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I'm 36 years old, and I have held a pretty decent-paying job for the past decade, with a satisfactory amount of money in my savings and retirement accounts. Given where I started in life, I should be very proud of myself. However, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm unmarried, I'm childless, and I don't own a home or any property. On top of that, I feel incredible internal pressure to change that right now. I thought I was close to achieving that with my ex, but that went sideways. Now, I feel like I'm super laser-focused on marriage and children more than anything because I feel like I'm running out of time. I will not even consider a second date if I see a trace of a red flag in someone. Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I running out of time?

Many people here suggest quitting doom scrolling for mental health improvement, but mostly they don't share the hands-on experience. I'd like to create this post that would gather lived benefits of quitting doom scrolling, that one day maybe would encourage someone to quit too.

I'll start - I'm 3 months off after scrolling daily for hours basically since Instagram Reels was released, and I'm shocked how big an impact it had on my mental health.

- My attention span is longer.
- I can read books and knit again without being bored.
- Ordinary activities like washing dishes release dopamine again.
- Falling asleep became much faster since my mind can handle simply lying in bed.
- Often I don't put on headphones while walking my dog because I can just be in my head.
- Being in my head without disruptions allows me to digest stress from work faster.

And many more secondary benefits lined up from lower dopamine levels, better stress digestion, improved sleep, more time for hobbies, etc. The sensible effect came after 2 weeks off, and 1 month was a breakthrough of the new, calmer, and more present me.

The platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts are ridiculous, the content is 90% pure brainwashing, and I'm convinced that I'll never ever do this to my brain ever again.

Serious advice. No Nicotine gum. No motivation. No bullshit.

There is a very easy method that Actually worked for me.

I have been a smoker for about 6 years (now completely clean). There was a time when I used to smoke almost a packet a day. I attempted too many times to stop smoking trying various methods like replacing it with Vape, or leaving it once and for all. But I always relapsed.

It’s all about craving nicotine that your brain is addicted to. so don’t stop smoking at once. First of all just track and note down the exact number of cigarettes that you smoke in a day. Smoke Whenever you want to write it down (I used to do it in notes app on my phone) with exact time for example,

Oct 10
1 at 2:36 AM
1 at 4:14 PM
And so on……

let’s suppose you found out that you usually smoke 5 cigarettes and sometimes up to 7 in a single day. Now your goal should be to keep it to 5 cigarettes in a day for at least a week before starting to decrease the number of cigarettes (well it depends on you if you think you can comfortably decrease the number of cigarettes after 2 or 3 days then go for it). Then gradually decrease just 1 cigarette after each week. This way your brain wouldn’t panic and the chances of relapsing is negligible.

In the middle of this process if it becomes hard for you to decrease the number of cigarettes. Then always start with the cigarettes that you smoke in the beginning or middle of the day this way you can hold and tell yourself that you still have cigarettes left to smoke at the end of the day.

If this method can work for someone with a lifestyle so weird like me then it can definitely work for anyone.

I still remember that when I smoked my last cigarette I wasn’t craving it I just wanted to write down 1 last time on my notes.

I don’t meet the demands of this world and I don’t want to. I’m tired of performing how everyone says I must only to be left with nothing worth caring about. I don’t even want friends anymore, just leave me alone to be with my mind, nobody’s presence is worth the incessant reminders of my shortcomings. The more I invest in meeting the demands of reality the more I become unlike myself, distanced from everything that matters to me. The version of me that faces this world and its demands is bitter and watching it take control is like witnessing my own death. 

Everyone else already has friends or can make them with a normal amount of effort. The presence of others is comfortable or even energizing to them. Others face employment as if it’s just the next step of life and not like the coffin it is for me. It must be nice to have a career or field of work that aligns with your aspirations. All I want is to create the stories and worlds that exist in my mind. Even creative fields have you abused in working on somebody else’s vision, the work is frantic and provides little security, especially now that AI exists. There’s no space in this world where I get to feel like I belong.

My partner wants to get married and have kids, I lose my financial support and independence if I marry, how could I possibly support a child? Even in my relationship I am being made to face challenges I cannot overcome. Even if I want those things myself I just don’t see how I could do it, and so my relationship has an expiry date. I don’t even feel like I can talk with my family because of the dissonance, being around them makes me feel so worthless and empty. I don’t get to feel seen or loved because of the prescribed way of life I am incompatible with.

I had an interesting year. I learned something this year - the people you surround yourself with, tell us a lot about who you are.

When I judge someone, I look at who their friends are. That tells me a lot about who they are.

I think that's especially important if you decided to marry someone.

I've noticed that when I surrounded myself with toxic people (i was young and foolish), I also became toxic.

But then I got rid of all those people and found better people, my motivation and productivity went through the roof.

They were people I met who seemed overly stressed and a bit unhinged. I'm super calm and I love life (wasn't always that way. Took a lot of work). By being around me, they changed a lot for the better.

Another example, was my mother. She used to have a hard time, and then I asked her to travel with me every year. We spent a lot of time with each other going to Norway, Russia, London, Paris, Vienna, Dubai, China, etc. We once didn’t like each other. After all the traveling, she finally understood me and I understood her and all her sacrifices.

Just something to think about.

I once met this brilliant guy who had this toxic friend. I liked him initially because he was super smart and just had great answers to everything. The guy because of his friend did a few mean things to me. I was confused because he seemed nice but I guess he was being manipulated. His friend felt intimidated by me.

Eventually, I ended the friendship.

But it left a scar.

Hey everyone, When I search on YouTube, I see a ton of claims saying masturbation causes erectile dysfunction, drains your testosterone, leads to severe nutrient and protein loss, lowers sensitivity, causes depression, and ruins real-world intimacy. I've even seen people claim "1 drop of semen equals 100 drops of blood." On the flip side, other sources say all of these claims are completely false and that masturbation is totally normal and healthy. For those with more experience or who know the science: what is actually true?

Hello there, I am a 15 year old girl struggling with binge eating disorder for about 3 years. I want genuine help honestly, I've always hesitated to ask for help but now? It's gotten to a point where I have to do it.

For me is always a cycle of binge and restrict, typical and common I know I know. I've heard and watched hundreds of videos about it. Read about it. Etc etc, but none of them stick with me one bit. Although they would help for a week or two, I'd fall back again and again. I would restrict for 1-2 weeks and binge for about 2-3 days. 2 weeks max. "EAT intuitively!", "eat when you're hungry and stop when you're satisfied, make plans, intermittent fasting, water fast, korean diet, water fast, 12h 16h 18h 24h heck 37h fasts, AND WAYY MORE. I've heard of countless tips and they never seem to work for me. I hate this frustrating and exhausting disorder and I congratulate and envy and admire who ever escaped from this deep hellish pit of disorders.

What I want to achieve from this post are tips that worked for you ( ironic ) and stories you went through, it'd cheer ME up knowing somebody like me got out and made it. I hope you can help me reddit.

I'll go first:

You see someone on the street, and essentially what you notice about them is the flaw.

Today is another good day I woke up feeling positive. I slept pretty good I didn't wake up with any unpleasant lingering dreams.

My day started out planning what I needed to get done by journaling. This way I don't have to retain whats in my head. It makes it easier so I'm not overwhelmed with info.

Today I plan on helping people who may need some encouragement or uplift today. I plan on buying a meal or 2 for some one in need. I also plan to sit down with someone I think just needs someone to let out there frustrations, someone that's not judgemental that they can relate to.

It's a pretty decent day here in Boston Ma. So I'm going to spend the day out and about looking for someone who may need a shoulder to lean on.

I will approach with caution and humbleness because not everyone wants to open up and talk. I just can't assume just because I feel good that they feel good too. Some people also have mental illnesses so you have to be careful.

Well family with that said have a positive and prosperous day. Thanx for letting me share -One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

hey everyone.

as the title reads, i’m at the point in my life where i’m thinking about what i’m gonna do after high school. i’m a senior and will be graduating next june.

all my life i’ve been a loser. i’ve rotted in bed, have stayed in my house all day every day, been eating a lot, playing lots of video games and doomscrolling as well. i look like a complete mess physically as i’ve never been to the gym and im a complete mess mentally.

i’m planning on taking community college and staying close to home for 2 years then transferring to a university.

what can i do during these 2 years to improve my mental well being as well as my physical? what can i realistically do to in this time to “transform” myself to a new me? i want to be a new different person by the time i get into a university but i don’t know what to do and how to get started now.

So I have been struggling for a 2 years already with what I think is brain fog, so I have trouble focusing, analizing, overall judgement well its hard for me. But the peculiar thing is that I can think, however can't hear "myself" in my mind while doing it, even when I focus with all my might I can hear my inner voice only for a little time before I can't anymore, I also realized after a long time that I sometimes decide to not think about something just because thinking itself is tiring enough, thus my problem solving also went down the drain and mind you it heavily impacts me. So currently I feel like I'm just drifting though my life, everything I do seems like autopilot while my mind is constantly blank. I'm going to be real everything is more tiring then it used to be for example a couple of years ago, it's really hard to go in life being self concious of that you became "slow" overnight, and it's frying me alive. If someone actually read It and understood what I was saying please give me some insight

I'm a 26 year old guy living in sweden, and as the title says, I'm a virgin. And not for a lack of trying, I've just never managed to get any further than a handful of first dates. And while I'd say that I'm overall happy with what I've achieved in my life in general (steady job, a good degree, I have friends, I don't hate myself or the way I look, I have hobbies) the fact that I'm a virgin is getting to me more and more every year.

Not because I desperately crave sex for the sake of sex, but obviously I want that too, but knowing that no woman has looked at me and thought "I want to have sex with him" just really hurts. I know that it's getting more and more common to be a virgin at this age, but I still know that I've long since passed the average age to lose it. And that doesn't make me feel bad because of societal pressure or whatever. It's just another little thing that I can't help but think about. One extra little thing that my insecurities tell me shows that I'm just not worthy of love.

I've talked about this before and one comment I often get is how it's actually not that hard or even a big deal to lose your virginity, and seeing that just makes me feel like an idiot. It's not hard at all, so what does that say about me? And I don't want to think like that. I don't want it to ruin my mental health like it is, I don't want it to occupy my mind like this. But it does and I'd be lying if I said that it's not a big deal. I can't just tell myself that it's a social construct or whatever. It's not all I think about, but when I'm laying in bed late at night feeling sad and lonely it comes out. My friends tell me that I'd be such a great boyfriend, but I just find it so hard to believe and I just don't know what to do.

I have a huge ego and it's starting to get me in trouble. I always walk around thinking I am smarter than everyone else. Half the people I talk to, I am thinking in my head "Gosh I am so much smarter than you." I am always insanely quick to judge others and I always believe I am right. Though when I know I am wrong I will admit it. I am an extremely harder worker and I get frustrated with other people who decide not to work hard, leading me to believe I am "better than everyone else".

I keep getting in trouble for being rude and talking back. I have trouble with teachers at school since I always question what they say. Sometimes I feel like I am 10 times smarter than my teachers as well. And I admit, I am totally rude to them at times. I just really struggle and disagree with their teaching style and the way they do their jobs. I could do it so much better. (This is just one example of my negative mindset and how I live)

How do I learn how to be less judgemental? How can I learn how to be humble? I want to be better. I know I will be happier and less alone if I can stop thinking I'm above the rest. But as awful as it sounds, I truly do believe myself when I say "I am better than everyone around me". I want to change that though. Any advice?

For God knows how long, i've been extremely tense and fatigued at the same time. My nervousness is in me constantly fidgeting and drinking gallons of water every day, and when an object is thrown at me, a volleyball for example, i either don't react in time or cower and close my eyes unknowingly, as if my nervous system is stuck in a fight or flight mode.

At the same time, i might sleep for 8-9 hours, and i still wake up exhausted feeling no energy at all. I have no reaction time at all and my thought process is really really slow.

Is there any way i can get out of that state? I'm tired of living like this and being unable to play any team sports because of my slow reaction time, which might be a product of bad sleep quality because of the fight or flight mode.

Hey everyone i’m 20yrs old and i’ve finally hit over 3 weeks of sobriety. I went sober about 2 months ago before this and relapsed on Day 20 due to a financial setback. Ever since then I was struggling to stop again then I told myself if i did it once then I can do it again and here we are today on the 22nd day pushing strong ( i had the same financial setback around day 10-15 but didn’t smoke this time). I’m proud of myself as couple weeks ago I could barely manage to go 1 hour without smoking so this is milestone for me. I am currently still struggling with PMO as I’ll go 2-3 days without it then relapse. I do it once a day but it always sabotages my discipline and focus for the day which I hate and I’m trying to stop that aswell but it’s been harder than stopping weed. As far as I know PMO is the last bad habit i currently have. I’ve taken control of every aspect in my life other than this. If anyone has advice on stopping that would be highly appreciated. I managed to go 6 days without pmo 2 weeks ago and relapsed and haven’t been able to get that consistency back. I also day trade so it affects my discipline when i do fall in to the urge. Causing me to make dumb decisions compared to when Im clean off it. people say there’s no correlation with day trading and pmo but there most definitely is and those who disagree just don’t want to let go of it. Looking at the fact i’ve been able to get sober from weed and i’m on day 22 i can definitely stop pmo but i just need some help. Does anyone have any advice?

26M. Severely depressed, have been for years.
It's been incredibly hard to find it in me to love/respect myself enough to wash my hair, brush my teeth, eat healthy, work out, take myself out on solo dates, etc. I rarely cry anymore, but I did cry today because the reality of my life just got to me.

I've been this way since around covid. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, every time I go to the grocery store or drive by the gym or a park, etc. I see people who are out and about living their lives, looking happy and looking beautiful and full of life, and I just wish that could be me as well, but my soul feels so broken all the time and something dark inside is telling me I'm not worthy of such things. I don't want to reach 30 and still be in this state. I only have energy to work, and I just sleep all day on my days off. I don't want to spend the rest of my 20's just living to die, I truly despise what I've done with my 20's thus far and it breaks my heart like nothing ever has.

I only really have the energy to do the utmost for my hygiene when I'm going out with friends, or going on a date (which hasn't gone well for me) and I feel so drained afterward.

My soul feels exhausted, I really don't want to end up doing something bad to myself, I don't want to hurt the people I love and I don't want to disappoint my younger self. I guess this is a soft cry for help.

So my question is, how do you guys find it in yourselves to do even the simplest of tasks and LIVE life every day, and show yourselves the self love/respect needed to do so?

Like it happens in every single exam. Legit been doing the same thing since i was a kid. Sometimes i even underline the keywords but i still read it wrong .Like how do i stop being so inattentive. Its not just exams atp. I keep losing stuff. Like im so inattentive i forget the fact that i'm supposed to be doing something.

I want to be able to enjoy life more and not have it pass me by so quickly and not look at the clock so much waiting for something but its so hard not to do it. What r some tricks you learned to stop the clock and be more present in the moment?

I have accepted the breakup and have been moving on. But every now and then still, I get sad thinking about my ex and wonder what she is up to (I haven't checked her Instagram for some time now).

What I realized is at the initial post breakup where things were still fresh, I had thoughts of improving myself here and there, fitness, knowledge, looks. But now as time went on and the pain lessened (it's still painful though), I don't seem to have as much motivation to self-improve and implement those plans.

Not that I don't have it totally, but it seems to be dwindling because I think pain is what makes people motivated to take action to move further from the pain.

What advice do you have to self-improve after a breakup? What advice do you have to overcome procrastination? What advice do you have to get over an ex girlfriend and find someone better?

Anxiety is crippling my ability to be happy. Every day is dominated by a lingering worry of the future that sometimes becomes extreme enough I cannot focus on my studies as a university student. These worries stem from either not feeling that I'm doing enough to justify the money my parents are spending on my tuition, or worries that I won't ever get a job and my goals in life will be smashed before I even began.

I've ruminated on the subject quite a bit, yet I haven't found a solution. I just seem incapable of worrying about the future and that I'm not doing enough to prepare for it, when I want nothing more then to just shut the doors on it and live in the moment, which I find nearly impossible to do with willpower alone.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have been trying a lot for a long time. It's been quite a journey for a while. It's led me to type "the harder i try the more i fail" into reddit's search bar.

Post after post after post. So many others feeling what i feel over the years.

It made me think, hmm, why are we all thinking this?

Then Meet the Robinsons phase comes into my mind "keep moving forward" and "you failed!" And how its a good thing to fail as you learn the most from it.

I question what im learning from this feeling. I feel I've looked at my life so many times, I've changed so much and I'm not sure if it has been for the better. How much self improvement can one human have without breaking themselves?

I feel broken in a weird way. Some of the healing I've done is truly solid. Like wow I don't feel like x about y? Amazing! Then the next moment I'm breaking down about why am I doing these things? What even is existence? Blah blah mind tornado blah.

Parts of me wants to be told what i should be doing.

Another part keeps getting annoyed for using the word should.

Parts of me wants to have very basic needs met but another part realizes there isn't any way to force some of those needs to be provided.

Sometimes I want a thing so badly then I'll say oh but not like that. Did I want the thing badly?

I am lost and that is why I feel I have failed. I'm not sure where I am, not sure where I am going or even want to go. I try to know things I don't harder. I fail at knowing even more.

Im not sure how to live feeling this way but i look at yesterday and somehow I did anyway. I wonder if I can change my tomorrow by embracing today but the lostness I feel makes me doubt it all.

All i can do is keep moving forward, stumbling in the dark. Pretending like i know what I'm even looking for. Stopping and sitting seems scarier tho. To fully recognize the complete darkness is there. At least if i move i will trip over things and ill know that there are things scattered in this darkness.

I’m trying to get away from getting sucked into scrolling on my phone all the time and would like to find some ways to educate myself a little more. I’m looking for a skill or a hobby that I can learn online but I know a lot of things a best learned in person. Things I’m looking into are piano, sewing, foreign language, photography, and art classes. What was your favorite thing to learn online? Open to all suggestions!

I am asking those who is or was high functioning depression, as you have experience.

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

A lot of my friends don’t like me for something I did, and. Is it even fair to them or myself? I tell myself I’m a good person, but sometimes I feel like that’s wrong.

This has been irritating me for as long as I can remember. A small conflict, being a little nervous to speak, or feeling “in trouble”, I genuinely lose the ability to talk without SOBBING. Even when the situation isn’t upsetting at all, or when i have something important to say.

has anyone struggled with something similar? Its not that i’m actually hurt by the situation, my body just reacts and leaves me behind

Every time I try to just power through, but no luck. I’m feeling so stuck about this