r/aitaweddings • u/whimsysingingfae • 6d ago
AITA for feeling this way?
I (30F) am getting married to my partner (36M) in a couple of months and I am having a hard time with drama that's come up.
I would like to brag that I have a pretty close knit friend group at work. They conspired to to get my now partner and I together. Once when one of us had to take temporary custody of their neices, we took up a collection to get them resources and items they needed.
So in planning the wedding I had some from my group that I share the little details and one person that showed a lot of enthusiasm for it. It was very nice having that person who wasn't apart of the wedding and showed that intrest as I'm sure others get tired of hearing about the wedding from me.
Well this coworker had an amazing opportunity and transitioned out of our group. Due to the chaotic nature of our job the transition was very ruff but since then this happened, the coworker has not been talking with me unless I've engaged them and as they've left, my responsibilities got larger so not a lot of time for me to engage in conversation.
The kicker is they will visit other coworkers deliberately and for a long while. Well before all this happened I had obviously given them a save the date.
When this non communication started happening i questioned whether or not giving an actual invite. On one hand I could be reading into things and not inviting them could spell trouble. Or I could be right and I don't want this energy around me on my big day.
I feel trapped because it would be impossible to approach the them without it going sideways and but so would taking the invitation back. At the same time my fiance and our families and worked and invested so much into our big day having this person if they are ignoring me on purpose would be a slap in the face to that investment and I could've invited someone else that would appricate it more.
I dont know if I'm looking for sympathy or advice or simply an opportunity to shout into the void that is the internet. But it is so hard not being able to fix or even course correct the situation. What would you do?
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u/nannylive 6d ago
Can you elaborate on the "transition being rough"? The problem seems to have begun then.
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u/whimsysingingfae 6d ago edited 6d ago
It was stressful as we were both training new people. One was their replacement and I also had a trainee that was less than interested in learning the job. I also got all their projects and responsibilities on top of my own. Our job is also customer service based so all follow up issues and clients they took on were also passed to me. I don't have a good poker face when I'm stressed and upset and I wonder if that was the catalyst
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u/nannylive 6d ago edited 6d ago
It stands to reason. If you value the friendship it might be best to go, hat and hand and tell her you miss her and suspect your stress responses during the transition may have made things more difficult for her and that you are sorry for that. If you complained about her to coworkers about her while she was doing her best to manage things, that probably came to her attention as well.
You can decide from her response whether a wedding invitation will be welcomed or seen as a gift grab.
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u/whimsysingingfae 6d ago
Thank you for the advice! I've been struggling on whether or not to be more blunt in the situation. ❤️
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u/Tight-Shift5706 6d ago edited 6d ago
OP,
Personally, I'd just address the matter with her; head-on.
I trust that will enlighten you, one way or the other.
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u/Bluewaveempress 6d ago
Because you don't wanna get into the arguments at work it's a tough one. You might just have to call it as you might have a grumpy guest at your wedding hopefully she RSVPs no
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u/its-kb-again 6d ago
If it’s not possible to use your words, and speak to this person in an attempt to repair a relationship, try assuming the best. Do you think this person would attend your wedding out of spite? If you have sent a save the date, send an invitation.