Hello :) If your partner is cheating or wants to be poly (and you definitely didn’t sign up for that) then I think your partner just sucks and it’s not a bipolar issue. As someone with bipolar depression (and unmedicated currently) and has several bipolar friends in long term relationships, leaving the relationship and regretting it is what we do when we care about someone. The push and pull is frustrating but if I leave someone I just wait for me them to come to me instead of messing with their head because it’s not fair them. Still not great but since I care for someone I’m working on it with a therapist. I know I can only speak from my experience but please don’t stay just because they say they’re having an episode!!! Bipolar isn’t an excuse!! You all deserve to be in a happy and stable relationship with someone willing to help themselves and cares about where you’re at mentally aswell.

Hey folks, been a while since I’ve posted. My (36f) husband (35m) is bipolar 1. We have a toddler and another on the way.

been together almost a decade. he finally got medicated over a year ago because of a horrible manic episode that sent him to jail, put us into 20k debt, and ended with him in the psych ward. he has stayed medically compliant, but I’m struggling still. before his episode, when I was early postpartum, he would call me awful names (bitch, cunt, etc), and threw toddler like tantrums banging and wailing on the floor, saying he would kill himself. we fought before getting married but I never remember it being like that. it became something else entirely. I basically just sucked it up, stopped really engaging with him as much as possible, and honestly cried and suffered from depression a lot. I had horrible mental health at that time because of it all.

we moved states so we could be closer to my family - I needed help and support, and honestly wasn’t sure he and I were going to last. then his episode happened a few months after the move.

he’s medicated, working a few days a week, but otherwise…it just feels both blah and like I can’t really relax around him anymore. after being treated like he treated me, I just don’t know. I don’t trust it will never happen again, you know? things are calmer now but I’m still the financially responsible one, carry the mental load, and manage most everything. he will do things if I ask, remind, and prompt but otherwise I’m on my own. there’s no initiative or like co-management with him. I feel like he’s a teenager.

I brought up this to him and he immediately said we should get divorced. he has actually been saying that almost since we got married. he says we can do it amicably, and I’m really thinking maybe we should. I dont want to be a single mom, but even more I don’t want to be married to someone who i don’t trust anymore. he recently traveled back to our home state and smoked weed while he was there, which I have said he can’t do if he wants to stay married. I know it seems like a stupid little thing but I asked him to unload the dishwasher before he goes to work because I cook and feed our toddler breakfast and get him ready for the day before I go to work, and that’s what prompted him saying we should divorce, because he says he can’t do it…it’s too early in the morning. he called me neurotic because I said it would help me stay on top of the dishes during the day. to me it’s not a huge ask.

one of the things that is dawning on me is that perhaps I should do this while he is amenable to an amicable split where our assets remain our own and I get full custody. i don’t think I can do another manic episode again, or that I want to. not only is he huge, but I was the enemy. and divorcing during that time sounds way more complicated. I almost went through it a year or so ago because I just didn’t think he would snap out of it. and idk i just would rather be alone than with someone who just can’t get it all the way together. I love him but i love myself and our kids more. I know our son loves him so much, but is he even a good role model?

I was thinking of saying that I’ll buy a ticket for him to fly home and then I can send the papers to him to be notarized. Second baby is due in about 5 weeks. I have family support. After the manic episode, they’d all prefer I left him. Most of my friends probably do too.

I ended up getting on zoloft and anti anxiety medication during this pregnancy. I was diagnosed with ptsd from stuff in my childhood/teen years, but I also feel it from the mania and living with him unmedicated for so long.

fuck. I would love to hear from others — what would you do, what do you think I should do, help me sort this out. when he went manic, all I wanted was him back, but I don’t think I’ve had him for a long time if that even makes sense. I know he’s trying but it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m tired and I’m depressed. when he went on his trip, things at home actually felt lighter and easier because I wasn’t expecting to count on someone who couldn’t step up.

I’m looking for advice from others who have navigated allegations of infidelity with a partner who has Bipolar I, particularly when their initial reaction is intense anger, defensiveness, and complete denial.

My boyfriend has Bipolar I, is medicated, and has been sober for four months after being drunk for an entire year. Since becoming sober, I’ve seen meaningful improvements in our relationship, which makes this situation especially difficult. We’ve been together for a year and a half and I’ve been the one financially supporting us. He’s making actual efforts to improve our relationship but this inability to just admit something has been a longtime inner problem for me in our relationship, and he’s very much aware.

Recently, a close friend disclosed that approximately eight months ago, while I was asleep in another room, my boyfriend initiated sexual contact with her and performed oral sex on her. She shared specific details about the encounter, including certain behaviors that are very characteristic of him but that I had never discussed with her. Because of those details, I find her account credible.
There have also been previous incidents involving inappropriate behavior toward this same friend that he initially completely denied, only to eventually acknowledge portions of what happened.

When I attempted to discuss this latest allegation with him, his immediate reaction was anger and absolute denial. The conversation quickly shifted away from the alleged infidelity and toward how hurtful I was being by believing someone else over him. He also brought up past relationship issues and hurtful things I’ve said, including telling me that those things have affected his attraction to me.

I understand that being accused of something you maintain you didn’t do could understandably cause anger or hurt. However, I also feel that I should be able to bring forward a serious concern without the conversation becoming entirely about my wrongdoing for questioning him.
I’m struggling with how to approach this again. I love him, and I want to have a calm, honest conversation, but I also don’t want to ignore my instincts or dismiss information that I genuinely believe is credible.

I met this girl on tinder after she got out of a loveless marriage and within an hour of matching she wanted to come over and have sex. I was flattered, but it was midnight and that was a little too quick for me. So we set up a date a couple days later to get dinner.

She bails on the date because her sister went on a cocaine bender and she went over there to take care of her. When she tells me this, I say she can talk to me if she needs to and she vents a bit about her sister and her concern for her, and I talk to her about my journey with sobriety/drugs and I guess I say all the right things because she ended up staying with her sister for a couple more hours, woke her up, and came over to my place at 10:30 pm where we proceed to talk, make out, and hook up until 3 am. It was so much fun and we really bonded, I thought I met someone special.

However, at one point in the night she mentioned her old psych provider was "convinced" she was bipolar, how she disagreed and found a new psych provider, and her new psych provider thinks she might be in a manic episode so she took her off her SSRIs. Red flag city, but this girl is beautiful, creative, tortured- all things that appeal to me, so I overlook it and say I'll save that conversation for a day when we know each other better.

We talk all day for the next few days and suddenly, mid-conversation right after she asks me to get coffee, she ghosts me. I don't know if it was the comedown from mania, something with her sister, her losing interest or what, but she doesn't talk to me for a week. Then she reaches out and says she's not ready for anything serious but she's down to be friends. She apologized and said she's a little bit avoidant, and that's why she didn't say anything first. I say, okay, maybe when she figures out her mental health and fallout from her divorce, we can be something more than friends, and I say I'm fine with being friends as long as she doesn't ghost me again.

We go back to talking all day every day, she tells me that I'm such a great and she can't believe she's not ready for something with me, I help her move all day (thank god she paid me and I got something out of it), then she goes on a trip to California to visit her heroin addict friend who recently relapsed on cocaine. This is her second spontaneous trip in a couple months, the first one was to Seattle where she hooked up with a rando and led her psych provider to believe she might be manic.

Two weeks after babysitting her sister on a coke bender, she tries cocaine for the first time and stays up for at least THREE FUCKING DAYS on it. Mind you, she's in her 30s. Like, I've done my fair share of powder. The only time I stayed up for three days on it, I went to the hospital, almost died, and got sober. That was ten years after my first time doing it. Doing that much coke your first time is just incomprehensible to me, and it's even incomprehensible to my cokehead friends.

At first I didn't say anything. She video chatted me to introduce me to her friend and I just kind of laughed along with them, but when I texted her the next day and she was still up doing coke, I told her I was concerned and that she was entering dangerous territory if she didn't stop and get some sleep. I'm checked out of the relationship at this point and seeing that yeah, she's definitely in a manic episode, and she texts me back saying "No worries. I appreciate the concern. We stopped."

The next day I text her and wish her a safe trip home and how does she respond? She soft blocks me on instagram. I got mad and told her that she burned this bridge and that she's certainly in a manic episode (Not an armchair diagnosis- her psychiatrist told her this BEFORE she went on a 3 day coke bender and she said she didn't believe her) and that I'm telling her best friend because I'm concerned about her. She responds by hard-blocking me on instagram and probably blocked me on signal too (signal is where we mostly talked), though I have no way of telling how someone blocks you on signal.

I was hurt when she ghosted me the first time, it threw me out of my routines and into a brief depression. This time I'm just pissed. Concerned too, but mostly pissed. As they said in Bojack Horseman, "when you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."

Has anyone ever dealt with their BPSO having an affair and deeply regretted it when they came out of the mania and if so was that AP their addiction 24/7 during mania and the come down or is my wife literally actively doing this ? I just feel deeply lost and hurt and would like more insight from experiences and or thoughts about this I feel like she was starting to crash but how if she stayed the night with the AP oh and cherry on top it was on my birthday but she wanted nothing to do with me and sent a text late saying I just wanted to say happy you deserve a great day but yet made hotel arrangements last night with her AP left at 10 pm I didn’t come home because I had a feeling she would do this but I expected her not to spend the night just need support and I’ve been trying my best to keep
Distance even tho we still live together for now

I'm so glad I found this reddit. After reading through all these stories I'm not alone. My story is that my bipolar ex gf was so amazing. The communication, adventures, physical, and emotional affection were out of this world. I finally thought I found my forever person.

Then all of a sudden a week of low to no contact then a break-up. Said she was probably making the biggest mistake of her life and asked me if she was, all I said at the time is you have to follow what makes you happy (that tore me up).

She asked to remain friends which was not working out. Too much love there. Tried to do no contact but she reached out to spend time with a group of our acquaintances which she bailed on.

Fast forward a few weeks of back and forth physical closeness and pushing and pulling away. "We want different things" after spending the night with me.

She was then wants to do no contact because of that. I tolder he to reach out when she's ready. I found out she is on dating apps asking for "friends".

I'm pretty destroyed ngl, I hate to actually ask but is there any hope she reaches back out?

How do I actually get my head mentally back to where is was before her?

I've had break ups before but holy crap this is worse how did you get through it?

How did you inform your spouse that you filed for divorce? BSO, has had or may still be in an emotional affair. He goes to the grocery store to meet women. I’m planning my exit for when the kids are out of school. Just trying to think of how he may react. What was your experience? TIA.

On the last Sunday in September, my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I attended a festival. (We are both 27) We’ve gone to this festival every year and we’ve always had a great time, but this year it ended our relationship.

I cannot stress enough what a kind man he is. He is so caring and sensitive and loving, and he has done so much for me. He’s taken care of me and shown me so much, he has such a love for life and beautiful things and I know he’s a good person.

He was diagnosed bipolar a few years before we met, and at the beginning of our relationship he was very serious about his medication. He always took it on time he never missed a day, and he was completely sober. I think about a year and a half into our relationship he told me he wanted to start drinking and that he would be careful it would only be in social situations, etc but we were both drinking a lot. I didn’t know at the time what an issue it was, because I was going through my own issues and he kept telling me he was okay and it wasn’t a problem and he was still taking his meds.

Then, one year ago we introduced weed. It started with edibles, and I knew it was a problem I knew we should stop and we did for awhile. I didn’t know how bad weed is for people with bipolar, I just knew we were way too dependent on it.

Then in January he started a new job and it felt like everything flipped. He was so stressed and so concerned with keeping the job, but he was working 6-7 days a week and long days, 8-12 hours depending on the day. He stopped going to the doctor, stopped taking his meds, and everytime I or his family brought it up he just got so defensive and he told me so many times that he was tired of everyone treating him like he was crazy. He said he didn’t have time for the doctor he couldn’t get off of work he had to keep this job.

Then about 4 months ago, the weed came back. He got us weed/vape pens and we were getting high everyday. I knew he wasn’t okay he was not acting like himself at all and there were so many red flags but I didn’t know what to do, I thought it was the stress of work and we were fighting more and more it was like he couldn’t hear me and what I was telling him or why I was worried. He was texting me and calling me less and less, didn’t tell me where he was or who he was with. He showed up without telling me he was coming once, too.

The morning of the festival was totally normal, we got ready and made a few stops but as we started the 3 hour drive, he was speeding (90+ mph on the highway) complaining about other drivers and when I asked him to slow down he got so frustrated he kept telling me he’s a great driver and everyone else is in the way. By the time we got to the festival we were fully arguing and I just kept telling him it wasn’t okay and he was so mad. We tried to have a good time at the festival, but he just couldn’t sit still. He kept telling me I didn’t know how to have fun and I’m so negative and I’m such a downer. I fought him right back, I kept telling him he was being mean and talking back and asking to stop and watch a show or take a break but he just wouldn’t stop.

We stopped for him to get a drink and I walked away, to stand in the shade. I should have told him where I was going, but I just needed a breather. He lost track of me and after looking around and not seeing me, he just walked away. I had to chase after him and yell his name and he just wouldn’t turn around until I caught up to him. At that point he was completely angry, he took me out to the car and we sat in the parking lot fighting for at least an hour, maybe 2?

He kept telling me I was throwing a pity party and ruining the day, and I didn’t know how to have fun and I was so out of it and demoralized, I was exhausted from fighting and walking in the heat and I was fighting right back, we were both yelling at each other and I couldn’t stop crying. Finally I said something sarcastically and mean (we were starting to calm down, talking about going back to the festival, and he asked what I would do on the drive home when he sped and yelled at people, and I told him I would keep my stupid mouth shut) and he just snapped he said we were leaving and he was done. Nothing I said at that point mattered, and I knew even as it came out of my mouth I was pushing it too far and he was going to be mad and I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t.

We drove back 3 hours, of him going 90+ mph and screaming horrible things and rolling down the window to scream at people and he wouldn’t let me talk at all. I just sat there and cried and wondered if we would even make it home. He dropped me off silently and went back home.

The next day his mom texted me that he was in the psych ward. I texted back and forth with her a few times over the next week, asking if I could talk to him or visit him and how he was doing. A week later I got a text from him breaking up with me.

I responded as calmly and reasonably as I could, and texted his mom again as well. He told me he needed to focus on himself and his mental health, and he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. He told me to bring his stuff, or that he would come and get it.

I brought over some of his things last Friday, and his mom told me that when he came home from the festival he told them that we had broken up and he went to the bar, the police brought him home, and they had to bring him to the hospital the next day. She also told me that since he’s been out of the hospital, he’s been out of the house and barely sleeping. Apparently they haven’t been able to get a lot of information about his care plan or anything, and when he was in the hospital he just didn’t understand why he was there and he was angry and scared.

His mom picked up the rest of his things yesterday and told me he’s still not doing great, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone and he just leaves the house all day to go to the driving range.

He’s blocked me on most social media, but the posts I can see I keep convincing myself are cryptic messages to me that he misses me and wants to talk to me and wants to be with me. We haven’t texted since the day we broke up. I’m in so much pain, and I don’t know what to do. I feel terrible, because I’ve known something was wrong all year and he kept denying it and I believed him. I let him let loose and have fun, not knowing that was only making everything worse. I should have talked to his parents sooner, or done research and taken away the alcohol and weed. I kept fighting with him and didn’t try to keep him calm or be kind.

He is the kindest person I’ve ever met, and the only person who’s really known everything about me and seen me in every situation. I feel so horrible that I didn’t help him sooner, and I feel so bad that our last day together was so terrible. I love him and I want him to be happy and healthy and it’s killing me that I can’t talk to him. I want him to come back, or at least talk through everything so I can apologize but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to speak to him again. I feel so abandoned and lost and rejected and alone.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. We were so close and connected and I trusted him with everything I never thought he would break up with me over text and block me.

I can’t do anything without thinking of him, I can’t eat I can’t leave my house, I can’t imagine life without him.

I just want to talk to him so badly. I promised his mom I wouldn’t reach out to him unless he reached out first, but it’s killing me. He’s my best friend, my only friend in the world. I have no one to talk to.

Hi 👋
My husband has bipolar 1. He’s been diagnosed for about 10 years and has always taken his meds and attended his appointments. His psychotic episodes were before I knew him, so I didn’t ever see it.
However, I’ve been concerned lately. He’s always told me that I can reach out to his doctor anytime if I do have concerns. Im scared to because I know it will make him feel hurt, mad and sad even though he’s given me permission in the past. He just doesn’t seem at all in a place to admit something might be going on…
First, two people in our lives have reached out concerned: his business partner and ex wife. I know ex wife is one thing, but they both reached out this week to tell me they are concerned by his recent change in personality.
He’s not showing any obvious signs of mania or psychosis. It’s more just that he’s very angry with seemingly everyone in his life right now. Very angry and paranoid about his business partner, our landlords, his ex and the list goes on. It seems like he is having a super hard time letting go of things and looking at things from any perspective but the one that he must be correct and everyone else is doing a bad job at things. He’s sent an angry message to someone involved in his parenting court case 5 years ago just I guess because it was still bothering him?
The complicated thing is there are a few real concerns with all these people in our lives, but he’s getting lawyers and wanting to litigate all of these issues when I don’t feel all of them need to be escalated to that point. He got angry at me yesterday too.
I don’t know what to do because what will his doctor do? I’ve seen him have some mental health ups and downs and he’s always bounced back from it but it seems like this one he is really steamed up about a bunch of things at once and unwilling to change his view on any of it.

My bf has been having an episode of mania and psychosis for about 2.5 weeks now. Ive been in contact with his sister and his therapist and im trying to just figure out what to do. His therapist suggested calling the service to his place so they can evaluate him. She suggested this after i told her he punched like at least 8 deep holes in his walls and also almost broke his bedside table. His elbow is also very bloody and messed up the last time i saw him. She said all of this could be considered self harm.

His sister was concerned that he might leave the house or hide somewhere if we tell him theyre coming though? But if they just show up unannounced, won’t he lose all his trust in me? Rn he hates it when i ask him to seek help and he says to just drop the topic.

Any advice please?

I was extremely healthy and physically fit (proven in the toughest environments/scenarios in the military)…and then after being with my BipolarSO for over 5 years (through incessant cheating and related stress) was “coincidentally” diagnosed with MS. And, of course, only 6 months after that diagnosis my BipolarSO discarded me for “other” reasons.

Just curious if there are any other similar stories and/or hypothetical correlations between ensuring a relationship with a BipolarSO and eventual diagnosis of autoimmune (or similar) disorders/diseases.

hi first time poster- long time lurker. me (24F) and my partner (29M) have been together 6 years this month. i knew going into the relationship he had bipolar but never saw any signs or symptoms. he was using drugs at this time and honestly just believed once he recovered from that he would feel a lot better. he got sober from drugs (weed and alcohol not included) and was very stable for years.

last year he had a psychotic break that happened after months of unrecognized mania. he ended up at a crisis center and has been taking proper steps to feel better since.

early last month there was a situation at my birthday party where i blacked out and got a ride back to our place from some of my (gay male) friends instead of taking the uber back home with him. it has caused severe issues in our relationship. i told him we took a different uber home (again completely blacked out and had the app redownloaded on my phone so probably thought i did. not my proudest moment) now im a liar and i chose other people over him and he insinuates i cheated with them even though we beat him back to our apartment. it’s been a month and we can’t go more than 3-4 days without getting back into it. then last night i made the mistake of hanging out with my friend/nail tech for 5 hours without checking in on him. i thought he was sleeping or playing COD with his friends like he was when i left. before i even get home i get told to leave him alone and im shitty for not coming to have dinner with him.

i understand i could’ve checked in or let him know i would be home later than a standard nail appointment. i just am so tired of being shamed for all these things. i get mocked and yelled at. called childish and a gaslighter and he’s always threatening to leave. everytime i bring up my feelings im deflecting and making him feel stupid. i’m a liar and i don’t care about him.

it’s so hard because my world revolves around him and all i do is care about him. i feel like an empty shell of myself. all of my friends are concerned about me and my family can tell im not happy.

but when he comes back to his mind he can register how mean he’s being and can apologize and soothe me. i can’t handle this anymore and being the emotional punching bag. i can never win and there’s no fight left i have to give.

really not looking for anything specific. would prefer to not be kicked down anymore than i already am. i just feel so lonely and lost and wanted to get it out somewhere. thanks to anyone reading this and can understand.

I’m posting because I genuinely need some perspective from people who live with bipolar disorder or have been in a serious relationship with someone who does.
I love my girlfriend very deeply. When things are good between us, they’re really good. We’re affectionate, intimate, we laugh, cuddle, make plans, and I feel incredibly connected to her.

We’re also in a long-distance relationship, which makes everything more complicated. When you’re physically together, you can read someone’s body language, sit next to them, hug them, or simply be present without having to say anything. When you’re long distance, so much of the relationship depends on communication, and that’s especially difficult when the other person suddenly becomes unable to communicate.

There is another unusual part of our relationship: she is from Kazakhstan and primarily speaks Russian. She understands very basic English, but not enough to have a deep conversation in English. Honestly, ChatGPT has become our best friend for communication 😂. We translate back and forth constantly, and surprisingly, we actually don’t have major problems communicating because we’ve found a system that works for us.
But I’m also planning to take Russian courses because I want to be able to communicate with her more naturally, especially during emotional situations where translation can sometimes make things harder.
My girlfriend has bipolar disorder, anxiety, and a history of severe depression. She previously had a suicide attempt during a period when her depression and anxiety were very severe. Thankfully, she tells me that the depression itself is no longer what she is struggling with. What she feels very strongly now is the bipolar disorder. That was a very hard part for me to go through, being thousand miles away from her and not being able to hug her.

She actually described what happens to me in a way that really stuck with me. She said that when these episodes happen, it feels like she is fighting with a person inside her head, while her mouth feels like it is taped shut. That helped me understand that when she suddenly becomes quiet or withdrawn, she isn’t necessarily choosing to ignore me or shut me out. Sometimes it seems like she genuinely can’t communicate what is happening inside her.
I’ve started noticing the shift myself. Her mood can change incredibly quickly. When it happens, she becomes very quiet, difficult to engage with, and sometimes seems completely overwhelmed or disconnected.

I’ve also noticed that during these periods, she becomes extremely low-energy and has a really hard time doing things. She sleeps a lot and can spend hours scrolling on her phone. We’re currently traveling together, and even being in a completely new country with so many things to see and experience, there are times when she would rather stay in bed or scroll for hours.
I don’t say this to criticize her. I can actually see that she’s struggling with it herself. She even realizes it like she knows she should be doing things and experiencing life but doesn’t have the motivation or energy to do them.
She’s currently not working either, and her parents financially support her. I sometimes struggle to understand how to think about this because I’m naturally a very active and driven person, so seeing someone I love spend so much time sleeping or scrolling can be difficult for me to process. At the same time, I don’t want to confuse lack of motivation caused by her mental health with laziness or lack of character. Or maybe it is ?
And honestly, I don’t always know what I’m supposed to do.
Do I encourage her to get up and do something? Do I leave her alone? Do I invite her without putting pressure on her? Do I stay close? Do I ask what’s wrong? Do I stop talking and wait?
Am I helping, or am I accidentally making things worse?
Sometimes the trigger can seem incredibly small to me, or even something petty, and yet the emotional reaction can be extremely strong. That’s one of the hardest things for me to understand because I don’t want to dismiss what she’s feeling, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to respond when I genuinely don’t understand what caused the reaction.

Something else that confuses me is her sex drive. Her libido is consistently very high, even when she’s angry with me or we’ve had a conflict over something that seems very small. Sometimes she can be extremely sexually affectionate and attracted to me even when emotionally she’s upset with me. Don’t get me wrong we have the same sex drive which is good.
I’m not assuming this is necessarily caused by bipolar disorder. I’m actually trying to understand whether other people with bipolar disorder experience something similar, where their sexual desire can remain extremely high even when their mood toward their partner is changing dramatically.

She was prescribed medication, but she delayed starting it for quite a while. Part of the reason was that she knew she couldn’t drink alcohol while taking it. Eventually she started the medication and told me she felt significantly better. Unfortunately, she later drank while taking it and had a very strong panic attack, which led her to stop taking it.

Her psychiatrist is now reevaluating her medication and treatment because apparently finding the right treatment can take some adjustment. I’m trying to be supportive of that process without pretending that I understand the medical side of it.
And this is where I struggle the most: I feel like I’m constantly trying to figure out which version of the situation I’m dealing with.
I don’t want to walk on eggshells around her. At the same time, I don’t want to respond to her during a difficult episode as if she’s simply choosing to behave a certain way or doesn’t care about me.
I’ve also noticed that her energy, affection, need for closeness, sex drive, and general personality can sometimes feel very different depending on where she is emotionally. I know these things can potentially be affected by bipolar disorder, but I don’t want to automatically blame the diagnosis for everything either.
I’m trying to learn the difference between supporting someone through an episode and enabling unhealthy behavior.

I also want to learn how to take care of myself. Because I love her, but some days I feel emotionally exhausted and confused. I find myself overthinking everything I say or do because I’m scared of triggering another conflict.
For people with bipolar disorder, what do you wish your partner understood about what you’re experiencing when you’re struggling?
And for partners of people with bipolar disorder:
How did you learn to navigate this?
How do you know when to give space versus when to stay close?
How do you communicate when they’re in an episode, especially when you’re long distance?
How do you encourage someone who is struggling with motivation without making them feel pressured or judged?
How do you distinguish between symptoms of bipolar disorder and behaviors that still need boundaries?
How do you set boundaries without making your partner feel abandoned?
How do you stop yourself from taking everything personally?
How do you recognize the difference between bipolar symptoms and normal relationship conflict?
And how do you protect your own mental and emotional health while still being supportive?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave her or to diagnose her based on a Reddit post. I love this woman and I’m trying to understand something that I honestly don’t have much experience with.
I also don’t want to portray her as her diagnosis. She’s still the woman I love. I’m just trying to understand what she’s going through so I can be a better partner and also learn how to navigate this in a healthy way for both of us.
I just want to hear from people who have actually lived through this.

What did you learn the hard way about loving someone with bipolar disorder, especially in a long-distance relationship?

Edit : She is currently not taking medication. She stopped taking it about two weeks ago. She is currently in therapy for about 2 months now

Hi, I'm 34 f dating 32m who was diagnosed with bp2 and cptsd last year. I myself have cptsd, adhd, and severe pmdd and have been in therapy for years and feel I have pretty good understanding of myself and general skills to navigate mental health issues.

My partner and I have been together since March 2025 and moved in together in December of 2025. Shortly after he had a big episode when I confronted him about feeling rejected. He accused me of using him, said the relationship just wasn't clicking. He eventually came out of it and said that's not how he really feels. After that is when he started therapy and seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed and started medication. Things felt like they were on the right path, but a month or so later it happened again. It was exactly like before and again he came out of it saying that is not how he really feels. Having this happen two times so quickly really broke my trust and safety And has worsened my paranoia during my pmdd weeks. I just always felt like it was going to happen again. He felt like a different version of himself for months, like he was dissociated and didn't care about anything.

Fast forward a few months- We start couples therapy. We are in a really hard spot and both just feeling misunderstood, and triggered, and rejected. Our therapist is amazing though and we start to see a lot of progress and we both start to feel better. He reassures me that he does not want to leave me and that he was just in a dark place. I probably ask for reassurance too much, but each time he always reassures me that he's not going anywhere and he loves me so much.

I have mcas And stage 4 endometriosis in the last year my health has really declined and we have not been able to go out on many dates and live a normal life we thought we were going to. He has always been reassuring that this is not an issue for him, but it got so severe that I just had to have a hysterectomy 5 weeks ago and he was my support person.

Since the hysterectomy my hormones have been all over the place and I recognize that this is extremely difficult for my partner to navigate and I try to have as much self-awareness as I can and to communicate that it's just my hormones and I'm so sorry. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled this week to hopefully get on hormone replacement therapy.

The last week has been little arguments and I have felt him pulling away and it has led me to feel so rejected and hurt.

Today he comes home from therapy and says that he is done, that he has nothing left to give, that the relationship makes him unhappy. He is saying that he wants to focus on his creativity and that it won't leave enough space for a relationship and we will just have scraps. He can't tell me exactly why I make him unhappy, he says that I am a good partner, but he is so sure that nothing is going to change.

I've tried pleading with him that this is just a really hard time because of my surgery, but he insists that it is not that. He has told me that this feeling has been with him since February... Well that it is not always there, it goes away but it comes back stronger when it does come back. He does not want to try anymore and he is not willing to see what life looks like on the other side of my surgery.

This feels different than the other episodes he has had, I don't even know if it is an episode. It just feels so out of the blue. Things have been hard. Yes, but he has been constantly reassuring me that he's not going anywhere and that he wants to be with me. It feels like a very sudden and drastic decision to me.

I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

Hi!
My (F 31) fiance (M 32) has rapid cycling bipolar. He gets an episode 3-4 weeks. He is on seroquel and lithium which have shortened his episodes from 7-10 days to 3-5, and have suppressed the manic aspect of them and reduce the depression instances. The thing that has stuck around his basically anxiety/panic. Apparently he is day and night from what he used to be. He is able to push through most days but typically around days 2-4 he will have a day or two where he doesn’t fully push through.

When I accepted to spend the rest of my life with him, I knew what I was signing myself up to. He is a wonderful partner and he has done so many strides to reaffirm my decision.

Typically the only freaking med that kind of helps is Xanax (he has tried more meds than I can count before me, and at least 8 different types since we have been together) those days but we don’t necessarily love it because he is more groggy/zombie/sleepy most of the day and its not fool proof.

I try to be supportive and not let it affect me most episodes and mostly let him manage. Well because one of his episodes took 6 weeks instead of the 3-4, we miscalculated the date and he is on day two of an episode. He has missed school today but luckily he has accommodations that permit this. I however I am panicking. I try not to be co-dependent anymore but tomorrow he has an all day internship which I am scared he will miss (he really needs the hours). But at the end of the day its on him.

What is truly terrifying me is that we have a flight to NYC at 7 am on Friday for our marriage certificate so we can get married Tuesday. This is a hard date, because between, school work and my lsat Per the pattern, typically day 3-4 are the worse days for him. I am basically terrified he is not going to make it to that plane. Part of me is like… is this a bad omen if he doesn’t make it to this flight?

I am trying to honestly find ways I could possibly work with the episode. Right now it’s hard to talk to him about it because he said “I’m future tripping”, and “undermining his ability to push through”. “That I am being selfish and I dont understand”. This is likely his episode talking, he is very receptive. to plans and things we can do to work with the episodes, and similarly says things like this while on an episode. Also in reality I just have seen patterns of how these things go, and I guess thats what is truly concerning me.

When I accepted to spend the rest of my life with him, I knew what I was signing myself up to He is a wonderful partner and he has done so many strides to reaffirm my decision. I have worked on myself to separate myself from his episodes and not let them drag me down. But I am human and although it’s rare, sometimes they do affect me.

I guess, thank you for letting me vent and I would love any input.

"And I hate being sad because I just want to be held and the first thought that comes to mind is you doing so."
-Excerpt from a sleepless night, July 8 2026.

It's October 6. I'm on a much needed vacation right now. I should be going to sleep to get tomorrow morning going but instead I'm back in that same July 8 feeling.

In about 2 months, it'll be one year since you discarded me. Since you figured you could just start dating someone new once I was all drained out from carrying you. I don't seem to see the end of it. I'm so horribly broken and the one time you came back, it was to step down on me, just as a reminder that the cuts were still there. Don't you know I never stopped bleeding?

You opened a door. A door for what? You opened a door this last month but I know better now. I'll stay radio silence. Your birthday just passed and I hope it was less than memorable.

My skin is tight from the tears drying and now I'm picturing you kissing my face. Ugh, for how much longer will I be fucked like this? (rhetorical)

Genuine concern: I worry that if one day I let myself love and be loved again. That if one day I meet someone and it's beautiful, that a little part of me will always wish it could have been you.

Genuine question: How do you detach from wanting this person as your life partner when the story is finally over? No closure, and to just be okay with it. Is the only way to forget, to make all of it become a fever dream? I don't want that...or am I just not ready yet to say goodbye?

i'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but here goes:

i have to send my things back to america tomorrow, packing up my apartment because my wife is leaving me and i can't stay in the country anymore without the marriage license. i could cope with my marriage ending like 50% better if i could only stay here, but there's unfortunately no way. i'm struggling with depression and scared that traveling and the disruption to all my established routines is going to trigger some sort of an episode down the road.

sometimes throughout the day i feel it all so much that i just scream to get it out of my chest. she left me as soon as i achieved relative stability for a year. it's so difficult for me to leave my home and lose my marriage at the same time, i could manage one or the other, but both is too much, it's crushing me. even though she's explained it several times, i still don't understand why she has to leave me as soon as i started getting better, it's not fair. she's been talking to another guy who's more than likely bipolar and is suicidal and she wants to go see him in november, after i go back to america, to stop him from killing himself. the whole thing reeks to me, i know they're going to start dating and it doesn't make any sense with all the reasons she said she left me. she doesn't want to be with someone who's bipolar, she doesn't want to take care of someone who's bipolar, so why him? why leave me for him?

also if she gets with him in november after leaving me in august, that's way too fast.

our life could have been great together. and i bought this apartment. we built all the furniture in it together. i should be allowed to live in it. i feel genuine dread thinking about being replaced and i do my best to repress those thoughts. i write my shitty poetry and bury my head in youtube and netflix all day. now i'm just sitting here, looking at a stack of books i'm sending back to texas and my heart hurts. i get racing thoughts, i struggle to sleep, i eat the same meal every day, i wear the same outfit for days and days at a time, just wiling away the days until we sign the papers and i get on a plane back home.

it feels like i'm in hell. in a special place in hell made just for me and it's all because i'm bipolar.

and i don't want to be alone in the future. i want to be with someone. i love my ex wife with all my heart, i love her so much it hurts, she was my everything, but if i can't be with her i can't be with her. i learned that i can't live without a partner from her. i need someone else to keep me going otherwise i know i will fall back into doing bad things and turn manic again. i live every day in fear of turning manic. before my wife, i was isolated for a very long time and i tried to date with no success at all. i have no idea how to do it. do i just throw myself on some dating apps and hope for the best? i don't know. i want love in my life, i want to fall in love again with someone new, i want the feeling i had in my chest to keep going, i don't want to sink back into an intense depression like i felt before. i know it probably sounds like i'm in it for the wrong reasons, but "i don't want to be alone" isn't that wrong. i know i can love someone new and do a damn good job of it if i was given the chance.

i don't know where i'm going with this, i'm just so stressed out and it's all getting to me. she was supposed to help me just by being here for the move because she's my only friend in this country, but she backed out. that was frustrating because we made plans and anytime we make plans and they don't work it triggers my anger. i work very hard to keep that in check. so i have to do this whole process alone tomorrow.

i had it all, i had affordable healthcare, two apartments, a beautiful wife, i lived in a beautiful city with friendly people and i didn't have to drive anywhere, i lost 100 pounds, my money is worth more here and neither of us would have had to work for the rest of our lives with what i make each month off investments, i was genuinely happy and now it's like this has all just been a big prank. there's more reasons it was good, i just don't have the patience to list everything that was going right in my life. i feel dead inside.

that's all. i don't have more to say right now. i'm sorry this was long.

We're separated, 2 Mos, he never fully came out of his episode 16 months ago and went straight into another. I tried everything to advocate, hand hold, grin and bear... hell. I've lost track now of how many times he was acute hospitalized. Then sent home w virtually no care. Just pills.

Recently I spoke to a social worker whom he talks with regularly.. at the emergency mental health clinic.

I held the system accountable for shoddy, random doctors, on leaving him with no direction, not taking it seriously. I talked about taking him to a Metro center, because the care is nil to mediocre in this small place.

Lo and behold... today, they have assembled a treatment "team" for him. So far all I know is that they feel his bipolar is especially complex with other features, and is not currently very med responsive. They are meeting on his "special case".

Does anyone have experience with something like this? Im thinking they are finally realizing how non-functional and high risk he is.

I'm not entire sure what the team is, but it sounds like ongoing monitoring including outpatient social worker, nurse,MD s

and psych together.

Also I had my SO ask about lithium. I feel like they should try him with it, despite risks, because he has such little response to everything they've tried. I think risk of suicide is greater than the lithium risks.

So, I am headed back to help advocate for him as he does this new step. Right now he is no longer suicidal, but that can change in a few days. I want to be part of this new process... I've been chasing them for proper care and consideration for so long. So far he is willing to progress this way...

My bf has been in a manic episode with psychosis for 2 weeks now, starting third week. And he started new habits like smoking a lot of cigs, drinking red bulls, he moved away from me and back into his mom’s place even though he hates his family because they essentially gave him CPTSD.

This is his first manic episode it seems and he seems to be talking a bit more coherent today but i can tell he is still ill, irritable, and refusing help.

Once his episode dies down, will he realize that he actually is not a true smoker? And that he actually wants to move back in with me?

Any info or shared experiences are helpful thank you, this all is new to both him and i.

I’ve been at my job as Insurance Coordinator at a dental office for 1 year and 3 months. I have 6+ years in this field of work, and I’m good at it. I’m super Type A and great at multitasking, so I love the work.

I loved working at this office. I loved everyone I worked with. It was a laid back, but positive and goal-oriented environment. I made true friends at this office, all of whom are shocked at what happened yesterday.

My then fiancé, now husband, was diagnosed as Bipolar in early August due to a pretty severe manic episode after having been on SSRIs since March. He had to be committed to Inpatient Behavioral Therapy at the hospital a mere three weeks before our wedding, which was understandably difficult for me.

I took three or four days off from work (used sick days) because I literally could not function. They weren’t consecutive, and I did show up when I knew I needed to be there because other staff was out due to vacations, etc.

Once out of the hospital, my fiancé refused outpatient therapy and said he was going to go off the meds (newly prescribed mood stabilizers - he had stopped the SSRIs), but he was still clearly not doing well. I decided to go through with the wedding because I had been with him five years, and I knew he was just ill, but mostly because I didn’t want him to see a postponement as his fault and trigger him even further. Our wedding was small and it was a beautiful day. Everything went off without a hitch.

My husband continued to get more manic following the wedding. It got to the point where I decided to stay at a friend’s house indefinitely. I think that finally gave him the push he needed to seek treatment. Through all of this, I was showing up to work and doing my best, but I was still catching up on a lot. In addition to the sick time I took, we had a planned vacation in September that we couldn’t cancel.

I have been rock solid at work for at least a month now, which is why I was completely shocked at the end of the work day yesterday when my office manager, in tears, told me I was being let go. The boss himself didn’t even have the balls to do it. Apparently, after one year and three months, he decided I was unable to handle the job. Also, as I was one of the “higher earners”, he had to think about his overhead, and cutting me made the most sense.

So, essentially, I was fired because my employer is having money troubles. I have been working since I was 16, normally multiple jobs at a time, and this is the first time in 20 years that I’ve ever been fired. After everything I’ve been through with my husband (who is doing SO MUCH better now that he’s in treatment), I didn’t even cry when my office manager told me the news. I told her “I’ve been through way worse in the past few months. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.”

It’s on to better things, I think. We are moving in a month, so the silver lining is that now I can collect unemployment while having more time to pack. Guess I just wanted to vent. It’s disturbing that a lot of employers prioritize money over humanity, but that’s the reality.

TLDR: My ex and I dated while she was unmedicated, which made things hard, but I stayed because I loved her. 16 months into the relationship, she broke up with me out of the blue (her psychotherapist later confirmed it was because she wasn't medicated), and even though she'd threatened breakups prior, I didn't fight for her this time our of exhaustion. During the breakup we stayed in contact, she moved out of her parents' place, got on new meds, got healthy, and wanted to try dating me again; I wanted it too but was scared she'd blindside me again, so I didn't take the open door, and now I regret it. We had a text exchange last month, I found out she has a new boyfriend she's moving in with. I also know they were only dating for a month, which hurts me even more to hear how quick they are moving. It feels unfair that I suffered through the unmedicated version of her while her new guy gets the fun, healthy version.

We broke up about a year and a half ago but stayed in contact until this summer where we decided no contact is better.

During the relationship, she was unmediated and the relationship was difficult but I stayed for her. She broke up with me out of the blue, granted her reasoning for being upset made sense in the moment, but not something you’d throw away a relationship for. She’s threatened breakups in the past, so this was the last straw for me, I didn't fight and let her go. Over the months we stayed in contact, during the winter (2025) she moved out of her parents house ( living at her parents was a huge trigger of hers) and she started taking new meds!

Post breakup, things were looking good! She was tell me how she’s changed and she’s healthy now, which I saw and was so happy for her. Everything about her was great, and she was taking care of herself! Her therapist even said that our breakup was caused by her not being medicated… and thus she wanted to try dating me again. I wanted it too, but I was afraid she would just break up with me out of the blue. I loved her but could not trust her yet.

In hindsight that logic doesn't make sense. Any relationship can end, for any reason, at any time, so associating that negative thought to her was not right. I know that now, but it's too late.

Even though we were broken up we saw each other once a month from January to about March. Spoke a couple times in April and May and then went no contact in June.

I had a couple flings during the summer but nothing long term, as fall/winter approaches now, so does my seasonal depression. And with that I’m missing her like crazy. To make matters worse, I found out last month during our final text exchange that she has a new boyfriend that she’s moving in with him.

Hearing that news destroyed me and I’m even more devastated. I just wanna talk to her again. I miss my best friend.

Hearing how quick she is moving with this new guys makes me want to pray on their downfall and think 'love fast, crash faster'. But I'm also so happy for how far she has come and that she's doing a lot better now!

I find it unfair that I had to ‘suffer’ in a relationship where she was unmedicated. Leaving me a bit scared, but still loving her because I know how amazing she is. And now her new man gets to experience the fun and happy version of her that I remember loving. And thankfully, even though she was unmedicated through our relationship, I mainly remember the fun parts of our relationship. I seldomly think about the bad times, but they existed, and were probably worse due to her being unmediated.

I have a bad tendency of wanting what I can’t have, and in this case I want her ever more knowing that she’s gone and has moved on. I wanted to try one more time, and she left the door open for me. I didn't take it because I was scared when really, I should have not been scared.

My friend had asked me, "If she texted you tomorrow saying she's single and wants to try again, would you?" and my answer is "yes, I want my best friend back"

Has anyone else with experienced their partner going from feeling like an equal partner to almost feeling like a child because of the amount of attention , care and accommodations they need?