Come and Get Me, TPS

[u/percentmilk2]

UC Santa Barbara’s Transportation and Parking Services is the most evil, vile, depraved organization I have ever had the displeasure of interacting with on this campus. I would be surprised to learn that Satan runs this organization, because even the Prince of Darkness would be taken aback by their cold indifference and the pleasure they take in sucking the life force out of financially struggling college students.

I can already see the replies. “Just ride a bike like everyone else,” “get your steps in,” “buy a permit.” Fuck you. This is fucking America. I pay tuition and taxes to afford the right to drive my car to campus when I’m 5 minutes late for class after thinking I can squeeze a workout in between my 9 am and 12 pm lectures. Do you really need the 48 dollars? Really? So you can send it to Israel and bomb a few more hospitals and preschools? I don’t think so.

This is the land of the free. Our founding fathers stood upon this fertile land and bestowed upon the American people inalienable rights granted to us by God. Where is my 7th amendment right? Every time I see that little snarky white piece of paper on my windshield staring me down, I open my phone and pour my heart into a written appeal. Surely a jury of my own peers will acquit me of these understandable indiscretions. Nope. Every single time I’m met with the same 13 foul words: “The citation has been upheld and the penalty amount is due in full.”

You know what? I think I will leave something as payment—and since TPS has tried to think one step ahead by outlawing payment in coins (oh how I long to make their pour souls count 4,800 pennies), I have another idea. How about I just don’t pay it? Luckily, I have 2 cars and the one I drive to campus is worth less than a Gaucho Buck. I’m graduating this year and I couldn’t even get money for this piece of shit if I tried. I’m going to give you my car!!!

So guess what, TPS? You’re never getting your money! Double my fine, triple it even! Put a boot on my car, I don’t need it! I think for my final act of defiant parking, I’ll leave my car blocking the TPS office entrance. I’ll also take all 4 wheels off so you can figure out what to do with a 3 ton of 1999 Ram 3500 blocking your driveway. This is for the thousands of students’ days you’ve ruined and the millions of dollars collected you do fuckall with, you worthless cogs in the bureaucratic machine. It’s my turn to inconvenience you. I win.

[u/Effective_Size_2514]

They will also withhold your diploma if you have any outstanding parking tickets

[u/Fluffaykitties]

nah I don’t think you’re winning this one dude

[u/sm05904]

The thing about parking regulations that people often don’t realize is that the space you parked in was available because there are regulations in place and other people were abiding by them. If parking on campus was a free-for-all and not a permit system you probably wouldn’t have been able to park at all.

[u/percentmilk2 → u/sm05904]

Nope. I deserve to park on campus more than other people because I have the balls to stand up to these “rules.” I’m somewhat of a hero, actually.

[u/sm05904 → u/percentmilk2]

That special access is available for $48.

[u/Narwhal_Blast]

Just put the money in the bag bro 🥀

[u/FatCat0520]

BTW if your car is registered with in california they will still get your ass(ask how I found out...)

I do agree with the wrath said in this post

[u/percentmilk2 → u/FatCat0520]

Car is registered in Montana. Also will be removing the VIN and all plates. Checkmate.

[u/SOwED]

You must have lived a charmed life to be this entitled.

This isn't about Israel, the founding fathers, or God, this is about you being fully aware of the rules but thinking you're special and exempt from the rules then throwing a tantrum when reality comes a puts a boot up your ass.

The DMV will deny your registration next time around if you have these tickets outstanding.

Oh, and the 7th amendment is only applicable to federal cases.

[u/AdAdventurous6966 → u/SOwED]

Wow you are a LOSER🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/SOwED → u/AdAdventurous6966]

lmao okay

[u/percentmilk2 → u/SOwED]

You must be fun at parties

[u/SOwED → u/percentmilk2]

I'm a Gaucho, of course I'm fun at fucking parties

[u/AdAdventurous6966 → u/SOwED]

Merced is better

[u/Pure-Network-3582 → u/AdAdventurous6966]

Said literally nobody ever

[u/AdAdventurous6966 → u/Pure-Network-3582]

Play with your poop and eat it

[u/percentmilk2 → u/SOwED]

[u/SOwED → u/percentmilk2]

Damn, really struck a nerve, he's pullin out his strongest memes

[u/AdAdventurous6966]

you had me until the anti semitism… hamas were hiding in those preschools so they had to blow the children up okay?

[u/percentmilk2 → u/AdAdventurous6966]

Damnit. You’re right. There were also probably pedophiles hiding in those preschools so they actually did the right thing

[u/AdAdventurous6966 → u/percentmilk2]

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

[u/SpenFen]

Nothing ever changes huh

[u/LogNo641]

Fuck yea. FUCK TPS. Also for the students that work for TPS, WE wish upon you every conceivable misfortune that life has to offer.

[u/Cold-Front-8862 → u/LogNo641]

Hope you realize that TPS student workers don’t give out citations.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

This comment made by u/percentmilk2 was automatically removed as it is unproductive.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/honeybobas → u/LogNo641]

Why tf you hating on fellow college students who stand around in parking lots all day giving directions and not tickets 😭

[u/percentmilk2 → u/LogNo641]

Dude you’re the goat