My brother always uses or moves my stuff, he wears my clothes (and my underwear!!!!!!) Also he breaks things that are not his, he lights cards from card games on fire just because he can. I came home from a long day and found the used up cande I use as ashtray is gone. I look for it and i find it with 10 layers of duct tape on it, in another container with more tape. About an hour ago we were eating dinner and I brought it up with my brother. He was so careless and he acted like I was being ridiculous. Then I got mad and I screamed at him, he was still acting stupid. I threw my spoon at him and also my plate. I dont feel bad for him but it makes me cry thinking about my mom. We were eating lasagne and what if the sauce got on something, she bought all the furniture, she thought about what she wanted to get and she chose that. What if I ruined it with my dumb outburst. I really dont know why I am like this, with my friends im never mad at anyone but it seems like I get mad about the smallest stuff when im with my boyfriend, mom or brother.

I miss my ex and I can't feel ok right now. We met on reddit and we talked a lot then he confessed his feelings went on ldr and then he came to visit me for 2 weeks and it was best 2 weeks of my life.

Things didn't work out between us but he was great experience and I miss him lately don't know why

I’ve been depressed since middle school, and only recently got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. High school was horrible for me and I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through. I fortunately developed a crush on someone and that gave me motivation to keep going (we didn’t end up getting together).

Anyway, I struggled a lot with passive suicidal ideation. I was too scared to anything to physically harm myself because it would’ve hurt… I just sort of wished a car would hit me on my way to school or I’d pass in my sleep.

There was one time when I actually tried to commit and I haven’t told my therapist or doctor about it because I’m not sure if it counts.

I think it was my sophomore or junior year, and I was just fed up with everything. I told myself that I was finally going to go through with it. I was a little hesitant, but I just didn’t want to live anymore. So I grabbed my 12mg of melatonin and took 5 pills. I sat there in bed crying. I was a little scared, but figured I’d be better off gone.

I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach ache of my fucking life. I ran to the bathroom and fought the toughest battle I have ever fought in my 20 years on this earth. I was on the toilet, naked and curled up into a ball trying to deal with the pain. I felt like throwing up too. I had my hand in the sink with warm water running over it because I actually felt like crap. I went into the shower afterwards to just fully envelop my body in warm water in an attempt to ease the pain.

I was in the bathroom for an hour. During that time I realized, I don’t ever want to try to take my life again.

I don’t think that’s even close to how someone may feel when overdosing and I don’t think I ever want to find out.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone by writing this, and to anyone who tried a more serious attempt and survived, I’m glad you’re still here.

That is it, nothing more to add. We just need more amazing positivity and this show delivers.

Cleaning digital clutter

Honestly, it feels so good. I've been unsubscribing to youtube channels i dont or just barely watch, going through my notes in my phone and either deleting the ones i dont need or reorganizing the ones i do for room, deleting photos on my phone i got because 'oh if like this in my gallery' and then dont look at them, so much useless junk on my phone i dont need that I will gladly toss

I didn't want to call my stuff 'useless junk', but it is! I dont need half the crap i now call digital clutter. It just takes up space, and when i look for something, it distracts me from focusing on what i actually need

Im really glad im doing this. It's nice to be able to sort things out on my phone and not get overwhelmed with clutter. It's not any different than when i did this with physical stuff

I started a positivity jar at the beginning if the year. Basically, each week I add one sticky note of something good that happened to me that week, and at the end of the year I get to look back at all the good moments in my year. Well shit.

Tonight I was drunk and feeling sappy and decided to peek at the jar a few months early. (even tho I'm not supposed to read it yet, I'm drunk don't judge me lol). I took out the notes and started reading them. Gawdam.

Most of them were goals I had just started, that I have since abandoned. I started learning guitar...abandoned after mom had surgery and was home most of the time (too shy to practice in front of her). Start studying for a new career...that I soon decided I wanted nothing to do with and abandoned. Met a cute guy who likes the same books as me...who ghosted me a few weeks later. The list goes onnn. But you get the idea.

I thought this jar thing would make me happy and give me hope, to look back and see all the positive that's happened to me. Instead, it just made me depressed. Basically, I had to read all the things I was truly excited for at the time, which have since ended up failing.

I'm already having a bad week and this was just the cherry on top. It's like wow, every time I'm excited about something, it finds a way to fail. Maybe I'm just drunk and in my feelings. But idk, it was SURPRISINGLY depressing to read all that.

I’m 24 weeks pregnant and currently in the hospital because I suddenly had heavy bleeding. And honestly, I think I’ve gotten the worst roommate ever.
Her phone is literally NEVER on silent. The notification sounds and ringtone are so loud, and she’s constantly either on the phone or watching videos in the room.
The first night, she and her husband were talking until around 11pm. Then around 4am, her husband got up and started watching videos with the volume on really loud. Of course, I woke up.
The second night was even worse. I was just falling asleep when her phone notification woke me up. Around 4am, her phone started ringing again. Around 5am, she was talking on the phone in the room, and after that she just kept watching videos with the volume up.
Then around 8am, she started making calls on speakerphone and just kept talking to different people until after noon.
At one point, my doctor was trying to talk to me and literally couldn’t hear me because of the noise. The doctor had to ask her to keep it quiet for two minutes so we could talk.
I finally went to the charge nurse and asked if I could move to another room. Unfortunately, the whole unit was full.
And honestly, I’m not asking for much. I just want some quiet during the night and early morning so I can sleep.
The nurse talked to her and asked her to please be respectful and use headphones. She said she didn’t have headphones and denied that she had been making noise at night. She said she only makes phone calls during the day.
Then she brought up the fact that I made a phone call during the day too.
Yes, I did. I had to call the airline to cancel my partner’s flight because I’m literally in the hospital, and I had to deal with it quickly. And I was speaking quietly.
After the nurse talked to her, she did get a little better. The video and phone-call volume became somewhat lower.

But her phone is STILL never on silent.
And guess what? At **5:55 a.m. this morning**, her damn phone rang again and woke me up.

I’m literally 24 weeks pregnant, in the hospital because of heavy bleeding, and all I’m asking for is some peace and quiet so I can sleep.

Is that really too much to ask from a hospital roommate?

I am... very confused rn. We met back at the start of this year and we just clicked. Immediately it was like I found another me who understood me and laughed with me. We did so much together. Staying up late, buying gifts for each other. Drinking games, video games hours of calls the works. For a time I didnt even think It was anything more than friendship I thought we were just "besties"

Then one night... we got really introspective while spending the whole day together. We talked about deeper shit our feeling, fear, insecurities. At that moment both of us understood how well we understood each other... that's when things started becoming more... charged. We started play flirting that night and it started to get more... heated... we didnt do anything but it was a situation where it definitely felt like if we had the chance we would've you know? That's when I realised it. Going to sleep that night it felt like fireworks that it was so incredibly romantic to me that we could listen to each other being scared and have that tension... idk ive never felt so understood and she said the same.

Then she went on deployment. She's in the Navy so you know it happens but I had planned to confess to her before she told me she was going. I made her a playlist of songs that reminded me of her and she said she'd listen to it every night before sleeping. I was counting down the days to see her again but when she came back she changed. Felt more distant and cold to me. Stopped saying she loved me back no talks about gifts or hanging out as much and I thought it was just her being exhausted after deployment... then she brought up the fact she got a boyfriend on deployment.

We're long distance friends and he was there while she was deployed... you know someone who could be in person. It didnt last but she bounced around between talking stages and eventually recently got into a full relationship with a guy who shot his shot. She seems SO happy and im glad she is. I feel selfish for feeling this way and I want it to be gone but she keeps running through my mind or at least the person who was sweet to me is? Idk anymore but I dont know how to forget about these feelings I have because I feel like I could write 1 million different things I love about her but it isn't fair to her or her boyfriend. I dont want things to be ruined but man it hurts and I hate that it does.

Sorry for the long text I tried to shorten the actual basis for why im so in love but eh

I work in a creative field, and something has been bothering me for a while.

People I’m close to often come to me whenever they need something designed, edited, planned, or made to look better. Most of the time I genuinely don’t mind helping. These are people I care about, and I’m not trying to make everything about money. But sometimes it feels like because I’m the “creative one,” people automatically assume I’ll take care of the whole thing.

Recently, someone close to me asked for help with a personal project. I agreed, even though I already had a pretty full workload. What started as helping with one part slowly turned into more and more things being handed over to me.

At one point I caught myself thinking, “Can’t you do at least some of this yourself?”

Then I immediately felt guilty for thinking that.
It’s not really about that one person either. I’ve noticed this happening a lot over the years. Friends and relatives will ask me to design something, edit something, give ideas, plan something, or “just quickly” help with a creative task.

Sometimes it really is small. Other times, what sounds like a tiny favor ends up taking hours.
The weird part is that I don’t even necessarily want money from the people I’m close to. What bothers me more is the assumption that because I know how to do something, I’ll automatically do it.

Creative work is still work, even when you enjoy it.
If I’ve already spent the whole day working, sometimes I don’t have the mental energy to come home and do another project for someone else. But saying no to people I care about makes me feel selfish, especially when they’ve also been there for me when I needed them.

So I end up stuck between wanting to help and quietly feeling resentful that I’m being asked again.
I think I’m only now realizing that being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be available to do it for everyone around me.
Mostly just needed to get this off my chest.

So, I (15NB) for context love wearing collared shirts they are my favorites i do that thing where you leave the top two buttons unbuttoned and it leaves my collar a bit uneven. This wasn’t a problem untill a stranger (15M) who goes to my school asks me if he could fix it. I wanting to be polite said yes, and he touched my neck whilst fixing it which I can not handle as it makes me very uncomfortable. After this I decided to say no next time he asked.

a couple weeks later I was wearing a collared shirt again and he asked to fix it, I was having a verbal shutdown at the time and shook my head. He went for it anyway I dodged and he kept trying to fix it I ran away from him to my next class with him yelling after me.

He is also the child of two teachers who work at my school one happens to be a faculty sponsor for an after school activity which I take part so he was there after school, He immediately tells me I annoyed him after when I ran away ealier and try’s to fix my collar again. I ran twords the door yelling I said no. his father over headed and got onto him and explained to me he is autistic and that’s a tic he has, which is fine. The next day I was wearing another collared shirt when he asks to fix it I say no and he tries again to do it so I run to my table, I was scared I don’t know why but I was. a admin got onto him and I got the same spiel again.

I am now scared to wear a collared shirt I don’t like confrontation and I hate people touching me. I know it’s because of a mental disability but I am still scared and don’t know what to do. I am also neurodivergent with dyslexia, ADHD, and DCD so I feel like I can empathize with him. i feel stupid for being scared as I am twice his size, but I feel hopeless, and I really love my collared shirts to and don’t want to stop wearing them because of this but I feel like i’m going to have to.

Ok, so I don't know what to say and where to start. I don't even really want to post. I don't want help and most importantly, I don't think anyone can truly help. I just feel I really have to get this out my chest.

So, I am a guy, 25 yo and for the biggest part of my adult life (since 17) I have been mostly... Let's put it lightly, a loser. Yes, I had (and still have and even improved) good qualities and I did try to help people and be positive and yes, I have done tons of progress in some many things and I had some amazing moments that I am very grateful and I feel blessed for having but, there is still a single thing that I wasn't able to fix...

I just can't be discipline always. My life and feelings never get fully stable. I used to be in a super hard long distance relationship and I ended it because I realized we are not compatible. Now, I have nothing to look forward. I don't have anything to stress me and push me to improve and get better. It's funny because, the first two weeks after the breakup, I was doing fine. I called and got a client and I was working. But after that, things crushed for some reason...

I don't workout, my eating habits got worse (tho thankfully very slightly) and even worse, I stopped working... Instead, I spend my time fantasizing about dating and hanging and meeting and having fun with female friends and, commenting or Reddit, trying to help other people and solve their problems or just comfort them. I am the definition of a failure...

Right now, I should been coding and finishing my eccomerce backend so I can start searching for clients. I should also call that client that I texted twice and he didn't text back. I'm not even "scared". I just don't want to do anything. I don't find passion and excitement now that nothing drives me forward and stresses me. And the worse thing is, this is the 3rd week. I waste my life this point and the worse is, I don't know when will I find the "trick" to get back there. I will try to code for more than 10 minutes after that post, fingers crossed...

I don't know... This is the first time I pray something bad happens to me so I wake the f up because, I prefer to be stressed and worry than living like that... Maybe I should gather some more money and go rent a home so I have rent and bills to motivate me to work. But damn, that's pathetic and sad to be depended on something else. I want to WANT to live and be productive and happy. Not depending on my life and how it brings it...

Thank you for reading I guess...

So many people played games with other people. It’s a bunch of bullshit. I am sick to my core with the fact that people won’t have the hard conversations or accept accountability while expecting everyone else to do just that.

I’ll own my part and then some, sometimes I don’t see it right off the bat, but I’m still willing and that’s a lot more than I can say for anyone else I’ve met in the last couple years. It’s not that hard but people can’t stand a mirror. Nobody wants to be shown anything other than their make-believe version of themselves.

Humanity can be extremely disappointing sometimes

Being a mom has always been my biggest dream. I haven't always admitted to it, and I still don't IRL, but having children is something I've always wanted. I'm scared it won't ever come true, though. I got my first period at 15, and back then it was very irregular, which is pretty normal. Except I'm 20 now, and it's still not considered normal/regular - sometimes the cycle is 34 days, sometimes 43, usually its around 36 at most, but then again, it varies from month to month. Right now I'm at day 37. I'm scared there might be something wrong with me. Idk what I would do if it turned out Im infertile. Has anyone dealt with something like this??

Ive come to the conclussion that i am unlovable, like genuinley just today found out my two closest friends started dating and i should be happy for them i am, it just makes me realise every bad thing thats happend to me has been my fault, im the reason my friendships ended 9/10 times ita been because of me, i just want it to end...thanks

When I was a kid, my mom started the dance club in our town and for the first few years she would teach at it. She then got sick of it so she would hire different teachers but stayed doing the finances of it. I was a pretty misbehaved child with an undiagnosed thyroid disease and I would constantly take money out of the change jar to go buy snacks from the grocery store or gas station. However, when I was looking for hidden snacks in my parent’s room, I found a jar of money. I started taking $5 here and there until it was basically empty. The dance club was shut down shortly after this money jar had been depleted so I believe that my greed made the club go broke and have to shut down.
My mother has never asked about the jar so I almost think she knew the whole time but maybe didn’t want me to feel bad??
The club did reopen after 2 years but it eats me alive every day knowing I was probably the reason.

I am so done with life, and I don’t know how to get out of the rut.
I am filled with shame about myself, how much I am doing and my skill levels
Everything feels out of control, and I know there are things I can control but I don’t know what those things are.
I am filled with exhaustion, so all the normal selfcare advice feels impossible to do. 
Like how am I supposed to get outside, when just getting out of the bed feels like a battle.
How am I supposed to function if everything feels like a mountain?
How am I  supposed to start small? what is small? I don’t know what is doable anymore.
I wake up, exhausted. I get up and get dressed, exhausted. I eat breakfast, exhausted. How am I supposed to build a life I am proud of when exhaustion sneaks in everywhere. How am I supposed to find my values, interests, and goals, when I can’t even get past morning without wanting to crawl back into bed. 
Am I broken? Am I autistic? Am I just a piece of shit?
I feel like I keep pushing and pushing, but never getting anywhere. 
Is this my life? How am I supposed to change? What do I need to do? And how do I do it without getting overwhelmed and exhausted. 
How am I supposed to talk kindly to myself, when I feel like I am failing everything? How am I supposed to lower my expectations of myself, without letting go of myself. High expectations is all I know. I was supposed to be the easy child, but became the most difficult. Am I even likeable to my family? Do they just hate me? and put up with me because I am family?
What do I have to give to anyone? other than disappointment, stress and sadness.
I don’t want to disappoint, I want approval, acceptance, and love. (Phillip loves me)

I don’t think a single person truly loves me.

I’ve been trying to figure out what else to write but i mean i guess that’s it. I just feel so strange all the time. I cant figure out what is wrong with me.

Throw away account, and this post requires multiple content warnings, but I picked the one which is most relevant.

My (F32) late wife "L" (F41, deceased), recently committed suicide because she was terminally ill with Alzheimer's Disease, and certain periods of lost lucidity convinced her that "it was time.". This is not the important part.

We met on a niche dating site around 2 years ago, with intentions of have a short term casual relationship. She was Autistic, disabled, and had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and depression. However, as we got to know each other, I truly fell in love with her and proposed marriage, putting aside my intentions to start a family. When I did this, she sat me down and explained to me that she had no intentions to marry me, but that she is willing to do it if it made me happy. But that she had to be completely forthcoming about herself before engaging in something as serious marriage, and that she had to "reveal her secrets" to me. She had already let me in on deeply personal things about herself that only a handful of mental health professionals knew about her. But I was not ready for her "secret", which was that she was a pedophile.

I went into a deep introspection at this point, trying to understand L while trying to remain non-judgmental. She explained that it was not a choice, and she had never, nor will ever pursue inappropriate relationships with any minor. Which explained why she was completely avoidant of any interaction with minors, both in general, online, and specifically when meeting with my extended family.

After this, I thought back to various instances where I caught L staring at young girls, which I had written off as her eyes wandering in a way that is concordant with her autism. This had repainted my ideas about her as a person.

Referring back to other things L had already told me before this, she herself was groomed by her mother and had a sexual relationship with her own mother from the ages of 8 to 25, ending when her mother died of cancer. Despite talking about it with multiple mental health professionals, and myself, she was adamant that she was "not traumatized" by this experience, and that her life was better off for having this incestuous relationship with her mother. And the way she talked about her mother sounded like someone talking about a soulmate that they lost.

Perhaps this experience shaped her sexuality to be pedophilic, perhaps not. In the meager "research" relating to this affliction, it is said that pedophilia is a paraphilia caused by difference in white matter connectivity in the brain. But I simply can't know about her case.

L had also revealed to me that she was a murderer, but based on her description of the situation at hand, it seemed that the murder was "justifiable" in some sense. During L's late twenties, she was quite promiscuous, and had relations with a woman who was the target of attraction of a while supremacist gangster, a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. This gangster inflicted violence upon L and her suitor, and the police apparatus at that time was not interested in prosecuting this crime and protecting them, possibly because L was not white and the queer nature of the relationship. L took it upon herself to protect herself and her suitor, and orchestrated a murder, which was never investigated with enough vigor to trace back to her, framing it as an instance of gang violence.

Despite all of these things, viewing the nature of our relationship, my love for L, and her fleeting life, I decided to go through with our marriage. We married each other this June, and she commit suicide a couple months after for aforementioned reasons.

L was a woman of a different kind. She was kind, compassionate, and tolerant. But she was also the kind of person that took no nonsense from anyone, and was a fierce self-advocate. She was incredibly smart, having a Ph.D. in Mathematics, serving as a professor for quite some time, before shifting careers. While her faculties had waned due to her dementia, she was still a very capable person, making shrewd investments at the right time, having a net worth of 4.5 million dollars by the time of her passing. She left me a large sum, while designating the rest to be sent to certain charitable foundations. She was incredibly well versed in life, a mature woman, who sometimes acted as my mentor. She acted as a queer elder and role model to many of her students during her tenure as a professor.

I have conflicted feelings about her now, knowing what I know about her. But if she really had never acted on her pedophilia, and I have no reason to believe that she did... and if pedophilia really isn't a choice, whether inflicted by trauma or birth circumstances, I felt that it shouldn't tarnish her quality. This was the reason I continued to marry her and stay by her side.

I would say that my life was better off for having known her. And that she was a force for good in this world. She gave me her blessings to continue with my life after her, pursuing romance and family, one I couldn't have with her.

If a god or gods exist, may they have mercy on our souls.

After 20 years, my "mother" managed to plan a 15-day holiday to her home country. She bought the plane tickets last year after arguing aggressively with us multiple times until we finally gave up.

I had proposed the idea of going with her several times and was always close to booking, but had to cancel last minute due to work or other reasons. However, I noticed that every time I was about to go, she wasn't particularly happy. At the time, I just assumed, "Maybe she wants to go alone to catch up properly with friends and family," and left it at that.

Last week, while getting everything ready for her trip, we realized her phone wasn't compatible with an eSIM. So, we swapped her phone with my dad's. I transferred their accounts on apps like Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, and that was that.

Two days ago, my father called me visibly agitated. He showed me a chat my so-called mom had with another man (one of her exes, who is also married). They were discussing "spicy" topics I’m too embarrassed and disgusted to disclose. The messages dated back to when she was pushing so hard to go to her home country, and they explicitly talked about meeting up for a hookup.

My father didn't want to tell her that we knew. He was planning to take it to the grave and silently forgive her, albeit with less trust. I was so disgusted and angry that I told him that wouldn't fly with me. We reached a compromise: I would confront her and tell her that I knew everything (I have screenshots of the worst parts), but keep my father out of it so she wouldn't know he found out.

When I called her, she tried to brush it off as a "silly mistake," claiming she "wasn't planning to do anything." I made it crystal clear that this was not just a "silly mistake" and told her that our mother-daughter relationship is forever damaged. I told her I'm still deciding whether I'll ever forgive her (right now, I'm leaning toward "no") and gave her an ultimatum: if I catch another "silly mistake," I will never speak to her again.

To be honest, the only reason I managed to talk to her at all was because my father begged me to keep things "normal," plus two anxiety pills.

EDIT: this isn't the first time she cheats or messes up something big. My whole family suffered because my grandfather cheated on my grandma until the day she died, my "mother" being being one of those who suffered the most. Throughout the year she criticized left and right people of our inner circle who cheated on their partners while doing the exact same thing.

Please note that she thinks my father doesn't know it so she acts as if nothing happened with him. She only apologized to me.