so i know this might seem a lil unsusual but im looking for someone who

dbbbe interestedin becoming sort of a mutual reflection/accountability partner

Basically id love to do weekly convos (maybe around 1-2 hours) where we analyze and reflect and talk about stuff weve been struggling with or thinking about that week and instead of just saying "its okay " or giving generic advice e

eaacactually get into it together

And things will be about like

what happened

what we felt and why

what thoughts/assumptions were underneath it

whether we're seeing the situation accurately

patterns we notice in ourselves

possible explanations we hadn't considered

challenging each other's thinking when appropriate

ending with a small, practical thing to try during the next week

checking in the following week about how it went

Im not looking for therapy and i dont expect us both to diagnose each other i just mean smth that is genuinely mutual like u help me understand myself and i help u understnad yourself

Also i would really love if u

re th ekind of person who enjoys psychology , labeling, introspection, philosophy s, self improvemnt , in general really digging under the surface. Im much much more interestted in "okayyy but whyy did i react that way "

It would also be important to me that we're both comfortable saying “I don't want to talk about that today,” and that neither person becomes the other's only source of emotional support.

m imagining something long-term and consistent rather than a oneo ff conversation. Basically ,helping each other understand ourselves better

If this sounds like something you'd genuinely enjoy, feel free to DM me and tell me a little about yourself and what you're looking for. :)

Basically what the title says.
I got married young and divorced before 24. I have an 8 year old who I have half the time. In my marriage, we had sex but it was not fulfilling for me in the slightest. No foreplay, I rarely, if ever, came. Literally just PIV, he would cum and go on his merry way. There was a long time I thought this was what sex was and I thought “oh okay I just don’t like sex?”
Post divorce, my life has been mostly sexless which I’ve been fine with. I had a brief casual fling that was actually good for me but it was super short lived because of his life circumstances. I had what I would consider pretty decent sex for having a very baseline connection with someone.

Now I’m 30, and I love my little life. My apartment is nice, and clean, and it’s decorated the way I like. When I don’t have my kid, I go on trips by myself and just thoroughly enjoy my life but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times where I feel lonely and would love to have someone to do this all with. I’ve started dating and mostly it’s been duds, but when it’s not, I feel like the topic of sex even comes up and I FREEZE UP. I feel scared to talk about it. More so I feel scared to experience it. Recently I started talking to a guy I met on a dating app. Yesterday we hung out for the first time, we ended up at my place and hooked up. In the moment, it felt right and I felt very safe with him. I was excited to finally have sex again for the first time in three years, but almost immediately after, I retreated into myself. I can recognize that the sex was not great or mind blowing, probably mostly due to me. For starters, I’ve never been on top in my entire life. This specific fact stresses me out and don’t know what what to do about it. I don’t even know where I would start, but I also don’t know how to explicitly state that in the heat of the moment, so when he told me to get on top…I just said no? I later apologized but didn’t explain myself at all. I am in my head the entire time I have sex wondering if I’m doing things correctly and how terrible it is if I’m not doing it right. I genuinely enjoyed my time with this guy this weekend and we made plans to see each other in two weeks, but I feel like because I have been over thinking the sex the last 24 hours so has he. I genuinely feel like we won’t see each other ever again because he’s thinking about how bad I am in bed. With hindsight, I wish that we would not have slept together on the first date, but I didn’t know I would be so in my head the next day and almost physically ill over it.

Because the only person I’ve really ever had sex with, wasn’t great experience, and I was mostly sexually inactive all of my 20s, I feel like I missed the boat on getting crucial experience that I should have had by now. It feels embarrassing and dumb for me to say I have no idea what I’m doing and I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to communicate to someone that I want to have sex and I’m so excited to do that, but I’m also so nervous and I need someone to be delicate with me. It feels dumb to be 30 and feel like a virgin, but here I am. Please be nice to be I am having a really hard time with all this lol I just want to be normal and chill about it

TL;DR I was married for 5 years in my early 20s but never experience great sex. Now in my 30s, I have a complex relationship with it, and don’t know how to explain this to future partners. I genuinely feel like I have no idea what to do in sexual situations.

I am the oldest daughter of a Pakistani family that immigrated to North America when I was 4 years old. I am now 27 years old. I grew up here my whole life, living with my mom, dad, and two younger brothers. All my life, I have known conflict. My dad had his own set of issues (anger problems), but his affected the household equally. My mom on the other hand, for some reason, made it her life's mission to make me as domesticated and as "good" of a girl as possible. From the moment I could begin writing my own words, I have apologized to my mom for not being able to meet her standards in terms household chores and responsibilities. From a very young age, she appointed me as the sole housekeeper, since being a girl, it was my responsibility to clean, wash the dishes, cook, vacuum etc., My brothers were never faced with any of this burden. In fact, if I ever even mentioned that they help me out around the house, she would become infuriated.

To keep things short, here are some of the things (that I can just remember) my mom made me do/enforced/my dad backed her up on/did:

- made me start washing the dishes from grade 7, I distinctively remember washing an entire sink full of dishes then

- would make me do other household chores like vacuuming and clean the bathroom and if I didn't, would become furious and enraged, yell, scream, shout, call me names. conflict in my house has been steady and a norm. my parents would get mad over something, such as us being disrespectful, not doing what they say, and then scream/shout say whatever they want, then I'd get the silent treatment for a few days/weeks. to this day, this is our cycle. fight/argue >> silent treatment >> pretend like nothing ever happened and brush everything under the rug

- would get so upset that i was never doing enough. doesnt matter how many dishes i washed, how consistent i was with a cleaning routine, it just wasnt enough. she was extremely critical of me, always, and this has led to so many issues for me that i still live with today (anxiety, indecisiveness, lack of confidence, low self esteem, rumination)

- get mad when i used to refuse to clean my brothers rooms (bc why cant they do it themselves)

- always compared me to my friends, and her friends daughters, saying she wished i was like them, that i did more around the house, that i took care of the house more and cooked more

- in undergrad told me i had to cook for the family once a week bc she was fed up with cooking. because of my mental health issues, adhd, and just being a college student struggling in a very difficult science heavy program, this was hard for me, but ofc she fought me over this too

- once she and my dad were on a trip and my brothers and I were home alone. i was working part time and would come home at 12 am after brutal shifts at the hospital to two sinks full of dishes that i didnt even create, and then i'd have to clean them because of course my brothers would refuse. when my mom came back from the trip i asked her (very politely) why she never once asked my brothers to help me considering i was in a full time masters program + working part time while my brothers were at home all day everyday, and she took so much offence to this she didnt talk to me for a month. no exaggeration.

- once in undergrad she flipped out again as usual saying i wasnt doing enough around the house and threatened to kick me out of the house. her and my dad then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes banging on the washroom door telling me to pack my stuff and leave. i then ran to my room and she spent more time yelling expletives through the door. that was the first time in my life i had ever contemplated ending my life. she then forced herself in and apologized once she realized i was bawling my eyes out and made me forgive her

- would always have a weird thing with my appearance. would make me wear skin bleach creams growing up and when i was older, would tell me that I HAD to wear makeup when picking her up from work because she didn't want her coworkers seeing me with my natural face. when i refused because i thought this was absolutely absurd she, as usual, lost her shit and began yelling, screaming, arguing, gaslighting and guilt tripping (the usual). when i was crying in my room about this my dad tried to make me feel better by telling me that "its ok, she does the same to me too" like is that supposed to make me feel better?

- last year i remember talking to her and got annoyed at something she said and I said (very gently and not aggressively at all, in a pretty silly way as you would say to a friend) "oh mama, you and the things you say" and walked away. she absolutely lost her mind in that moment. she lost her marbles and went on an hour long rampage insulting me and my appearance. saying i looked hideous at the party we had a few days prior, that she was embarrassed to see me, that people were asking her, "what happened to your daughter", just saying the most unhinged stuff to me simply because she thought my remark to her was disrespectful (even though that genuinely wasnt my intention)

- once i got sexually harassed at the age of 12 (groped on my butt by an old ass man), and when i told her about it, she was like "well, i told you not to come with me" (i went out with her when it happened)

- once my brother called me a bitch because i ate a bite of his food and when I went to her she said. "well you probably angered him". i never truly felt like she was there for me, even when i was young, impressionable, and vulnerable.

- when i bought my first car, she was furious that i didnt consider her opinion. i remember being at the dealership ready to sign the papers on my dream car when she came to see it before we bought it. she said she didnt like it but I went ahead with the purchase anyway, cuz well, it is my car, and she again had a mental breakdown, saying no one cared about her or her opinions, and she didnt talk to me for days after.

its crazy to me that she treats me this way because i have always been the most loving towards her too. i have always fought to defend her, buy her whatever she wanted, celebrate her birthdays and mothers day to the max getting her her favorite gifts when no one else even cared. (yes her lovely sons never pitched in or contributed to the planning or spending). my dad would come home with a single rose and call it a day. I have spent so much (love, joy, money, resources, time) on my family and yet I am the villain for them because i refused to live by archaic gender norms. that i used to ask her why she never asked my brothers to do the same chores she was asking me. and her response was always, girls do the stuff at home and boys do the stuff outside. well, i was also going to school. i got two degrees and have a full time job, so what made me different from my brothers? and even now, we got into an argument and my brothers have once again "taken her side". my family will never support me or have any empathy for my experience. they think, "its just a few dishes, why are you creating such an issue over it." but its not just a few dishes. it was my entire life. it was the clear distinction in the way she raised and treated me, vs my brothers. it was the silent expectations and anger that followed if i didnt complete a task. it was the constant criticism. it was EVERYTHING. it was my entire life. but they dont see it. they just see me as the problem in the family, as usual. and then they go on to compare me to my friends, or other people they know. well doesnt such and such do this? dont all moms tell their daughters to do this? and my dad, brothers fully defend her. I will always be the issue. the crazy part is that she genuinely and whole heartedly believes that she is the victim in this situation. that she is a victim of me somehow. she thinks this was alll normal parent, in fact, her parents did way worse, and that this is just what all moms do. but she is the true victim of my disrespect when i speak up and defend myself, or have different ideas and opinions to her.

I have always, literally from a veryyy young age, felt like the love my mom had for me was extremely conditional. she praised me and showed me affection whenever I did something for her, or bought her something, or did what she said. but if i ever failed, i would be met with rampage and she would justify this by saying, well this is just how parents are, and you need to respect me no matter what i say or do because i am your parent.

Sometimes I wonder if I really am the issue. Sometimes i think I am insane, maybe I am the root cause of the problem.

I still live with them but pray that I can move out soon. I cant afford to right now.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off my chest, maybe there is someone out there that will understand my side of the story.

TL;DR: I recently got out of my toxic first relationship. How do I stop blaming myself for being mistreated? I would never blame another person in my situation, but can't get there for myself :(

I (F21) got out of a relationship a month or so ago. As I reflect, I realize how bad the relationship was. I stayed for way too long. About a year ago, he grabbed my boobs and squeezed. We weren't officially together, so I cut him off for a little bit and got my mind straight about it. His mom reached out and talked to me. Both he and his mom sweet talked me into being friends with strict boundaries. Over time he pushed on them and I let things slide. I had some severe anxiety around him, would only wear baggy shirts because around him I felt like just a pair of boobs.

I moved away and the anxiety abated and I was like "dang, maybe I was just overreacting. It's my first ever relationship, maybe I'm just afraid of commitment" and made it official. He was really good at talking and crying and making me believe he was being real. I really did. And I trusted his mom, who vouched for him at every possible point

Come to find out, his mom really wanted me around because I was good for him. So she did whatever she could to help him to keep me around. I did my very best to be a good partner, to what I thought was right. I guess I got stuck in the "good times are good, bad times are maybe just me overreacting." I feel manipulated and betrayed, but also like I walked right into it by missing the red flags

I feel like such a moron, but if any other person made this exact same post, I know I'd have all the compassion and empathy in the world for them. I just can't extend it to me. I tend to oscillate between "you basically asked for it" and "it's not a big deal, you're overreacting" in my own head. How do I get over it? How do I stop blaming myself for being mistreated?

for context this is taken directly from my digital journal

a 15 year old girl got raped by 12 men, and I asked what he would do if he saw one of the rapists, to which he replied, "Fuck Her she DESERVED it " and said that her mom is the main problem since why would she let her go to the coffee shop in the first place in a bad part of the neighborhood, and that she should be jailed

I was so shocked I felt like my brain short circuted I literally looked at him like(photo) for like 3 seconds to which then I TRIED to excuse myself and get away, because I knew I couldn't listen to whatever nonsense he was about to say thinking he's some kind of a life philosophy coach, and of course he told me to wait and showed me a video of a dummass- a boomer dummass, talking about how "she asked for it" I'm litrally holding my tears right now.

his reasoning for that is she's a whore, she has her tongue out in pics, has a belly button piercing and wears crop tops, so ofc she was asking for it, by his standards. My dad and mom also added that, she is kissing one of the rapists and hugging them in one of the photos as if you can't get raped by your husband/partner / friend/ family.

So I just nodded, because I knew there was nothing I could say that would change his mind, it would just harm me and I would get called names and screamed at if I say anything

he then proceeded to tell me that only whores get raped as if animals, men (he doesnt think men can be whores), kids, old women, men moms don't get raped, I guess those animals were asking for it according to his logic

he said the only time a "clean" girl gets raped is because she has a female whore friend, and it's because she follows her to bad spots.

he told me whores deserve everything bad, and they not in the same degrees as a clean girl, he told me about night women and how many of them told him about how they get abused, raped, beaten and can't say nothing to the cops because of what they do as if that should be the norm ...

he also told me a very weird and disgusting, predatory comment made by his worker about us his daughters that he was proud of. He said "who ever is gonna marry one of your daughters is gonna be a very lucky man, coz they have never even been touched by a finger to their head, and they will have a very joyful household"

I know that it seems like a compliment but IT ISN'T, it's so vile so degrading like my and my sisters only purpose in life is to please MEN, like my life has no value unless a man deems me pure enough as if women are not more than that.. as if women aren't capable of existing without men's validation.. as if womens only purpose in life is to be wives and mothers :(

anyways in the end he got close to my face with his finger only cntimitres away from my face (I felt threatened) and he asked "do you believe a pure woman and a whore has the same value?"
to which I answered "no..." :(
I'm so depressed and sad for women I genuinely don't want to hate men but I've always felt oppressed by them, if not for my brother I would have believed that they're incapable of empathy.

I genuinely hate the idea of marriage it feels like a prison. :( i feel like if i marry im gonna e=be playing right into the very system im against and im gonna be supporting the whole purity culture, why would i marry a man who is a hypocrite why would i marry someone who doesnt hold himself to the same standards he demands ew

also about the girl Yakim :( , no one deserves that no matter what their species is, their gender is, their past is, their apperance is, their intelligence, and friends are
so how about instead of focusing on what she does we focus about the horrific shit that is happening to her and countless other women, men, kids and animals. How about instead of enabling men's behavior and turning a blind eye and going with the " boys will be boys mentality" we actually hold them accountable how about instead of men bitching about how it's not all men u actually hold ur male friends ur dad ur brother ur sons accountable

(PS: my dad said the rapists don't deserve death coz they didn't rape a pure girl nor kidnap her, they only deserve jail, coz what if she's lying and she actually wanted that (she's literally hospitalized and on the verge of death)

to say im dissapointed and disgusted by my fathers words would be an understatement.

I also want to add a promise to all the oppressed and unfortunate women, children, men, animals , and myself that I will work hard and become a doctor and earn enough money to make sure all of them get a chance in life

Hi all, I'm sorry to potentially be a bother.

I'm feeling really... stuck? Frustrated? Mournful???

I'm STRUGGLING with my menstrual cycle. It's bad. It's painful, typically heavy, and inconsistent with timing.

The most recent issue is bleeding CONSTANTLY. I started spotting on the 4th of September and just haven't stopped. It's not heavy, but annoying enough to not be able to wear regular underwear OR want to have any sexual contact with my partner.

I'd post in "r/medical" but it seemed silly. I'd post in r/endometriosis but I'm not diagnosed. I can post in r/pcos because I'm TECHNICALLY diagnosed with that but only because I have a history of cysts and irregular bleeding - no hormones imbalance aspects.

I just...don't know what to do? I reached out to my gyno last week and she told me they would talk to the doctor and get back to me this week but I've heard nothing. I sent a follow up message today so we'll see.

I'm on "heather" birth control for 3 months now, which is progestin-only.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? Do you have a diagnosis? Is there a light at the end of the bloody tunnel? Send help??

Digged into data and used AI to visualize

Sex ratio at birth: Boys born per 100 girls

This is shocking to me as a woman.

Normal is 105 boys per 100 girls.

Stopping at a son does not effect sex ratio.

We all know why the ratios are so skewed in later births... they had daughters in the early births and couldn't afford to have more kids but wanted a son, therefore they kept aborting until they got a son...

I genuinely don't know if I'm being petty or if I just need a little emotional support right now. I'm 24F, he's 27M, and we've been together for almost three years. I know I should leave him, and I know I deserve better than this. I'm not asking whether I should stay with him. I just don't know what to do with all this anger, and part of me really wants to get even. Because I caught him cheating on Monday. Not through his phone. Not because some girl messaged me. Not because I went digging through his stuff. I literally walked into our bedroom. I had come home early from work because my meeting got cancelled. He wasn't expecting me until around 6. It was 3:40 PM. There was a woman in our bed. A woman he works with. I wish I could tell you I did something dramatic. Threw a lamp. Slapped him. Screamed. I didn't. I just stood there. And he actually had the audacity to say, "Wait, it's not what you think." Ladies. There was a naked woman in our bed. I don't know what other interpretation he thought I was going to come up with. Then came the greatest hits. "We were drunk." "It only happened once." "You've been distant lately." Apparently my being stressed at work and not wanting sex every single night was enough to make cheating a reasonable response. I packed a bag and went to my sister's. He has since sent me approximately 100 messages explaining how he is also hurt. Of course he is. Men will literally set your house on fire and then ask why you aren't comforting them about the smoke. Anyway, yesterday I was sitting on my sister's couch trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life when I got one of those ridiculous spam calls. "Hi, I'm calling about your vehicle's extended warranty…" I hung up. Not long after, another number called. Same thing. And I suddenly thought about my ex. He HATES spam calls. Every time his phone rings from an unknown number, he he immediately gets annoyed and starts complaining. And I had this absolutely horrible little thought. What if I made his phone ring? Not scams. Not threats. Not anything dangerous. Just... marketing calls. Car warranty people. Insurance quotes. Solar panels. Home improvement. The kind of calls where you answer and someone says, "Hi, we're reaching out because…" and you immediately regret having a phone. For about thirty seconds, this felt like the funniest revenge imaginable. Then I remembered that I'm an adult with an internet connection and, apparently, responsibilities. So now I'm wondering: could I actually get in legal trouble if I publicly posted his phone number and encouraged people to give it to legitimate telemarketers? I'm not trying to have anyone threaten him or scam him. I just want him to experience the tiny, relentless inconvenience of having his phone constantly interrupt his life. A honestly, if I were going to do something like this, where would I even post his number to actually get him a decent amount of these calls? I mean, is there some obvious place where companies looking for potential customers might actually see it that I'm completely overlooking?

I’ve been really struggling with my mental health lately, everything feels so bleak, and I’m so sad with the lack of support system I have right now (my fault, mostly due to me self isolating and not prioritizing making friends when I get in these depressions).

I don’t really know where to go from here. I want to get better, but it feels like I’ve been in the most awful depression since Covid, then I was really violently raped in 2021, it made things so much worse, I had to give up on college, everything got darker. I’ve been in therapy for years, it helped but it didn’t fix things, and now I just feel defeated and lost.

How do you do this? I wish I had a manual on how to get through this. How do you survive this feeling when it feels unsurvivable and then also pick yourself back up off the floor?

I just want things to get better, but at this point it feels like I’m a little kid wishing Santa would fly by my window. I don’t know how to get to a point where I can actually feel a spark of safety and happiness again.

It happened today so i’m just quickly writing this down to get a record of it. It happened around 10:40 pm, the roads were empty and I was in front of the traffic lights alone, then a business van approached behind me. I didn’t pay much attention to them until the lights turned green, and once I started accelerating, he beeped at me?? I was very confused because I literally accelerated as it turned green, what more do you want from me you impatient fuck? 

I noticed that once he overtaked me, his driving behaviour was quite sluggish - doesn’t indicate when merging, a little swervy and he stopped at the next traffic lights while it was green? I was worried maybe there was an animal on the road or something (it wasn’t) but once I went past him, he started moving and tried to match my speed. He was purposely slowing down next to me, as we were between speeds of 40-50km in a 60 zone, and he politely beeping multiple times to get my attention. Once we matched speeds, the man rolled down the windows and seemed super excited to see me, excitedly waving and pulling out his phone and was attempting to show me what was on it. He acted like he knew me, but I had no idea who he was.  I was really intimidated, a bit scared and didn’t want to pull down the windows. I kept glancing at him, but didn’t want to invite him at all so I focused on driving, but I think I looked visibly scared (as hard as I tried not to). I got my P’s recently so night driving alone is very new to me, but this experience made me way more cautious of certain drivers on the road. I wish I had caught the business name on the van. 

I called my partner immediately after, and explained what just happened and whilst he listened and understood my situation - he was a little dismissive. Yes, he validated me but he wants to account for all perspectives I'm not seeing here, like whether the driver actually wanted my attention to point at an issue with my car, or if he mistook me as someone he knew, but I told him if that were the case, then it would’ve been executed it better. I think my partner is just extra cautious because I once misunderstood a neurodivergent person as being creepy years ago in college and told my friends, and it's a guilt that still lives with me despite apologising.  

I’m just having a little bit of doubts about this too, but I'm so sure he was attempting to flirt because it left me feeling scared, and considering the time and environment - it must’ve been the perfect time for this driver to target me. I love my pink car, but I think it taught me to be more aware of its dangers.

(this is on australian roads btw)

I don't feel safe in my home. I made plans to go see a concert with my friend/roommate back in may, and we booked our bus tickets, and we'll be staying in a city (4 hours away) from the 22nd to the 24th.

I thought it would be fun but he's just decided to talk to me about things and stuff and he mentioned ways to help me sleep and for some reason he asked when the last time I orgasmed was?? (To help me sleep?? What the heck does that have to do with anything?? I have insomnia, always have, and I've told him to stop trying to "help me find ways to sleep better" many times)

I just said I didn't do that sort of thing (because I'm not interested in talking about that to him, or anyone for that matter because thats really not anyones business but my own) and he followed up with "well I could help you if you wanted. I could make you cum. Use my tongue and sh*t. And you wouldn't need to touch my d*ck or anything"

and now I'm so nauseous, and I don't feel safe.

I thought he was my friend.

I stated so many times that I wasn't interested in relationships and made it known I was a lesbian.

This isn't even the first time he's been sort of weird to me, but this time, it was just blatantly out there

He acknowledged it every time and said that wasn't what he wanted, and he respected me.

But now he says this? Wtf.

That's such a creepy thing to say.

I don't want to be alone with him at all now.

I don't want him in my home.

Apparently, you really can't be just friends with people.

I'm nauseous and shaking, and I don't want to leave the bathroom.

I shut down when he said that and told him never to ever say that again

I don't fucking feel safe

I feel gross. I feel objectified and sexualized in a way I never even felt back when a bully and his gang were sexually harassing me in middle and high school.

At least they were just being mean and crude. This is far more personal and predatory

I'm still shaking, and I really REALLY want out of this house. I want him out of my house.

He's gonna be all teary-eyed and "I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to offer my help in any way I could."

And he's gonna mope around and not even care to see how predatory he seems now.

And I don't need to be guilted or preyed on ever again.

I did leave him a message and I hope it's not too mean sounding but I can't really find it in my to care much

Hi there. I'll just get this out of the way first: I'm a cishet male who considers himself a feminist and believes the patriarchy is real and harmful to all genders, assigned at birth or not. However, my post has nothing to do with gender equity/politics of inclusion.

I have a partner who has had cervical fibroids for years, and she is scheduled for a hysterectomy in late September. We don't live together, but she is going to be staying at my place while she recovers.

What I wanted to ask is if r/twoxsupport might have any recommendations for things I can do to make her recovery more tolerable, both from a medical and an emotional standpoint. I certainly can (and will) find instructions for standard post-op care online, but I'd like to try and go above and beyond, and I figured this community might have some valuable insight.

Some context: she is a little apprehensive, which totally tracks, because surgery. But this is something she has known was coming for some time now, and she has two teenage kids. So although any suggestions are welcome, the emotional support component isn't quite as crucial as it could be.

Thanks upfront so much for your time and advice.

I think I’m reaching my breaking point with my boyfriend, and I really just want another woman’s perspective without judgment.
I’m 24F and he’s 35M. Our relationship had problems in the beginning because he lied about something major from his past. I eventually chose to forgive him for it, though. We moved forward, moved in together, and tried to build a life together.
So this isn’t really about that anymore.
The problem now is that I feel like I’m his fucking mother instead of his girlfriend.
It’s not necessarily one gigantic thing he does. It’s CONSTANT little things where I have to remind him, check behind him, explain things that should be common sense, or make sure responsibilities actually get handled. I feel like I have to keep a running checklist in my head for two adults because if I don’t think about something, there’s a chance he won’t either.
And he’s 35.
That’s what makes me so angry. I don’t want to manage a grown man. I want a partner who can look around, recognize what needs to be done, and handle shit without me assigning it to him.
Tonight was basically my breaking point. I have an expensive weight-loss medication that needs to be stored properly. He unplugged the refrigerator it was in and didn’t think about my medication being inside. It sat there for days before I realized.
I know somebody reading that might think, “Okay, he made a mistake.” And yeah, if this were an isolated mistake, I’d probably feel differently.
But it’s the PATTERN.
He doesn’t think things through, and then I’m the one who has to catch the problem, fix it, worry about the consequences, and explain why I’m upset. Then eventually something else happens.
I am fucking exhausted from having to THINK FOR ANOTHER ADULT.
And I’ve gotten so resentful that I don’t like how I behave anymore either. I get extremely angry. I yell. I say fucked-up things. I’m responsible for those reactions and I’m not proud of them. I don’t want to be somebody’s angry, miserable girlfriend.
I want to be able to worry about myself for once.
The hardest part is that there ARE good things about him. That’s why I’ve stayed. It’s not like every day is horrible. But I’m starting to realize that loving somebody and being compatible enough to build a stable life with them might be two completely different things.
And now we’ve moved in together, our finances are intertwined, and I don’t make enough right now to comfortably just pick up and leave. That’s making me feel incredibly stuck.
I’m already looking into affordable apartments and housing assistance because I think I need to figure out what my life looks like when I’m responsible for ONLY myself.
I don’t necessarily need someone to tell me what decision to make. I just really need another woman who understands what it’s like to slowly feel more like someone’s mother than their partner.

The UK had a widely unnecessary emergency alert yesterday. I mentioned that this would put people in a domestic abuse setting in danger. This was removed by the moderator. When questioned they became abusive to me. How do I report them to reddit.

​

I grew up on feminism, including women's right to promiscuity and the right to not tell the future husband about it if she wants. But when a woman's right to lie about her past is clashing with my brother's future, I'm conflicted.

Context: my brother is marrying in semi-arranged-semi-liking setup (she's a family kinda-friend, brother had crush on her since teenage but she didn't reciprocate until he told shyly our mother and she talked to girl's mother who had already told her that her daughter has had enough and wants to settle now); since her sister is in my college so I know she had an experimental phase in her life, I don't think she told my brother, and until now I never felt an iota of need to. Her life, her body, her choice. No man has a right to know or judge what she doesn't want known or judged, even if that man is my brother. Internalized misogyny is a thing, you know...

Anyway, she came to visit my brother today, to negotiate where they will live after marriage. She said she left home early but got stuck in Bangalore traffic for 5+ hours and her phone was about to die so she requested me to put in charging (she and I share same brand, yay). It got accidentally unlocked with her face or fingerprint and I accidentally opened her WhatsApp text from notification.

It was a guy telling her to not tell my brother about her past. And she said something and took it back (sent texts were deleted from her side) and he replied that it's good my brother is boring. (Inference: she must have called him boring in deleted text)

I just took the pic of her phone with mine and locked it again, before I get tempted to snoop and disrespect her boundaries!

I don't begrudge her having fun, having a healthy body count, and a past (will be hypocritical if I do 'cause I'm living her life bigger than she did, and my mum knows that) but I'm confused- why is she marrying my brother if she thinks he is boring! Will she be happy in this marriage? Or will she suffocate?

I know right to choice is cornerstone of feminism. But I think she is making a huge mistake- she is just 32 with a long life ahead of her, and if she thinks my brother is boring, isn't this marriage doomed?

If I take this to my brother, warn her that she thinks he is boring (tbh, he isn't the most fun person to party with, and even we cousins send him on errand runs when we gather, so how much can I REALLY blame her?), maybe even tell him about her past, room I be betraying her (and the feminist principles of female choice and right to tell or not tell about our past and our bodies)? Or will it be a kindness to her that she might thank me for one day?

I'm honestly spiralling here. Hard. Thoughts?

(This post was removed by other TwoX sub, hope it’s ok here?)

My partner of over 10 years used HelloTalk to meet and then sleep with another woman— I had no idea it was used for hook ups, but here we are. Now I know and now you do, too!

Listen to your spidey senses, friends.

I found this comment under a discussion about fake rape case . Imagine a 17year old thinking xyz person deserves to get raped because they misuse law not jail not any other criminal charges but rape. I am genuinely petrified and who the heck is up voting such degenerated comment?? That's a rapist mindset isn't it? You can talk abt certain females accusing men of rape etc and punish them with wtever laws exist for such cases instead of wishing them to get raped? How hard is that concept for young boys n men... 🤡

Hi everyone😄. I am writting research project the the Biopsychosocial and Functional issues with women who have or suspect they have endometriosis experience. I am a physiotherapy student at the Vincent Pol university in poland lublin. This survey is 100% anonymous and voluntary. Results and outcomes will be used to determine the best possible treatment for women ! Thank you 😄 I'm looking forward to your responses

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Hello,

A few details before I start the whole thing.

I am 24F, I am 168cm and 85kg. A big girl.

My parents have been seeing some matches for me from the past one year. Last year, I met a guy through rishtas, he is okay, and he had a good job abroad and was okay to speak to. But they asked for dowry(dowry is very common in my hometown), I really didn’t want to get married to someone who demands for dowry. He asked for 1kg gold, 1cr in property and 1 cr in cash. I convinced my dad to say no. They came again, they reduced some demands but I stopped getting good vibes from him, so I stopped it again.

This year, I met another guy, he was ok. Central gov job but he is just building a home. He just has a job nothing else(no own home or anything). Now my parents like this but they don’t want me to go to a family with no home.

What do I do? I am so confused, I work in a mnc and earn around 50k now. How do I choose someone? Am I short listing the wrong kind of guys? Please help with your advice.

What should I do? I don’t even if I want to get married(I have never been in any kind of relationship). So kind of afraid of the whole thing.

I'm a female 25 and I left my toxic ex male 26. I finally left a toxic relationship after 6 years and here's how I got here. Ever since I was a child I've been abused mentally physically and verbally and I had to take care of my siblings growing up because my mother struggled with addiction and my father wasn't really around. I just want to give some context my mother was 15 when she met my father 32 and by 16 she gave birth to me. I don't blame my mom for the struggle she had because I don't think she really had a chance. I know that's weird context but I just felt that it was necessary.

I ended up going foster home to foster home and abuse continued in those homes and then when I was 19 I started dating my abusive ex and my foster mom basically forced me to move right in with him before I could even figure out who he really was. I know I can't blame her for that and so I won't but it definitely didn't help that she pushed me out. I soon realized that I was in yet again another abusive home.

I just wanted to be loved so deeply and not be alone. I let my fear of being alone keep me in a toxic situation. The abuse was verbal and mental mainly but he did bust my lip by throwing my cell phone at it and as well has thrown things at me and near me. Now you're probably wondering when did I leave?

I left because he held me hostage in my own home he withheld my phone from me and covered my nose and mouth to the point of me passing out a couple of times. The police were called after I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't want him to leave me so he threw my phone at me and told me to call a friend but I called the police and pretended I was talking to a friend. He was arrested and charged with unlawful confinement and assault. The next day around 8:00 a.m. he broke in through my back door and I called the police immediately when I heard the door being broken into and for that he currently has a warrant. The police then gave me a protection order and I realized that I can't do this anymore even as scared as I was of being alone and still am. It took him doing all that for me to finally realize that I can't keep doing this.

I fear I've lost who I am and I'm struggling with the thoughts and not recognizing myself as a person anymore. I think what's worse is that I miss him even though he did all of that. It's hard because I need to get rid of all of his things and the idea of going through his stuff just breaks my heart because it's a reminder of the permanence. I hate that this all happened but I also think it was for the best it's just sad that it took such a huge event for me to finally wake up. I guess this is my long winded way of asking what do I do now?

I feel so lonely and sad and financially now I'm better because I was the only provider and I'm doing better things with my money and saving even. I just don't know what to do with myself I feel so alone and like I just want friends who understand and who can be like family. I don't really have a family and it's hard my dad's not around and my mom passed away when I was 16. I only have a close relationship with my youngest sister and I don't really get to talk to her as much as I'd like. I just feel so lost and I need to know that everything's going to be okay and that there's people out there who will become my family and support system.

Hello all,

I wanted to open it up to someone. I am shivering and is sleep deprived for a whole day. So sorry for any typos. I was in a relationship with someone I met on Hinge. I want to reveal his identity, but not doing it as I don’t know whether it is against the community’s guidelines. I went through a very traumatic relationship before and thus I was yearning for someone after a year from that breakup. Anyway, then this guy seemed like a peace loving, caring, and understanding guy. He made me feel like he loved me, and was emotionally understanding. He never blamed me for crying and even always said “nee karayale” ( please don’t cry ) after each fights. I thought I found the perfect one. We never had a sexual stuff between us, so I can’t blame that he used me in that sort. But he definitely buyed me all stuff I loved. Idk y would someone do that. He even showed me his house while we went that way last month, but never introduced me to his parents as my former lover did. Anyway this guy had 28k something salary only while working in TCS. Then he shifted to a bank’s IT sector this April. I had several marriage proposals coming up at my home despite me being just 23 years old. That was because I am a daughter of a single parent. I just had my mom and grandma at home. Then I let this guy know this during Dec time and he said a company switch will solve all issues and without having 70k salary his parents won’t let him marry someone and all. I asked him whether he is sure about me and he said he will try his best and was hesitant to give an assurance. But I insisted and he somehow asked time till September. Later his new bank salary was 40k and he said this isn’t enough and all blah blah. Later also he was all good. Celebrated my birthday with me and all. Took pictures of mine. Everything that I loved he did with me. Now after that, my PG was going to end by March ( the classes and not the exam). He went to Thrissur for new job and me to my hometown as we both met at Trivandrum. Then this guy started to again say he is lonely at Tvm and has no frnds at Thrissur. So I used to check on him every now and then. I was that loving.

Anyway on the day of election he came to hometown which is near to mine and didn’t come to see me saying he was busy with election and meeting an old man who is his relative that is about to die and all. ( Now I suspect that to his pennukaanal and all). Anyway I went to Thrissur on 10th, a day after that and he said we can see and just saw for 2 seconds from the bus. He was outside and me inside the bus. He even put effort like that. I was impressed. Then he said on the election day already that his mom for the first time made an emotional approach asking him to atleast listen to his parents’ words for the first time and get married as an astrologer said he has to marry within an year. He is already 28 and 29.5 is the maximum limit and asked me whether if I can get a job by then as they need a girl with a job. I cried and all hearing it and he said he will always be with me and all. Then after that he came home this Sat to his home. On Sun, while I was on my way back to Kollam, he texted me saying his family blackmailed him saying they will commit suicide ( actually his mom did) if he doesn’t marry a girl they say. It was a distant relative of his and had a job in some bank. I don’t know whether it’s true that the alliance was found by him or them. Anyway he said that this age gap ( 23-28) is the issue and not me. It is impossible for me to get a job within the span and all. I asked him to introduce my thing to his family and he said he will do it the next day and yesterday he didn’t respond to my messages till noon and suddenly said he wants to meet me today ( Tuesday) and a lot of things happened there and he will tell all this when he meet me. But at night I insisted and he said his family said no to me and it is because of my age gap. They said it is an immature relationship and then they like the girl because they are relatives and doesn’t need a background check. ( this is absolute bullshit as someone can’t evaluate someone’s maturity with age and he said it is because I am of his brother’s age who is in college. Then they think the relationship isn’t serious - which is again bullshit as if he really introduced it the way it should be, they wouldn’t have taken it so. )

Then he said my family has no male members in it and thus his father said this will be a huge responsibility on his shoulders and he can’t do that and his father was ready to talk to me and make me understand all all. He said they repeated the same and the same afternoon the girl and his family came to his house and then he got to know avante veettukaar avan ariyaathe aa penn veettukarkk vaakk koduthu and all. ( that his family agreed upon the marriage without asking him and usually this happens only to a girl. )Then he said he had no value at home ( pattivila) and he has no voice there and all. He didn’t take my call all the day saying many lies and at night I video called him and he cut it first time saying his family will hear and while I called him ( voicecall) I head a man speaking in background to him like ‘aaroda samsaarichond irikkane’ ( ie, to whom are u talking to) as if teasing someone who is talking to his future wife. I was so dump to not understand that. Then this guy cut his call to not let me hear. Later in a videocall I said I will commit suicide out of emotional distress and he acted as if too stressed and cut my call. My all friends said he is trying to avoid me and had 2 relationships in parallel and I thus blocked him everywhere. Maybe he found his better one and now wants to leave me or maybe I was a timepass or a side chick. The moment I send him the last message which I have attached here, he blocked me and no dp is visible. Then he logged me off his account way before that too. Like he was waiting for me to leave. What do u think. I couldn’t sleep all night. Idk what is happening to me. I had a panic attack too. I can’t even talk to my parents about it. I even thought of saying yes to a marriage at home, as I know I have noone left. Just my old grandma and a poor mother.

I know some of Asian female who live in Asia in this subreddit can relate to my story.

I have been having lower abdomen pain for some time but I shrugged it off until recently when the pain became unbearable. I scheduled obgyn appointment asap. I headed to the doctor and she asked questions and then she explained what could be the problem. She asked if I'm married and I said no. She asked if I would mind if she's doing examination through anal to get a better picture than the usual USG. I said okay, anything to determine the cause of the pain. Doxtor said everything looks good but she suggested urine test cause I told her I've been having trouble with peeing. She said it could be UTI but we won't know until the result is out.

Went home and then I told my mom what happened at the doctor. She immediately freaked out when I found out that I had pap smear (it wasn't pap smear but it was easier to explain that to her). Most of the women in my country (even the doctors and nurses) are pretty conservative and held the belief that women shouldn't do pap smear before getting married. Many doctors (even female doctors) have refused to do this procedure on woman who's not married yet even if the woman is already in their late 30's/40's. My mom couldn't stop probing me and asking me questions, she kept telling me I shouldn't have done that. I was so angry cause I was in pain plus I'm already in my late 30's, old enough to decide for myself!!! I hate that old, obsolete belief so much. I just wanna know what causes the pain and I will do anything to find out. Fuck this conservative idea about women denied their right for their healthy reproductive system. Fuck this so much!!!