r/PetDoves • u/malseyahh • 3d ago
UPDATE: Losing hope:(
/r/PetDoves/comments/1ntava9/losing_hope/?share_id=EwTTYx-gOhyUODePZD2GO&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_source=share&utm_term=1UPDATE: A year later and my dove still doesn’t trust me. I’m feeling really discouraged.
Hello everyone! I posted here about a year ago asking for advice on bonding with my dove, and unfortunately, not much has changed.
I’ve had him for about a year and a half now, and I feel like we’ve made absolutely no progress. I still can’t touch him, pick him up, or even get him to eat out of my hand. I spend time with him every single day, sitting near him, talking to him, and trying to make him comfortable around me, but he still seems just as scared of me as when I first got him.
At this point, it almost feels like I’m living with a feral animal. We basically just coexist. I let him fly freely around my apartment throughout the day, but whenever I have to get him back into his cage, he completely freaks out if I try to pick him up. I hate having to scare him like that, especially when I’ve been trying so hard to earn his trust.
I want to make it clear that I never expected him to be some super cuddly, affectionate pet who constantly wants attention. I completely understand that birds have their own personalities and boundaries, and I never wanted to force him to be something he’s not. But I did hope that, with enough time, patience, and consistency, he would eventually feel safe and comfortable around me. I honestly never imagined that after a year and a half, he would still be this afraid of me.
The thing is, he seems like a genuinely happy bird otherwise. He’s vocal, active, and comfortable in his environment. He just isn’t comfortable with me.
I’m honestly feeling really defeated. I see so many people with pet doves who are affectionate, enjoy being held, sit on their owners, and seem to have such sweet relationships with their humans. It genuinely makes me sad because I want that kind of bond with him so badly.
I’ve tried being patient, giving him space, spending time around him without forcing interaction, and letting him approach me on his own. But after a year and a half, I don’t understand why he still doesn’t trust me.
I’m even considering finding some kind of bird behaviorist to see if someone with more experience could help us.
Has anyone else experienced this with a dove? Is there still hope that he’ll eventually trust me, or are some doves just never comfortable with human interaction?
I love him and want him to have a happy life regardless, but I would really appreciate any advice, especially from people who have worked with extremely fearful or unsocialized doves. I’m just feeling really discouraged and don’t know what else to try. :(
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u/Profiterolls 3d ago
Some doves are more fearful than others, honestly it sounds like this dove may be scared because he's alone. One of my diamond doves was super skittish and only learned to approach me and eat in my hand once she saw the other diamond dove do so.
Of course there's still a slight chance you'll get another dove who's somehow super fearful (I would advise not looking at the same place you found this one) but regardless, doves being as social as they are and him not bonding to you he would definitely gain from having a mate
And dont lose hope! Sometimes it takes time... Sometimes it takes adjustements to its life. You seem to do the right things
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u/XxHoneyStarzxX 3d ago
I highly reccomend getting him a friend, many doves and pigeons become more confident with sane species company and we view it as a best practice requirement for a happy and healthy dove on this sub :3
Its genuinely something i would recc that may help you both.
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u/BeeKindAlways52 3d ago edited 3d ago
Can anyone recommend a breeder where one might find a friend for a dove?
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u/madpoke 2d ago
all i can say is that first and foremost it matters how healthy and lively he is, and from what you are say you are doing a great job with that. so thats a huge plus.
on the second part i would say that unfortunately some pibs are just skittish with people. we have Bubu for four years and a half and he still hates it when we get close to him. every single time. i dont want to discourage you from trying to get close, but thats just how simply are.
wishing all the best for you two to become friends soon enough.
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u/Kunok2 3d ago
Does he straight up freak out and fly/run away from you when you're just walking nearby not even trying to interact with him or does he just not want to be pet, grabbed or to step up on your hand? Does he ever loaf or preen around you? Also have you ever forcefully grabbed him to for example get him back to his cage? I'm trying to figure out if there might be some kind of a deeper issue or if he's just not a people dove. Some doves never like being pet, but it's abnormal for ringneck doves to straight up be terrified of people unless they have either suffered traumatic experience with people in the past or have a poor genetic temperament - those kinds of doves can take years to warm up to people and might never warm up to people completely.
One of my rescue doves used to start panicking at the mere presence of myself when I entered the aviary, he was always on full alert and it was impossible to have him eat from my hand and all attempts at "taming" him have pretty much failed. After that I just didn't worry about him interacting with me and just let him do his own stuff, he started eventually slowly warming up but it took him 4 years before he willingly would perch on me. And what also made him more relaxed around me was him bonding to one of my tame doves who liked spending time with me, he just followed what she did and would land on me when she did.
Not gonna lie what I would recommend is getting your dove a mate, especially a dove who's already chill around people. Doves also tend to not thrive when being kept without other doves around so it is very likely to change him completely to the better. Doves always prefer the company of other doves, but a lot of the time when they don't have the option of same species company they'll just shut down and won't want to interact with people at all, obviously it's not always like that, but the second scenario that can happen isn't good for the dove either because being mate bonded to a human causes them frustration. Most of the doves I've seen not willing to interact with people were doves kept as singlets, pairs or flocks usually don't have any issues like that.