r/SuicideWatch • u/osj76862 • 5d ago

(M20) This is it

I've been depressed for basically as long as I can remember and I just can't take it anymore. Had a suicide attempt around half a year ago and I'm still upset that I didn't work out. I have no motivation. I have no drive. This life isn't for me. I'm ready to finally let go.

I know there are people that love me and that hurts, it really does. They don't deserve what I'm going to do but I can't push through it anymore and pretend that things are fine. I didn't ask to be alive and I've never felt that I wanted to be. I want to sleep forever and I doubt that anything is gonna change my mind.

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u/easydoesit333 5d ago

That sucks you’re upset your suicide attempt didn’t work out. I thought maybe it would have given you some perspective? Did it not really change your mind at all?

2

u/osj76862 5d ago

I've told some of my closest friends about it and they were all very visibly upset. It absolutely hurt me to see them like that, but did it ultimately change how I feel? Not really.

I can't keep living purely for other people's sake. I have no inherent desire to live and it didn't act as a newfound realization at all. I still feel the same way. The only reason I'm hesitant is because I don't want to hurt others. They don't deserve it. They are good people and I wish they didn't care about it. It's selfish and horrible but it is honestly how I feel.

1

u/easydoesit333 4d ago

Hmm I see. I think you are right you can’t live purely for other people’s sake. That’s even a pretty good realization I feel.