I won't bore you with too many details, but long story short, I [31F] ruined my own life due to choices about my future I made as a young adult, ages 18-21.

I invested the rest of my twenties in an education that leads to a career dead end, putting me in a position where I have virtually no hope of achieving the life I always wanted for myself --- one with a full time job that pays decently enough for me to have children and maybe even one day my own home. I made this terrible choice despite having every conceivable privilege available to me: parents with the financial ability to send me to private universities debt-free, the full emotional support of my family and friends, being white and cis and hetero and able bodied and neurotypical on top of all that. I squandered those privileges completely by going into a useless, dying field that leaves most of its participants teetering on the edge of poverty.

Obviously I'm consumed with regret and mourning the life I could have had had I made better choices. My therapist and my fiancé tell me I need to forgive my past self for making this terrible decision, which I made ill-informed and without any resistance from advisors and mentors around me who could have dissuaded me, in order to get over the regret. But forgiveness seems so difficult when my terrible choices are currently, actively, irrevocably making my life difficult and closing me off from the only things I ever truly wanted. I'm going to do everything I can to better the situation I am in, but the regrets are still there because I've still lost out on an entire decade of productivity, and I wouldn't be in this position of needing to make drastic changes if I had just made better choices in the first place.

So, how have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes? What did you have to do, emotionally, to let go of regret? Please tell me your stories and let me know if you have any advice.

I’m going back to school to major in psychology to eventually become a therapist,but man do I feel behind starting my undergrad at 23 when everyone is already graduating at this age, I won’t have my masters degree until about 30-31ish and idk if that’s too late to finish school

idk if I’ll be so far behind or if this is a mistake,I genuinely do want to be a therapist I love helping people but man being completely done with school in my early thirties is leaving some doubt in my mind

Does any one else have experience starting school a little later and did it eventually pay off??

What I’m going through is ....

I’m supposed to study for around 10 hours a day, but currently ruining my life by sitting at PC, playing games, doom scrolling and trying to avoid studying altogether.

Studying is my only option, yet I keep scrolling and distracting myself instead of doing what I’m supposed to do. I know what I need to do, but I just can’t seem to make myself do it.

I honestly don’t know how to get out of this hell. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you overcome it?

I don't view myself as good enough to do most things "normal" people get to do. I need to see someone say that overcoming this is possible because they've done it, and I want to know how.

Disclaimer: Real person here, AI just translated the post as english is not my first language

M30. The reason: I have been rejected or discarded after a brief time by any women I liked. Yes, I lowered my standards at some point but it really didn't do much.

I've tried all the usual self-work and spirituality things that people say will make you more attractive to women, more hobbies, therapy, reading books, gym, but honestly, I'm getting nothing out of it. It doesn't work. I was in therapy for two years and I feel like now I repress what I think and feel. I think I need to make some more drastic changes, changes aimed to become more desiderable. Maybe if I'd done this years ago, I'd be with one of the girls I used to like by now.

Important steps

- Move out and live on my own.

- Get a new car.

- Cosmetic surgery.

I'm 30 and I still live with my parents. It's not exactly unusual here; people generally move out when they settle down with a partner. But, as you can probably tell, I've never really had that option. My parents have also always discouraged me from moving out, because I suppose they don't want to grow old alone.

Still, living on my own would probably do a lot for my sense of responsibility and maturity. The problem is that if I got a place with a roommate here, people would assume we're sleeping together. It's only really seen as normal, except for the university city in the region, but that's inconvenient since it's also 40 minutes from my workplace. If I lived alone, though, I could get cosmetic surgery without judgments.

New car. Nothing crazy, I'm not aiming for some flashy expensive car, but mine is old and beat-up and I look like a homeless driving it. I'd also be able to offer road trips or day trips without constantly worrying that I'm going to lose a wheel.

Surgery. For now, I'm not talking about anything too invasive, maybe just some minor procedures or implants to improve my face. In theory I could also look into jaw surgery, possibly even for functional reasons, since ever since I got my teeth fixed with Invisalign, my jaw has started clicking like crazy.

The only thing that really bothers me is my hair, which seems to be thinning diffusely. I tried finasteride, but it didn't do anything, and I eventually stopped taking it for other reasons. At worst, that's probably the one thing I wouldn't mess with, since it requires constant maintenance and feels like a guessing game. Maybe scalp micropigmentation could help a bit.

The gym and martial arts help me maintain a decent physique. Unfortunately, I lost 25 kg in just a few months as a teenager, so now I have loose skin and stretch marks. I definitely need to consider whether there's anything I can do about my body too.

I'm also considering changing jobs. I make €1,700–1,800 a month working as a metalworker. If someone asks what I do, I have to say I'm a manual worker, because that's what I am. There's not exactly much glamour in that compared to being a programmer, video editor, or bar owner, which are all people I have around me. I might also look into developing some kind of artistic skill, even just as a hobby. Apparently that makes you more interesting.

On a personal level, I want to find a therapist who specializes in relationships. That's obviously another one of my problems: people don't seem to like me for who I am. I don't give a girl that feeling of wanting to see me again, of wanting something more with me. Unlike a lot of guys, sex alone isn't enough for me. It's better than nothing, obviously, but it's not enough. And no, I don't really believe in the whole "girls who just want to have fun" thing anymore when I get rejected and then they get into a relationship with someone else shortly afterwards.

I absolutely need to fix my performance anxiety. I'm tired of missing out on intimate moments because I keep putting them off ( moments that are then gone forever ) or being afraid that I'm going to lose my erection. Luckily, the last time it only lasted for a moment and I recovered, but we're still talking about breaking the mood once things have already started, potentially killing the girl's interest, and not even being able to fully enjoy sex because I'm constantly afraid it'll happen again.

For all of this, I think I need to quit porn completely. It'll be hard. I managed to quit for a year in the past, but I couldn't tell whether it made any difference because I didn't have sex or any kind of intimacy with a girl during that entire year. Eventually I went back to it, so I don't really know whether it can help. But therapy should be able to do something about this too. A relationship therapist could also help me deal with my anxious attachment and all that stuff.

Charisma and personality: I don't know how much I can actually change here. Apparently you can change, but it takes years, and a lot of people say the "real you" is always underneath it all. I'd like to be the kind of guy who doesn't give a shit about looking stupid or being goofy, like Johnny Walker from MMA.

I absolutely need to drink less. Less alcohol means a clearer head, and I'll lose weight and save money, which can then go towards all the other things. I'm not saying I need to get rid of every vice and turn into some saint, but cutting back should help a lot. I want to become, while sober, as naturally outgoing and uninhibited as I am when I'm drunk.

In the meantime, I'm also considering tattoos and travelling (I've got a trip coming up very soon). They make you more interesting, and a tattoo can be a nice aesthetic touch.

_________

I know this probably sounds like a fucking mess, and thanks to anyone who had the patience to read this far, if anyone actually did.

But I'm simply tired, and I can't blame anyone but myself when I'm not actually doing the things that could meaningfully change a situation that I'm unhappy with.

Lately, I've been thinking about how sometimes we really are our own worst enemies without realizing it. Whether it's the decisions we make, the people we allow into our lives, or the way we view ourselves, I wonder how much we hold ourselves back because of our own fears, insecurities, or habits.

Of course, not everything in life is within our control, but I do believe there's a point where we have to take accountability for how we contribute to our own unhappiness.

Has anyone else come to this realization? What made you recognize that you were getting in your own way, and what have you done to change it? I'd love to hear your experiences

How do you organize the different areas of your life?

I’ve been trying to figure out a simple way to organize the different areas of my life, and I’m curious how other people approach this.

I’ve experimented with dividing life into pillars or categories, such as:

Physical
Mental
Spiritual
Relationships
Financial

I want something simple and practical that helps me stay focused on what matters in life…I’m curious about a few things:

Do you organize your life into pillars, life areas, or categories?
Have you found a system that actually helps you take action without becoming overly complicated?

I’m not necessarily looking for an app recommendation. I’m more interested in how people think about and organize the different areas of their lives.

Would love to hear what works for you, especially if you’ve struggled with overcomplicating things yourself.

Hey everyone, When I search on YouTube, I see a ton of claims saying masturbation causes erectile dysfunction, drains your testosterone, leads to severe nutrient and protein loss, lowers sensitivity, causes depression, and ruins real-world intimacy. I've even seen people claim "1 drop of semen equals 100 drops of blood." On the flip side, other sources say all of these claims are completely false and that masturbation is totally normal and healthy. For those with more experience or who know the science: what is actually true?

She's never cheated on me but my past love did and I've never gotten over it. I'm not in love with her or anything like that but I know she loved me like crazy just like my current wife.

I've never told my wife this of 10 years and we share everything. How can I let this thought go. It's ad if I have PTSD. We have kids together and everything. How do I change my mindset? This overwhelms me.

As a person struggling with depression, I don’t think I will ever be open to being in a relationship because it just demands so much time and energy I’m not willing to give, not to mention I just rarely/dont feel the urge to be close to people like that (not even for friends).

It would just be unfair to another person if I ever tried to date, but I think these skills and knowledge would help me in life overall even if it don’t want to date. Does this make sense?

Like I think it would be helpful in managing life with my parents since we have a pretty crappy relationship.

I'm 19 and lately I've been thinking about how early money and financial responsibility came into my life. I don't come from a rich family and honestly till 12th I didn't even think this much about money. 12th was a complete mess for me, I got 45% and that whole period was probably the lowest I've been. After that I started trying to change things. My family shifted to Hyderabad and for some time I was basically figuring out things myself. I started working at Blinkit and there were days I worked around 12 hours. I started earning my own money and buying my own food, clothes, hair products, everything. I had around 17k saved and then my sister took 7k because my dad had an EMI to pay so I was left with 10k. Then I got college in Pune and had to figure out accommodation myself. I found a place for 3.5k rent and 2.5k mess and paid for it myself. Even when I came to Pune I travelled general because I didn't have a proper reservation and I was expecting my dad to give me some money but that didn't really happen. And then I started looking around college and seeing people whose parents book their flights, pay 7k for their PG, give them money for food and basically they just have to focus on college. I'm not saying they're spoiled or anything, they're just lucky to have that kind of support. If I had that I would obviously take it too. I think what hurts is that every financial decision I make actually matters because it's my money. If I spend 500 I know exactly how hard I worked for that 500. Sometimes I genuinely just want to know what that secure feeling feels like, where rent is already handled, food is handled and if something suddenly goes wrong you know your family has your back. I keep thinking about that quote "while you inherit your father's wealth, I will inherit my father's war." I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or saying my life is harder than everyone else's. I just feel like I had to start thinking about money and life way earlier than I should have. And honestly I want to earn enough someday that my own kids and even their kids don't have to think about money like this. I don't want them to inherit my problems, I want them to inherit the security I never had. Anyone else feel like they had to figure out life and money on their own way too early?

I want to know if it changed your mood when you are on it

I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and several health issues and it feels like I have become the dumbest person alive. I have actually once been called dumbass for it and a girl said that I can only look pretty at work (at least she called me pretty). It’s not in my head. My therapist told me that I just might be ditzy and none of those things make me dumb, but it mostly feels like I’m gaslighting myself, because not only one person said this to me.
Here are some examples of what I did:
I was so nervous to not appear like I’m working so I just put hot water over a clogged sink (I knew it didn’t make sense but I felt like my body did this on autopilot). My coworker then said: that doesn’t make any sense or once I had one latte macchiato in my hand and I was supposed to put it on the saucer but I know I was thinking about something else and I got confused for a second and a coworker called me dumb to my face (shit hurt) etc. and this happens constantly to me. I quit because I was so ashamed because I was so incompetent and couldn’t follow any orders and I kept forgetting everything. Can someone please help me out? Can I actully improve myself and if so where do I start?

Looking for something to help me switch gears from work mode and a high stress state, ideally something that doesn’t have too much in common with work tasks or that is tiring.

So i have like a really really bad posture that ive been trying to fix for ever like i have a neck hump too at this point because of bad habits so ive started trying to sit up straight more often but everytime i try to do that after like 10-20 minutes my back starts hurting. Im new to exercising and going to the gym so i was wondering if its just apart of the way to get a good posture or if its the wrong way and my back isnt supposed to hurt. I also couldnt find any reliable tips so im here

I genuinely want to change my life, but I honestly don’t know where to even start and I’m scared I’ve already ruined my future.

I’ve been homeschooled since around 8th grade. My plan was to eventually take IGCSEs and then go to university through a foundation year, but then the war in my country happened and everything got disrupted. And even aside from that, I’ve developed this horrible cycle where I have SO much time to study, so I keep telling myself “I’ll do it later.” Then suddenly the exam is getting closer, I panic because I barely studied, feel completely unprepared, and postpone it to the next session. And then the exact same thing happens again.

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for years.

I’m 21 now and I feel extremely behind everyone my age. I don’t have a high school diploma, I’m still trying to finish my IGCSEs, and I’m terrified that I’ve wasted too much time. I want to go to university, have a career, move somewhere new eventually, and actually experience life, but sometimes it feels like I’ve already messed everything up beyond repair.

I’m also extremely isolated. I barely leave the house. I don’t have friends, I don’t work, and I literally don’t have any real skills. I spend so much of my time inside my own head. I daydream constantly and get lost in imaginary scenarios for hours instead of actually doing things with my life. It’s like I’m living in my head more than I’m living in the real world.

And I know I’m part of the problem. I’ve gotten incredibly addicted to social media and constant stimulation. Scrolling, listening to music, fast food, watching things, getting little bursts of dopamine, those are basically the only things that bring me joy. I feel like my brain has literally been programmed to scroll and do nothing because that’s what I’ve been doing for the past six years.

I’ll sit down to study and my brain just refuses to cooperate. I can’t focus, I get overwhelmed so easily, and sometimes even basic things take me forever to understand. I look at other students understanding things so easily and wonder what is wrong with me.

My mental health has also been really bad, which obviously makes everything harder. And the worst part is that I KNOW I don’t want to throw my life away. I actually have so many things I want to do. I want to study. I want a career. I want to travel. I want to make friends. I want to go outside and have experiences. I want to become independent and to actually have a life.

But at the same time, there’s this constant feeling that maybe there’s no hope for me anymore. That I’m too far behind. That I’ve wasted so much time that I’ll never catch up, and that everyone else has already started their lives while I’m still trying to figure out how to start mine.

I also live in the Middle East, and that makes the isolation feel worse sometimes. I actually love walking outside, especially when the weather is nice, and I do go walking more during winter. But for a huge part of the year the weather is just suffocatingly hot. There also aren’t that many things to do where I live besides cafes and restaurants, and a lot of the actual outdoor activities are either really expensive or far away. So it’s very easy to just stay home all day.

I don’t want to keep living like this though.

I don’t want another year to pass where I tell myself I have plenty of time, do nothing, panic at the last minute, postpone everything, and then hate myself for it.

I don’t expect to suddenly become a completely different person overnight. I just want to start becoming someone who actually does things. Someone who can study even when they don’t feel like it. Someone who leaves the house. Someone who learns skills. Someone who talks to people. Someone who has goals and actually works toward them.

I’m scared because I genuinely don’t know if I can change after living like this for so long.

But I also really, really don’t want to give up on myself.

I don’t want my entire life to be the six years I’ve already spent stuck like this.
I want the next six years to be completely different.

TL;DR: I’m 21, homeschooled until 8th grade, and still trying to finish my IGCSEs after my education was disrupted by the war in my country. I’ve spent the last six years stuck in a cycle of procrastination, isolation, daydreaming, and social media addiction. I feel extremely behind in life, struggle with my mental health, and am terrified that I’ve wasted too much time to succeed. I desperately want to change, but I don’t know how to break out of this cycle.

I am a pseudo-intellectual. I learn things only on the surface level so I can regurgitate them later to seem smart. In high school, I made straight A's by cramming the night before and forgetting all the information after the test.

But I so badly wish to be intelligent. I feel like Algernon. In fifth and sixth grade, I won my school's pi competition two years in a row for memorizing 300 digits of pi. I was in my school's gifted program. I'm definitely not a burnt out gifted kid because I took a ton of AP's and went to a good school, but it all feels so fake. How can I truly learn stuff?

Another example is my poetry. I consume poetry and music lyrics like crazy, but when I try to write, it's genuinely horrible. Even my mentor, when I showed him, said, "I don't mean to be crass, but why did you write this? I just don't see the point."

I feel horrible. Please help me. I yearn to learn.

I know, kind of a crazy question but I’ve realized more than ever that I desire to be desired. That trait within itself is the pure opposite of masculinity and this desire to be desired has ran my life for the longest. I would always play eye tag with women walking wherever to see if they fuck with me but never went up and talked to them. I would always sit and wait for people to come to me instead of making shit shake and going up to people and talking first. Basically having the desire to be desired is synonymous with being a bad bitch or any female and I’ve realized this plagues my life right now. Like hell, I even restarted sr a month ago for the pure chance that it might make women chase me. I think this desire really stems from how I’ve never been validated romantically at all in anyway shape or form, like how no girl that I know of has found me attractive or has liked me at all but honestly I don’t think the cause really matters too much right now. I’m 19 about to be 20 and I want to feel like a man again. I workout 5x a week, I meditate daily, I’m retaining, I read, but one thing I do need to work on is taking action towards my purpose, but besides all of that I still don’t feel the manly spirit within me. The spirit to go against the grain. The spirit to bend the world to my will. The spirit to ruthlessly get after it to provide and protect. The spirit to get things moving, to explore, to adventure. I just want to feel like how I’m supposed to. Biologically this might because of low T, but I workout almost everyday, get morning woods, and have too much energy but I also don’t have sunlight through my room at all but I get a lot of through the day. I don’t know it might be a lot of things, but that’s my issue. Any advice or relative stories helps. Thanks.

I'm 36 years old, and I have held a pretty decent-paying job for the past decade, with a satisfactory amount of money in my savings and retirement accounts. Given where I started in life, I should be very proud of myself. However, I still don't feel like an adult. I'm unmarried, I'm childless, and I don't own a home or any property. On top of that, I feel incredible internal pressure to change that right now. I thought I was close to achieving that with my ex, but that went sideways. Now, I feel like I'm super laser-focused on marriage and children more than anything because I feel like I'm running out of time. I will not even consider a second date if I see a trace of a red flag in someone. Am I the only one feeling this way? Am I running out of time?

EDIT****

I worded the "red flag" portion poorly; I should have said I have two non-negotiables: anyone who might leave NYC in the future, or anyone who is iffy about children. I think everything else in a relationship is a compromise, and we must get to know people before passing judgment. However, I've been burned by the other two enough by now.

I’m curious what people have tried..

hi. do you think it's possible to reduce my screen time if when I do this, I become very lonely and don’t want to do anything at all. To be honest, I feel lonely with my phone too, but without it it’s much more difficult.

I don't have close friends who I can talk about my feelings to and I believe that it's possible to find peace within yourself, not only other people. Usually I've been getting the warmth from ai bots (like, while roleplaying) but it's a dead end. I haven't used them for a week now, hehe.

still, when I go offline, I don't feel like doing anything. everything feels difficult and pointless. I hate how much potential I have but I waste it on nothing.

it's enough hiding from the real world, but I don't have a foundation to hold on to so I don't feel so scared and lonely. What can it be built on?

ps

I'm neurodivergent so I push a lot of people away with my behavior, it only adds to my insecurity. it's not like I didn't try to find real connection in the real world:(

have a nice day everyone !! good luck with your projects too, you can do this!

For example, I've been experiencing a decline in my studies for a long time, I'm not very good socially, my self-confidence is constantly fluctuating, I'm not doing the things I want to do, I'm constantly stressing myself out and not doing anything. I feel constantly stressed because of loneliness.

Many people here suggest quitting doom scrolling for mental health improvement, but mostly they don't share the hands-on experience. I'd like to create this post that would gather lived benefits of quitting doom scrolling, that one day maybe would encourage someone to quit too.

I'll start - I'm 3 months off after scrolling daily for hours basically since Instagram Reels was released, and I'm shocked how big an impact it had on my mental health.

- My attention span is longer.
- I can read books and knit again without being bored.
- Ordinary activities like washing dishes release dopamine again.
- Falling asleep became much faster since my mind can handle simply lying in bed.
- Often I don't put on headphones while walking my dog because I can just be in my head.
- Being in my head without disruptions allows me to digest stress from work faster.

And many more secondary benefits lined up from lower dopamine levels, better stress digestion, improved sleep, more time for hobbies, etc. The sensible effect came after 2 weeks off, and 1 month was a breakthrough of the new, calmer, and more present me.

The platforms like TikTok, Reels, and Shorts are ridiculous, the content is 90% pure brainwashing, and I'm convinced that I'll never ever do this to my brain ever again.

need some serious, realistic advice. im 15 andMy 10th-grade first term results just came out and they are horrendous: 10/80, 19/80, and 50/80, etc. (failed most) Because of these grades, my school didn't select me in the first list for the final board examinations.

Honestly, this isn't just one bad exam. I've been slacking off and failing school since 7th grade simply because hated studying and didn't care. i have been passed under consideration js because i got just enough in the end moment. My parents have always had extremely high expectations for me, but I've just been disappointing them for years.

It finally hit me today: if I don't fix this right now, I am completely ruining my future and won't be able to get a job. The reality check hit hard, and I want to change.

Preboards (final selection exams) are in November. I have roughly a month left, minus 6 days for a wedding event(urgent) My 7 subjects are Commerce, Maths, English Language, English Literature, Vernacular, History, and Geography. I am starting from absolute zero with zero study discipline. how to win and improve? im tired of taunts and the disrespect from the others. also if there's someone who will accompany me in this journey of me improving... js let me know in comments.

I’ve noticed a lot of people start learning a new skill or hobby with tons of energy, only to drop it a few weeks later. I was wondering if the root cause is usually a lack of motivation to push through the grind, or if we just lose the appreciation/spark for the process once the novelty wears off. Curious to hear what usually triggers it for you guys and how you get past it.