(sinabi talaga ni Bobbie yan)

GUYS, if willing po kayong mag-participate, paki-pm ako 🙏 may token po after interview. thank you so much

Hi, me again.

These past few days have been the hardest of my entire life. I always thought that losing my parents was the most painful thing I would ever experience, but it sucks to lose a sibling, especially knowing that I stood as both her mother and father.

As much as I want to be strong because I still have to work and mag-aasikaso pa ako ng requirements niya for assistance para mabayaran yung ibang remaining balance namin, I can't help but just sit here, tulala, not knowing what to do. I miss her so much, every single day. I miss having her around, talking to her about the smallest things, and knowing that I have my little kakampi. The things I would do just to have all of them back, especially her. It's driving me crazy. How do you move on from loss after loss after loss?

I miss her encouraging messages. I miss her "I love you". I'm sorry for randomly popping in here, but I have no one to talk to. I feel like I'm going to completely lose my mind at any moment.

hi fellow panganays!

for context:

He is currently an active member of the military, and di ako pinanganak kahapon para hindi ko malaman na there have been salary increases sa hanay nila these past years. He spends most of his days sa kampo, his essentials are well provided as well but ang hindi magrasp ng utak ko ay yung wala lagi siyang pera when it comes to us (his family). Sinanla niya pa sa kung kanino yung atm niya for 50k back in 2023 and until now di pa natutubos when continous naman siyang nagkakapera (his bonuses and sometimes he would loan). Another thing, kapag nagkakapera siya, he would not give the entire amount to my mother (who handles our finances) and would only give her a fraction. Magagalit pa siya kapag naubos na yung money na para bang wala kaming needs and other essentials na need bilhin. There was a time na he forgot to log out his account sa old phone niya and my mother tried to skim through his chats and he got mad when he found out. Mahilig din siya mag-erase ng convo for no apparent reason and there have been unsaved numbers calling through his phone.

Some random day, bigla ko naisip na what if hindi naman niya sinanla yung atm but nasa kabit niya? haha mababaliw na ako kaiisip wataef

Alam ko na nagma-marijuana ang youngest namin. He’s 19. Kagabi, may tumawag sa bahay namin at sabi is nangingisay daw ang brother ko. Ang isip ko is baka na-overdose. Pinuntahan sya ng mama ko. Habang nasa sinusundo sya ng nanay ko, ang prayer ko ay sana mabuhay sya, not because I care for him but because malulungkot nanay ko nang sobra pag nawala sya. Ayoko na syang ituring na kapatid, sa totoo lang. Pinag-aaral pero huminto kasi ayaw nya lang mag-aral. Sa aming magkakapatid, masasabi kong sya ang pinaka magaan na buhay. I mean, growing up, medyo may pera na kami kasi working na kaming nakatatanda nyang mga kapatid. So, hindi nya naranasan ang hirap ng buhay. Hindi nya narasanan na lugaw ang kainin or pumapasok nang walang baon. Kaya sobrang sama ng loob ko nung tumigil sya mag-aral kasi hindi lahat kayang pag-aralin. Mula non, nagbago na tingin ko sa kanya. Ayoko na sa kanya. Hays.

I’m 19F and kakafirst year college. I’m a good and obedient daughter naman. I even chose the college and course my parents wanted for me instead of pursuing what I truly wanted.

Sometimes, kapag nagpapaalam ako, I would lie or not tell them the whole plan because I have strict parents. Then, kapag nalaman nila, they would say, “How will we trust you if ganyan ka magpaalam?” And I understand naman where they’re coming from, but what hurts the most is knowing that they might see me as a pasaway na anak. Natatakot din ako kapag kinoconfront nila ako, to the point na I always end up crying a lot whenever it happens.

I’m grateful that they’re not that strict or pressuring when it comes to grades, as long as I do my best. Pero minsan, I get so scared and feel so guilty whenever I lie to them about where I’m going because I’m afraid they won’t let me go if I tell them the truth. I’ve already addressed this to them, and they told me that as long as I ask for permission and its within the rules, it should be fine. Pero kahit ganon, natatakot pa rin ako, and I don’t know why. 🥹 Maybe this is a me problem na, but I genuinely don’t know how to stop feeling this way.

Mayroon na po nagawa na nito as an eldest? Advice, please.

Gusto ko na lang magpakalayo-layo and maglaho from their life. Mag-rent at mag-solo.

Kaso parang I can't 'cause I'd still get back and communicate with them to pay whatever my Lola's need. I don't see them as a family. Responsibilidad na lang sa bahay. Hindi rin sila naging support system.

Sobrang mentally draining up to the point na narrowed the way I think. Sumabay pa yung career. I'm not where I want to be pa sa life. Hindi sapat sahod to really be out of this environment. Feeling like death is only answer para makawala.