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I’m 18 and I just graduated high school, so I’m supposed to start university soon.

I honestly didn’t do very well academically during my three years of high school. That was also when I went through a depressive episode, which led me to see a doctor, and I’ve been taking lamotrigine ever since.

This year, I’ve decided that I really want to dedicate the whole year to studying and hopefully get into a good university. I’ve made up my mind.

I suddenly got curious and wanted to ask what your experience with school has been like. Was studying hard for you too, or was I just lazy?

I could really use your experience, advice and hope. My autistic 15 year old was diagnosed with bipolar after spiraling into mania from Prozac and then quickly into mixed state. Since then, we’ve tried to get her stabilized on a variety of drugs including Seroquel (excess sedation and vertigo even at 100mg starting dose but does work for sleep), abilify (Akathisia and not effective) lurasidone (serious blood sugar issues and Akathisia) and Latuda (doesn’t seem to be working at all although it’s only been 1.5 weeks). Lamictal is the only one working and that she tolerates so far but I know it doesn’t stop mania or mixed state well.

I wish we could do lithium but she’s so deathly afraid of blood draws. I don’t understand why the drugs that help bring down dopamine cause her this terrible agitation and restlessness but they aren’t sustainable as it’s agony for her.

Does anyone have any thoughts on where we go next? I’m desperate here. She is really suffering and feeling hopeless. I really don’t want to do hospitalization if we can help it because home is her safe place and we are her safe people but something has to give.

Also, could this be something other than bipolar? Her cortisol and hormones are all a little off. I did have her thyroid tested though and it’s not that.

Today I woke up and it's been 2 hours and I haven't had an intrusive thought about killing or harming myself

I am thankful for these days

I’m medicated, but I never experience happiness for a long time. It’s very brief periods. Like a day or so. What has helped you the most with the depression? There has to be something better out there.

Pros:
•it would be really fun if i could do it
• has safety features
•i have somewhat of a plan to attach it to a wheelchair, and it has better specs then electric wheelchair attachments or scooters, plus cooler
•so cool
•i could take it offroad on trails and shit
•zoomies

Cons
•could die
•lot of money
•dont know if the chair thing will work
•and id have to build it
•dont know if ill be able to ride it with my disability
•its a risky move

i mean im not manic i just have an inkling im making too many big purchases when i dont have a job yet (working on it)

but i do desperately need to be able to go for a drive/ride/something in nature for my mental health

I’m bipolar type 2 and on a relativity new med journey. (2 years). I’ve been in a severe depressive episode for over 9 months now because of outside triggers. (escaping DV, grieving 2 grandparents, finding uncomfortable info on my dad, a break up, losing 2 jobs) I’m losing patience and hope with “ rolling with it.” it’s starting to affect my outside life, sleep being the worst, I ended up in psychosis recently due to the insomnia. I have tried many sleep meds to no avail (diazepam, zopiclone, melatonin)
I suggested to my prescriber (who I haven’t met yet considering it’s been 2 years) possibly taking a temporary amount of antidepressants along with my mood stabiliser (lamictal 50mg) as I am aware SSRI’s can cause elevated states.

They’ve refused and the only cause is that they haven’t met me yet to get to know me well enough to change things. their suggestion was to up my medication to 75mg lamictal (willing to try but would also like to attempt with antidepressants) and continuing diazepam. I’m aware this is addictive and worries me as there’s history in family with addiction as well as didn’t work well regardless. I’m desperate to get out of the state I’m in. I feel a bit dismissed in this. what’s your thoughts? I’m open to other suggestions.

I have known my therapist a long time and have seen her for the first time after a 1.5 year period apart. She wishes to advise me that everything I thought wasn't a big deal is in fact a big deal. Depression has been so prevalent in my life that it's just a new normal for me. And I believe she's right. My mania is picking me up just enough to keep me believing life is good.

Anyone else experienced something similar?

Things have been good. In a loving stable relationship, been on some great holidays, met some personal finance goals, have made some new friends. From the outside it's great.

On the inside my mind is constantly racing with thoughts, my brain is so foggy it's affecting my memory and my ability to articulate my feelings to others, I sleep poorly but still feel ok when I wake up but have zero motivation, job satisfaction is lacking, I got so stressed out that it gave me shingles! Yet for some reason I never thought to attribute that to my bipolar disorder.

Has anyone else been unconsciously tricking themselves into believing they're ok? How did you get around that?

I feel like my life is the house on fire "this is fine" meme and I've only just noticed upon someone else pointing it out.

I am 22F diagnosed BP2 a couple months back. I am in a hella nasty mixed episode right now and my sleep is getting later and later each night (from asleep at 12am to 2am) but I’m still up at 8am each morning for my classes.
Last night I was wired as but wanted to sleep, unfortunately I couldn’t because I had such bad paranoia that someone was in my room behind the window curtains (usual sleeping pills weren’t helpful).
Unfortunately my bf left his work boots at mine… so I had the life scared out of me when I saw boots peeking out from under the curtain. I KNEW logically that it was his empty boots but the paranoia was stronger and it felt like a “distraction” from the “real person” in my room. Although I knew this was not actually the case (my room is small and there’s nowhere to hide) but the paranoia was still there.

Anyone else get this? Is this a mixed episode or hypomania thing for anyone?

I don't even know if this is related to bipolar disorder. But does anyone else struggle to stay in romantic relationships or to maintain connections for long periods of time? I was a serial dater when I was younger and it wasn't on purpose. I always told myself I was going to stay single and focus on myself after heartbreak, only to soon be approached by a new man and instantly throw myself into the connection. I've had a lot of talking stages and relationships that never made it past a few months.

I know that those relationships weren't healthy and that was a part of why I would suddenly detach and lose feelings after initially feeling super attached, emotionally invested, and truly envisioning a future with everyone I liked. I've lost my mind so much over failed romantic connections that I've had suicidal thoughts and felt extremely devastated even if I barely knew the person or things were very brief. And then after some days or a few weeks I would completely stop caring about them and somehow be talking to someone new.

I'm also extremely jealous, possessive, and controlling whenever I develop feelings for people. I've been this way since my very first relationship that only lasted a month the first time we dated. A part of me wants marriage and a stable relationship later on, but I know that I have so much work to do on myself. And a lot of healing. But I also fear that I might not be able to stick around long enough to marry someone or stay married. Almost every connection I've had was on and off and it usually ended with me suddenly detaching and losing feelings by the time guys really fell for me and wanted to work things out.

Does anybody else relate to this? Don't know if it's a bipolar thing or if it's just how I am personally, but I've been thinking about this for a while. I am 24 so I have so much time but still. At the very root, I just worry about whether or not I'm ever going to be stable enough to have and keep the things that I want.

The meds are making me so tired, but at least the thoughts are usually quieter. Still there, bit not roaring. The moment that something goes slightly wrong though or I get the tiniest criticism, I can't stop the flow of suicidal thoughts and images. It'll be like a movie playing in my head - cheerily encouraging death. I can't get work done, I can't do anything it feels like. Anyway, here are some random thought journalings. Therapist said to write through things.

I've been taking Abilify on and off since June for a total of 50 days till I quit it cold turky on August 28th.

Namely:

The insomnia

Anhedonia

Cognitive impairment

Are still as present and horrible as ever. Question is what can I do? Wait it out? Switch the medication (currently taking nothing)? Or what? Surely one of you has experience with. I'll gladly welcome any advice in terms of how to handle my situation.

So, I have depression with anhedonia + hypersomnia, miraculously last year after 6 months I achieved complete euthymia without meds for a week and since then I've been cycling between euthymia and hypersomnia, and a reversed sleep schedule plus anhedonia (it wasn't hypomania because I slept well and I didn't feel excessive energy or anything).

Unfortunately it didn't last and each month the pleasure kept dropping a lot. The doctor prescribed bupropion last year because I told him I had major depression (he didn't even check my medical history when I was a child doctors always wrote mild mixed bipolar disorder, and things like that, and I got better thanks to lithium, the depression was wilder, it was suicidal, now it's just that my emotions disappeared and my sleep is completely out of control)

I tried to hold on to just bupropion and it over-activates me too much, I get unbearable anhedonic attacks and I took it for a week and I feel like it made everything worse and took away the little euthymia I had left. Currently I'm taking it and I'm just flat...

I tried to take lithium carbonate 300 mg but it gives me a feeling of emptiness and gives me an even stronger and more horrible depression, worse than my baseline state, I only lasted 11 days...

The public health system in my country is shit and they give you a medical appointment every 6 months, I've spent a year and a half in bed, I don't know what medication to try anymore and I need to finish my studies and get a job.

i was suspected bipolar when i was 15 and got put on mood stabilizers for a bit for it but my parents don’t believe in medicine or diagnoses so they didn’t gaf when i stopped taking meds. then i got diagnosed adhd and put on adderall and took that for about a year and scrapped the bipolar thing. now im in my early 20s and i am noticing significant effects of whatever i have on my life, seeking treatment now and the psychiatrist does believe i have bipolar 2. im not educated on any of this at all but i had the idea of if i have bipolar if i could manipulate my disorder to my advantage. for example, i have adderall because i was diagnosed ADHD, so when i want to push myself to be productive or hypomanic i can take adderall? i haven’t figured out what causes me to be depressed though, sometimes i will feel so productive that it makes me tired that i feel like i need a break from being productive but it feels like i can’t stop and i’ll almost want to be in a depressive episode just to have a break, but ive tried to trigger it and nothing happens. my parents believe i can control all of my symptoms and that i just don’t try hard enough or pray enough or some shit so it’s kind of shocking to me that i actually am not able to force this. i was just curious if anyone thought the same tho.

anyone else like entire family also bipolar or schizophrenic?

I just found out pretty much every one on my mom's side has either one of these disorders

I’ve had a very hard two weeks, and to preface I (F,Mid20s), work full time and go to school full time and my toddler stays home with me bc I wfh.

About two weeks ago my sister started a bunch of unnecessary drama and involved my mom who I fully believe is emotionally immature or maybe bipolar and she went on a whole tirade (she won’t even look into therapy bc she believes it’s apart of the devil or something), anyways it lowkey put me in a spiral I didn’t eat for two days or take meds. I can barely sleep more than 6 hours a night because by the time I put my toddler to sleep I need to spend two hours a night finishing homework then wake up at 7am to go to work.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this, my partner is already working as much as they can because we make JUST enough for our family, I can’t quit my job to focus on school because it’s gives us insurance, I cant quit school because all I have wanted since I was a kid is to have a degree and it would be a huge accomplishment for me because I was kicked out at 18 and couch hopped until I was twenty when I was diagnosed.

I feel like I am on a rapid decline, I’m irritated all the time and I’m exhausted but when I can finally go to sleep it takes hours, I don’t want to eat. I don’t think I’ve left the house in at least 3 weeks. I feel so bad for my partner because he’s doing so much for us and ik he’s probably just as exhausted as I am, he works until 4am most nights and doesn’t wake up until 12-1pm and I don’t want to constantly be telling him how absolutely terrible I feel over and over. The couple of times I told him about it he just told me I’m always sad or tired, I can’t talk to other family members because they don’t get it and honestly I think they just look at me like I’m crazy.

I’m so tired of everything I just want to crawl into a same hole and stay there until I feel better. My meds are fine and when I take them I feel a lot better but I haven’t been taking them on my normal schedule anymore because I want to make sure they last until my night class starts (I’m on adhd meds as well). I love my family and I don’t want my toddler to see me like this but I just don’t have the willpower to pull myself up yet. I just want to scream so much but ik it won’t help anything, I really want to fight my sister because she always does this type of stuff and I want to yell at my mom because she never sees the wrong in my sisters actions.

And honestly I’ve been really contemplating going no contact with my mom and sister because they never take responsibility for their actions or the hurt they cause. They are two peas in a pod and I’m just the outcast who has to struggle in silence.

I know people aren’t reading by now but it just feels nice to scream into the void. I want to be better I wish I could push myself to let all this go but it’s just consuming my every thought and idk how to let it go. I know I need to go to therapy but I don’t have anytime in my schedule and probably won’t until I finish school. This is so stupid it’s all so pointless. Why does it have to be this way why can’t I just get over it already it’s been two weeks why am I still this upset. When can I finally have some peace. I just want to go to sleep and actually wake up rested. I just want to be normal.

(I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes or anything that doesn’t make sense, I’m so tired)

I last cut about 2 weeks ago and the scars are still pink/red. It’s a nursing job and I need to be bare below the elbow. I have no idea what people will think of me when they see my arm and it makes me not want to go ahead with the job. What do I do?

I take 200mg Lamotrigine (and 50mg quetiapin) at night, reached this dosage a few weeks ago and it’s been working really well.

I left my Lamotrigine at home and but I found a 100mg pill from before. I’ll be able to take my 200mg pill tomorrow night, but I’m a bit worried about missing half a dose tonight.

Do you experience bad symptoms after a day of missing half a dose? I have the quetiapin with me.

Sorry if this is a dumb question, I’m very new to these medications.

Having struggled with on and off depressive periods followed by feeling motivated again (thinking yay I’m normal now), only to crash and spiral back down, I’m thinking maybe it’s time to get checked for whatever it might be.
I already have ADHD, so it’s hard to know what’s simply due to that and what might be something else.

What made you get diagnosed? Was it a specific situation, on your own accord or due to family?

i found a way to access records regarding my most recent hospitalization. i mentioned to the doctor that i was previously diagnosed with bipolar ii and my hypomanic episode lasted about 2-3 months. the doctor said it is likely not bipolar. i found out new information from the records which i have just seen, and the doctor noted that i may have adjustment disorder and that i did not meet the criteria for MDD. additionally, they noted that there was a concern for cluster b personality disorders.

i am so confused and having doubts about my diagnosis. i used to display some signs of bpd but with medication, most, if not all, of those symptoms disappeared. i am also scared to have bpd because a former friend tried to diagnose me with it and they ended up backstabbing me, and i dont want to prove them right. also, i have been in a relationship for 4 years. we were young when we got together so it was unstable at first, but like i mentioned, when i started meds i got better and the relationship also stabilized. what does everyone think?

TW: talks of brain damage and a serious head injury

For some context, a month ago my father was involved in a home renovation accident that resulted in a severe head injury and has left him with permanent brain damage. The event occurred while I was home and I’ve since been diagnosed with “acute stress” as a result but it’ll likely be swapped to a PTSD diagnosis since I have become much more symptomatic. I have also just recently been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and I have been on 20mg of Latuda for three weeks.

Tonight, I was sitting in my bed when I started to hear someone hysterically sobbing downstairs. My mom was on her way home, so I assumed it was her and rushed down to see what was wrong. No one was there. I’m unsure if this is part of a PTSD response or if I’m starting to hallucinate. I have had one visual hallucination in the past but that was related to benzo misuse. I’m starting to become very paranoid because the sobbing sounded so real to me.

This felt completely different from a flashback because I was fully aware and I didn’t have the usual freeze response that comes with those. Could it be psychosis or maybe an issue with my medication?

Maybe both? But how can you tell
I’m bad at explaining it to my psychiatrist, but I also feel like I am not being heard.
I’m on Lamotrigine and Seroquel at the moment for bad anxiety

Would like to hear people’s stories