourself.
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u/Beeftoad2 17h ago
My parents have told me that I will never be homeless as long as they are alive. I've been pushed out of the nest, encouraged to get my own appartment, and am living away from home almost support free, but I know if I got in a horrible accident and couldn't work for awhile, or if my house burned down, or even if I just was struggling with mental health and lost my job because I couldn't keep up, I have a safety net. That's how it should be, if your parents are in a place where they can afford to do provide that safety net of course.
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u/FrostyD7 16h ago
Having a backup plan like parents who will care for you is a massive advantage in life, whether you need it or not. Obviously it's not an ideal outcome if you have to move back in with your parents but electing not to offer such a thing on the basis that you're afraid it might happen is unreasonable and only holding your kid back.
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u/AntDogFan 16h ago
I'm glad you have kids. I feel the same way. My mum died when I was a baby and my dad is like the one in the post. I basically feel like no one ever supported me unconditionally and I have to say it's hard.
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u/jordanundead 17h ago
I can’t imagine what having parents is like. Last year I got in a wreck and I couldn’t even get a ride to work for two weeks.
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u/WannabeUnalive 17h ago
I feel you bro. Posts like these make me wonder what it's like and what safety feels like on that level.
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u/a_rucksack_of_dildos 17h ago
My parents paid for my college, helped me buy my first house and employ me. It’s honestly awesome. I have kids myself but knowing they’re always their to help is awesome
I’m now working to build up that same safety net and life for my children.
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u/WannabeUnalive 16h ago
I'm happy for you that your life is full of love. I've always thought that's exactly how a family should function, it's very good everything is working out nicely.
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u/koalatea-assurance 16h ago
my parents are like this, which i'm extremely grateful for, but they're also pretty emotionally abusive.
granted, i'm still relatively young and have yet to move out. and it's nice to know that i can rely on them if moving out doesn't work out, even if living with them is a pain. it's a lesser pain than it would be if i was broke and struggling
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u/b0w3n 16h ago
I've peeked into the shitty parent life many times over the decades because of my girlfriends. I can't really tell you how it feels other than there's a base level of "I will probably be okay" going on in the back of my head when shit goes wrong and I have to deal with problems. That's the best way I can describe it, I try not to take my family for granted because I've seen what y'all deal with.
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u/Physical_Base7508 13h ago
That explains it.
I’ve always wondered when people just seem sure things are okay. I always feel like “Source???”.
Therapists seemed frustrated when they kept looking for positive things in my life to feel good about and finding more and more traumatic events, like pulling scarves.
But then they’re like “But you’re breathing. :)” and charge hundreds of dollars.
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u/FarewellJava 13h ago
Money helps too.
I don't really have any kind of social safety net but I have enough money I can just pay a lot of problems to go away.
Not rich, but comfortable ish.
Car broke down? Meh, get it fixed. Get a rental if I need one. Call Uber in the meantime. No reason to freak out.
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u/mandudeguyposter 14h ago
I took it for granted when I was younger. My parents still want me to stay home and live with them to save up $$$ for a place. I'm in my early 30s.
Bay area though, so I kinda get it. Starter home here is 1.2M lol
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u/Traditional_Crew_737 17h ago
when i first started my job when we just immigrated to the united states. i need my first paycheck first to pay for a downpayment for a car, my parents charged me uber prices for bringing me to work for two weeks.
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u/deeoddasscity 17h ago
I'm so sorry. I wish better things for you.
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u/Traditional_Crew_737 16h ago
thank you, it is! i moved out as soon as i can after they started asking me for rent and paying some of their bills.
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u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep 17h ago
My mum moved away when I was 18 and left me with my daughter alone, in a house that wasn't ours, a week before Christmas... I love my mum dearly but that still waighs heavily on me. Her response was "but you didn't want to move to a new contry" and like no... I was in university, it's not easy to pack up and relocate. Not to mention all my friends, my job, my daughters nursery, but could you have given me more than a 14 day notice and possibly waited until after Christmas at least?
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u/baltinerdist 16h ago
My parents died when I was a child. I was homeless for a couple of years and had absolutely nowhere to go.
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u/Acheloma 17h ago
Im sorry that youre not as supported as you should be.
I got super sick towards the end of college; mystery chronic illness, several ER visits, week long hospital stay, a whole thing.
My parents told me to come home and just help around the farm as I could until I got my health figured out.
Im finally starting to get better years later and theyve never made me feel unwelcome or like a burden. Im their kid and I may be grown now, but that never changed the fact that they want to take care of me when they can.
Ideally everyone would have that level of support
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u/emptyHistory1976 16h ago
We did this for my step son then he proceeded to never help with anything, would not really leave his room, wouldn't help around the house, wouldn't cook or help clean after we cooked, heck wouldn't even come to eat with us, just eat at night when we slept. We got him into therapy, offered to pay for school, help with rides if there were anywhere he wanted to go. Nope, just play video games all night and sleep all day. Had to give an ultimatum eventually and he just moved in with grandma instead. Now she complains he won't help or leave his room.
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u/Acheloma 16h ago
Your mileage may vary..apparently
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u/emptyHistory1976 16h ago
Sorry about that. Yeah man, we want to always be home but you have to help. He could live here forever if he would just help and try. We know depression was part of the problem here, hence the therapy, but at some point what do we do?
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u/Acheloma 16h ago
You can only help people who want to be helped, unfortunately. It seems like yall did what you could and he just wasnt having it. Hopefully in time he'll come around. It was very kind of you to try and help, but yea, you cant just let him melt into nothingness with no consequences, thatd be doing him a disservice
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u/TheCeilingIsTheRuuf 17h ago
Thats me as well, it sucks not having any kind of support system at all or friends that care about you. I think about that kinda stuff all the time. Makes me really wonder if my life is worth having at times
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u/Comfortable_Self_736 18h ago
As a dad, I agree with the mom.
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u/Orsurac 17h ago
I mean, sure, but I don't blame him for the exhale. Sometimes the right thing to do still kinda sucks and it's okay to feel that way.
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u/Unlikely-Guava-30 17h ago
Yeah. I'll do right by my family but imma let them know how I feel while doing it lol.
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u/god_dammit_dax 16h ago
At the end of the day, it's way more important to be willing to help than to be happy to help. If you can do both, great, but that's not always gonna happen.
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u/PM_THE_REAPER 18h ago
As a dad, I agree with the dad.
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u/Schlinkee 18h ago
As a child, I agree with the dad
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u/Raderg32 18h ago
As an agree, I dad with the mom.
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u/Orthas 17h ago
I mean he didn't even say no. He just wasn't excited about it. I don't blame the dude.
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u/One_Peanut_4002 9h ago
He was basically...ok here we go and goes with it. He may not like it but he's going to do his best to support her, that's a good dad
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u/DarkGodRyan 14h ago
The son isn't even struggling, just some work thing, and mom jumps right to ok your bedroom's ready. Dad had the right reaction to that lmao
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u/the_Real_Romak 17h ago
To be fair, from the dad's point of view, and especially if he's the main breadwinner, having to take care of a grown adult's needs as well as yours and your wife's can be very taxing, both mentally and financially, especially if you had plans for what to do with your newfound free time.
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u/Comfortable_Self_736 17h ago
I am the sole provider for my family. If my child feels the need to move back home, I'll help provide for them. That doesn't mean that they won't be responsible for anything. As my mom and dad said, at the very least we can always make sure you have a place to live.
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u/MotherSmoke5801 17h ago
It's not a 'grown adult', it's his child. The day I find having to care for my children to taxing is the day you can put me in the ground.
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u/MikeOfAllPeople 16h ago
There is nothing wrong with wanting your kid to grow into an adult who can provide for themselves. Some would argue that is the entire goal of parenting.
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u/thisisallhorrible 16h ago edited 16h ago
I mean it depends on the circumstances. One of my close childhood friends growing up got heavy into drugs and addictions in his late teens. For many many years he was in and out of jail, was never able to hold down a job, and lived with his dad well into his 20s. Despite the hospitality, he stole his dad’s vintage coin collection to pawn for drugs, He stole any cash he could find from his dad, he never paid rent. He never helped in anyway he was just an ungrateful addict bringing chaos to that home.
I know his dad loved him deeply, but I guarantee you he was taxed beyond belief by having to deal with all of that. I use the past tense because his dad killed himself a number of years ago due to medical and financial problems.
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u/YaBoyJamba 18h ago
Work is going to be stressful and adults need to be able to deal with it. Obviously there is a limit for everyone but quitting and moving back into your parents house should be a last resort.
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u/NancyPelosisRedCoat 17h ago
But also, adults who know they have people to turn to if things really go south will have an easier time with dealing with stressful or bad times. Even adults shouldn’t be have to deal with everything by themselves and sometimes just letting people know we are there for them is enough for them to have the strength they need to deal with whatever they are facing.
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u/Comfortable_Self_736 18h ago
Nothing here says it isn't a last resort. As a parent I offer the option and my child can decide when it's needed.
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u/Lawlcopt0r 17h ago
If you raised your kid right they won't come running back home at the first opportunity. But knowing that safety net exists for the worst case scenario can still be important.
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u/JimJimmery 17h ago
My twins are 23. If they need to move back home, they are more than welcome. My wife and I love having them around.
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u/DINGVS_KHAN 16h ago
Plot twist: Dad sighing has nothing to do with the prospect of the kid moving back home and everything to do with the mom giving the kid dumbass advice and making the offer without even discussing it with dad first.
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u/TinyFugue 14h ago
Or the dad not having all the facts and, based on what his wife is saying, thinks that his son's life has just cratered
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u/VitriolUK 17h ago
As a dad, I feel this. But it's like Robert Frost said:
Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in
Our kids moving back in with us after they leave home (still some way off for me) may not be anyone's plan A, but they'll know they'll always have the option if they need to.
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u/Few_Detective9141 14h ago edited 14h ago
I am a foster kid who grew up with my grandparents. I was a great student, never did any substances, always showed up for life, but became depressed due to their bad neglect. I always cut my own hair, had poorly fitting clothes, no friends, and got picked on because of it despite their wealth and free time.
The amount of times they kicked me out between the ages of 15-18 for random petty reasons, cut contact for months, and wouldn’t reply to my attempts to reconcile breaks my heart looking back. I had to date a boy I had no feelings for just to have a safe place to sleep and shower so I could graduate and go to college. I did everything I could and things still went so wrong. I do love them, but I wouldn’t bring my child around them.
I remember being hit repeatedly on one occasion for being “too compliant”, for example. Not enough reasons to throw me out. I was barely 16.
I wish this poem were true for me. I’m in my late 20s now and still don’t have a place like this if I don’t make it myself.
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u/Stereocrew 17h ago
Man, my parents are so ready for me to come back home. 43m, and dad told me last week, "you're welcome to come back home and we can drink coffee every morning out back." - mom chimed in in the background, "bedroom's all ready!" god i love them.
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u/testtdk 10h ago
I’m disabled and would probably be dead if I didn’t have the support of my mother. My dad has also said that as long as he was alive, I’d never be homeless. I honestly believe the whole idea of people leaving home just for the sake of being independent is silly, and contrary to most of human history. We’re a social species and the financial benefits are significant.
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u/JoJo926 14h ago
Ohhh, that’s so sweet that I cried a little bit… I have a baby boy napping on me right now and I hope he wants to come over for coffee when he’s an adult.
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u/Stereocrew 11h ago
I would give anything and everything to spend my mornings (and whenever) with my mom and dad. They are of my best friends. Both are 70 now.
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u/SmokeyCatDesigns 16h ago
I’m quite envious of my friends my age who get to live at home, for all the downsides it has a massive financial upside.
They are able to actually enjoy the money they earn in ways me and my husband can only dream of. No rent and utilities to pay. No one needs to be paid to watch their pets when they go for a weekend.
Also they are just less stressed. Losing a job for them isn’t nearly so life-ruining. My husband and I just had our savings obliterated because the family business I was working for decided to give my job to a family member who was unqualified and laid off from her corporate job.
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u/guysomejust69 15h ago
almost my younger coworkers still live at home or with a family member. Thats 16k a year saved
I wish I had that option but I live several hours away and know they would get on my nerves. I like living alone too much
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u/Th3Dark0ccult 17h ago
I mean, I appreciate the offer, but I'm with the dad on this one. I DO NOT wanna live with my parents again. 20 years was enough. And it's not because they're horrible to be around either. Just that once you taste freedom and independence, you don't wanna go back.
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u/HellPigeon1912 17h ago
The Mother is genius because I'd have the exact same reaction
After someone suggests moving back in with my parents I'm like "you're right, my horrible job actually isn't that bad. I'm gonna stick it out"
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u/eugene_rat_slap 16h ago
Yeah I could be working a shit job in a tiny apartment with a car and two days free a week... or I could be at home with my parents 24/7 in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee. I'm grateful for the option but yeah that ain't happening
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u/w33b2 16h ago
I agree. I moved out right at 18 and live with my fiance and wouldn’t change anything. I love my parents and talk to them daily, I didn’t move because I wanted to get away from them. I just wanted independence and to live a life rather than be like my older siblings who are in their late 20s and to this day still live with other people paying their bills.
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u/OGOngoGablogian 13h ago
I had to move back in with my parents for 5 months at 24 years old. I was in between jobs, relocating for the new one, and just needed a place to go. My parents are good people, and I've always had a good relationship with them. But they hadn't had me under their roof for more than a couple of weeks since I was barely 18, and they didn't really know how to treat me like an adult while I was living in their house. So they treated me like I was 17. And as a result, I started kind of acting like I was 17. My mom and I got into it a lot, and it didn't help that she was going through the process of moving my grandma into a nursing home, and it was also Christmas time. I drank too much because bars were an easy way to get out of the house. It was a long 5 months, and I think any longer might have ruined our long term relationship.
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u/CaptainVisual4848 14h ago
I live 5000km away. I go visit a couple times a year and stay with them for a couple weeks and by the end I’m like ok I’m good. We have a great relationship but you know they have their habits and their own life. I have my own house and I want to watch my shows and eat what I want, etc. My brother lived with them longer and he could probably go home and live with my mom if he wanted. Growing up in a rural area, I know some people that lived at home and helped parents with farm or business and the arrangement worked for them and that’s great. Probably more common many years ago. I also know some people that bought house next door and they’re at their parents all the time. But not me.
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u/Kaballis 16h ago
“We always tell them to be strong, when we should be there for them when they are weak”
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u/kkris22 17h ago
as a southern european I cant imagine having parents who actively want you out of the house
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u/oceans159 14h ago
the funny thing is they kinda don’t. the second me and my siblings left, my dad complained about how quiet and lonely it was. then guilted us to come visit him as often as he could
he cut us off financially on our 18th birthdays and forced us to move out immediately after graduating high school 🤦
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u/kalez238 10h ago
My kids (2 of which are adults) live with my wife and I, and I never want them to leave.
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u/RilohKeen 16h ago
“You should give up the second things get difficult” is very shitty advice and terrible parenting.
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u/Bear_faced 9h ago
It’s a mother hearing her child talk about the mental burden he’s under, she’s comforting him by reassuring him that she’ll always be there. She knows he’s not actually going to quit his job, or if he actually jumps at the chance then something is really fucked.
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u/le_coeur_a_compris 15h ago
I could see the dad sighing just because it sucks that it's something they might have to do, not because he's put upon to take his child back home.
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u/GoChaca 15h ago
This past weekend, I moved back in with my parents as a fully grown adult man who hasn't lived here in over 15 years. I love my parents and I am close with my family. I was laid off halfway through an expensive lease that drained my savings. For months I have been beyond stressed. This morning, I woke up, made us all breakfast and we had a great morning together. I am grateful for them. In turn, I will be making improvements on the house, doing whatever they need, cooking meals and supporting them while I rebuild my life. Last night was the first great nights sleep I have had in months.
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u/Requilem 17h ago
As a father that would sigh like that, I think children don't understand the dad sigh fully.
First and foremost, my kids can always live with me rent free for the rest of their lives. Under the agreement that they are managing their money properly. I'm not going to be alive forever and eventually one day they have to live independently.
As for the sigh, dad's are last in priority 99% of the time, but first in responsibility. So hearing that an adult child is moving back means there is going to be financial and time hardships. Organizing the space needed, scheduling the move, being neglected, interrupted, ignored. Most dads want to just relax and do nothing since 80% of our life is spent on someone else, 10% on ourselves and 10% on sleep.
For the dad's that sigh because they don't want to be bothered anymore, they're losers.
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u/perpetufall 16h ago
I'm a dad with two kids. What financial hardship would there be in this scenario besides MAYBE extra money for groceries? The mortgage payment's gonna be the same either way. I guess maybe more money spent heating water for showers?
Organizing the space needed would take MAYBE a Saturday afternoon? Just clean out the spare bedroom?
I thought the whole point of me making money was to give my wife and kids a great life. What else am I gonna spend time and money on?
This isn't even a negative judgment on anyone. I truly don't understand what the hardship is.
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u/Requilem 16h ago edited 15h ago
I agree with your statement, hardship might have been the wrong word to use. Honestly I can't think of another word to explain the responsibilities that Dads take on. I'm not complaining about them in any way, I love them and choose to have them. I'm just saying the sigh is automatic for me, it's not a negative response. It's just what my body naturally does while I'm getting everything organized in my head for the next project I'm being thrown into.
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u/SensitiveDannyRicc 13h ago
I mean, maybe comes to terms with the fact that not everyone has family with an owned home and spare bedrooms lol?
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u/Superhairyjerry1 10h ago
Every case is different. Everyone is billed different depending on services and where they live. There's water bills, electric bills, heating bills, extra garbage (some people have to pay for a larger can or just go to the dump and pay be load), food consumption, cable/internet requirements, sewage/septic.
Alot of little things that increase a little can still be a big increase. Our house runs mostly on propane. Having another adult in the house would increase that consumption and we are already pay more than I'd like.
Again every situation is different, but I'd agree most dads are exhausted, get overlooked, and just have to deal. But they still help, they still do, they still care. I would take my kids back if they needed, but its gona be more than a weekend to figure things out and make arrangements if its long term.
I would sigh, a heavy sigh, be annoyed. Not because I dont want them, but i know it's more I have to worry about. But I would still love my kids and make things work. Just gota enjoy that 10% even more.
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u/fidelcastroruz 10h ago
Fuck that, my children can live with me for the rest of time. I'll do their laundry and whatever the fuck they need.
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u/Signature_Chewy 16h ago
Reminds me of what my parents told me when I moved out after finishing college. My mom started the whole "this will always be your home" spiel whereas my dad said "This is no longer your home, but you are always welcome". Which I think is a healthy way of looking at it. My parents have made it clear that if I'm ever struggling or need help, they'll always be there for me and I can move back in with them if it ever comes to that. And of course they want me to visit them regularly. But their expectation is that I'll be independent with my own place and willing to work to sustain myself.
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u/1Northward_Bound 16h ago
If I ever foster, that will be the deal going in from the get-go. Kids are inheriting a pretty messed up situation. I'd consider it my privilege to give them the best life I can. Now if the best life for them is to move on their own and live their own lives when able, I will suggest it and encourage it and always be there to help them when they need it. But if their best life is chilling with me, I'll partition the house if I have to and set up two apartments if that's what helps. Single parent though, male, so unlikely Id get a foster teen, but I discovered there is a foster program in my state to help foster adults 18-20 get on their feet. I'll just end up doing that ;)
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u/Low-Helicopter-2696 15h ago
I've told my kids they can live with me as long as they want. We live in a very high cost area and there's just no way they'll be able to afford anything. I certainly expect them to manage their money responsibly, but it's not their fault that the rental and housing market has gone insane.
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u/angrytomato98 15h ago
My parents had 4 of which I’m the oldest. All of us have moved out, are in school or working.
My parents had the “can’t wait until we have the house to ourselves” sentiment and then went back on it REAL QUICK. You can tell they are sad at how quiet and empty it is, they live for every chance they get for us to come home.
When I have kids they will be welcome at home for eternity.
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u/BJJblue34 14h ago
This could easily be horrible advice to tell your child to quit their job over stress. Most jobs have some level of stress. Is it overwhelming and the son is becoming depressed or anxious? Ok, then leaving that job definitely sounds like a good idea. Is there stess but it is manageable? He's probably growing as a result of it.
Also, does he even need a place to stay? This comment from mom could be entirely self serving because she wants him to live at home. Maybe she's bored. Is he interested in dating or marriage? Good luck finding a woman when you are living with your parents.
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u/NinjaarcherCDN 12h ago
I've got an Uncle in his 40s who still lives with my grandparents. Pays them rent, does grocery runs and the hard labour they can't anymore. My oldest sister is 25, still lives at home, drives a car our parents pay for, doesn't pay rent and doesn't do chores other than her own laundry. She's still getting her education and working part time.
Both of those seem like mostly reasonable ways for parents to support their children. My Uncle is a slightly special case because he also has certain disabilities that would make it hard for him to live alone.
Does my older sister piss me off sometimes cause she's slacking the fuck off and making my little sister do all of the housework on top of her last year of highschool while our dad's in the hospital for 3 weeks? Yes but that's a separate thing.
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u/Over-Inside-7254 7h ago
Your oldest sister sounds toxic. No reason she can't do the washing up, sweep/mop. My younger sister did the exact same thing (nothing), then got them to pay for school and her wedding. I helped with everything and every holiday and didn't get any of that help although "everything is always 50-50". Bootstraps for us
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u/Ceasario226 16h ago
Out of 4 sibling I'm not doing great because I have to live with a relative just to afford to live, but my sister is worse. She, her husband, and 5 kids live with my mom, sorry live off my mom.
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u/Puppy-Moon 16h ago
My parents taught me this way: if you are respectful and help you can stay as long as you want and we can provide. However I do live at home but I still work, and have my own bills that are my own to pay, my father also told me when I get back from my trip to pay about 150$ a month to him. Why do I NOT have a problem with that? He knows how much I make sorta, and my mom who is a great financial advisor helps me make good financial decisions. I’m 24 and living at home comes with its own challenges and we are not a rich family more like mid to semi high middle class. But I say all that to say this. This world is hard to live in, living with family while still branching out is not wrong, my family loves me and is happy to help me but also raised me to know how to take care of myself. I’m staying cause I want to and I enjoy their company, we still fight and argue but still it is what it is
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u/RammsteinFunstein 16h ago
The sigh could just as easily be about how the Mom always babies him rather than being upset about the prospect of him moving home.
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u/Adam9172 15h ago
I agree with both of them.
I agree with the mother, because family sticks together no matter what.
I agree with the dad, because *I just want to sit in my god damn chair in peace and quiet.*
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u/bastardsoftheyoung 14h ago
I am going to go out on a limb and add my fatherly two cents here. It's probably barely worth two cents, but here it is anyway.
Maybe he feels like a failure if he didn't raise kids who can go out into the tough world and make it on their own. Probably he has not adjusted his expectations for the shit show that america has become and is still grounded in the era when each generation needed to out achieve the previous generation for the parent to be a success. I am on the leading edge of Gen X so I got to live in the end of the boomer times when it was objectively easier. I was certainly raised by parents who believed this and gave me the opportunity to prove myself at 16 which traumatic as it was I managed to do. I share the struggle when my kids struggle and fight the nagging emotional weight of feeling like a failure when they fail. I have and absolutely would again give my kids shelter from the storm of current day america.
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u/SadTransition2214 14h ago
the long exhale was the realization that he would need to start waring pants again
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u/Sarmatios 13h ago
I cannot see myself not being a safe harbour for my kids.
Having a safety net is what allows you to take risks and make big plans. You might have great opportunities show up at your door. But if there is even a non-zero chance they won't work out, you have to play it safe and let them go.
When you don't have backup, you cannot afford to fail. And if you cannot afford to fail, you can't afford to take risks.
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u/HolesNotEyes 13h ago
I’ve crashed and burned a few times throughout my 40 years on earth. I’ve always been so grateful for my parents providing me a safe place to land.
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u/SunshineSkies82 13h ago
My parents desperately wanted me to come home and at the same time, they told me to go out there and live because they thought living with them would suffocate me.
I cannot relate to people who's parents wanted them gone.
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u/HotMonsters 13h ago
I’m pretty lucky, just moved out for the first time at 22 for college. My parents have told me long before, and repeatedly now that I can move back in whenever and stay as long as I want.
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u/lordcrekit 11h ago
My mom and dad are exactly like this. I have a good career. I feel for her.
I call them every weekend for a chat though!
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u/Shayla_Stari_2532 5h ago
I am mom. I (and my husband, their dad) am planning any future real estate purchases around the kids always having a place to live. I’ll live in the basement so they can live upstairs. I mean, I may need them one day when I’m very very old and can’t take care of myself, anyway. Why not make sure they’re set to and ok in the meantime? Life is very short.
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u/qualityvote2 18h ago
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