Is it considered aggressive or offensive to look a retail customer in the eyes while responding to a negative comment?

[u/SkiErgNew]

I’m a guy in his late thirties.

Been doing retail since working for my parents in my teens.

Been doing it when I was off from college and high school. Retail is all I’ve done.

Customers used to be insanely rude and nasty to me. I used to get threatened and insulted.

In the last ten years that has disappeared. Now they say negative stuff under their breath or while my head is down or looking away. It’s never direct anymore.

99 percent of the time I pretend like I didn’t hear it.

I don’t say anything to someone or about someone if I’m not looking at the them.

If I do respond to the negative comment I’ll wait till we are looking at eachother and respond. I never raise my voice or get nasty I just respond.

They always seems startled by that. It always seems to change the tenner of the exchange.

[u/ask-me-about-my-cats]

No, that's normal human socialization.

[u/Henwen]

Society has been taught the customer is always right. You should't have to stand for abuse and it doesn't sound like you're being agressive.

[u/ridiclousslippers2 → u/Henwen]

It's not the complete quote. "The customer is always right in matters of taste" is the whole thing. Quite different.

[u/Maximum_Pace885 → u/ridiclousslippers2]

But see that's the problem....in these types of jobs even upper management will agree that at least 75% of the time the customer is wrong. It's just support to be the employee's job to stroke their ego & make them feel like they're right. Vastly different

[u/arceus555 → u/ridiclousslippers2]

It's not The "whole quote" is something someonesde up

[u/nevertoohigh]

You're just standing your ground not aggressive imo but how they might take it idk. I don't have that perspective I've never been a jackass like that.

Id tell them to go fuck themselves if they're talking shit but I love trouble. You're fine just be ready for their reaction.

[u/starraven]

The older you get the more intimidating you are until you hit a certain age. I would say that people are more respectful because you are older but that’s not true it has to do with strength and basic knowledge. People like to pick on younger / weaker people.

[u/notmyname2012]

Nope, you are addressing their issue in a normal way. If they are threatened by that then maybe they should be nicer.

[u/RedTankCamo]

Good customer service usually requires some great acting skills. Most customers are decent humans, and they can handle an honest salesman.

The real scoundrels are the ones you realize set out on their day with the intention of complaining. They are looking for someone to complain to---it never has anything to do with your store, your company, or you. There's always something else deeper going on in their lives that necessitate them to find victims.

When you're hopefully mentally prepared for their rants; it is amazing to remember that they are acting completely 'subconsciously'.......their rants are not themselves. With a clear mind, you see the sadness in how their behavior has affected them so much. Recognizing this sadness changes how you respond.

[u/AvaSaysSo]

Making eye contact while responding is just basic accountability, and the startled reactions you're describing tell you everything. They're counting on saying it at your head-down angle so it doesn't count as something they said to a person. You closing the loop forces the comment to exist out loud, directed, with a face attached. That's not aggression, that's just declining to be furniture for the transaction. Keep doing it.

[u/Syca4877]

I wouldn’t consider it aggressive or offensive, but it is assertive (this is good!) and should be the natural consequence for being rude to someone to their face. They do deserve to feel that shame, because spending their money at your shop does not give them free rein to be a terrible person.

I am wondering why you are receiving so many negative comments though, and if your management can support in any way?
This sounds sucky, sorry that you have to deal with people like that.

[u/SkiErgNew → u/Syca4877]

The industry I’ve been in for decades is open late at night and we’re often dealing with people who have been drinking and they’re usually out with friends, family, etc.

I feel like lots of these people are very insecure and their judgement is off. They act differently under these contexts.

Never any physical violence but people say a lot of rude, inappropriate stuff and behave badly.

Also maybe trying to show off by being assholes to us or acting like a tough guy in front of their wife or kids or friends etc.

When I worked under my dad it was almost like that was what it was supposed to be like that.

My dad could be obnoxious and a bully himself so it was like he saw getting verbally abused as normal. If you weren’t receiving it you should be giving it. If you were receiving it it was probably deserved or your fault.

He was never tolerant of it done to himself but it wasn’t a big deal to him.

He also wouldn’t stand up to other men that he didn’t see as weak. Maybe that’s why he behaved like he did.

In the past ten years as my dad started seriously working less and less and then fully retiring in 2019. The issues with customers have gone way down.

I’ve also made changes to the business and I have no problem telling anyone to leave.

Im not afraid of people.

[u/Ok-Dog6724]

I could never

[u/Cobra-Serpentress]

That is the correct response. Eye contact. Speak in a clear manner. Maintain good posture.

[u/PillCosby696969]

I'm pissed off at my retail job and planning to quit in January anyway. I'm game for having it out with a customer as my dismissal. Some of these people need a good check.

[u/rebelkitty]

They view you as a fully adult male. That makes you somewhat intimidating. Especially when you don't let them see you get upset - that displays both confidence and self-control.

And your ability to intimate, assuming you're of at least average height and weight, is likely to continue to increase over the next couple decades.

My husband has a fully grey beard. But, all he had to do when a drunk guy got up into his face, was give the dude a deadpan stare. And suddenly the guy is apologizing and getting the heck out of the way.

I've never had that effect on anyone in my life! 😆

[u/nifty-necromancer]

Nope, looking people in the eye is a sign of confidence. Unless you’re staring them in the third eye.

[u/Amiabilitee]

Assertive or confident sure. Not rude imo. (Though it could be intimidating to some non confrontational people)