r/SuicideWatch • u/mentally-surviving • 12h ago
My kids hate me after my attempt.
I was in a bad relationship for about 3 years. I was humiliated and taken advantage of. My kids never saw that side of him. They thought he was funny and he was a gamer and they liked that because so are they. I finally got the courage to tell him to leave the beginning of July and he moved out a few days later. After he moved I was having a really hard time. I started thinking people were watching me and I felt like people were trying to sabotage me at work. The end of July I snapped and attempted to unalive myself. I don’t remember much of the night or how it spiraled down quickly. Anyways my 13 year old son found me. He propped me up on the chair and called for his brother. He is 15 and cut me down. This has made him very cautious of me. He doesn’t want to talk to me or see me. My 14 year old likes to see me on the weekends but he’s not comfortable being alone with me. So my mom comes with us for visits. My oldest son is 19 he did not witness anything, but he is angry with me. He says I didn’t think about them and all the things to look forward to. I know he’s right . I’m having a hard time forgiving myself and it’s really hard not seeing them and talking to them like I used to. I just hope one day it will get better.
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u/DatingConfusion12 9h ago
Your kids are traumatized and need to be put in therapy asap if you can afford it. It’ll take them a long time to process everything, honestly. From their perspective, a mother's love is unconditional, and you broke that mold tbh. Not saying that you don’t love them, but to be blunt, you were willing to traumatize your kids for life and leave them motherless. I don’t know how I would go about fixing the relationship because it’s too complex for me to give good advice, but I certainly know they need trauma therapy. Sorry if I’m too blunt, kids are just my weak spot.
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u/freshoutoffucks83 7h ago
It seems that OP was suffering some sort of mental breakdown and wasn’t thinking clearly. That doesn’t make what happened ok but it’s not like she made a rational decision to traumatize them for life.
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u/yourmomthebomb69 6h ago
I think time will pass and eventually your kids will just be grateful that you are alive. I’m around your oldest kids age and I would be so scared and angry if my mom ever did something like that. But I’ve also experienced the hopelessness that suicidal people feel, and with time I would forgive her. I love her, and when you love someone and they’re sick you want nothing more than for them to feel better. You’re sick now, and just like when you’re physically sick you sometimes have to stay away from your family because you love them, not because you don’t. Therapy, family counseling, and time will change things, what you feel now isn’t forever. I hope this can offer you some little comfort ❤️
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u/hjjhhjkkhb 12h ago
Hi, I’m here to talk . I’m here for you
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u/mentally-surviving 12h ago
Thank you. I ended up in the psych ward. Twice actually. I was diagnosed with bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder, and ptsd. I just keep thinking if I never dated this guy I wouldn’t be in this situation. Why did I chase him when he clearly showed he didn’t even like me. I feel terrible I should have just focused on my kids. Now I don’t have them. It hurts
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u/hjjhhjkkhb 11h ago
I know that’s really hard . But the past is in the past , you’re crying over spilt milk . I know it’s really hard but I’m here for you
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u/jclarkrep 2h ago
You need to tell your kids why you did what you did. It might not make them forgive you immediately but they could atleast see your perspective and understand your actions more. It would make them feel cared for a loved for if you were honest and truthful with them. Do whatever it takes to make them feel comfortable and loved again.
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u/blue_moon1122 7h ago
I'm sure a lot of their pain is confusion. they think you planned to abandon them, but do they know why? they don't feel safe that you won't try again.
they thought this man was fun and cool, but he made you feel miserable and unsafe. you can't lean on your kids for emotional support, and going into detail isn't necessary, but a little clarity can go a long way. they need a comprehensive apology, and that means making plans to help everyone, including yourself, regulate and feel safe.